I am the mother of a long-time heroin addict (10 year) and i am just so sick and tired of hearing about your (addicts) "disease" and "sickness" you all seem to feel sooo sorry for yourselves. I've had enough of being supportive and bailing my son out (after ten years I am 100,000 poorer) but what does that matter he has a "disease" What you all have is "dis-ease" which means that you are not content with what you have and do not have the guts to change things. If you want to be addicts then be addicts - it's your (miserable) life and leave us parents alone. Mental torture is trying to keep your money (little as it is) away from the person who thinks his needs are greater than mine. In our house we all have to lock our bedrooms, we never buy new clothes (because they are taken back to the shops) anything of value (jewellery etc) we carry with us. We live in constant dread that our bank account will show "nil" when next we go to get money to pay bills or buy food or for other necessities.And in the centre of it all is this person who has a "disease" what he has is a chronic dose of "me- itis"
the centre of his own universe,nothing else matters so long as he gets his fix. Of course I don't know what it's like or so I'm told. Well I don't care any more. My son, and all of you, need to take control of yourselves and your life - the rest of us have to do it - what is it abour your "disease" that stops you from working (people with other diseases can manage to work until the very end) that's because they have to unless they too want to live off someone else.
Withdrawal symptons may be dreadful but there is an end to them - why, oh why, can you not suffer a little(or large) bit, it won't kill you and you never know suffering might make you THINK.
Yeah Suffering with withdrawls does make you think - it makes u think a lot.
About your life an what its worth - but most of what you say is absoloute rubbish - you are not or never have been addicted to anything, an you have got your own life which you seem to be happy wiv - most people are sadly not like you an are not happy - we all go on heroin for many different reasons but the main reason is to escape from the reality of life.
Think b4 u speak out next time.
James
About your life an what its worth - but most of what you say is absoloute rubbish - you are not or never have been addicted to anything, an you have got your own life which you seem to be happy wiv - most people are sadly not like you an are not happy - we all go on heroin for many different reasons but the main reason is to escape from the reality of life.
Think b4 u speak out next time.
James
Jemima,
I am sorry that your son is an addict. My heart goes out to you both. I am sure that in 10yrs you have been through hell with your son. I can also understand your anger. Anger is often a secondary emotion that is used to cover-up what is really being felt; such as hurt, despair, and fear. I am sure you are blessed to still have your son alive. And as long as he's alive he can get better. ADDICTION IS A DISEASE!!!!! It affects your entire being ( mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually) until you are merely a shell of a human. I am so grateful for my own mother, without her I would definitely be dead. She is very well educated on the subject. That doesn't mean she understands me all the time, but she does know that her daughter is sick-not bad. She knows that I would never, ever have done such things were I not very sick. My mother never gave up hope that I would get better and beat this addiction. Even when I did. But she did have to set limits, be tough with me, let me go and start living her life again. Still she would always listen and encourage me to get clean. Tragically, the people you love the most are the ones you hurt the worst. Most of all, addicts hurt themselves. We walk around hating ourselves, always filled with guilt and shame, loneliness and isolation, intense pain and fear, and desperation that leads to degrading behavior. No one would choose this.
Maybe it would help to check out some group meetings like Al-a non or Nar-a-non. It's for family members of addicts and alcoholics. You are not alone, just to hear what others say about their experiences can be helpful. Don' t give up on your son. Study the disease concept. Become an expert, then you will better know what your son is dealing with. Don't let his disease dictate your life -put your foot down. But gently. You are very blessed that you still have him alive. I know many parents who are not so fortunate and would give anything for one more chance to save their child. Don't give up, Jemima. He can change as long as there's breath in his body. Now I have the best relationship with my mom and she loves having her daughter back.
I'll pray for you, Heroin Girl
I am sorry that your son is an addict. My heart goes out to you both. I am sure that in 10yrs you have been through hell with your son. I can also understand your anger. Anger is often a secondary emotion that is used to cover-up what is really being felt; such as hurt, despair, and fear. I am sure you are blessed to still have your son alive. And as long as he's alive he can get better. ADDICTION IS A DISEASE!!!!! It affects your entire being ( mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually) until you are merely a shell of a human. I am so grateful for my own mother, without her I would definitely be dead. She is very well educated on the subject. That doesn't mean she understands me all the time, but she does know that her daughter is sick-not bad. She knows that I would never, ever have done such things were I not very sick. My mother never gave up hope that I would get better and beat this addiction. Even when I did. But she did have to set limits, be tough with me, let me go and start living her life again. Still she would always listen and encourage me to get clean. Tragically, the people you love the most are the ones you hurt the worst. Most of all, addicts hurt themselves. We walk around hating ourselves, always filled with guilt and shame, loneliness and isolation, intense pain and fear, and desperation that leads to degrading behavior. No one would choose this.
