So Scared And Looking For Advice(intervention?)

As most of you know,im the oldest of 7 girls.One of my sisters is really in bad shape.

I would like some info on how to do an intervention.If anyone knows?

A little info on her situation...she and her BF has moved into this big beautiful House with oNe of my other sisters who came home from Japan(she has 3 young daughters,13.11.9)Her husband is still in Japan,they had talked divorse but now are trying to work things out.In 4 months,he will be back to the states and they are going to try and make the marriage work,she...i dont worry about,shes fine,except for...she let my other sitser move in,with the dreaded BF,under the agreement they would pay for half of everything.I tried so hard to warn her not to do it,i know what my other sisters life has been like these past few years and this sister(from Japan had no idea!)

This sister(the one that needs help) has not stepped foot out of the house since they moved there 2 months ago(she also has a child,a son 15 years old)she gets up and cracks a beer the minute she is up and moving,drinks all day and night,pops pills all day,norcos...and lots of them,she will take sub if she can get it too(why???????? i have no idea)she does crack as often as possible,and anything else she can get her hands on.

I stopped by 3pm the other afternoon,with my new DIL and baby grandson,neither sister had seen him yet.So i wanted to show him off.My sister was so out of it(drunk,pills,etc...)she was still up from the night before.She begged to hold the baby,then proceeded to sit in the middle of the floor and cry,cry about her own sons babyhood,on and on and on she babbled gibberish.

I was ashamed,embarresed,and so very very sad and sorry for her and her condition .I called my mother and her and my father went down ther,but she would not let them in the house.she knew thay were going to finally confront her.This has been going on for years.Meanwhile my sister from Japan is basically putting up with it all,paying for EVERYTHING rent food,utilities,cuz every penny they have goes to drugs and booze(hes out on a big comp case,she gets foodstamps,public asssitance,whatever she can get for nothing!!!!) And surprisingly,she gets quite alot for free,while lying about this and that,it makes me angry at times that i have to work my a** off to pay my bills and she can sit all day,get fu**ed up and never do a damn thing,day in day out.But...i know shes sick,i know she needs help.Her BF loves having her that way,he steals the drugas to keep her happy and under his thumb,sick sick situation.

Anyway,ui know this is getting very personal bbut im at a loss.she called me last night crying(she was drunk)wanting to know why i hated her.Said that out of all her sisters and even my mother(cuz i basically raised thosse girls)it broke her heart to think "I" hated her.

I explained as best you can to someone in that condition that i dont hate her,i hate what shes done to her and her sons life.I hate that she refuses to do anything about it,and believe you me,she knows what she needs to do,she was on drug copurt once and stayed 100% clean for 2 whole years,she was so happy then,beautiful,was so happy with herself,used her money for nice clothes for herself and her son,rather than booze and drugs.I told her i wished she would get that back,but i also told her i was ashamed the other afternoon to find her in such condition when i brought my new grandson for her to see.

So...thats the story(if youve read this far,god bless you!) ive heard others talk about an intervention.I tried looking it up but didnt really understand what it was saying.I think other family members would help,she really is going to die if she doesnt stop.We are all afraid for her,but also at the point of giving up after so many years too.What can we do?I know you say you cant help someone who doesnt want help,but she is on the verge of death,we need to intervene.What exactly is an intervention,and does it help/work????????????????Thanks so much for any and all advice.Im at my wits end.~KIM
I can kind of relate to you. My oldest sister is an addict. She is 41 now and has been an addict since she was 19. Over the years we have all just kind of sat back and watched it hapen. She lives far away and is so secretive we never know if what she tells us is the truth or a comlete lie. I love her very much but can't stand this anymore. I am a recoverying addict so I always felt like maybe I could help her. From the time I started recovery I was open and honest with my family and a few close friends. My sister, however, acts like she has no problems while meanwhile she gets fired from job after job. She is a nurse and a few years ago got her license taking away for stealing pain pills from the hospital she worked at. But she never told us and we only recently found out from her husband. One time she came into my house and stole my husband's pain pills (he now keeps them locked up in a safe). Anyway, we all want to help her but what it comes down to is her wanting to help herself. I think an intervention is a good thing for your family. At least that way she will be forced to know how you all feel. I woudl give her an ultimatum get help or find a place of your own. Does your sister she lives with feel the same way you do? Good luck and let us know what happens.

Shelly
Kim:

I am so sorry for the pain I read in your words...I know how frightening it is to watch a family member spin completely out of control. I also know how frustrating it can be to want help for a loved one that you cannot give them.

My family had a similar situation with my niece. We confronted her, the entire family, as we were at the point where none of us were willing to help her any longer and felt the need to let her know. We, naturally, wanted her to get help. We had researched and found a place for her to go should she agree. I think that was important. She had the choice of the street or rehabilitation. Confrontation without a solution is just confrontation. Does that make sense?

