Thanks Bob B for directing me to this room. I am hoping "the move" will be by this weekend or next week. He has got everything he needs to make a fresh start..except a job and possibly the motivation! But I told him this WAS the last effort this family was prepared to make to get him back on track? He sees this now as an opportunity to redeem himself? I accept the odd toot ( maybe I shouldn't) but I know how I'd feel trying to stop my smoking and my bottle of vino calaypso! I know I've "enabled" him( main room comment!) This was NEVER intentional..only to keep the debts from accruing! But I know better now! I''m still stuck between that rock and a hard place! I'd appreciate any positive answers coming my way......all I know is that I want my eldest son back from the edge! Someone, creative, a thinker, a theology graduate, a hippy but basically a good guy who has lost his way, his confidence, his self esteem and his future if this next step doesn't succeed! There she goes, the pessimist! I want to spend 2005 aged 61, with a bit of peace of mind and optimism!
Bette
What's your story?
Are you the one who had her son living with her who kept using and scamming money from you and then he moved back to London?
Is he back with you?
Just wanted to get straight what we were talking about here!
Hope you are having a good day!
Mickey
What's your story?
Are you the one who had her son living with her who kept using and scamming money from you and then he moved back to London?
Is he back with you?
Just wanted to get straight what we were talking about here!
Hope you are having a good day!
Mickey
Yes Mickey,
Pobably thinking "same old fool"! but after medication and counselling ( which I probably DIDN'T NEED!)
I AM IN CONTROL NOW! This move was the family's ( led by me) ultimatum! We knew London was a backward step and his arrival back here was quite hostile....he knew the "homeless" numbers!!! He is in a room, sleeping on the floor with his "life" around him!!! We ( the family) have given him this last ditch opprtunity to pick up the pieces..but I am NOT holding my breath!We had ANOTHER family member's death on the 12th December and ANOTHER funeral for ME to arrange on the 17th.................just want 2005 and my 61st year to be kinder to me! Unless I am the ORIGINAL "patsy"!
All I know as a lapsed catholic but a Christian, this is the final thing I can do...the rest is up to him! Anyway, his 14 yr old son is due back from Tasmania in a couple of months and if that isn't incentive enough to sort himself out ...NOTHING will! and that's when I'll REALLY let go! and face the consequences! But finally, I'll know I've given this my best shot! Just like so many other families!
Take care Mickey! Love and peace X
Pobably thinking "same old fool"! but after medication and counselling ( which I probably DIDN'T NEED!)
I AM IN CONTROL NOW! This move was the family's ( led by me) ultimatum! We knew London was a backward step and his arrival back here was quite hostile....he knew the "homeless" numbers!!! He is in a room, sleeping on the floor with his "life" around him!!! We ( the family) have given him this last ditch opprtunity to pick up the pieces..but I am NOT holding my breath!We had ANOTHER family member's death on the 12th December and ANOTHER funeral for ME to arrange on the 17th.................just want 2005 and my 61st year to be kinder to me! Unless I am the ORIGINAL "patsy"!
All I know as a lapsed catholic but a Christian, this is the final thing I can do...the rest is up to him! Anyway, his 14 yr old son is due back from Tasmania in a couple of months and if that isn't incentive enough to sort himself out ...NOTHING will! and that's when I'll REALLY let go! and face the consequences! But finally, I'll know I've given this my best shot! Just like so many other families!
Take care Mickey! Love and peace X
Hi again then Bette!
Do you have any rules set up for him or is following any sort of treatment plan?
Is he clean right now? If so, how long has he been clean?
I really hope it works out for him and you this time!
You deserve a better year indeed!!
Take care of yourself,
Mickey
Do you have any rules set up for him or is following any sort of treatment plan?
Is he clean right now? If so, how long has he been clean?
I really hope it works out for him and you this time!
You deserve a better year indeed!!
Take care of yourself,
Mickey
Hello, Bette. Thanks for joining us -- it's good to have you, although I must admit I wish we were visiting about sightseeing in London. Was there 2 years ago on a business trip -- took the tour of the Tower and everything.
