Well, I successfully made it through two parties today without ingesting any mood altering pills or drinking any mood altering beverages. I did bet on the 50-1 Derby longshot, Sedgefield, who did indeed lose. I am grateful that I will be able to run about three miles tomorrow morning on the bike trail with my daughters and not need pills to do it nor will I be hung over.
Drjer, if you see this post, please let us know how you made out today with your two parties. Gracie
I just got back from quite a day.....my fourth without vicodin.
You guys won't believe what I did instead of going to my social events.
I recently bought a house with a buddy of mine. I went over to check on the roofing work this morning. Two friends were doing the job. They went up onto the staging. I was standing on the ground when the plank gave out and they both came crashing to the ground, I saw it happen as if it was in slow-motion. I could tell immidiately that it was a serious accident. They didn't want me to call 911 because they have no insurance. My other friend and I carried the two who fell into my wife's car and I took them to the closest walk-in. I got two nurses to come out and help me. They said that we needed to go to the hospital. It was the right thing to do because of the potential for serious back or neck injuries. I heard one of the nurses say, "you see, they just want meds" after one of my friends asked for "help for pain." The nurses were obviously skeptical, which I can sadly understand, having gone in for "pain" many times.
I drove to the nearest hospital ER and my friends were taken right in through the ambulance entrance. Long story....we were there for over eight hours. They were given IV pain meds (dillaudin). One have a "stable fractured back" and the other a broken ankle. I stayed with them the whole time and one even called a buddy to make sure they would be stocked with pills. I had to tell them that I was "out of the loop." One got a walker and the other crutches. Needless to say, they got some scripts as well....good ones. I drove them home and had to stop at the pharmacy along the way. They waited in the car while I went in to have the scripts filled. Can you believe it: me and a bag full of meds! After I got them settled into their apartment, one asked me to run out and meet a guy in a white Cadillac to take care of some sort of deal, I am not sure exactly what was in the bag.
I missed both parties and spent the day around all sorts of bad stuff. I haven't had time to really proccess the whole thing. I'll say this much: I have no desire to resume my pill consumption. I feel strong and happy because of the confidence I have that I will stay clean. It was a strange day. I guess I'll have to wait and see how I deal with a social event as a sober person.
Thanks for checking in with me.
Congrats on your success today at your two events!
You guys won't believe what I did instead of going to my social events.
I recently bought a house with a buddy of mine. I went over to check on the roofing work this morning. Two friends were doing the job. They went up onto the staging. I was standing on the ground when the plank gave out and they both came crashing to the ground, I saw it happen as if it was in slow-motion. I could tell immidiately that it was a serious accident. They didn't want me to call 911 because they have no insurance. My other friend and I carried the two who fell into my wife's car and I took them to the closest walk-in. I got two nurses to come out and help me. They said that we needed to go to the hospital. It was the right thing to do because of the potential for serious back or neck injuries. I heard one of the nurses say, "you see, they just want meds" after one of my friends asked for "help for pain." The nurses were obviously skeptical, which I can sadly understand, having gone in for "pain" many times.
I drove to the nearest hospital ER and my friends were taken right in through the ambulance entrance. Long story....we were there for over eight hours. They were given IV pain meds (dillaudin). One have a "stable fractured back" and the other a broken ankle. I stayed with them the whole time and one even called a buddy to make sure they would be stocked with pills. I had to tell them that I was "out of the loop." One got a walker and the other crutches. Needless to say, they got some scripts as well....good ones. I drove them home and had to stop at the pharmacy along the way. They waited in the car while I went in to have the scripts filled. Can you believe it: me and a bag full of meds! After I got them settled into their apartment, one asked me to run out and meet a guy in a white Cadillac to take care of some sort of deal, I am not sure exactly what was in the bag.
I missed both parties and spent the day around all sorts of bad stuff. I haven't had time to really proccess the whole thing. I'll say this much: I have no desire to resume my pill consumption. I feel strong and happy because of the confidence I have that I will stay clean. It was a strange day. I guess I'll have to wait and see how I deal with a social event as a sober person.
Thanks for checking in with me.
