I think I could be in a sort of a relasp "maybe". I don't know how this note will be taken. I think i need a kick in the butt. Kind of unsure weather to post this acually. So the story is on my birthday December 13th I had a beer "no big deal" but, I guess it started there in a way. I was depressed and disapointed with my boyfriend. He did not do anything 4 my b-day I had high hopes he would. So then a few days later i had more beers like 4 and 2 vicodin. I have since then drank 3 times each time added a lil more vicodin. I only got the vicodin "because the baby was born" i did not even ask but, the doc came in handed me a scrip for 40. I had a fight with the boyfriend about getting them filled. HE WAS TOTALLY AGAINST me getting them filled told me to throw away the scrip. He has no ideal i've been getting into them. I told him this huge thing about vicodin being stupid and if I WANTED to get high it sure as s*** would not be on vicodin!. I never did acually abuse vicodin before. I guess this would be a lasp because i sure did not need them but did them anyway and then went on to add more and more of them. I feel like crap about it. I have a baby not even a month old i can't belive i'ld screw things up again. So I guess I need to get this under control I can't tell the boyfriend thou. He knows i drank he was getting annoyed with just the drink he told me on new years eve i needed to cut back on it. The root of the issue is i'm utterly RESTLESS board and not content with life. I can't stand the routine the day in day out same ol' same. I think once you do H nothing gives you the same pleasure. I wish it was not that way. This just sucks
Oh herogirl..............You r on shaky ground.........addiction is just waiting to snap you back up............you need to put a plan in motion as to how to avoid temptation..........you have your beautiful new baby and dont need to head down that road again...........this is a clear example as to y it is wise for a lot of us to avoid anything, even alcohol.........cos as you can see it lead to the vicodin which will inevitably lead to perhaps percs, and then maybe oxys.and then what back to h ?? You have worked to hard and come to far to let this drag you down again...............take this seriously..........so easily we can fall again and lose everything we worked so hard for...........and i like and care for you so much.I wil be praying for you
Oh honey, you are in a precarious spot right now.
Please, if there are any pills left, flush them.
After having a baby, it is so normal for you to be restless, probably a little blue, and scared.
Take a good long look at the precious baby you brought into the world, and ask yourself if that little person deserves to have a mother drug free, or one addicted .
You know what the answer is............get back from the edge, ..pray, and ask for help from your boyfriend, he may be mad, but he has a stake in this too,
Please keep posting, vent here with us.
Please, if there are any pills left, flush them.
After having a baby, it is so normal for you to be restless, probably a little blue, and scared.
Take a good long look at the precious baby you brought into the world, and ask yourself if that little person deserves to have a mother drug free, or one addicted .
You know what the answer is............get back from the edge, ..pray, and ask for help from your boyfriend, he may be mad, but he has a stake in this too,
Please keep posting, vent here with us.
HERO-GIRLLLLLLLLL,
LAPSE not a RELAPSE.
You caught yourself.......you came here and told us........you could tell you were a bit worried about telling us........man, GIRLLLLLLLL you know better how we are.......we're hear for eahother, and not to judge.
O.K. you got two great people giving you great advice. Now here's mine.
I say think of YOURSELF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.........yeah you have a lovely new baby...you have other children......most of us have.......did that make us not do heroin?
NOOOOOOOOOOOO...........yeah the baby is new and all, and yes you should be grateful, and all, but how about for you??????????
EXCUSES........we all had a million.......you were disappointed your boyfriend didn't make a big deal of your Birthday........that made you drink and do Vic's?
Not judgeing, but you know how this goes, Herogirl......we pick up before we pick up.....so when the Doc gave you them Vic's and you fought your boyfriend and had them filled it was already there........I think anyway, honey.
Plus you know better.........not all MEN, but many just don't do the big birthday stuff..........this ain't a diamond commercial.......this is real stuff.
I wish I could say KNOCK IT OFF.........but you know how we are.
Yeah, yeah you're setting yourself up........ya said it in the last line of the post.
AFTER WE DO HEROIN NOTHING COMPARES LIKE THERE'S NOTHING ELSE.........no there ain't that will make me lose my kids, maybe my rotten life, take me down quick..........have me stealing and pawning and setting the bed on fire.........no there ain't..........nothing to allow me to block the whole world out........I'd sure like to, but I won't.......neither will you....hang on, GIRLLLLLLLL.
