hey everyone, today is my first day joining and ive read a lot of things i can relate to and i'm so glad this little "family" was created and why didnt i find it a long time ago. My name is chrissy I'm 22 and i have been addicted to pain pills for 3 1/2 years. It first started with vicoden, i live in a very small town in IL and the dr.s here will give anything to anyone it seems. B/c of a small concusssion my dr. started me on the vics at 30/month, after a month of that somehow i started gettin 100 pills about every 9-10 days. This went on for about 8 months, and by then i was hooked and hating life to run out. I told my Dr. this and she completely cutt me off from her care and made up some bull**** reason to do it. I then found a couple other dr.s until they figured out what i was about and dropped me too. Then resorted to buying them on the street. That sucks running around lookin and them spending so much money, expecially b/c im taking to take 2-3 times more than when this started. I mostly got them from a friend who was getting them from the 1 dr. i was going to that dropped me. She was getting 250 pills every 28 days, and 90 tramadol every 30 days. She never even took em, and i would still run short 1/2 way thru the month. I tried detoxing in rehab for 5 days but that didnt work, i tried c/t on my own for 6 days, i was doing so good until someone calls wanting to make $. I have a 4 yr old son and his dad and i arent together, he caught wind of my addiction after going to rehab and he tool me to court and took custody of my 4yr old from me, for a lot of stupid reasons (good lawyer). Then later down the road I get in trouble.......i was meeting someone to buy some pills from them and either they set me up with the cops or somehow the cops were just hangin around, but they pulled me over with 15 vics, i had nothing to drink in the car so i had to hide them.....they found em and arrested me, but unfortunately they took my car, i have a 2001 for mustang convt., it's been 6 months and have to wait until march1 to go to court, a lot say i wont get it back, i'm scared. This drug has totally ruined everything in my life and taken away so many things i love, but yet every morning i wake up this drug seems to be the only thing i desire in my life. Everyone looks down on me for this and trys to help but they cant help me, i have to help me, and i just cant seem to do it. As soon as withdrawl sets in i get so wacked out and will eventually sooth the feelings until the next day and then start all over. I need someone to talk to who has been thru this..........please help....i feel so alone right now in life!
chrissy
Dear Chrissy,
It sounds like you've been through hell. You have come to the right place for support tho, I can assure you. There are alot of people on here that have been through alot and care alot. Just hang on for a little while ok? Someone with alot more expertise on the subject than I have will be along shortly. Just hang on.
I really feel for you. God Bless you, and like I said, hang in, there are plenty of knowledgable people here in recovery that would love to help you............
Briar
It sounds like you've been through hell. You have come to the right place for support tho, I can assure you. There are alot of people on here that have been through alot and care alot. Just hang on for a little while ok? Someone with alot more expertise on the subject than I have will be along shortly. Just hang on.
I really feel for you. God Bless you, and like I said, hang in, there are plenty of knowledgable people here in recovery that would love to help you............
Briar
Chrissy
You found a good place. There are people here that will really help you. Its a little late right now but just wait until tomorrow. Some of what you said is exactly what I use to do. I was taking a lot of vicodin from my dr. When he said I think your hooked I said no s*** It only took you 6 mos to figure that out. By then I had already found other ways to get them. I too had some scary times buying them on the street. I have been off of them for 7 days now and if it were not for the people right here on this board. I would still be taking 25 + a day. Stay here for a couple of days and you will see what I mean.
Do this for yourself now. You sound really sweet and I really want to see you do this.
Your friend
Frank
You found a good place. There are people here that will really help you. Its a little late right now but just wait until tomorrow. Some of what you said is exactly what I use to do. I was taking a lot of vicodin from my dr. When he said I think your hooked I said no s*** It only took you 6 mos to figure that out. By then I had already found other ways to get them. I too had some scary times buying them on the street. I have been off of them for 7 days now and if it were not for the people right here on this board. I would still be taking 25 + a day. Stay here for a couple of days and you will see what I mean.
Do this for yourself now. You sound really sweet and I really want to see you do this.
Your friend
Frank
Hey Chrissey, I can totally relate to the hell you were in. Especially in a small town, and losing your son. That must be very devastating.
I know how hard it is to stay clean as well.
Is there any way that you can get in to see a counselor? You are going to need support; and have you looked into any aa or na programs in your area or close to it? You will find people there (especially with the drs in your area handing meds out like candy) that have been there....
First things first....the pill nightmare will continue until you get clean. Once you get clean, you have to do everything you can to stay clean. That is the harder part, as you have learned.
Any chance of getting back to detox??
Keep posting, more will be along to help...
Keep your chin up. Admitting the problem is the first step...
Kerry
I know how hard it is to stay clean as well.
Is there any way that you can get in to see a counselor? You are going to need support; and have you looked into any aa or na programs in your area or close to it? You will find people there (especially with the drs in your area handing meds out like candy) that have been there....
First things first....the pill nightmare will continue until you get clean. Once you get clean, you have to do everything you can to stay clean. That is the harder part, as you have learned.
Any chance of getting back to detox??
Keep posting, more will be along to help...
Keep your chin up. Admitting the problem is the first step...
Kerry
Chrissy, isn't it weird how we can love something so much, even though it is destroying our lives?
