It happened....he sabotaged himself. He got kicked out of rehab. According to him, it's BS, he got kicked out for being late to breakfast. Of course, this is not the first time he's been late or broke a rule. Last week he was late and had chewing tobacco in his room. Who knows what else...
He called us and told us this morning and then said he needs a ride. Keep in mind, he's almost 4 hours away. I told him no, he didn't complete his program so we can't help him. I suggested that he call recovery court and he said, "no and that he doesn't want us calling them either, it's his deal." He's going to have to figure out a ride then.
I'm guessing a warrant will be issued eventually. He'll now have to face 2 felony charges.
I'm so disappointed and sad. He only had a week to go. I had a feeling, after our last conversation, that he was going to blow it. I had recommended that he go into sober living and he didn't really want to. I could tell he wasn't really working his program. I'm sure he'll use this as an excuse to use as soon as he can, especially if he knows that he's going to go back to jail.
I'll be keeping my phone off the hook today I guess.
Michelle
I am so sorry to hear this, Michelle. I was hoping this would be his wake up call. I don't blame you for taking your phone off the hook. Please take care of yourself.
I'm fighting the guilty feelings but thankfully I have my husband reminding me of the reality of the situation. He can't manage to get to breakfast but he wants us to drive 4 hours to get him...even though he's now going to be wanted by the police/courts. I'm just shaking my head.
Oh no! I get so mad at all of them. It seems they always have to do the opposite of what is expected and they will go out of their way to be nonconformists. Then when things go bad, it isnt their fault at all. They expect that everything will be fine even if they dont put forth an effort. They are quick to call if they need us to do something or give them something (mostly money). I wonder if they will ever grow upmaybe that is where the problem lies. Their development stopped when they started using drugs. I wish there was an easy answer and an easy fix. It becomes so discouraging and I guess he will now have to face the music when they were trying to give him a chance. Does he have some place to go? He will be calling you nonstop if he has no living and eating arrangement. I know you are disappointed and sadwe get our hopes up that things will work out and then they dontagain.
Bugs,
I agree that their development stopped about the time they started using drugs. I don't think my son will ever change. He's 30 years old and can't figure out how to do anything to provide for himself and live an adult life. All he knows is drugs and crime.
No, he doesn't have anywhere to go. So far, it's only been one call since the initial call. I told him he needs to talk to his counselor and tell them he has nowhere to go and no ride. He said, "you were going to pick me up next week" and I told him that it's one thing if I pick you up from completing your program, it's a whole other thing to pick you up because you got kicked out. I said, "you're now a fugitive and he said, not yet, it'll be a few days before they issue a warrant." It doesn't matter that he's clean and has been for 5 months, his behaviors and attitude are all the same. I thought he was doing well and then last week a switch flipped.
Michelle
I agree that their development stopped about the time they started using drugs. I don't think my son will ever change. He's 30 years old and can't figure out how to do anything to provide for himself and live an adult life. All he knows is drugs and crime.
No, he doesn't have anywhere to go. So far, it's only been one call since the initial call. I told him he needs to talk to his counselor and tell them he has nowhere to go and no ride. He said, "you were going to pick me up next week" and I told him that it's one thing if I pick you up from completing your program, it's a whole other thing to pick you up because you got kicked out. I said, "you're now a fugitive and he said, not yet, it'll be a few days before they issue a warrant." It doesn't matter that he's clean and has been for 5 months, his behaviors and attitude are all the same. I thought he was doing well and then last week a switch flipped.
Michelle
Mine is calling & texting me all the time now. I cant even leave my phone on to get regular calls. I am not sure what my son is going to do with no money and no job. I cant help him and hearing his problems 24/7 is making me crazy. He wants big moneycars and apartments. Helping him will continue to eat away at what we have for retirement. One mother on here said that her son would just keep on asking for more until he took her last dollar. In one breath they say I love you mom and the next it is give me all you have. I know they get desperate and dont have anyone else to ask but the stress is so hard on all of us. Giving is hard and not giving is no better.