LAPSE not a RELAPSE.
You caught yourself.......you came here and told us........you could tell you were a bit worried about telling us........man, GIRLLLLLLLL you know better how we are.......we're hear for eahother, and not to judge.
O.K. you got two great people giving you great advice. Now here's mine.
I say think of YOURSELF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.........yeah you have a lovely new baby...you have other children......most of us have.......did that make us not do heroin?
NOOOOOOOOOOOO...........yeah the baby is new and all, and yes you should be grateful, and all, but how about for you??????????
EXCUSES........we all had a million.......you were disappointed your boyfriend didn't make a big deal of your Birthday........that made you drink and do Vic's?
Not judgeing, but you know how this goes, Herogirl......we pick up before we pick up.....so when the Doc gave you them Vic's and you fought your boyfriend and had them filled it was already there........I think anyway, honey.
Plus you know better.........not all MEN, but many just don't do the big birthday stuff..........this ain't a diamond commercial.......this is real stuff.
I wish I could say KNOCK IT OFF.........but you know how we are.
Yeah, yeah you're setting yourself up........ya said it in the last line of the post.
AFTER WE DO HEROIN NOTHING COMPARES LIKE THERE'S NOTHING ELSE.........no there ain't that will make me lose my kids, maybe my rotten life, take me down quick..........have me stealing and pawning and setting the bed on fire.........no there ain't..........nothing to allow me to block the whole world out........I'd sure like to, but I won't.......neither will you....hang on, GIRLLLLLLLL.
HI Zerogirl. You have a beautiful baby!
Yep, your on the way to a relapse. Classic symptoms sticking their head out. Boredom, discontent, and yep, from drugs we have learnt the absolute high. No chance of replicating that cxhemicalled up.
Alcohol is such a sneaky little role player in my addiction to. I had to cut it out completely.
I suggest you flush the Vicodin - Now.
What has helped me quite a lot when feeling loinely, bored, resentful, tired etc is to get outside myself. Be of service to other addicts, or maybe just a friend that needs you. Our heads are our enmies in a time like this. So focus outside your universe. Focus on needs of others.
I also find an attitude of grattiude helps. What am I grateful for. And cebrate those things.
This Vicodin event has simply happened to remind you you are an addict. But you stilll have choice. So please, learn the lesson. The disease is always with us, and you are fantastic to be vigilant. Thanks for posting, and reminding me I need to be vigilant too.
Please take care Zerogirl - you are an inspiration!
With Love
Calabash
Yep, your on the way to a relapse. Classic symptoms sticking their head out. Boredom, discontent, and yep, from drugs we have learnt the absolute high. No chance of replicating that cxhemicalled up.
Alcohol is such a sneaky little role player in my addiction to. I had to cut it out completely.
I suggest you flush the Vicodin - Now.
What has helped me quite a lot when feeling loinely, bored, resentful, tired etc is to get outside myself. Be of service to other addicts, or maybe just a friend that needs you. Our heads are our enmies in a time like this. So focus outside your universe. Focus on needs of others.
I also find an attitude of grattiude helps. What am I grateful for. And cebrate those things.
This Vicodin event has simply happened to remind you you are an addict. But you stilll have choice. So please, learn the lesson. The disease is always with us, and you are fantastic to be vigilant. Thanks for posting, and reminding me I need to be vigilant too.
Please take care Zerogirl - you are an inspiration!
With Love
Calabash
Hi zerogirl, you just reminded me how easy it is to slip up. Believe me, I've done it more times than I care to admit. Each time, I wandered how I ended up back in the gutter. I did what you're doing. I had a few drinks, a few vicodin and told myself that my husband was not there for me and my life was dull and meaningless. But you know what? Those are just excuses you give yourself so you can use again.At least you know you're on the road to recovery when you have to make excuses to use. Used to , we just used because we could. Ya' know? Getting high isn't fun anymore once you've got some clean time behind you. You know what I mean? I wish you luck! I ain't going to tell you what you should do. You already know that.
