Sober For 10 Months Keep Thinking About Going Back

Heroin
1
Hey all.

So I've been off h for 10 months after becoming septic from a dirty wash and leaving my girlfriend who was also an addict. As a background heroin ruined my early 20's. I was broke, homeless ect. You probably know the whole rock bottom story mine is similar if not the same. Anyways now I'm back in school and living with my sis. I'm under constant supervision though which is starting to drive me insane. I can't leave the house or go anywhere without telling someone where I'm going. I'm not sure how to deal with it. But maybe it's good because I've recently had thoughts about going back. I'm not even sure how I'd obtain h seeing as how my contacts have basically been wiped from my life and wouldn't know how to get it in the first place which is probably a good thing. But I just keep having these thoughts about how nice just shooting up once would feel.... I don't want to go back because I know the pain and misery it caused me and my loved ones. But I also can't seem to get it out of my head! I think I just needed to share this with someone or I was going to snap. Any support or advice from anyone with experience would be great!
2
Are you attending NA meetings regularly?

We are never cured of addiction, we have a daily reprieve if we work our program.

All the best.

Bob R
3
I have done a 12 step program that was based on the AA steps. I haven't been able to attend those meetings lately due to work schedule. Although I am working towards getting NA put in the college I go to.
4
A 12 Step program is done daily. It's not a one shot deal.
It's a daily reprieve - like cancer in remission - if I work my program.

I had to learn that when I had a list of things I had to do today I put a meeting AT THE TOP of the list not the bottom.

Get to the meetings and talk to the oldtimers, they will help you.

All the best.

Bob R
5
I remember those days well..I would dream about it...meetings help...but time is the best answer...keep your head busy if u can...

Con
6
The meetings are on Sunday at 7 which I work at that time I got to work. I think meetings def helped. That's why I'm trying to get it set up at school. I just can't seem to get the thoughts out of my head
7
They really do go away after a bit...well...ok...why lie...I've been clean now almost , I don't know...9 years ? ...whatever...and yet coming off the methadone I begin to think again ...i have to remember all the bad and dirty times that go along with that thrill we seem to all get...im a heroin addict...obviously....once an addict always an addict...but...and its a big but...i can miss the high, the nod, the needle and the ride...but its not a craving anymore...i think its just...i dont know...maybe like looking at something from far away...the intensity is gone...just a smile there where once I would have driven myself and all the gods crazy to fix...it does goes away I guess is what i"m trying to say...it does get less...even in this miserable condition I seem to be in tonight...I know I will always miss it...especially in wd's...but its been a pretty good life without it...and I dont want it back...missing it...sure...want it ?...no...think of all the crap that leaves you twisted up and shrunken...the pain, the always having to score, the worry, bad batch ?, street scared, searching for a place, stress and worry and darkness...be grateful it was as good a ride you got I guess and then leave it there...

Thanks for letting me ramble...it's been awhile

con
8
The meetings didn't "help" me .. they saved my friggin' life !!

And they continue to improve my life as I go along.

I don't just have to quit drinking/using ... I have to change my thinking.
I don't do that by myself.
I do it with the help of the oldtimers and the program.

All the best.

Bob R
9
Hey papa bear...think I remember you from way back on here...this still you ? Meetings are good...no push back from me on that one...