I am brand new to this website. First, a HUGE thank you to all who have posted here. Reading these posts have helped me to better understand what my husband is going through, and what I have to do to save myself.
I met a handsome, energetic, promising man. I quickly fell in love, as did he (I hope, anyway). We were married right at our 1 year anniverasry of meeting. He did tell me that he had a heroin problem in the past. He had even gone to jail. He was on methodone due to falling and breaking his back. He was weaning off. He couldn't take it. He got really sick. His behavior changed. He started disappearing with stupid or no explanations. I finally caught him shooting up. I have never been around this before. I lost it. He cried and begged. He wanted help. I found him a doctor. He got on suboxone. We thought that was a Godsend. For awhile, all was well. We got married. Almost immediately, he changed. He quit his job and went to school full time. (Of course, I did all the work to get him into school) I thought he would go part time. He went full time and quit his job. Suddenly, there is NO money! I started working 3 jobs. I started worrying every day where he was, what he was doing. I started drinking to calm my worries. That spun out of control. His behavior was so irractic! I never knew who I would see from one day to the next. I tried to deny all that was happening. I did everything I could do to make him happy. Tried to be the best wife. He ended up cheating on me after 3 months of marriage. I found out after a month of hell, knowing it had happened and spying to find proof. When I finally found out for sure, he blamed it on me. I was not paying enough attention to him. I went out with my friends from time to time. I left him at home. Well, I wanted him to come, but he wouldn't. He had no friends. Who has no friends? I believed him that it was my fault. I cried and begged him to forgive ME for drinking and being a bad wife. We went to marriage counseling a few times.
Meanwhile, his behavior is becoming more and more unpredictable. Things started disappearing from the house. He started sleeping for days. I came home from work and found him so high that he couldn't even talk, let alone undress for bed. I asked him to leave. He became so angry - said things that I never thought he had in him to say. Blamed me, again. Finally, I got him to leave. He is now at his mother's house. He was calling, begging, crying for me back. And I LOVE this man. I let him back into my life. I started helping him with some money problems. (Even though he owes me over $2000) He responded by dropping off the face of the earth for 3 weeks. I called and begged him to casll me to let me know he was okay. Nothing. Finally, I sent him a letter saying that I was dropping him from my health insurance and filing for divorce. I made a brief mention of $120.00 that he got in a check that was sent to me. I had put it into my account, but said that I would give him that money if he wanted me to. Suddenly, I get a call from him. All he says is that he wants the money. No I'm sorry - no I love you - no explanations. Just MONEY! I figured out that he is using again.
I have been tortured by this. I worry about who he is with, is he safe, does he have food? After reading these posts, I realize that I have to let go of him for good. Thank you for sharing your stories. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!!
very touching story, very sad, i was in a similar situation
although my significant other and i were happily together for 2 1/2 years
then he became addicted to oxycontin...shortly after, i joined
in and 1 yr later i finally got the brain and balls to leave him
and give myself a chance to step out of the quicksand.
be strong, give yourself time, don't worry about him-
he's the one doing wrong. if he loves you, and really
cares about you, he will come back to you.
if not, then so be it. just learn from it. know not to ever get involved
with someone who has had a history of drug use. it only
ruins your life, too. sometimes LOVE ends up taking
control of us, we lose ourselves in trying too hard to
save a destructive relationship. take a step
back and look at the picture as a whole. and then
ask yourself, was it really worth it.
it hurts, but with time you will be healed. this isn;t
the end of your life, if anything it should be a new
beginning. look forward to it.
although my significant other and i were happily together for 2 1/2 years
then he became addicted to oxycontin...shortly after, i joined
in and 1 yr later i finally got the brain and balls to leave him
and give myself a chance to step out of the quicksand.
be strong, give yourself time, don't worry about him-
he's the one doing wrong. if he loves you, and really
cares about you, he will come back to you.
if not, then so be it. just learn from it. know not to ever get involved
with someone who has had a history of drug use. it only
ruins your life, too. sometimes LOVE ends up taking
control of us, we lose ourselves in trying too hard to
save a destructive relationship. take a step
back and look at the picture as a whole. and then
ask yourself, was it really worth it.
it hurts, but with time you will be healed. this isn;t
the end of your life, if anything it should be a new
beginning. look forward to it.
