the biggest shame i have is that i sat down and told him that i was through with drugs about a week ago...and now to have this happen....
Janet
I made no progress at all in cleaning myself up until I told the person that I share my life with. My wife. It wasn't easy and there were some very difficult times but things did get better and now she supports me unconditionally. This is not something you can do alone.
Frank
That is the nature of the beast right? So was he supportive of you before?
Janet:
I know how you feel. I used coke in the 80's and it drove me straight into AA at 21 years old. The only way I stay clean, today, is by going to meetings. Every drug, and I mean every drug, has kicked my a$$. I can't stay clean and sober left to my own devices. I hope you feel better soon.
Rachel
I know how you feel. I used coke in the 80's and it drove me straight into AA at 21 years old. The only way I stay clean, today, is by going to meetings. Every drug, and I mean every drug, has kicked my a$$. I can't stay clean and sober left to my own devices. I hope you feel better soon.
Rachel
he still doesn't know the full extent of my addiction, i haven't told him about the money that i stole from our account to get drugs (he is very tight with money) though i have distanced myself from drugfriends and i no longer go out on saturday night, which i miss. we have a very complex marriage of 17 yrs. he doesn't believe in spending money for entertainment, go out to dinner for anniversary only, etc...
Janet
And remember. We joined this board within 1 day of each other. Again I don't know what that has to do with anything but I thought I would mention it.
Rach
How are you. Did you get it??????
Frank
i remember you saying that frank....i wonder if my getting upset the other day helped to trigger my slip...as you could tell by the opening i am still pissed off at natasha...sorry chick, but you got pretty ugly with me and i have yet to learn to forgive easily
Janet
I think you saw the support you got here after that so please let it go. I know its easy for me to say but if you think that has anything to do with it you need to put it behind you.....OK
Frank
the main thing that bothered me was the fact that she got ugly and more or less said that someone else needed to get back on their pills and get off this board...i will have to pray very hard to forgive her
i have a habit of taking up for everyone...the motherhen syndrome
i have a habit of taking up for everyone...the motherhen syndrome
janet,
im sorry you are having a hard time right now-you know that almost no one get this sober stuff right on the first try
i have done plenty of coke in my days- i remember the depression and tears that came the next day- you probably wont feel quite so emotional tomorrow
ok you messed up- we all have been there- just start over you can
just keep trying until you get it right
you are such a sweetheart, and so great to have here on this board, im glad you had the courage to post today
we are all here for you
love,
adrienne
ps-we love you-
im sorry you are having a hard time right now-you know that almost no one get this sober stuff right on the first try
i have done plenty of coke in my days- i remember the depression and tears that came the next day- you probably wont feel quite so emotional tomorrow
ok you messed up- we all have been there- just start over you can
just keep trying until you get it right
you are such a sweetheart, and so great to have here on this board, im glad you had the courage to post today
we are all here for you
love,
adrienne
ps-we love you-
thanks for your words adrienne...i am going to get help to fight this demon, i am going to have to learn to let hurts go...i'm so glad y'all love me! i love y'all too!
now it's time to call my hubby in for stir fry...later y'all
now it's time to call my hubby in for stir fry...later y'all
Janet, telling my husband was harder than kicking it. As I said before, I ran up thousands of dollars on cc's on anything, drugs, clothes, whatever and this made the 4th time in our marriage of 15 years. He is still with me, but the trust issue isn't great, but we are seeing a therapist who is helping. I believe if he truly loves you, be totally honest and then he can help you with everything. At least he would keep an eye on you, even if you felt like a child, but believe me I would rather have it that way. He did tell me, next time was it, so whenever I feel like getting anything behind his back, all I have to do is think about losing everything. It would be better to be honest about everything and just take those consequeses, whatever they are. It's better than living a lie like I did. Talking about stress!!!!
Donna
Donna
Ok, you relapsed during the weekend..yes it is a big deal. And yes it is shi**y that you have to start over. But that is what you do, you dust yourself off and try again. I really think you need to go to therapy through your hubby's work, I think that will help you. In my opinion, you may need professional help, and please don't be offended by this, I am not being mean (sometimes we read different than we type). I really think you can kick this, but you may just need some more help. I think you need the help on how to deal with the stress and negativities of people. (You know who I mean) Because you were so upset what one, in my opinion, arrogant person said that you went out and relapsed. I am here for you anytime, here's my email, two24fans@aol.com I know you can beat this, and I think with a little more help, you can beat it for good!! Big hugs to you, and prayers.....Kim
Hey Janet;
The only thing you need to concern yourself with is getting through this day. One day at a time Janet. So, is there an NA or AA meeting in your area? That would be my suggestion - just for today.
Good luck;
Jim
The only thing you need to concern yourself with is getting through this day. One day at a time Janet. So, is there an NA or AA meeting in your area? That would be my suggestion - just for today.
Good luck;
Jim
Janet......Hey hun, I am sure sorry you are feeling so bad today. I know you are, too.
There's not a whole lot I can add to what has already been said except....
Like I posted when I relapsed, I am so tired of everyone saying "It's OK to relapse, everyone does."
and "No one makes it on their first try."
While those statements may be true, to throw them around so flippantly is like giving us all permission to relapse. It sure did me. The first time I read those quotes, I relapsed mentally. I didn't get any pills for several weeks, but I filed it away as my "Get out of jail free" card, and knew that I would one day use it.
When my really bad life crisis came along, I did use it.
While I know you are an addict, and I know how hard that craving is to fight, did you tell yourself before you bought the coke, "It's OK if I relaspe, everyone does."? I sure did.
Guess what! Everyone doesnt't! Some actually do make it on their first try. Some relapse once or twice and then get their s*** together and go forward. To continue to relapse time and time again means you are not doing something right.
