i don't go out much partly because i know the trouble i will probably get into and there just aren't people i like going out with in this small town. so when i got invited out and know it would be fun . needless to say i drank too much, i stayed out to late, i called in sick to work cause i was still drunk, which is something i have never done. i feel absolutly s***ty about it and so i have slept it off and now i am going to clean the house like it has never been cleaned before cause i can't not punish myself for the stupidtity i showed last night. i knew better, and that just sucks.. i think i need to look into this alot more.
Sometimes in life we have to get to these low moments; to truly want to make a change for the better.
All I can give you is my experience:
I was sick and tired of being sick and tired.
The going out and SWEARING I would be good (only have a few drinks) and it turning into calling into work the next day b/c I was still wasted and/or too sick to even get out of bed until 4pm.
I never could understand why I continued to poison myself.It always seemed I did it the night before a big test, or a job interview....etc. I never meant to get plowed when I went out that night!!
I could not imagine my life if I continued drinking, and I could not imagine my life if I stopped .
A friend introduced me to AA.
There I have learned how to not drink one day at a time (for 18 months now)-
I have learned how to cope with life's b.s. without taking a drink or a drug to cope-
I have learned how to have a great time in sobriety.
And let me tell you my friend, my life is better since I started working a program of recovery, than it ever was when I was using.
But I was willing to do what ever it took. I did it for myself and no one else.
Keep posting how you are doing and good luck :-)
Carolyn
All I can give you is my experience:
I was sick and tired of being sick and tired.
The going out and SWEARING I would be good (only have a few drinks) and it turning into calling into work the next day b/c I was still wasted and/or too sick to even get out of bed until 4pm.
I never could understand why I continued to poison myself.It always seemed I did it the night before a big test, or a job interview....etc. I never meant to get plowed when I went out that night!!
I could not imagine my life if I continued drinking, and I could not imagine my life if I stopped .
A friend introduced me to AA.
There I have learned how to not drink one day at a time (for 18 months now)-
I have learned how to cope with life's b.s. without taking a drink or a drug to cope-
I have learned how to have a great time in sobriety.
And let me tell you my friend, my life is better since I started working a program of recovery, than it ever was when I was using.
But I was willing to do what ever it took. I did it for myself and no one else.
Keep posting how you are doing and good luck :-)
Carolyn
Troubledcow, When I attend meetings I see many people there and I want what they have (peace & serenity)...and there are some at meetings that don't have what I want...LOL...Avondale Girl and I sound like we do the same thing in regard to recovery. What she shared is working for me also...good luck to you. I hope you are done and ready to go any length to stay sober.
Hi Troubledcow
i completely understand. I feel the exact way today. I went out last night with co workers and completely got hammered when I said I wasnt going to. I made some stupid mistakes, and am obsessing about them today.
I dont know what the answer is, but this AA thing has worked for a lot of people. I think it's worth a very good try. I have committed myself to going to 5 meetings this coming week. I dont want to, I REALLY won't feel like going, and I certainly dont have the time, but it has to be done.
Do you go to meetings? I think if you don't, maybe you should try this week too, then we can check back with eachother and see if it's doing us any good. I think it might if we really try and stick to it for this week.
Well, let me know.
mupmup
i completely understand. I feel the exact way today. I went out last night with co workers and completely got hammered when I said I wasnt going to. I made some stupid mistakes, and am obsessing about them today.
I dont know what the answer is, but this AA thing has worked for a lot of people. I think it's worth a very good try. I have committed myself to going to 5 meetings this coming week. I dont want to, I REALLY won't feel like going, and I certainly dont have the time, but it has to be done.
Do you go to meetings? I think if you don't, maybe you should try this week too, then we can check back with eachother and see if it's doing us any good. I think it might if we really try and stick to it for this week.
Well, let me know.
mupmup
I was reminded that it is not my willpower that will keep me sober, if it was the rooms of AA would not be filled liked they are...I personally feel it is an act of surrendering to this disease along with honesty, open-mindedness and willingness...remember it by it's acronym HOW.