I think my son is actually off drugs for now, but the behavior doesn't change. I know their living situations are not good and they want better. Things don't magically improve and they get discouraged because it is hard to get a fresh start with nothing.
--- I gave some young guy on a street corner some money this morning. He was out with a sign while it was still dark. It said "homeless, having trouble finding a job". He could have been any of our sons so I gave him some money. It wasn't much but enough to get a decent meal. I don't know if it will be spent on food, drugs or cigarettes but all I could think about was how I would want someone to help my son if he were to be that industrious.
I think my son is actually off drugs for now, but the behavior doesn't change. I know their living situations are not good and they want better. Things don't magically improve and they get discouraged because it is hard to get a fresh start with nothing.
--- I gave some young guy on a street corner some money this morning. He was out with a sign while it was still dark. It said "homeless, having trouble finding a job". He could have been any of our sons so I gave him some money. It wasn't much but enough to get a decent meal. I don't know if it will be spent on food, drugs or cigarettes but all I could think about was how I would want someone to help my son if he were to be that industrious.
Oh Michelle, I am so sad for you. I know how much you wanted him to succeed in this rehab. I wanted it for him and your family too! Makes you wonder what goes through their heads that he couldn't just go to breakfast. That rehab sure throw them out easily. But when they know how strict it is you would think they would do their best to go by the rules. I knew he was due out the 20th and I've been just hoping and praying he'd make it. I wouldn't go pick him up either Shell. What a nerve asking. They think we're suckers and will just drop everything for them because in the past we've been too caring and helpful. My daughter wants to come home here too. Granted her ex just died but when she's here we walk on eggshells and she will argue at the drop of a hat. I won't have it, so I told her no. She said she feels lost. It's like I've used up any compassion I had and it's all gone now. Arguing, bullying and one disappointment after another took it all. Your probably at that point too. We have no more answers or suggestions because everything and anything we've suggested over the years haven't worked, or their just not interested in trying to get sober. I'm just so sad for you and wish there was something I could say to help. You take care my friend. Thinking of you and keeping you in my prayers. God bless Mary
Mary,
Yes, I sure did hope he'd make it. I'm quite certain that it wasn't just him missing breakfast today that got him kicked out. That was at least the third time that I know of plus I'm certain there was more that he isn't saying. It just pisses me off that he couldn't manage getting through rehab. That was all he had to do. No job to go to, no other responsibilities...
Yes, like you, I feel like I've used up my compassion. I just don't want to live life like this anymore. It's too tiresome. You're so right. I have no answers anymore.
I'm sorry you're having to deal with your daughter. I understand she's feeling grief but I understand what you're saying, 100%, about walking on eggshells. I can't live like that anymore either.
We'll get through these latest problems because we have no choice, right? Lol...
Thanks for the love sister! Stay strong!
Michelle
Yes, I sure did hope he'd make it. I'm quite certain that it wasn't just him missing breakfast today that got him kicked out. That was at least the third time that I know of plus I'm certain there was more that he isn't saying. It just pisses me off that he couldn't manage getting through rehab. That was all he had to do. No job to go to, no other responsibilities...
Yes, like you, I feel like I've used up my compassion. I just don't want to live life like this anymore. It's too tiresome. You're so right. I have no answers anymore.
I'm sorry you're having to deal with your daughter. I understand she's feeling grief but I understand what you're saying, 100%, about walking on eggshells. I can't live like that anymore either.
We'll get through these latest problems because we have no choice, right? Lol...
Thanks for the love sister! Stay strong!
Michelle
Oh Michelle--that makes me so sad! Sad for you! He has made his choices now let him own them!
Nothing changes if nothing changes!
Time for you to take care of you! Nothing you do or say will change him--only he can do that and I know you know that! It is just difficult cutting him loose but oh so necessary if he ever will change. He obviously hasn't hit his bottom yet!