Maybe it would help to check out some group meetings like Al-a non or Nar-a-non. It's for family members of addicts and alcoholics. You are not alone, just to hear what others say about their experiences can be helpful. Don' t give up on your son. Study the disease concept. Become an expert, then you will better know what your son is dealing with. Don't let his disease dictate your life -put your foot down. But gently. You are very blessed that you still have him alive. I know many parents who are not so fortunate and would give anything for one more chance to save their child. Don't give up, Jemima. He can change as long as there's breath in his body. Now I have the best relationship with my mom and she loves having her daughter back.
I'll pray for you, Heroin Girl
Heroin Girl,
What a great and well worded post. Everyone that comes to this site looking for
information on the addict in their life should read your post. I always try to refer
family members of alcoholics and addicts to a recovery program for themselves
also as you did.
Anyway, good post Girl, I enjoyed reading it.
I'll also say a prayer for her and her son as well.
Take care.........................................God bless......................................Bob
What a great and well worded post. Everyone that comes to this site looking for
information on the addict in their life should read your post. I always try to refer
family members of alcoholics and addicts to a recovery program for themselves
also as you did.
Anyway, good post Girl, I enjoyed reading it.
I'll also say a prayer for her and her son as well.
Take care.........................................God bless......................................Bob
Hello there Jemima, Bette here...the 60yr old widowed pensioner with the 38 yr old heroin addicted eldest son! Read "SO SORRY" and have to agree with you on almost all counts! But the negative response from "GUEST" James was quite scathing! Hold on to the positive response you got from Heroin girl...that was a good piece of writing there!
Like you, I don't want to lose my son to this drug, but at my age, I feel I've not got the same inner strength to say I can be of help! On Monday 30th August at 3.30pm we have a meeting with a Senior Addictions Nurse that does Oureach work here in Fife Scotland. On Thursday night, my son announced that he would NOT go since, being on "cold turkey" there would not be any evidence of his drug taking! I lost the plot! since it is the ONLY thing that I and my youngest son have left to hold on to! It was a ruse for a "fix"!! Since we refused him money, he got it elsewhere! But phoning the Addiction Services yesterday, I found out that his story DOES NOT ring true! They will see him, as he is now on their files! He DIDN'T keep the appointment on the 16th and they DO NOT use voicemail for appointments..so the list of lies and deceit just go on and on! I DO believe it IS a brain disease and a chronic recurring illness as the guide states! but also there is that element of "me.itis" that you stated. This is because it is the ONLY thing they can think of all the time whether it is to function "normally" or get" High"!! I wish you all the best in your battle! and would like to thank Heroin Girl for being a REAL HEROINE!! for speaking out! Dear Guest James, please do not judge us too harshly, as we are the victims here too! God Bless you all !!
Like you, I don't want to lose my son to this drug, but at my age, I feel I've not got the same inner strength to say I can be of help! On Monday 30th August at 3.30pm we have a meeting with a Senior Addictions Nurse that does Oureach work here in Fife Scotland. On Thursday night, my son announced that he would NOT go since, being on "cold turkey" there would not be any evidence of his drug taking! I lost the plot! since it is the ONLY thing that I and my youngest son have left to hold on to! It was a ruse for a "fix"!! Since we refused him money, he got it elsewhere! But phoning the Addiction Services yesterday, I found out that his story DOES NOT ring true! They will see him, as he is now on their files! He DIDN'T keep the appointment on the 16th and they DO NOT use voicemail for appointments..so the list of lies and deceit just go on and on! I DO believe it IS a brain disease and a chronic recurring illness as the guide states! but also there is that element of "me.itis" that you stated. This is because it is the ONLY thing they can think of all the time whether it is to function "normally" or get" High"!! I wish you all the best in your battle! and would like to thank Heroin Girl for being a REAL HEROINE!! for speaking out! Dear Guest James, please do not judge us too harshly, as we are the victims here too! God Bless you all !!
