I'm so confused, so my bf is a heroin addict, no he is currently in a sober house, probably will be there for 6months, I believe I should break up with him and then when he completes his one year sober try to attempt a relationship again, but I don't know how to even tell him that we should break up, I'm scared it might mess up his recovery I don't know, so confused....HELPPPP!!!!!
Hi Melli - if your bf decides to use it will be his decision-if he uses breaking up with you as an excuse thats all it is-an excuse-if he is going to stay sober he needs to learn how to deal with life without turning to drugs- you will not be responsible- tell him why you are breaking up in order for him to concentrate on his recovery and that in a year you can both see where the relationship is at- you can look at this another way - if he wants to be with you he has an incentive to stay sober for a year- whatever the outcome you are not responsible for his actions- you have to look after you- you didnt make him an addict and you sure cannot fix him- only he can do that - whatever happens it is his choice to use or to take this chance to get clean and stay clean -his choice- dont feel guilty you are not responsible for the actions of another- best of luck ....
Meliii,
Waiting 1 year is very smart on your part.
Taking care of yourself is your job.
Your friends recovery from addiction his his job. He will have to learn to live life on life's terms. This will include things like his girlfriend wanting to hold the relationship for 1 year. He will have other challenges, issues, fun, and joy that he will need to learn to live sober. For example, if he were to relapse and blame it on the breakup, that is a sign he is not "getting it" in term of what is required for succesful recovery.
There is a saying that "old timers" use frequently in AA (for men) - behind every skirt is a slip. Successful recovery on your friend's part means willing to change everything. He needs to maintain 1 year or sobriety, a house plant, and a pet before brining another human into his life.
Give it a year, and see how the change looks on him.
This is my advice and I hope it helps. Good luck.
Fly
Waiting 1 year is very smart on your part.
Taking care of yourself is your job.
Your friends recovery from addiction his his job. He will have to learn to live life on life's terms. This will include things like his girlfriend wanting to hold the relationship for 1 year. He will have other challenges, issues, fun, and joy that he will need to learn to live sober. For example, if he were to relapse and blame it on the breakup, that is a sign he is not "getting it" in term of what is required for succesful recovery.
There is a saying that "old timers" use frequently in AA (for men) - behind every skirt is a slip. Successful recovery on your friend's part means willing to change everything. He needs to maintain 1 year or sobriety, a house plant, and a pet before brining another human into his life.
Give it a year, and see how the change looks on him.
This is my advice and I hope it helps. Good luck.
Fly