You know it can be tricky, because certain places only have beds at certain times, etc. It is kind of a logistical nightmare. Also, it only works if EVERY single member of the family agrees to not enable any longer. That can also be a logistical nightmare!

I wish you luck and wisdom in your decision making. I found that making decisions from a position of love helped guide me through this process. I know you love your sister too.

Peace.

Sarah
Hi Shelly,im so sorry about your sister.It kills me to see her like this as im sure you understand.Yes,my other sister feels the same way,yet for some reason,she feels she should take care fo her...like she said...she cant kick her out on the street.

My sister is in such denial.Lets put it this way.Her 15 year old son just got caught with 30 norcos in his pocket.I was so scared,i fidured he was either using or selling,both being as bad as it can get...nope...he was trading pot for pills for his mother!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She has her bf stealing from the pharmacy her works at(and hes stealing tons of s***,and now her 15 yo son is doing things for her habit)when confronted by my mother,she just blows it off and says its not that bad,not that way,not this, not that,.This girl loves her son more than life,yet.....goes to show you the power of addiction huh? we're all so afraid for her.

Good luck with your sister.I agree,they have to want it.I feel,by telling her how i felt that day,i was ashamed of her when i wanted her to be happy and hold my new grandson,by saying things like that,maybe it would penetrate the fog,and for short moments it does,she says she'll get help...but only for short moments,then shes right back to popping the pills and downthing them with a twelve pack.~KIM
Sarah,yes,i understand completley.I do beleieve,if we all got together,told her our concerns(and had a plan set up)she would go for it.I think shes getting to that point on her own right now,yet one more day,one more night,might be one more too many,you know?~KIM Thanks for the words of wisdom,i appreciate it,and yes,i love her very much,she was my favorite growing up,so swet so caring,would do anything for anyone.Now....shes so opposite,uses anyone for anything.

PS~i had a typo on my previous post,hes stealing pills from the pharmacy he works at.(her BF)
Kim...

I know how hard it is to watch her change...especially someone you had a big hand in raising. You will never lose that sense of responsibility. And, when you say so loving and so caring...I understand. Sometimes, I think the sensitives have a harder time...the world can be a painful place.

An addict will do anything to support their habit...ain't that a shame? Use anyone, even the ones we know are completely innocent of our s***. The brain just gets rewired and logic is out the window. God this disease is powerful.

You will know when the time is right. Maybe set a goal of making one phone call a day towards the end result of actually having the family together and the place for her to go. It can't hurt.

I am so sorry for all the families suffering...and I am sorry for the addicts too. No one wants to be a junkie. It just gets weird, fast.

Hang on.

Sarah


P. S. Shelley, Sorry I didn't see your post earlier...the same goes for you babe. Sorry for the pain this causes you and yours. I hope it works out for your sister as well. Sarah
Morning Kim,

Geez that is so sad...I am sorry that your family is going through this. As far as I know an "intervention" is where all family members get together and give the addict an ultimatum. So either she goes into treatment or she is put out...everyone must be on board.

You said yourself you other sister is enabling her....why because of love and fear. Not sure if she has insurance or if there are treatment options there that won't cost a fortune.

Have you seen the show? Why don't you contact A&E and see if they can help? You never know.

Hugs honey...sorry.
Kimber I dont have an answer but wanted you to know I will pray for her,you & your whole family as we all know addiction hurts all it touches.I wish I knew an answer but I read some good suggestions.
If you need to vent sweety you have my email
love molly
Thanks KeeKee,im going to get together with my mother tonight,work on some options.My other sister,that she lives with,has been after her to get treatment and a couple times she has agreed,but then backed out.

WE definetley will have to all get together and confront her,no,ive never seen the program,i guess i should check it out.She needs help and soon.

Thanks so much for all of your concern,i appreciate it,it kills me,this whole freaking mess! The one good thing is,my other sister,my youngest sister,is now on sub,and going to the recovery center where i go and is doing great.She has the same womans group as i and thats nice.Shes doing well,thank god for that.~KIM

Thanks MJ,i will send you an email,i appreciate your being there.
Kim, One of the reason I am clean today is because my family pulled a intervention on me. Let me tell you I was not a happy camper at the time but it saved my life and for that I will always be grateful to them. Shantel
KIm, Interventions are hard especially when it involves people who really love each other. It is hard sometimes for me to think back at mine but that thought is one of the reasons why I take my recovery so seriously. I never want to have to go through that again. Shantel
I believe that an "intervention" could be the single most powerful dispaly of LOVE that a family could do!

Shantel, you are so very fortunate to have such a loving & caring family!
kee-kee, It is hard for me to think or even talk about that day. Yes, I am lucky to have a family who loved me enough to do what they did and I will never forget seeing the tears in my fathers eyes or my husbands. They are my rock of Gilbralter and always will be. Shantel