I am praying for you to stay strong and make changes that are necessary! I don't want anyone to end up with a almost 46 y/o addict kid like me! It is too many years and too painful for any of us to have to endure--
Time for you to change your strategy and approach!
(((HUGS))) to you my friend--Lori
Nothing changes if nothing changes!
Time for you to take care of you! Nothing you do or say will change him--only he can do that and I know you know that! It is just difficult cutting him loose but oh so necessary if he ever will change. He obviously hasn't hit his bottom yet!
I am praying for you to stay strong and make changes that are necessary! I don't want anyone to end up with a almost 46 y/o addict kid like me! It is too many years and too painful for any of us to have to endure--
Time for you to change your strategy and approach!
(((HUGS))) to you my friend--Lori
Lori,
Thanks. I'm not really going to change my strategy or approach since I quit enabling quite some time ago. I just feel bad that he, once again, sabotaged a positive step towards recovery. He has to face the consequences of his actions though. I'd love to not care but I do.
Thanks,
Michelle
Thanks. I'm not really going to change my strategy or approach since I quit enabling quite some time ago. I just feel bad that he, once again, sabotaged a positive step towards recovery. He has to face the consequences of his actions though. I'd love to not care but I do.
Thanks,
Michelle
Hi again Shell, Yes we'll get through this because we are made of tougher stuff!! It's the caring that keeps us coming back for more crap. You saw a good chance for your son to get sober and it's hard not to build your hopes up. It's like someone punched your stomach and took all the wind out when you thought you had him on the right track and things were going good too. I so understand and it's awful. Hell we're trying to win a fight that's against most of the odds.Never would I have thought in a million years my kid would have been a drug addict or this was my life. I know you think the same. My mother must not be just turning in her grave but spinning at top speed! Hang in there Michelle. It sucks I know!! I am going to figure out a way to give you my email address. I think I could put it on my profile under interests. That way I can go in and erase it after you copy it. We just need to be on at the same time one day. That would be great eh? ((Hugs)).Mary
Mary,
Great minds think alike! I've also been trying to figure out how to exchange email addresses. I know papa bear posted his on a post and then deleted it. Are you on right now?
Great minds think alike! I've also been trying to figure out how to exchange email addresses. I know papa bear posted his on a post and then deleted it. Are you on right now?
Yes I'm on now
Me too. Did you get that?
You can't delete it once it's posted. I will post mine now in interests. Go copy it and then I will erase it. Lol ok got your I will email you. Hope the moderators delete it!,!,
I was able to post mine and then edit it out. I don't see anything in your interests.
Lol...ok, I think we're good.
That's amazing. I don't know how you edited it but you did.lol
Shell
I'm so sad for you. Z has done this so many times and of course
It was never his fault. I just don't understand our kids.
My son has been clean 5 days from meth but I know he asked
His cousin for money so that concerns me.
Take care
Hugs
PAULA
I'm so sad for you. Z has done this so many times and of course
It was never his fault. I just don't understand our kids.
My son has been clean 5 days from meth but I know he asked
His cousin for money so that concerns me.
Take care
Hugs
PAULA
So frustrating. Watching potential just go down the drain. And, a life that could have been meaningful wasted.
I have to force myself not to imagine my boy turning it around. it is too painful and I have no sign that will happen.
But, sometimes I see someone in his class or see a content young father. I want to dream that someday he will come out of this and have a life. But, I try not to do imagine him turning it around, because it probably won't happen and it is too painful.
I am very curious about this common thread of never taking responsibility. Always blaming everyone else. I feel like I am finally immune to that. Takes awhile to understand what is going on there.!!
I have to force myself not to imagine my boy turning it around. it is too painful and I have no sign that will happen.
But, sometimes I see someone in his class or see a content young father. I want to dream that someday he will come out of this and have a life. But, I try not to do imagine him turning it around, because it probably won't happen and it is too painful.
I am very curious about this common thread of never taking responsibility. Always blaming everyone else. I feel like I am finally immune to that. Takes awhile to understand what is going on there.!!