Congrats on your success today at your two events!
P.S. Gracie:
It must be cool to wake up without a hangover. I have been feeling better in the am, but I'm still not sleeping yet. I can't wait to start working out !
It must be cool to wake up without a hangover. I have been feeling better in the am, but I'm still not sleeping yet. I can't wait to start working out !
Mrjer, jeeeesh! I am hoping your friends are going to heal quickly. Clearly, your test yesterday with the ER ,and the prescription drugs, and the trauma was more intense than anything you could have imagined. IMO it will be extremely hard to stay clean, especially in these early stages of recovery, with friends who are still stocking up on your DOC. I am not going to preach. Others here with more clean time than me and more clarity will be able to explain why with more wisdom than I have.
Sleep will come - I promise. I remember tim telling me that he spent that time
( when he could not sleep ) trying to find acceptance. I did that, I tried meditating, and taking my own inventory.
I am going out for a run, I will pop in later.
CONGRATULATIONS! on how far you have already come. Just keep doing the next right thing. I am finding out that the better things get, the better things get.
Gracie
Sleep will come - I promise. I remember tim telling me that he spent that time
( when he could not sleep ) trying to find acceptance. I did that, I tried meditating, and taking my own inventory.
I am going out for a run, I will pop in later.
CONGRATULATIONS! on how far you have already come. Just keep doing the next right thing. I am finding out that the better things get, the better things get.
Gracie
Obviously I will learn how to stay away from people who are using. It was just ironic to be the one who goes to get the bag of drugs from the pharmacy! I mean, they each had over 30 percs (10mg) with many refills....heaven! It wasn't a choice, either. I was around a legit accident where the er docs gave meds properly! The other wierd part of the day wasatching the reaction of the walk-in staff....how judgemental theyt were. Yet, at the same time, I know I did much to cause this cinicism. Lord knows my two friends look like the stereotype of users. I actually got mad because I KNOW that prescription pill abusers in particular come from ALL walks of life and take on many appearances!
Strange day.
Wanna laugh? I wasearing a D.A.R.E. t-shirt all day
Strange day.
Wanna laugh? I wasearing a D.A.R.E. t-shirt all day
Somewhere between 45 and 60 days clean for me, my husband and I went on a vacation to the Sac valley. We were going to meet friends, who live in a small mining town and hike the Pacific Crest Trail for several days. I was VERY shaky physically, not sure I could do this, and I was scared to death about flying without xanax. (I have always flown with xanax before).
Anyway, we get there, hike two days and on the third day, my friend, the female of the couple has thrown her hip out. She goes to the ER that night, they give her a shot of Toradol and a prescription for pain meds. She is an NSAID girl, doesn't pop pills, so she didn't even fill the prescription.
The next day she is in agony. My husband and hers had gone on to hike...and would be gone all day. So, I had to go down the hill to the town and fill her prescription for Lortab. It was weird. God just putting right in my path, the demon I needed to fight.
I did it. It wasn't so "hard"....as it was weird. At night I would fantasize about taking her pills...etc. (They made her throw up, she only took one). She knew what I was going through at the time...and she felt bad. But hey, it wasn't her fault.
Anyway, she was blown away when she realized I would take 10 or 15 a day of those. She couldn't believe it, based on how one made her feel.
Once I slid past that encounter...I felt so much stronger. We get exactly what we need when we need it.
Good for both of you on yesterday!
Have a good day today!
Sarah
Anyway, we get there, hike two days and on the third day, my friend, the female of the couple has thrown her hip out. She goes to the ER that night, they give her a shot of Toradol and a prescription for pain meds. She is an NSAID girl, doesn't pop pills, so she didn't even fill the prescription.
The next day she is in agony. My husband and hers had gone on to hike...and would be gone all day. So, I had to go down the hill to the town and fill her prescription for Lortab. It was weird. God just putting right in my path, the demon I needed to fight.
I did it. It wasn't so "hard"....as it was weird. At night I would fantasize about taking her pills...etc. (They made her throw up, she only took one). She knew what I was going through at the time...and she felt bad. But hey, it wasn't her fault.