I'm with you -- living with another person is tough, living with an addict/alcoholic is purgatory at best, if not hell -- even if love is present.
Stay with us a while if you can. I've got a feeling we have a few things to learn from you . . . . and maybe in some small way we can help or comfort you.
Bob B.
I'm with you -- living with another person is tough, living with an addict/alcoholic is purgatory at best, if not hell -- even if love is present.
Stay with us a while if you can. I've got a feeling we have a few things to learn from you . . . . and maybe in some small way we can help or comfort you.
Bob B.
Hi there Mickey and Bob B
Thankyou both for your kind words and approach to my predicament. What's your stories folks? Which member of your family has got you worrying and finding yourself on this website?
The main room did have me feeling the lowest of the low...knowing that by paying off debts I WAS enabling him. It's the old story..IF ONLY!!! If only his partner hadn't cheated on him and moved away with my grandson ( although the links are still there and not acrimonious), if only his best friend hadn't died in a car accident in 1996, if only his dad hadn't been an alcoholic, beaten me up and subjected both him and his brother to a s***ty childhood, if only I'd had the strength to have left that marriage before our 19 years of purgatory, if only his dad hadn't tried to kill his second wife and got off lightly with an open prison sentence ,if only this son hadn't been in London when he found out about his dad's heinous crime and popped pills that night, if only he hadn't had too many failed relationships and finally if only he had had the balls to say NO! when offered his first smoke of this highly addictive class A illegal drug!
I would love to think that all my experiences could help someone else! and me too! I found it quite poignant when you used those words about comforting me! I am an avid Bette Midler fan..hence the nickname! She has a song on the CD "Bed of Roses" called "To Comfort You" , hope that you might hear the track and listen to the words! Will keep in touch!
Thanks again from a wee,auld (old) Scottish wumman (woman)X
Thankyou both for your kind words and approach to my predicament. What's your stories folks? Which member of your family has got you worrying and finding yourself on this website?
The main room did have me feeling the lowest of the low...knowing that by paying off debts I WAS enabling him. It's the old story..IF ONLY!!! If only his partner hadn't cheated on him and moved away with my grandson ( although the links are still there and not acrimonious), if only his best friend hadn't died in a car accident in 1996, if only his dad hadn't been an alcoholic, beaten me up and subjected both him and his brother to a s***ty childhood, if only I'd had the strength to have left that marriage before our 19 years of purgatory, if only his dad hadn't tried to kill his second wife and got off lightly with an open prison sentence ,if only this son hadn't been in London when he found out about his dad's heinous crime and popped pills that night, if only he hadn't had too many failed relationships and finally if only he had had the balls to say NO! when offered his first smoke of this highly addictive class A illegal drug!
I would love to think that all my experiences could help someone else! and me too! I found it quite poignant when you used those words about comforting me! I am an avid Bette Midler fan..hence the nickname! She has a song on the CD "Bed of Roses" called "To Comfort You" , hope that you might hear the track and listen to the words! Will keep in touch!
Thanks again from a wee,auld (old) Scottish wumman (woman)X
Hi Bette:
My boyfriend is a recovering heroin/morphine addict. He had an approximate 10 year habit, mostly with heroin. He thinks his saving grace and the fact that he has been able to recover is the fact that he never used a needle. He has always snorted it. I don't know if that makes a difference or not in making it easier to abstain, but whatever works for him!
He has been clean since November 12, 2004. He actually went on Suboxone first on October 23, 2004. He took his last Suboxone pill on November 12. This was his choice because he didn't like the fact that he had to rely on something else to get him through his days. He was done with that and felt it too was something to be addicted to. However, he also believed if it weren't for the Sub, he wouldn't have been able to get over that initial hump and he wouldn't have succeeded. Every time he tried to go cold turkey, he always relapsed.
I'm still working on the control/obsessive issues with regards to his addiction and trying to distance myself or detach, but it is still hard. Although it is getting better. I am extremely proud of him and he is proud of himself. Everything is looking good, but I still have my obsessive and paranoid moments and I know I have to work on that and myself in these areas. But I also know, I have to remain aware. I just can't get carried away with it and let it rule my life. There's a fine line and I'm still trying to find it.