Hi there troubledcow:
I too have gone out on a Friday, swore I would only have a couple and then get wasted, and 1 out of 4 times I would make a complete fool of myself and anybody that was with me. The last time being was at my b/f Christmas party, completely embarassed him and myself, and shortly afterwards I made a promise to myself to quit the insanity. I have done some real stupid things to myself while drinking, I was my own worst enemy, now I'm my own best friend, learn to love yourself first, I haven't attended any AA meetings as of yet, but I do find support at my church, and by the grace of God I've learned that life is worth living, not hiding behind the bottle.
Wish you all the best,
Love and light
Lovedove
I too have gone out on a Friday, swore I would only have a couple and then get wasted, and 1 out of 4 times I would make a complete fool of myself and anybody that was with me. The last time being was at my b/f Christmas party, completely embarassed him and myself, and shortly afterwards I made a promise to myself to quit the insanity. I have done some real stupid things to myself while drinking, I was my own worst enemy, now I'm my own best friend, learn to love yourself first, I haven't attended any AA meetings as of yet, but I do find support at my church, and by the grace of God I've learned that life is worth living, not hiding behind the bottle.
Wish you all the best,
Love and light
Lovedove
Hey
I can't even begin to tell you how many stupid things I've done when I was drunk and how many times I swore it would never happen again. I've sorta been what I call a weekend alcoholic. That is I'll go out on friday-get incredibly wasted, spend all day saturday hungoverm & promise I'll never do it again. And usually I'm fine, until next Friday comes and I start the cycle all over again. I really wanted to drink on Friday-I didn't though. I just try to keep reminiding myself of the awful experiences I've had, the disappointment I've brought on myself and my family. I'm sooooo tired of those feelings of being angry at myself.
I still wish I could be one of those people that goes out for some fun and has a few drinks and goes home. That person who can stop when they know they've had enough. But for me, I know I'll never be that person. And the only option is to stop, or I'll just continue to be in this cycle. And it just is no way to live. I guess I know that much. We'll see what happens.....
Have a good day
Amanda
I can't even begin to tell you how many stupid things I've done when I was drunk and how many times I swore it would never happen again. I've sorta been what I call a weekend alcoholic. That is I'll go out on friday-get incredibly wasted, spend all day saturday hungoverm & promise I'll never do it again. And usually I'm fine, until next Friday comes and I start the cycle all over again. I really wanted to drink on Friday-I didn't though. I just try to keep reminiding myself of the awful experiences I've had, the disappointment I've brought on myself and my family. I'm sooooo tired of those feelings of being angry at myself.
I still wish I could be one of those people that goes out for some fun and has a few drinks and goes home. That person who can stop when they know they've had enough. But for me, I know I'll never be that person. And the only option is to stop, or I'll just continue to be in this cycle. And it just is no way to live. I guess I know that much. We'll see what happens.....
Have a good day
Amanda
Hi Amanda,
I had to check the name at the end of your last post to make sure that wasnt me writing that. I knew I hadn't written those exact words, but very very similar, and I thought it might have been MY post!
I had a good weekend, drink free. I was a bit of a depressing prospect for me, but it ended up being really good. How about you?
I had to check the name at the end of your last post to make sure that wasnt me writing that. I knew I hadn't written those exact words, but very very similar, and I thought it might have been MY post!
I had a good weekend, drink free. I was a bit of a depressing prospect for me, but it ended up being really good. How about you?
Hey again,
Yeah this weekend wasn't the easiest, but I didn't drink. I posted bout st. paddy's day. I was working at my parents bar. My parents, my mom especially, was totally drunk. My dad, sister, brother-in-law were all they're drinking. Plus when its your families bar, you know all the people-like an extended family. It sucked for a while. All the people your used to drinking with and they all can and you can't!! I left immediately after I got done and went to eat-n-park (a cheap 24 hr. restaurant) with my sorta ex-b/f and ate. Then went to bed. The best part about the whole esperience is I didn't wake up hungover hating myself because of the things I barely remembered saying, or because someone had to drive me home again!!!