Thank you so much for your response! I really hope that things will get better. I pray constantly!!
You asked who has no friends? Heroin addicts. Our friends are addicts, while we are clean, we cant hang with our old friends. Some of us are suffering introverts, we want to be around people but cant enjoy the company of others. some of us were high for so long that we don't know how to interact with people without it involving getting high some how. Sick huh? Good for you, I'm glad that you are strong enough to take your life back! You have offered him help, he doesn't want it, than he doesn't deserve you, you have helped him enough! There is no reason that you should be working 3 jobs while he goes to school and than goes off galavanting with another woman. Everytime you miss him remember what little respect he had for you, you deserve more than that. Yes your husband is suffering, and probably acting out of character because he has only one focus in his life; heroin. Heroin comes first above all else, no junkie is different, and that is how it will always be as long as he continues to use or wants to use. I know how hard this must be as you do love him so much. If you do ever consider taking him back, I advise you to make sure he has at least one year completley sober; that includes being off of the methadone and the sub,. Good for you darling and good luck!
trooper, very good advice, you are one smart boy.
hows your medication treating you by the way, if they prescribed you
any?
hows your medication treating you by the way, if they prescribed you
any?
That whole story was sad. Sorry your marriage is ending this way. Try to heal your self and not focas so much on fixing him "you can't fix him". The faimly board on here will help you a lot. Things will get better. Money comes and goes just try not to let him get any more of your money out of you. You need to focas on being happy with who you are.
hey guest
Well, they gave me something called seroquel, stuff puts me in a coma, so I'm going to ask them for something else when I see the psychiatrist on tues. I'm also on ativan, does good in calming me down a bit, but i dont like the feeling it gives me, i dont know how to describe it other than a long eeeeeecccccchhhhh.
Well, they gave me something called seroquel, stuff puts me in a coma, so I'm going to ask them for something else when I see the psychiatrist on tues. I'm also on ativan, does good in calming me down a bit, but i dont like the feeling it gives me, i dont know how to describe it other than a long eeeeeecccccchhhhh.
trooper, its paisleydaisy by the way. not guest, i forget to log in.
just wanted to let you know who youre talking to.
just wanted to let you know who youre talking to.
haha, well how many miligrams they give you?
if you have bi-polar disorder it should
make you normal- i would think.
hmmm..
if you have bi-polar disorder it should
make you normal- i would think.
hmmm..
miligrams of (seroquel)
well, they start you on a small dosage, 100 2 times a day and then 200 2 times, and then 300 etc. I am currently on 100, but I talked to a pharmacist and my boss who is also bi polar and on seroqul and they say that that is a common side effect for when you first start taking it, it drops your blood pressure really low, but your body gets used to it because its a heavy duty tranq like thorazine. My boss says he only takes his dosage before bed, but seroquels half life is 6 hrs, meaning when I wake up in the am there is a strong possibility of some mania. I have an appt with a psyc on tues, hopefully he can find the right meds for me, I am not digging this seroquel.
IM sorry, you are not a boy, you are a lady.
i don't know why i was thinking you were a boy....
my apologiessss(blush)
i don't know why i was thinking you were a boy....
my apologiessss(blush)
its okay, i didn't even notice that bit ha ha
sorry to hear, dear-
i took 100 mg of seroquel once
while going cold turkey and that
s*** made me feel pretty good,
almost like i was on speed.
then i took another 100 mg and it
wasnt but a hot minute and i
was DEAD asleep...i recall waking
up a numerous amount of times
feeling very drunk.
have you ever tried antidepressants?
i took 100 mg of seroquel once
while going cold turkey and that
s*** made me feel pretty good,
almost like i was on speed.
then i took another 100 mg and it
wasnt but a hot minute and i
was DEAD asleep...i recall waking
up a numerous amount of times
feeling very drunk.
have you ever tried antidepressants?