Anyway, that's my story!
Hope things are going well.
Take care,
Mickey
My boyfriend is a recovering heroin/morphine addict. He had an approximate 10 year habit, mostly with heroin. He thinks his saving grace and the fact that he has been able to recover is the fact that he never used a needle. He has always snorted it. I don't know if that makes a difference or not in making it easier to abstain, but whatever works for him!
He has been clean since November 12, 2004. He actually went on Suboxone first on October 23, 2004. He took his last Suboxone pill on November 12. This was his choice because he didn't like the fact that he had to rely on something else to get him through his days. He was done with that and felt it too was something to be addicted to. However, he also believed if it weren't for the Sub, he wouldn't have been able to get over that initial hump and he wouldn't have succeeded. Every time he tried to go cold turkey, he always relapsed.
I'm still working on the control/obsessive issues with regards to his addiction and trying to distance myself or detach, but it is still hard. Although it is getting better. I am extremely proud of him and he is proud of himself. Everything is looking good, but I still have my obsessive and paranoid moments and I know I have to work on that and myself in these areas. But I also know, I have to remain aware. I just can't get carried away with it and let it rule my life. There's a fine line and I'm still trying to find it.
Anyway, that's my story!
Hope things are going well.
Take care,
Mickey
hi bette, my loved one is a son also. struggling just like you with how to act and react. gotta get a healthy relationship in place, whether he's using or not. it's going to take work on my part -- gotta learn some new things and figure out how to put them in practice.
Hi there folks!
Thankyou for your responses to my posts. I know I am not alone in this problem, but sometimes it feels like I am. His action plan? is to go cold turkey when he has moved in!!! I really don't think that will happen..but who knows? Where he's moving to, there won't be the same opportunities to get "involved" unless he does end up mixing with the "Big Guns" there. I have to hold on to the fact that it may work out, otherwise I will be pushing him down that road of a self fulfilling prophecy of being a total loser and a waste of space! ( Words I have already used in the heat of the moment). I hope all goes well for you too! God bless Bette X
Thankyou for your responses to my posts. I know I am not alone in this problem, but sometimes it feels like I am. His action plan? is to go cold turkey when he has moved in!!! I really don't think that will happen..but who knows? Where he's moving to, there won't be the same opportunities to get "involved" unless he does end up mixing with the "Big Guns" there. I have to hold on to the fact that it may work out, otherwise I will be pushing him down that road of a self fulfilling prophecy of being a total loser and a waste of space! ( Words I have already used in the heat of the moment). I hope all goes well for you too! God bless Bette X
Dear Bette:
What I have learned from being a heroin addict(been clean now since 1996 on methadone) is that no matter who gave me altumatums if I didn't want to stop I didn't.My dear departed mom who I loved more than life itself would beg and plead,I was sent to Greece to detox twice for 6 and 9 months but kept coming back to HEROIN,then I went into an overdose so bad and had went from a healthy 165 pounds to 86 pounds but still kept going back to HEROIN then after I was using from 9 yrs old till I was 25/26 I finally got a three year sentence(did 2 yrs in prison and 1 yr in therapy) for traffiking possesion and more charges from all the good(huh) thing's I did for HEROIN.That was when I lost my mom to cancer I was so f !#@%^& d up that I didn't even realize that she was sick,I had to go to her funeral infront of the whole family who never thought much of me the black sheep of the whole damn gang with two R.C.M.P officers with handcuffs,not able to hug my mom for that last time....well I got out three yrs later and went back to HEROIN no place to go no family all alone the only thing that would welcome me back was,you guessed it HEROIN.But I soon came to realize that it wasen't for me anymore had lost everything that mad sence and I was still willing to start over start my own family.
Well now I'm divorced/single with 3 beautiful angels that light up my life and that make me realize every day that a mother's love is something you can't put a price on,they make me realize what my beautiful loving mom went through for her children cause I would go nut's if my angels were where I was,NUTS I TELL YOU,but still would do my best to help them to a certain point cause I know that............
If an addict doesen't want to help himself no one can and I mean no one and nothing can stop him from HEROIN.