Herion girl i agree great post that was good to read you worded it well and said the right things and in a nice way. Getting backto the mum that started this post, i feel for you its not nice watching your own flesh and blood waste their life on such a horrible drug, i call it the devil drug cos it is like facing the damn devil himself you are living in hell. I am an x user and i used for 5 yrs and i done some awful things to my parents i wouls do anything for my next bit of gear and if i would have to steal 20 from my mums purse i would at the time i wasn't doing anything wrong in my head anyway, but when i had smoked the sh*t the regret kicked in, i suppose what i am trying o say is its not him the drug has took him over. I know you are angry and hurt but you can not talk about it like you are the expert it is a disease it takes hold of you like a disease and it will kill you like a disease you don know what it is like for an addict and i know we sound like we want sympathy and its our own fault self inflicted but no-one wants to be an addict and it is hard to come out of. Just show your son you cant take no more not only is it killing him its killing you waching him live like this show him you are willing to help him get the help tell him you are there every step of the way, but if he is not willing to do it then you are not willing to stand back and watch it, sometimes its cruel to be kind. I hope i works out for you i will be thinking of you let us know how it goes i wish you the best.
I know all too well the anger of dealing with someone who has an addiciton.
It never stops. And right now, even though I am "well" educated on the subject of addiction (more than I ever ever cared to be because of this)..and even though I've spent years going to couseling, meetings, reading, praying etc.all because of this...I too, have had it.
I can even understand if someone becomes ill, or gets into an accident and is on pain medication and eventually becomes addicted to it and then has to deal with this. That is truly upsetting and sad. But I can understand.
I can even try to understand how someone may come to be addicted to alcohol...it is a right of passage, is everywhere and socially accepted ...and someone may be able to start and not stop, etc.
But to take a seriously dangerous substance with more than documented information on its addictive qualities and deadly potential, and to ingest it (whatever the hell way) as a RECREATIONAL past time.....THAT TO ME IS TOTALLY UNACCEPTABLE AND TOTALLY IRRESPONSIBLE! I sometimes think what is getting lost here with all this talk of it being a "disease"...is that
people do this , to begin with, at the start, for fun, for pleasure, BECAUSE THEY WANT TO GET HIGH...and the hell with the statistics, or casualties, or whatever....
Then they become addicted and now we have someone who has a "disease" we have to get emotionally tortured over or walk from. Families are shattered, wives and children are abandoned, abused, forsaken...BROKENHEARTED and endlessly confused and devastated over and over and over again...just because they love and care about this person in their lives...
We become "sicker" than the addict him/herself...sick from grief and hardship.
But ...we have to "understand"...we have to be "tough but loving" we have to go to meetings", we have to "go to counseling", we are not allowed "to show our anger", we have to be "careful what we say or don't say"... we have to protect our homes, our lives, our other family members, our possesions, our very integrity. And we get to explain, usually with a lot of suffering involved, to other family, friends, neighbors, co-workers, etc....not to mention counselors themselves, at times, why we "love and care" (even still) about the addict in our lives. We begin to think we are totally crazy for even speaking their name anymore.
It's a HORRIBLE place to be in. Then the addict gets to cover the IRRESPONSIBLE BEGINNINGS, NOT TO MENTION TOTALLY SELFISH REASON of their NOW ADDICTION with the term "disease".
Sorry, I think that is one of the worse things we've done in our society to give
people this label.
Yes, I'm having a difficult time right now with this...and these are my angry got feelings.
Don't get me wrong... the addict suffering with the addiction and wanting out of it
breaks my heart...but that's just it. If you picked up a substance and thought
"yeah, party time!" or who gives a damn "I'm going to get high because it's great"...and now the party is more than over and you are so sick ...everyone around you gets put off because you NOW HAVE A DISEASE?
It's the result, at least in the beginning, of very self absorbed, me, me, me, behaviors. Now we get to love you, throw you a life vest or two,and hope and pray you put it on while we watch you drowning and walk away and take care of ourselves if you don't. The mental health experts have to be kidding.
It never stops. And right now, even though I am "well" educated on the subject of addiction (more than I ever ever cared to be because of this)..and even though I've spent years going to couseling, meetings, reading, praying etc.all because of this...I too, have had it.