Oh yes, my god they have an adverse effect! When I got misdiagnosed with major depressive disorder, I was on celexa, then zoloft and then cymbalta. I would go into manic episodes like whoah!! I was also on cymbalta when I tried to kill myself. I guess people with bi-polar disorder cant take regular anti depressants, it sucks. Same thing with certain sleeping meds. I remember my grandmother gave me an ambien once, I felt like i smoked a ton of crack, and then had an acidlike hangover the next day. Even psuedephedrine makes me quirky
by the way, i took the seroquel cuz i thought
it would put me to sleep- i think i should
have taken a much lower dose.
they gave my boyfriend 20mg to help with sleepin'
trouble after coming off suboxone.
it kinda pisses me off how doctors treat drugs
by giving you drugs...then you just gotta get off
that drug, too. then they give you a drug to get
off the drug that was supposed to help you
with the drug you were addicted to in the first place..
something is just so fishy about doctors, addiction,
medication...i think we're all being lied to about
some things....=0
(sorry for going off on tangents, it is a lonely life
here tucked away in the mountains. i'm delerious
and quite silly when it comes to the night hours.)
it would put me to sleep- i think i should
have taken a much lower dose.
they gave my boyfriend 20mg to help with sleepin'
trouble after coming off suboxone.
it kinda pisses me off how doctors treat drugs
by giving you drugs...then you just gotta get off
that drug, too. then they give you a drug to get
off the drug that was supposed to help you
with the drug you were addicted to in the first place..
something is just so fishy about doctors, addiction,
medication...i think we're all being lied to about
some things....=0
(sorry for going off on tangents, it is a lonely life
here tucked away in the mountains. i'm delerious
and quite silly when it comes to the night hours.)
it sucks though, i wish i could do something for you. it sucks
to see someone trying so hard to do right- and still have to
suffer. something will work for you, ill send some good ol' healthy
happy vibes your way tonight when i pray to the sky.
just keep your chin up, close your eyes, breathe slowly-
something last night i noticed made me feel very very VERY good-
lay in bath, put your ears in the water but leave your nose and mouth
out of course- listen to your heartbeat. something very soothing
about it- i almost felt like i was in a womb. meditation.
try somethin for yourself- be strong, be woman. you can make it, babe.
you just got to try. i feel so silly sayin this cuz i've never really dealt
with depression, i don't know the severity of it from personal experience
- but theres just got to be something out there that can help you, there has to be. i'm sure talking to people and encouragement helps you. at least keep
talking to us =)))))
what is your name by the way?
to see someone trying so hard to do right- and still have to
suffer. something will work for you, ill send some good ol' healthy
happy vibes your way tonight when i pray to the sky.
just keep your chin up, close your eyes, breathe slowly-
something last night i noticed made me feel very very VERY good-
lay in bath, put your ears in the water but leave your nose and mouth
out of course- listen to your heartbeat. something very soothing
about it- i almost felt like i was in a womb. meditation.
try somethin for yourself- be strong, be woman. you can make it, babe.
you just got to try. i feel so silly sayin this cuz i've never really dealt
with depression, i don't know the severity of it from personal experience
- but theres just got to be something out there that can help you, there has to be. i'm sure talking to people and encouragement helps you. at least keep
talking to us =)))))
what is your name by the way?
hey paisley, good morning if your around! Names Stephanie!! Whoohoo! pretty plain jane over here
Thank you all for your responses. My head knows what I have to do. My heart, however, is not so sure I can. I am taking it a day at a time. He's gone anyway right now. Out doing whatever he does when he disappears. It's when he comes back that will be tough.