I would love for you and Bob.B and Mickey to go find a poem from Raerae that is called MISS HEROIN and you will see what HEROIN is all about it describes it to a T.
Lots of love to you Bette from a friend who cares deeply Teena
P.S You can only do so much then you have to learn to let go you have a life to live you know it can't revolve around him all your life,you paid your dues and you raised him well,he's not in diapers anymore he's a groun man it's up to him to figure out if he want's a good life or the life he has and for some it takes a little and for other's it takes rock bottom to wake up and for some they never wake up at all.I belive that some people have to learn from there own mistakes.
P.S.S You also said that you wouldn't mind the occational toot,toot here means smoking it(HEROIN). Well that is how I got completly off it I got on the program methadone and I was still missing some6thing so my husband at the time said that every friday I could do a half a point(10 $ worth) every friday shoot it cause that was the only way for me once you shoot it there is no going back to smoking or snorting it and I did and eventually I forgot about it one friday and I had to wait till the next and forgot it again till eventually I never touched it again.
My Dear Mickey:
I read all of your posts but sometimes it is hard for me to answer even when I realy would like to cause I have an 8 and a half yrs old,a 7 yrs old and a 18 month old baby to run after.
I wanted to answer your question about when your b/f says that it is easier to quit when snorting well it's all the same when it comes to injecting and snorting cause they go directly as for smoking it you do get addicted but lose alot of smoke in the air as you smoke it there as you smoke more to get the effect and to feel well after a while,that is why I started to smoke then sniff and last of all shoot it cause I thought like a friend (hense the word) told me that when you shoot it you don't need much what an idiot I was after a while I was doing 3/3 and a half grams a day to feel well,forget about getting high after a couple of years I didn't know what high felt like.
Sending you all my love your friend Teena
What I have learned from being a heroin addict(been clean now since 1996 on methadone) is that no matter who gave me altumatums if I didn't want to stop I didn't.My dear departed mom who I loved more than life itself would beg and plead,I was sent to Greece to detox twice for 6 and 9 months but kept coming back to HEROIN,then I went into an overdose so bad and had went from a healthy 165 pounds to 86 pounds but still kept going back to HEROIN then after I was using from 9 yrs old till I was 25/26 I finally got a three year sentence(did 2 yrs in prison and 1 yr in therapy) for traffiking possesion and more charges from all the good(huh) thing's I did for HEROIN.That was when I lost my mom to cancer I was so f !#@%^& d up that I didn't even realize that she was sick,I had to go to her funeral infront of the whole family who never thought much of me the black sheep of the whole damn gang with two R.C.M.P officers with handcuffs,not able to hug my mom for that last time....well I got out three yrs later and went back to HEROIN no place to go no family all alone the only thing that would welcome me back was,you guessed it HEROIN.But I soon came to realize that it wasen't for me anymore had lost everything that mad sence and I was still willing to start over start my own family.
Well now I'm divorced/single with 3 beautiful angels that light up my life and that make me realize every day that a mother's love is something you can't put a price on,they make me realize what my beautiful loving mom went through for her children cause I would go nut's if my angels were where I was,NUTS I TELL YOU,but still would do my best to help them to a certain point cause I know that............
If an addict doesen't want to help himself no one can and I mean no one and nothing can stop him from HEROIN.
I would love for you and Bob.B and Mickey to go find a poem from Raerae that is called MISS HEROIN and you will see what HEROIN is all about it describes it to a T.
Lots of love to you Bette from a friend who cares deeply Teena
P.S You can only do so much then you have to learn to let go you have a life to live you know it can't revolve around him all your life,you paid your dues and you raised him well,he's not in diapers anymore he's a groun man it's up to him to figure out if he want's a good life or the life he has and for some it takes a little and for other's it takes rock bottom to wake up and for some they never wake up at all.I belive that some people have to learn from there own mistakes.
P.S.S You also said that you wouldn't mind the occational toot,toot here means smoking it(HEROIN). Well that is how I got completly off it I got on the program methadone and I was still missing some6thing so my husband at the time said that every friday I could do a half a point(10 $ worth) every friday shoot it cause that was the only way for me once you shoot it there is no going back to smoking or snorting it and I did and eventually I forgot about it one friday and I had to wait till the next and forgot it again till eventually I never touched it again.