peace,
shirley
peace,
shirley
Hi babes, you've done a brave thing, admitting that you've let things slip a bit. I know that when I first got clean, I was so focused on getting my life back on track, that I didn't even let the thought of heroin or other opiates into my head. I guess in one way I'm lucky, coz I have a very clear definition of relapse in my head. I'm not much of a drinker, even when I'm not pregnant, so having the odd beer never worried me. The same with benzos. And I'm too tight with cash to get addicted to cocaine, so having a line once or twice a year never bothered me. Now opiates, they're a whole different kettle of fish. Since I fell pregnant, I've been dreaming of heroin several times a week. But when I wake, I push those thoughts from my head BECAUSE I'M PREGNANT!!! But I know that when I have the baby, I'll be very vulnerable, because I don't have that reason not to do it anymore.
Bryn is right, you pick up before you pick up. I bet you got a guilty flush of pleasure when you cashed your vic script. It comes from a Dr, so it's alright. But you know it's not alright. I'm not going to tell you to flush 'em, coz you'll do what you'll do, and nobody will stop you. What I will say, is don't panic now. Try and get a grip and recognise your choices. Coz it's always a choice, never forget that. You need to be calm, and make a positive choice about which direction you are going to go in. If you feel you are abusing these vic's and nobody but you can answer that question truely, then you know what to do. Either choose to abuse them, or don't. Go back to where you escaped from, or move forward to something better. I personally do a self torture thing, but I find it actually helps me, coz it de-sensitises me to potential triggers. I actually keep a burnt spoon with the filter and residue still in it, in my knicker drawer, and I see it so often that it no longer gets a response from me. But that's just me, coz I'm a head strong b**** and I I tackle things head on. I've got stacks of subutex, have easy access to free pharmacutical morphine, but I choose not to do them, because I choose to be clean. You need to make your choice, and shelve the excuses. Just be honest with yourself. Brutally honest. You know where you've come from, and you've got your eyes wide open.
I'm sure there are underlying reasons why you have slipped, things in your life that are not as they should be. Try and do something about them. You've got a new baby, and a new focus. Don't let your addict within ruin things for you now. You are in control, you just have to realise it.
love
Diff xxx
Bryn is right, you pick up before you pick up. I bet you got a guilty flush of pleasure when you cashed your vic script. It comes from a Dr, so it's alright. But you know it's not alright. I'm not going to tell you to flush 'em, coz you'll do what you'll do, and nobody will stop you. What I will say, is don't panic now. Try and get a grip and recognise your choices. Coz it's always a choice, never forget that. You need to be calm, and make a positive choice about which direction you are going to go in. If you feel you are abusing these vic's and nobody but you can answer that question truely, then you know what to do. Either choose to abuse them, or don't. Go back to where you escaped from, or move forward to something better. I personally do a self torture thing, but I find it actually helps me, coz it de-sensitises me to potential triggers. I actually keep a burnt spoon with the filter and residue still in it, in my knicker drawer, and I see it so often that it no longer gets a response from me. But that's just me, coz I'm a head strong b**** and I I tackle things head on. I've got stacks of subutex, have easy access to free pharmacutical morphine, but I choose not to do them, because I choose to be clean. You need to make your choice, and shelve the excuses. Just be honest with yourself. Brutally honest. You know where you've come from, and you've got your eyes wide open.
I'm sure there are underlying reasons why you have slipped, things in your life that are not as they should be. Try and do something about them. You've got a new baby, and a new focus. Don't let your addict within ruin things for you now. You are in control, you just have to realise it.
love
Diff xxx
I appreciate deeply all the responces. I really needed to get off it off my chest it was dragging me down & making me feel dirty to be sneeking pills. I lean on this board a lot because I don't go to any meetings. I sure could not tell anyone in real life my dirty lil' secrets. When i filled them i had in my mind "maybe i might need them" lol, like a mental security thing. I kept a needle for the 1st few months i was in methadone treatment with the same thinking MAYBE I MIGHT NEED THAT. Why i took them? i don't even know it just happend then that made it okay to do it again. I do acually feel better about the whole thing now that i posted it here. Diff you are one brave soul to keep a burnt spoon I still think about H when doing the dishes. I gotta get my head right.
