Some Advice Please


My boyfriend called again today asking to see me and that he loves me and always will. He swears he is not using but I don't believe him. I am so afraid that if I do go and see him I will start using again. I love being clean. And being on my own without a relationship. I actually started driving to his house this morning and turned around when I was half way there. (He lives an hour away.) I also found out about two weeks ago that I am pregnant (We even used birth control). I do not plan on telling him. I have a great support group of women and men friends, but most of them are relapsing.

Please don't suggest NA. I was sexually assaulted (raped) by a "member" there last year and I will never go back. My family is supportive but would be destroyed if they knew that I was in this condition by a drug user.

Should I see my boyfriend and tell him the truth, even if it risks my sobriety? It's being tested without him anyway. He has no job and is a liar and relapser. I can't see bringing his child into the world.

Thanks for any advice.

Kitty kat.


PLEEZE...call him or have someone drive over there with you......nothing is as important as maintaining your sobriety.....both your's and your baby's life depend upon it......and i am so proud of you to admit that you fear you might be tempted to use if your boyfriend is using at this time......the honesty shown when we admit our weaknesses to ourselves and others truly testifies to the strength of our character..
Stay Strong and Sober
MARY
Thank you so much Mary,

My fetus already has a s&itload of of drugs in him/her/it (from me) already. My drug using boyfriend is a strict Roman Catholic (ironic isn't it?) and I know what he would want me to do. Even though it's my choice. I'm confused, but I feel in my heart that I don't wan't him to know. I'm only 33. I can have more children.
He doesn't own a computer so he would never read this board.


xo

kitty Kat
Kitty Kat,
I know that I should take my own advice but, you need to do what is best for you. Having a child is the best gift that you could ever experience. I have 2 children 1 and 3 and I would not give them up for anything in this world. I would die for them if I had to. Whatever you do it has to be the best thing for you and your sobriety. If you feel in your gut that you can not tell your boyfriend then maybe you should'nt but, it is his baby also. Just put yourself in his place. If you are going to have this baby let him know that until he is clean he will not be able to see the baby. The worst thing you could do is be in my position and raise a child in a household where one person is still using. You can never fix whatever harm is done to the child. My 3 year old is very angry sometimes because she knows that there was something going on but, now I am trying to make her feel secure in life and she is getting better. Who knows how it will affect her in the future. If you really feel like you can not have this baby on your own without any support from him (because of the drugs) then maybe you should think of other options. If I was 33 (i am 31) and it was my first child without being married I feel like I would have to give this child the best life that I can on my own. If you do have this child you may feel this new strength that you get in their first couple months of life just from being a mother. Good luck this is a big decision.
kittykat,
....and if you decide to have this baby will your strict moral Roman Catholic using boyfriend support you and the baby....or his habit ???

I don't mean to sound so calloused and i do think he has a right to
know about this baby.....and at the risk of sounding even more unfeeling
i don't think he is suddenly going to do a 180 degree turn in regards to
getting clean if he knew a baby was on the way......i have over 17 yrs
of sobriety from alcoholism and not anything or anybody while i was
drinking was enough for me to put the cork in the bottle no matter how
many times i tried to get sober for family friends boyfriends jobs etc.
I stopped because i finally did it for me....and i am only sorry that i lost
so much until i did stop....
Bottom line kittykat.....ya gotta hold on to your sobriety
but you know all this already....good luck
MARY
Thank you everyone for your replies. I greatly appreciate it. I already have two children from a previous relationship and I am proud to say that I was clean since the day I knew I was pregnant (12 years of sobriety). I just f****d up this last year and a half. And although their father and I are no longer together, we are best friends and would do anything for our girls and each other. He doesn't use and our daughters are healthy happy children. He is a great father. My boyfriend unfortunately would not be.

I'm happy with the way things are going with my sobriety. Even though I am young and can still have more children, I really want to concentrate and give my all to the ones I already have. I really screwed up this past year and I want to do everything in my power to make it up to them. And I know that takes time.

I think I know what the right thing to do is.

Thanks again, everyone.

kitty kat
Thanks everyone for your help and goodbye.

An update on my BF situation. I went to see him on Sunday. He knew I was coming and yet he was WASTED! He smelled, was painfully undernurished , his house was filthy and all he did was cry about how f*cked up his life was. I told him that it is not my fault and that he did it all to himself. But I would always be there for him. Now he's calling me 3/4 times a day acting like everything is back to normal when it isn't. I didn't confront him on his using because I knew he would just lie. Why waste the energy? I am glad I saw him though because I had my suspicions and they were correct. I kind of knew he wouldn't change. Not for me or anyone else. So he can have his rotten life.
It's his choice.
Sorry,

That last post was from me, Kitty kat. I don't know WHERE Henry came from lol. Someone else must have been using my computer again and didn't log off.
This is too complicated for me.

Anyway I just wanted to thank those who truly took the time to help me, particularly the fellow addicts. Good luck to everyone.

Peace,
Kitty Kat