My Dear Mickey:
I read all of your posts but sometimes it is hard for me to answer even when I realy would like to cause I have an 8 and a half yrs old,a 7 yrs old and a 18 month old baby to run after.
I wanted to answer your question about when your b/f says that it is easier to quit when snorting well it's all the same when it comes to injecting and snorting cause they go directly as for smoking it you do get addicted but lose alot of smoke in the air as you smoke it there as you smoke more to get the effect and to feel well after a while,that is why I started to smoke then sniff and last of all shoot it cause I thought like a friend (hense the word) told me that when you shoot it you don't need much what an idiot I was after a while I was doing 3/3 and a half grams a day to feel well,forget about getting high after a couple of years I didn't know what high felt like.
Sending you all my love your friend Teena
Hello Bette You know when you say that you know your not alone but sometimes it feels like it well I'm in the same boat sometimes and I realy got to shake myself and say wake up your not the only one in this world that has this problem or that feels like this or has gone through this their are alot of people in this world who are going through the same thing your going through right now.
I guess I just wanted to let you and also myself that were not alone in our battle no matter what that battle might be.
Sending my love your way your friend Teena
I guess I just wanted to let you and also myself that were not alone in our battle no matter what that battle might be.
Sending my love your way your friend Teena
Hi Teena,
I'm from Scotland and welcome any international input...seeing this problem is global! Bye the way, scared of spiders..especially "black widows!!" LOL! But NOT you! Give yourself a "happy" name! now that you have overcome so much grief and trauma in your life! It is just SO nice to know there are folks out there that understand what folks are going through! I visited my aunt who is in a geriatric hospital several miles away..and just wish those ministering angels called nurses could extend their reach to the souls of this "lost generation"!! I'm NO angel, I like my cigarettes and glasses of wine(legalised addictions!)..but the difference is( as I said to my prodigal son!) I earn that choice! I'm not pushing people into the ground to feed my habit! If I don't have the money for them...I JUST don't!! Heroin is a killer on so many levels! It kills the addict's soul, their conscience, their motivation, their self esteem, their confidence et al! And Mr Big out there is making a fortune! It's the misery that it causes SO many families that gets me ! As a parent , I am damned if i do and damned if I don't !!!( try to help). Stuck between a rock and a hard place! Tried the tough love approach and being hostile...all that happened was MY extended guilt! But I guess the users know that! So what is the answer? I wish someone knew! If you have an answer PLEASE let me know!
Love from Bette
PS Find that track of Bette Midler's from the CD " Bette of Roses" called "To Comfort You!" Gives me goose bumps EVERY time I play it! XXXXXXXXXXXXX
I'm from Scotland and welcome any international input...seeing this problem is global! Bye the way, scared of spiders..especially "black widows!!" LOL! But NOT you! Give yourself a "happy" name! now that you have overcome so much grief and trauma in your life! It is just SO nice to know there are folks out there that understand what folks are going through! I visited my aunt who is in a geriatric hospital several miles away..and just wish those ministering angels called nurses could extend their reach to the souls of this "lost generation"!! I'm NO angel, I like my cigarettes and glasses of wine(legalised addictions!)..but the difference is( as I said to my prodigal son!) I earn that choice! I'm not pushing people into the ground to feed my habit! If I don't have the money for them...I JUST don't!! Heroin is a killer on so many levels! It kills the addict's soul, their conscience, their motivation, their self esteem, their confidence et al! And Mr Big out there is making a fortune! It's the misery that it causes SO many families that gets me ! As a parent , I am damned if i do and damned if I don't !!!( try to help). Stuck between a rock and a hard place! Tried the tough love approach and being hostile...all that happened was MY extended guilt! But I guess the users know that! So what is the answer? I wish someone knew! If you have an answer PLEASE let me know!
Love from Bette
PS Find that track of Bette Midler's from the CD " Bette of Roses" called "To Comfort You!" Gives me goose bumps EVERY time I play it! XXXXXXXXXXXXX