I can even understand if someone becomes ill, or gets into an accident and is on pain medication and eventually becomes addicted to it and then has to deal with this. That is truly upsetting and sad. But I can understand.
I can even try to understand how someone may come to be addicted to alcohol...it is a right of passage, is everywhere and socially accepted ...and someone may be able to start and not stop, etc.
But to take a seriously dangerous substance with more than documented information on its addictive qualities and deadly potential, and to ingest it (whatever the hell way) as a RECREATIONAL past time.....THAT TO ME IS TOTALLY UNACCEPTABLE AND TOTALLY IRRESPONSIBLE! I sometimes think what is getting lost here with all this talk of it being a "disease"...is that
people do this , to begin with, at the start, for fun, for pleasure, BECAUSE THEY WANT TO GET HIGH...and the hell with the statistics, or casualties, or whatever....
Then they become addicted and now we have someone who has a "disease" we have to get emotionally tortured over or walk from. Families are shattered, wives and children are abandoned, abused, forsaken...BROKENHEARTED and endlessly confused and devastated over and over and over again...just because they love and care about this person in their lives...
We become "sicker" than the addict him/herself...sick from grief and hardship.
But ...we have to "understand"...we have to be "tough but loving" we have to go to meetings", we have to "go to counseling", we are not allowed "to show our anger", we have to be "careful what we say or don't say"... we have to protect our homes, our lives, our other family members, our possesions, our very integrity. And we get to explain, usually with a lot of suffering involved, to other family, friends, neighbors, co-workers, etc....not to mention counselors themselves, at times, why we "love and care" (even still) about the addict in our lives. We begin to think we are totally crazy for even speaking their name anymore.
It's a HORRIBLE place to be in. Then the addict gets to cover the IRRESPONSIBLE BEGINNINGS, NOT TO MENTION TOTALLY SELFISH REASON of their NOW ADDICTION with the term "disease".
Sorry, I think that is one of the worse things we've done in our society to give
people this label.
Yes, I'm having a difficult time right now with this...and these are my angry got feelings.
Don't get me wrong... the addict suffering with the addiction and wanting out of it
breaks my heart...but that's just it. If you picked up a substance and thought
"yeah, party time!" or who gives a damn "I'm going to get high because it's great"...and now the party is more than over and you are so sick ...everyone around you gets put off because you NOW HAVE A DISEASE?
It's the result, at least in the beginning, of very self absorbed, me, me, me, behaviors. Now we get to love you, throw you a life vest or two,and hope and pray you put it on while we watch you drowning and walk away and take care of ourselves if you don't. The mental health experts have to be kidding.
HI EVERYONE, all of you parents, heroin girl, james.
You will never convince me that heroin addiction is a "disease". My brother died last year from a "disease" called cancer - there was no rehab place for him to go to to get better, no alternative medicine (methodone) that he could take that would help him - no he died from a disease called cancer.My mother has a disease called diabetis, she has to inject herself with insulin every day to keep it under control - there is no "programme" that she can use that will cure this disease!
Yesterday I had a long talk with my son - who told me that he is starting a methodone programme on Saturday (again!!) He said he was sooooo sorry for all that he had done to me, hates himself for it, would never harass me again, would die before he would hurt me again...swore on his "word of honour". I gave him the benefit of the doubt (again). Gave him some money to pay his debts (because if I didn't "they" would kill him, burn my house down etc.etc.)
This morning I met a friend for coffee - my phone rang, here we go again!!
he said that before he had "turned over this new leaf" he had stolen his brothers camera, and just had to get it back before he was found out - I had earlier given him 20 for this purpose, but now "they" wanted 100!! whereupon he grabbed my handbag, took what money was there (15) the keys of my car.... said I had "made" him do it by my refusal because, after all, here he is trying his best to turn over a new leaf, and here am I refusing to give him money so that he can do that.therefore..... it's all my fault. You can all say what you like, I still say you are a selfish lot, concerned with nothing and nobody except yourselves. So what if you are "sick" for a few days - put up with it!! Get a life!! grow up!! and if you can't do that leave your families alone. Get out on the streets and beg for the money to feed your "disease" at least then you would be doing something for yourselves - open your minds to other points of view, stop falling back on your mantra of "it's a disease - beyond my control" it isn't !!