The hardest part about this is feeling alone and like your a freak. I can't do what everyone in my family does. Or what my friends do. I know I'm not them and I pray that one day that feeling of being an outcast will go away. But for now, it's hard and I hate it and I just wish it were different. But I also know that the negative thoughts get you nowhere. Who cares why I can't drink when the bottom line is....I just can't drink!
Anyway, how are you? I know I talk a lot but it really is helping.
Talk later,
Amanda
Yeah this weekend wasn't the easiest, but I didn't drink. I posted bout st. paddy's day. I was working at my parents bar. My parents, my mom especially, was totally drunk. My dad, sister, brother-in-law were all they're drinking. Plus when its your families bar, you know all the people-like an extended family. It sucked for a while. All the people your used to drinking with and they all can and you can't!! I left immediately after I got done and went to eat-n-park (a cheap 24 hr. restaurant) with my sorta ex-b/f and ate. Then went to bed. The best part about the whole esperience is I didn't wake up hungover hating myself because of the things I barely remembered saying, or because someone had to drive me home again!!!
The hardest part about this is feeling alone and like your a freak. I can't do what everyone in my family does. Or what my friends do. I know I'm not them and I pray that one day that feeling of being an outcast will go away. But for now, it's hard and I hate it and I just wish it were different. But I also know that the negative thoughts get you nowhere. Who cares why I can't drink when the bottom line is....I just can't drink!
Anyway, how are you? I know I talk a lot but it really is helping.
Talk later,
Amanda
i hate to report that i have been drinking for about a week and a half now and there seems to be no end in sight. though i have not attended an AA meeting i am in cousiling and going to a drug cousilor. at this point it looks like rehab, besides the drinking i smoke, love my weed, shrooms, crack what ever i can get my hands on, drinking is just the choice drug right now. i am trying despartly hard to work my life out, it is just filled with so much pain and a buse that i can`t help but continue to do it to myself. thank you all for letting me know that i am not alone, and there is hope. we may fall, but getting back up is what defines a person, and the will to fight keeps you going.
please take care all
troubled_cow
please take care all
troubled_cow
the pain will stay there until you stop suppressing it and confront what you are doing to youself, I know because Im going through it myself.
Yes its hard and painful but keep on abusing yourself and the pain is never going to leave you.
Be brave, bite the bullet and try it, you will have a horrible few days but its worth it, when you sober up and see the light of day and what youve been missing its wonderful. I went for a walk today and just feeling the sun on my head felt lovely.
I am starting to enjoy the basic simple things in life like eating and bathing, something that was just a chore is now a pleasure.
Good luck and be strong xx
Yes its hard and painful but keep on abusing yourself and the pain is never going to leave you.
Be brave, bite the bullet and try it, you will have a horrible few days but its worth it, when you sober up and see the light of day and what youve been missing its wonderful. I went for a walk today and just feeling the sun on my head felt lovely.
I am starting to enjoy the basic simple things in life like eating and bathing, something that was just a chore is now a pleasure.
Good luck and be strong xx
troubled-cow
one day you are going to reach that point where you can't take it any more and the misery is too much. When you reach that point you'll be ready to approach sobriety and recovery.
You and you alone will know when you are at that point. I hope you reach it soon because I know you are suffering now. I have suffered exactly the same for years.
I am on Day 8 now and feeling happier, more freedom and more peace than I have in the last 20 years. Sometimes when I think of how far I have still to travel I really panic. But if I can just focus on today, its a lot easier to handle.
Just for today, I will not drink.
one day you are going to reach that point where you can't take it any more and the misery is too much. When you reach that point you'll be ready to approach sobriety and recovery.
You and you alone will know when you are at that point. I hope you reach it soon because I know you are suffering now. I have suffered exactly the same for years.
I am on Day 8 now and feeling happier, more freedom and more peace than I have in the last 20 years. Sometimes when I think of how far I have still to travel I really panic. But if I can just focus on today, its a lot easier to handle.
Just for today, I will not drink.