And to blame something that was said to you on this board as an excuse is very unexceptable. Sorry. But by now you should have a plan in place to help you fight those cravings when you get a little upset.
Believe me, I know how it feels to get attacked and beat up on this board. But I would NEVER let my attackers have that much power over me. I know that you and I have much more going on for ourselves in our life than this board, and we should not allow the ones who don't like us here the power to make us use. Keep them out of you head, and do not give anyone the power to control your recovery.....i.e. make you relapse.
It is f****** amazing to me that anyone who claims to be in recovery would lash out at a fellow addict who they know is sitting the fence. Not very helpful if you ask me. But it happens here regularly, so you have to toughen up and try not to let those incidents get to you. OK?
I love you and am here for you, Janet, but you have got to get honest about this before you kill yourself. Your husband, your kids, and Kenny all love you and are counting on you to be around for a long time.
There's not a whole lot I can add to what has already been said except....
Like I posted when I relapsed, I am so tired of everyone saying "It's OK to relapse, everyone does."
and "No one makes it on their first try."
While those statements may be true, to throw them around so flippantly is like giving us all permission to relapse. It sure did me. The first time I read those quotes, I relapsed mentally. I didn't get any pills for several weeks, but I filed it away as my "Get out of jail free" card, and knew that I would one day use it.
When my really bad life crisis came along, I did use it.
While I know you are an addict, and I know how hard that craving is to fight, did you tell yourself before you bought the coke, "It's OK if I relaspe, everyone does."? I sure did.
Guess what! Everyone doesnt't! Some actually do make it on their first try. Some relapse once or twice and then get their s*** together and go forward. To continue to relapse time and time again means you are not doing something right.
And to blame something that was said to you on this board as an excuse is very unexceptable. Sorry. But by now you should have a plan in place to help you fight those cravings when you get a little upset.
Believe me, I know how it feels to get attacked and beat up on this board. But I would NEVER let my attackers have that much power over me. I know that you and I have much more going on for ourselves in our life than this board, and we should not allow the ones who don't like us here the power to make us use. Keep them out of you head, and do not give anyone the power to control your recovery.....i.e. make you relapse.
It is f****** amazing to me that anyone who claims to be in recovery would lash out at a fellow addict who they know is sitting the fence. Not very helpful if you ask me. But it happens here regularly, so you have to toughen up and try not to let those incidents get to you. OK?
I love you and am here for you, Janet, but you have got to get honest about this before you kill yourself. Your husband, your kids, and Kenny all love you and are counting on you to be around for a long time.
Janet u have posted my words of encouragemet when I needed them....
We have all had relapses its not new to us. So u start again. Were here for u, but I agree with the others u need to be honest with ur hubby. I know it's hard, we hurt the ones we love. I had to come clean with my husband and I thought that would be it, but he was more understanding then I thought he would be. Sometimes we underestimate how much we r loved. You've been married for 17 years thats commiment...........don't underestimate ur husband. I've been married for 18 years and have 2 daughters, my husband is now a vital part of my recovery. He watches over me and encourages me when I'm down. Give ur husband the chance to do the same for you.
Best of Luck to You my prayers are with u!!!!!!!!!
We have all had relapses its not new to us. So u start again. Were here for u, but I agree with the others u need to be honest with ur hubby. I know it's hard, we hurt the ones we love. I had to come clean with my husband and I thought that would be it, but he was more understanding then I thought he would be. Sometimes we underestimate how much we r loved. You've been married for 17 years thats commiment...........don't underestimate ur husband. I've been married for 18 years and have 2 daughters, my husband is now a vital part of my recovery. He watches over me and encourages me when I'm down. Give ur husband the chance to do the same for you.
Best of Luck to You my prayers are with u!!!!!!!!!
kim, i wasn't saying that one person made me relapse, but i was upset. i still am, but i need to get over it. there are other stresses, but the biggest point is that i got cash in hand and went to my doc. i am calling for help, you are right, i do need a professional, i spent several years in therapy and thought i could take on the world, well now i know it isnt so. i know that if i had cash, i would be out doing it again, even if i didn't have a vein worth hitting, i've been into my ankles, feet, hands, wrists, fingers...i can't believe this happened to me. therefore the only thing to do is let go and let the professionals do their work.
i know also that i will be on some kind of pain medication off and on for the rest of my life, due to the severe fibromyalgia that i have. that is depressing in itself. luckily i don't like the feeling pain meds give me, they make me sweat like crazy, so i don't think they will be a problem for me. i just had a scrip and used them as directed, no 2 at a time and as needed. i was on alot about 4 years ago when i was going to pain management and dread the thought of going through the shots they give me in my ribs and hips, but i will do what i have to do.
i know also that i will be on some kind of pain medication off and on for the rest of my life, due to the severe fibromyalgia that i have. that is depressing in itself. luckily i don't like the feeling pain meds give me, they make me sweat like crazy, so i don't think they will be a problem for me. i just had a scrip and used them as directed, no 2 at a time and as needed. i was on alot about 4 years ago when i was going to pain management and dread the thought of going through the shots they give me in my ribs and hips, but i will do what i have to do.
Trideltmom- In no way do I think people are encouraging relapses, they are simply saying that if you do, there is no point in beating yourself up for it over and over. That is exactly what I was doing to the point of deep depression and despair until I came on the board and got support. Now I feel strong in my fight to start over again. I don't feel that we are encouraging a relapse, we are simply supporting her to have the strength to start over again, which I know you need. Just a thought..
see carol--i told you im not that good at giving advice
sorry bump
sorry bump
GOD, I LOVE EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU SO MUCH!!!!
THANKS FOR THE PRAYERS, ADVICE AND TEARS!!!
THANKS FOR THE PRAYERS, ADVICE AND TEARS!!!