Good luck to all you parents I will pray for YOU - as for the rest of you !!
You will never convince me that heroin addiction is a "disease". My brother died last year from a "disease" called cancer - there was no rehab place for him to go to to get better, no alternative medicine (methodone) that he could take that would help him - no he died from a disease called cancer.My mother has a disease called diabetis, she has to inject herself with insulin every day to keep it under control - there is no "programme" that she can use that will cure this disease!
Yesterday I had a long talk with my son - who told me that he is starting a methodone programme on Saturday (again!!) He said he was sooooo sorry for all that he had done to me, hates himself for it, would never harass me again, would die before he would hurt me again...swore on his "word of honour". I gave him the benefit of the doubt (again). Gave him some money to pay his debts (because if I didn't "they" would kill him, burn my house down etc.etc.)
This morning I met a friend for coffee - my phone rang, here we go again!!
he said that before he had "turned over this new leaf" he had stolen his brothers camera, and just had to get it back before he was found out - I had earlier given him 20 for this purpose, but now "they" wanted 100!! whereupon he grabbed my handbag, took what money was there (15) the keys of my car.... said I had "made" him do it by my refusal because, after all, here he is trying his best to turn over a new leaf, and here am I refusing to give him money so that he can do that.therefore..... it's all my fault. You can all say what you like, I still say you are a selfish lot, concerned with nothing and nobody except yourselves. So what if you are "sick" for a few days - put up with it!! Get a life!! grow up!! and if you can't do that leave your families alone. Get out on the streets and beg for the money to feed your "disease" at least then you would be doing something for yourselves - open your minds to other points of view, stop falling back on your mantra of "it's a disease - beyond my control" it isn't !!
Good luck to all you parents I will pray for YOU - as for the rest of you !!
VERY WELL WRITTEN JEMIMA! Hold my hat and my heart to you! Like you, I nursed my husband ( aged47) through colorectal cance till his death in 1999! NEVER thought this same drug would be used to give people a " high" People who need a kick up their axxxx! to stop feeling sorry for themselves! So, who hasn't had a tough life?...join the club1 My life is starting to read like a Greek Tradgedy! But I WON't LET THE BUGGERS GRIND ME DOWN! been to lawyer today to sort out my will, hope thAT'S MONEY WELL SPENT! bUT HAVEN'T WORKED AND SAVED ALL THESE YEARS TO LET ONE SON BLOW IT ALL UP HIS NOSE! Keep strong jemima..I have learned now NOT to Enable him with 10 here 20 there..what he needs is to move out, stand on his own two fee! and oif he goes under, well at least we tried! from driving him back here, to giving him room, free board, food etcNOW IT'S UP TO HIM!
I'm sorry your son is such an arsehole, but did it ever occur to you that maybe that's the problem, not the addiction. Please refrain from coming to this site for recovering addicts and abusing us, because of your experience. I for one have never told my parents about my addiction - I didn't want to worry them, and I was lucky, I got myself a drug worker and she helped me get clean. I may have stolen from supermarkets, and I may have borrowed money to pay bills, but I have paid back most of that money. I am in no way perfect, but I would never have put my parents through the hell that your son put you through. Why do you have to tar me with the same brush? I have worked very hard to overcome this demon, and yeah, I am on a "substitute" drug, methadone. But I've totally cleaned up my act, I no longer steal or lie, and I don't need to. I accept what I've done is wrong, and now there are no excuses - I know all about the misery this drug inflicts. But unless you happen to be perfect, I really don't think you should be condemning us for making one mistake. And all it takes is one mistake, and in my case, a mistake made at a time when I was particularly vulnerable (I suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder) and my marriage had just broken up. I truely did not know how destructive this drug was. I, like you, thought that junkies were losers, and there was no way that I could be one of them. My addiction was a shock to me, abd by the time I realised it, it was too late. But I have paid dearly for that mistake, and now I'm trying hard to put my life back together again, and I'm getting there. I really don't need to listen to your s***. I come here to talk to likeminded individuals who come here to discuss their recovery and to get support. If you want to sound off at someone, do it to your son - he deserves it. We don't!