Anyway, she was blown away when she realized I would take 10 or 15 a day of those. She couldn't believe it, based on how one made her feel.
Once I slid past that encounter...I felt so much stronger. We get exactly what we need when we need it.
Good for both of you on yesterday!
Have a good day today!
Sarah
Gracie,
I have been so blessed to watch your growth here. What you are doing is by no means easy and to be sharing it here with us addicts in all stages of recovery is very brave.
I can tell you this, I for one never thought that I would have fun or be the "life" of the party again. When I stopped using and started working a program I believed that my entire personality was based on being stoned or high or tipsy on booze. I was terrified that without these chemical that I would become a great big bore...with nothing to add to conversations. I was terrified that my wit an humor would be gone.
It just didn't happen that way..to my surprise! I had done some crazy things while under the influence and some of them funny and I am sure some of them I only thought were funny! Truth is...life is so much better, parties and functions are so much better.
To wake up without a hangover of any sort has been the biggest payoff of all. Not having a foggy head about the previous days events and wondering if I had done something that had crossed the line. I remember when I was first taking the pills....I used to take a few after the morning of a big boozer and was thrilled that it seemed to take away my hangover. Well they did take away my hangover....and every other emotion as well.
I have been to several parties and functions and made it through Christmas and other family events without using anything! Christmas was tough...my grown kids here drinking wine and mixing Mai Tai's and wondering why I wasn't having a Martini. I explained everything to them at that time...both of them bewildered because like I said before....I was real good at hiding my addictions.
Anyway, I went to a concert the other night and believe that I was suppose to be there. What I saw made my stomach turn....so much abuse of booze and the smell of pot wafting in the air. I saw a group of women that were easily my age that looked really bad....passing out drunk at one point while a reggae concert was going on around them. I was so sad for them and wondered what they were on besides booze. They looked ridiculous. Equally ridiculous were some of the younger people just as blitzed...and staggering around while there friends laughed and thought it to be funny....this one young lady in particular was filthy obviously from falling down.
I was reminded how fortunate I was to clean and drinking a cold bottle of water, watching my little one enjoy the sights and sounds that filled the air that night. All I could think of is how am I going to teach her that drug/alcohol abuse isn't glamorous.
That one women passed out will have no memory of how she spent her previous night. Those younger kids will be in trouble with their parents perhaps and have alot of explaining to do.
My point to all of this is....my wit and charm did not disappear with the booze and dope...in-fact, all my senses were heightened and I really felt my surroundings and enjoyed all that I was taking in. My resolve to remain clean only became stronger...but now with an intense need to educate others especially the young on the waste and damage you really endure while getting wasted.
I have been giving this alot of thought...and I will work on this...I so badly want to help and give back. I am so fortunate and realize that I have been given a daily reprieve....for I could easily become one of them....again.
You will be faced with so many temptations and when you get through each one you will become stronger. These tests are in our way for a reason. When we stop drugging and drinking we don't become bores....just the exact opposite in fact. What we are while using is not real......its such a rush to be real!
I am holding your hand all the way girlfriend...your story is one that has amazing depth and power beyond what you believe. I am so proud of you for getting past that first test!
Right here in your back pocket!!
kee kee
I have been so blessed to watch your growth here. What you are doing is by no means easy and to be sharing it here with us addicts in all stages of recovery is very brave.
I can tell you this, I for one never thought that I would have fun or be the "life" of the party again. When I stopped using and started working a program I believed that my entire personality was based on being stoned or high or tipsy on booze. I was terrified that without these chemical that I would become a great big bore...with nothing to add to conversations. I was terrified that my wit an humor would be gone.
It just didn't happen that way..to my surprise! I had done some crazy things while under the influence and some of them funny and I am sure some of them I only thought were funny! Truth is...life is so much better, parties and functions are so much better.
To wake up without a hangover of any sort has been the biggest payoff of all. Not having a foggy head about the previous days events and wondering if I had done something that had crossed the line. I remember when I was first taking the pills....I used to take a few after the morning of a big boozer and was thrilled that it seemed to take away my hangover. Well they did take away my hangover....and every other emotion as well.