Yours
Diff
Yours
Diff
Hi diff,skins,bob,heroin girl and bette,
Firstly Diff, don't you think that parents have a right to sound off and get support from each other? or is this website just for you and other addicts? Good for you that your parents do not know aboutyour addiction, and lucky them! (unfortunate for the supermarkets, but what the heck!!) Bette, I would love to know how you learned to say 'No' to your son, I have tried that time and again but in the end the harrassment just gets to me. It's not easy when you are trying to go to work and your son hops into the car and won't get out until you give him money- the same money that I go to work to earn!!
Skins, if heroin addiction is a brain disease how can it be cured by a few weeks abstinence?
Heroin girl - how was your disease cured?
Bob, thank you for saying you will pray for me and my son - you sounded quite patronising - but I'm sure you didn't mean to.
and just in general - why do addicts say "it is my drug of "choice" or I have to feed my "habit" or even I need something to "hold" me - believe me if anybody needed anything to "hold" them it's me but becuse I have to earn my living I have to "hold" myself together. Did any of you ever read a book called "awagen the giant within" ? it teaches you that all obstacles in life can be overcome by using mind over matter. You should try saying this - "this body is not me, it is merely an instrument for my use" how you choose to use that instrument is a matter for yourself.
If I have offended anybody by what I have said I apologise it was not my intention do do so. It is because I believe you have all been conned into the "disease" concept that your suffering goes on and on.
By the way, which of you is an "expert" and how did you gain that expertise?
Firstly Diff, don't you think that parents have a right to sound off and get support from each other? or is this website just for you and other addicts? Good for you that your parents do not know aboutyour addiction, and lucky them! (unfortunate for the supermarkets, but what the heck!!) Bette, I would love to know how you learned to say 'No' to your son, I have tried that time and again but in the end the harrassment just gets to me. It's not easy when you are trying to go to work and your son hops into the car and won't get out until you give him money- the same money that I go to work to earn!!
Skins, if heroin addiction is a brain disease how can it be cured by a few weeks abstinence?
Heroin girl - how was your disease cured?
Bob, thank you for saying you will pray for me and my son - you sounded quite patronising - but I'm sure you didn't mean to.
and just in general - why do addicts say "it is my drug of "choice" or I have to feed my "habit" or even I need something to "hold" me - believe me if anybody needed anything to "hold" them it's me but becuse I have to earn my living I have to "hold" myself together. Did any of you ever read a book called "awagen the giant within" ? it teaches you that all obstacles in life can be overcome by using mind over matter. You should try saying this - "this body is not me, it is merely an instrument for my use" how you choose to use that instrument is a matter for yourself.
If I have offended anybody by what I have said I apologise it was not my intention do do so. It is because I believe you have all been conned into the "disease" concept that your suffering goes on and on.
By the way, which of you is an "expert" and how did you gain that expertise?
Hi Jemima,
I'm a recovering addict. I'm just coming on 8 weeks clean. It's been a long road but I made the decision to finally get my life back in order and there is no looking back.
I just wanted to say that I totally agree with you. I think that it can be harmful to label addiction as a disease. I see where you are coming from. By labelling addiction as a disease it sort of gives the addict an out (so to speak). The old "It's not my fault, I have a disease!" is a total cop out for a addict.
I take full responsibility for my addiction and I have to live everyday with the guilt for the family and friends that I hurt in the process. Luckily my family never gave up on me and I am clean now. I do believe and know that H changes you as a person, you become something that you never thought you could be, you do things you never thought you were capable of; because you get dope sick and all you can think about is feeling better. I'm not saying that it is an excuse, it is just a fact. It is the nature of the beast.
H turns a once was normal, happy person into a selfish a******, I will be the first to admit it. I had no regard for anyone or anything but myself, and that is something that I now have to live with everyday. But I am also not going to punish myself endlessly about it. I was not "Kyle" when I was on H, I was someone else. My mother used to say to me when I was using "I don't know this person standing in front of me. What happened to my Kyle." I was a different person because I wasn't thinking straight, the H had consumed me. But I do not like to use the label "disease". I had an addiction to H nothing more nothing less and it ruined so many things in my life, but not anymore.
I hope you can help your son find his way back.
Love
Kyle
I'm a recovering addict. I'm just coming on 8 weeks clean. It's been a long road but I made the decision to finally get my life back in order and there is no looking back.
I just wanted to say that I totally agree with you. I think that it can be harmful to label addiction as a disease. I see where you are coming from. By labelling addiction as a disease it sort of gives the addict an out (so to speak). The old "It's not my fault, I have a disease!" is a total cop out for a addict.
I take full responsibility for my addiction and I have to live everyday with the guilt for the family and friends that I hurt in the process. Luckily my family never gave up on me and I am clean now. I do believe and know that H changes you as a person, you become something that you never thought you could be, you do things you never thought you were capable of; because you get dope sick and all you can think about is feeling better. I'm not saying that it is an excuse, it is just a fact. It is the nature of the beast.
H turns a once was normal, happy person into a selfish a******, I will be the first to admit it. I had no regard for anyone or anything but myself, and that is something that I now have to live with everyday. But I am also not going to punish myself endlessly about it. I was not "Kyle" when I was on H, I was someone else. My mother used to say to me when I was using "I don't know this person standing in front of me. What happened to my Kyle." I was a different person because I wasn't thinking straight, the H had consumed me. But I do not like to use the label "disease". I had an addiction to H nothing more nothing less and it ruined so many things in my life, but not anymore.
I hope you can help your son find his way back.
Love
Kyle
Oh Kyle - thank you so much for understanding what I am trying to say - to be labelled as having a disease does give addicts a "cop out" - it says that you don't have a choice, that you are helpless in the face of this "disease" and you are NOT helpless, you are POWERFUL, (all human beings are) using that power in a positive way will "enable" you to lead a normal life (and don't we all just want a normal life)
Just as I'm writing this I am struck by the word"using" (I know there are those reading this who wish that I would be struck with something harder) Kyle - please use the POWER inside you not the HEROIN - LIFE IS DIFFICULT FOR MANY PEOPLE, MYSELF INCLUDED, BUT JUST THINK OF THIS - in all eternity you will only have one life - there will only ever be one Kyle - don't waste it or him.
I send you my love and pray that the light will shine brightly for you.
Jemima
Just as I'm writing this I am struck by the word"using" (I know there are those reading this who wish that I would be struck with something harder) Kyle - please use the POWER inside you not the HEROIN - LIFE IS DIFFICULT FOR MANY PEOPLE, MYSELF INCLUDED, BUT JUST THINK OF THIS - in all eternity you will only have one life - there will only ever be one Kyle - don't waste it or him.
I send you my love and pray that the light will shine brightly for you.
Jemima
jemima,
i only wish our addiction could be cured by a few weeks abstinence. i went years without using, but still thought of it alot. its a struggle {clean or not} that we have to deal with everyday. i'm sorry you son put you through so much sh**, but that doesn't make us all bad. i don't steal, my bills are paid, my family loves me every much and doesn't even know about my struggle. I think its really harsh that you come here spouting off about how horrible we are and this and that. just because you son put you through so much, doesn't mean that we are all like him. you have chosen to be the victim to your son. I don't blame my addiction on anyone but myself, and not on a diesease, i made bad choices and now i have to pay for them. i do hope one day you can come to peace with this. please don't put me in the same catagory as you son. you don't know me, therefore how can you judge me? my addiction doesn't make me a bad person, just sick.
good luck
raerae
i only wish our addiction could be cured by a few weeks abstinence. i went years without using, but still thought of it alot. its a struggle {clean or not} that we have to deal with everyday. i'm sorry you son put you through so much sh**, but that doesn't make us all bad. i don't steal, my bills are paid, my family loves me every much and doesn't even know about my struggle. I think its really harsh that you come here spouting off about how horrible we are and this and that. just because you son put you through so much, doesn't mean that we are all like him. you have chosen to be the victim to your son. I don't blame my addiction on anyone but myself, and not on a diesease, i made bad choices and now i have to pay for them. i do hope one day you can come to peace with this. please don't put me in the same catagory as you son. you don't know me, therefore how can you judge me? my addiction doesn't make me a bad person, just sick.
good luck
raerae
Dear Jemima,
Thank you. I honestly believe I have been given a second chance and I am now going to embrace life. I threw almost 10 years of my life away to H and I now grieve for those years that I lost, but I also now celebrate that the next 10,20 30 etc years I will be clean and live a fullfilling life. Believe me when I say Jemima there is no way I will ever go back to that "life", if you can call it a life.