I have been to several parties and functions and made it through Christmas and other family events without using anything! Christmas was tough...my grown kids here drinking wine and mixing Mai Tai's and wondering why I wasn't having a Martini. I explained everything to them at that time...both of them bewildered because like I said before....I was real good at hiding my addictions.
Anyway, I went to a concert the other night and believe that I was suppose to be there. What I saw made my stomach turn....so much abuse of booze and the smell of pot wafting in the air. I saw a group of women that were easily my age that looked really bad....passing out drunk at one point while a reggae concert was going on around them. I was so sad for them and wondered what they were on besides booze. They looked ridiculous. Equally ridiculous were some of the younger people just as blitzed...and staggering around while there friends laughed and thought it to be funny....this one young lady in particular was filthy obviously from falling down.
I was reminded how fortunate I was to clean and drinking a cold bottle of water, watching my little one enjoy the sights and sounds that filled the air that night. All I could think of is how am I going to teach her that drug/alcohol abuse isn't glamorous.
That one women passed out will have no memory of how she spent her previous night. Those younger kids will be in trouble with their parents perhaps and have alot of explaining to do.
My point to all of this is....my wit and charm did not disappear with the booze and dope...in-fact, all my senses were heightened and I really felt my surroundings and enjoyed all that I was taking in. My resolve to remain clean only became stronger...but now with an intense need to educate others especially the young on the waste and damage you really endure while getting wasted.
I have been giving this alot of thought...and I will work on this...I so badly want to help and give back. I am so fortunate and realize that I have been given a daily reprieve....for I could easily become one of them....again.
You will be faced with so many temptations and when you get through each one you will become stronger. These tests are in our way for a reason. When we stop drugging and drinking we don't become bores....just the exact opposite in fact. What we are while using is not real......its such a rush to be real!
I am holding your hand all the way girlfriend...your story is one that has amazing depth and power beyond what you believe. I am so proud of you for getting past that first test!
Right here in your back pocket!!
kee kee
Hey gracie,
I went to a wild rock concert last night and I didn't use. a year ago?? I would have been so wasted.
I had a great time. There were so many people that couldn't even walk they were so gone.
Made me happy to not be like that. I skipped to the car, dancing the whole way. and I remember EVERYTHING@!!! That's definitley a plus.
stac
I went to a wild rock concert last night and I didn't use. a year ago?? I would have been so wasted.
I had a great time. There were so many people that couldn't even walk they were so gone.
Made me happy to not be like that. I skipped to the car, dancing the whole way. and I remember EVERYTHING@!!! That's definitley a plus.
stac
Gracie,
I am so happy to hear how well you are doing. Social events are still hard for me but I have been making myself do a little more each day. For instance my 11 year old daughter went to a slumber party the other night and instead of having my husband take her so I wouldn't have to make small talk with the girl's mother, I took my daughter myself. And I did stay and visit for about 1/2 hour. I know it's not much but for me it's a step forward. Looks like we're both making progress. Yay us!!!
Mrjer,
I'm so sorry you had to deal with all that so soon. But thankfully you got through it and proved to yourself that you are strong. I agree with Gracie, sleep will come soon and when it does it will feel great. I thought I would never sleep normal again but I am now on 6 weeks and I sleep really good. Hang in there, your blessings are coming. God is good.
Shelly
I am so happy to hear how well you are doing. Social events are still hard for me but I have been making myself do a little more each day. For instance my 11 year old daughter went to a slumber party the other night and instead of having my husband take her so I wouldn't have to make small talk with the girl's mother, I took my daughter myself. And I did stay and visit for about 1/2 hour. I know it's not much but for me it's a step forward. Looks like we're both making progress. Yay us!!!
Mrjer,
I'm so sorry you had to deal with all that so soon. But thankfully you got through it and proved to yourself that you are strong. I agree with Gracie, sleep will come soon and when it does it will feel great. I thought I would never sleep normal again but I am now on 6 weeks and I sleep really good. Hang in there, your blessings are coming. God is good.
Shelly