I respect your opinion Jemimia. I believe this board is for all people that have been hurt by this horrible addiction. Whether you are an addict, a recovering addict or the victum or parent/ partner of a addict; everybody has a right to express there opinion here, even if not everybody agrees or understands it. I respect your honesty and I agree with your opinion about the label "disease".
You have been hurt by H just like the rest of us. If you ever need to talk I'm here.
Love
Kyle
Thank you. I honestly believe I have been given a second chance and I am now going to embrace life. I threw almost 10 years of my life away to H and I now grieve for those years that I lost, but I also now celebrate that the next 10,20 30 etc years I will be clean and live a fullfilling life. Believe me when I say Jemima there is no way I will ever go back to that "life", if you can call it a life.
I respect your opinion Jemimia. I believe this board is for all people that have been hurt by this horrible addiction. Whether you are an addict, a recovering addict or the victum or parent/ partner of a addict; everybody has a right to express there opinion here, even if not everybody agrees or understands it. I respect your honesty and I agree with your opinion about the label "disease".
You have been hurt by H just like the rest of us. If you ever need to talk I'm here.
Love
Kyle
Raerae,
Did I use the word "horrible" I don't think so. Did I appear to be judgemental? I did not intend to and I'm sorry if you are offended by what I wrote. BUT in my experience addiction behaviour follows a pattern, any parents I have spoken to shares my experience, you say your parents love you very much and I'm sure they do, just as I love my son, I do not LIKE my son, I do not like the sort of person he has become and I will not excuse his behaviour/lifestyle by bestowing the word "disease" on him. He is an adult, as you are, and must make his own choices, as you must. am glad to hear that you pay your own bills, I assume therefore that you are workingand not reliant on anybody for your keep. That's great! You are right, I am my son's victim and his enabler, I am also his mother, his only friend, his confidante. I know every aspect of my son's life, I have been to dark and lonely places with him - I am still here!
When you truly believe that you can do something then you can. Believe.
Jemima
Did I use the word "horrible" I don't think so. Did I appear to be judgemental? I did not intend to and I'm sorry if you are offended by what I wrote. BUT in my experience addiction behaviour follows a pattern, any parents I have spoken to shares my experience, you say your parents love you very much and I'm sure they do, just as I love my son, I do not LIKE my son, I do not like the sort of person he has become and I will not excuse his behaviour/lifestyle by bestowing the word "disease" on him. He is an adult, as you are, and must make his own choices, as you must. am glad to hear that you pay your own bills, I assume therefore that you are workingand not reliant on anybody for your keep. That's great! You are right, I am my son's victim and his enabler, I am also his mother, his only friend, his confidante. I know every aspect of my son's life, I have been to dark and lonely places with him - I am still here!
When you truly believe that you can do something then you can. Believe.
Jemima
Thank you Kyle, you KNOW you can do it - don't dream it- Be it! Think of the experience you have been through and use the knowledge of yourself that you have gained to enrich your "new" life. I will be here for you always Kyle. Take care.
Jemima
Jemima
To Bette and Sick & Tired also, I just want to say that my heart goes out to you both as I know what you are going through. It is so hard to face each day, so awful to feel the anger,resentment and sometimes utter disgust at what we are allowing our children to put us through. Let's keep in touch?
Take care
emima
Take care
emima
Yes Diff, I do think my son is an arsehole, as you so politely put it,but then I also think that most addicts are, either that or a pain in the arse. I'm sorry that my opinion sounds like abuse to you, I wonder why?
Jemima
Jemima
compassionate yet firm..setting boundaries is important! you know you love your son, he is your very own. you can find a balance of sanity, somewhere between sense and love, you areable to set those boundaries! while he is addicted, he is still your son, but he is not entitled to the benefits the job 'son' bestows. but let him know that he CAN BE. that you DO love him. REFUSE to enable his habit. his insanity is NOT a part of YOUR life choices. he is living in a hashed up illusion of reality where, guess what, he IS the main character and you hold a supporting role: that of CASHIER!!! do not cut him off from your LOVE, however. rather, find a sane place for YOU, understand, but offer no money; money isn't love and he'll only use it to buy drugs. BOUNDARIES is the word i have for you. let go of your anger, free your heart, mum. if you have faith in your own love, jemima, i bet you have faith in his too. we're only human, after all.