I always felt that I was only one step away from hitting rock bottom..... so many people I know have been arrested, have ended up in the hospital, have lost everything.... I would see all of this around me and instead of thinking "I should quit while I'm ahead", I would keep on using.....
I have been clean for almost 4 weeks now and am thanking God I'm not spending my entire life looking over my shoulder.
I hope you are able to break this addiction and get on with your life..... We're here when you need us.
Danielle
I always felt that I was only one step away from hitting rock bottom..... so many people I know have been arrested, have ended up in the hospital, have lost everything.... I would see all of this around me and instead of thinking "I should quit while I'm ahead", I would keep on using.....
I have been clean for almost 4 weeks now and am thanking God I'm not spending my entire life looking over my shoulder.
I hope you are able to break this addiction and get on with your life..... We're here when you need us.
Danielle
Goodmorning,
I joined yesterday, and I was in the same boat as you. 27 year old taking pills to feel better.I relapsed 3 times and this is the one that will work because I have chosen to get treatment from a doctor and actually do what I am suppose to do. Try taking vitamins.
I cried for about a month the first time I quit. It was the hardes thing I could have done. I was taking so much ultram you would have thought I was eating tic tacks. THere are so many people here that can help you.
Take a long bath and try and relax, and def talk to someone! When I told my husband he showed me a great deal support.
I remember the restlessness, anxiety and the emotional stuff. Hey I am still going through it becasue I have been pill free since Monday. I got a rx form my primary MD to stop the withdrawal symptoms. They give you a 3 day supply, and then the mind part kicks in.
If youever need anything or just want to talk, well I am here.
Good luck!
There are so many good people here to give better advice than I can, just listen and try and stay strong.
I joined yesterday, and I was in the same boat as you. 27 year old taking pills to feel better.I relapsed 3 times and this is the one that will work because I have chosen to get treatment from a doctor and actually do what I am suppose to do. Try taking vitamins.
I cried for about a month the first time I quit. It was the hardes thing I could have done. I was taking so much ultram you would have thought I was eating tic tacks. THere are so many people here that can help you.
Take a long bath and try and relax, and def talk to someone! When I told my husband he showed me a great deal support.
I remember the restlessness, anxiety and the emotional stuff. Hey I am still going through it becasue I have been pill free since Monday. I got a rx form my primary MD to stop the withdrawal symptoms. They give you a 3 day supply, and then the mind part kicks in.
If youever need anything or just want to talk, well I am here.
Good luck!
There are so many good people here to give better advice than I can, just listen and try and stay strong.
Chrissy, haven't been on the board lately, but hop on this morning and read your story, my heart really goes out to you, i can relate in so many ways, i've been there, running short during half of the month on the streets, paying 5 just for one pill, i've never been a day without anything for a least year and a half, i just wouldn't know what to do if i had to go one day without anything, i wish i could, i wish i could wake up and turn back time, when i was sober, had money, not waiting till the next paycheck would come, so i could spend our money on pills, lying to my daughter, and through it all she is the one who has to suffer! But, untill they found out what is causing my pain, i have to deal with it! Sorry, to make this so long, just got alot on my mind, today!!!! Wish to God, that i've never seen a vicoden!!!!!!!!!!!! Abby
chrissy
i believe you need to get to alot of na/aa meetings in your area, get clean of all these drugs at any expence . get all your recovery data documented with licensed counselors so the judges will see you are doing your very best and at that point you can begin to fight for the custody of your child back you can do it and you are truly worth it. get into an on fire church also with people that have the background of drug abuse so they will not be judgemental but supportive.
i pray all goes well, keep in touch and let us know of your progress
johnny
i believe you need to get to alot of na/aa meetings in your area, get clean of all these drugs at any expence . get all your recovery data documented with licensed counselors so the judges will see you are doing your very best and at that point you can begin to fight for the custody of your child back you can do it and you are truly worth it. get into an on fire church also with people that have the background of drug abuse so they will not be judgemental but supportive.
i pray all goes well, keep in touch and let us know of your progress
johnny
Dear Chrissy,
Welcome!! You've come to the right place for some good advice and support and it looks to me like you have already gotten some. Admitting you know that you have a problem is the first step in the right direction to recovery. Have you ever been to meetings (NA/AA)? They may be of help to you. You might want to find another dr. and honestly discuss your problem. He could help by getting you started on Clonidine, which is really a pill for high blood pressure, but it helps alot during withdrawls. Your blood pressure may elevate a little (everyones different) - during w/d's - he can also give you some other advice. I wish you all the best on your road to recovery. Keep posting here. YOu will meet some great people and get some good advice and support here.
Love,
Marie
Welcome!! You've come to the right place for some good advice and support and it looks to me like you have already gotten some. Admitting you know that you have a problem is the first step in the right direction to recovery. Have you ever been to meetings (NA/AA)? They may be of help to you. You might want to find another dr. and honestly discuss your problem. He could help by getting you started on Clonidine, which is really a pill for high blood pressure, but it helps alot during withdrawls. Your blood pressure may elevate a little (everyones different) - during w/d's - he can also give you some other advice. I wish you all the best on your road to recovery. Keep posting here. YOu will meet some great people and get some good advice and support here.
Love,
Marie
chrissy,
i know your scared . worried, and feel all the other emotions of guilt shame and all that..your not alone. there is alot of help out there. atoz had a great idea try and find a meeting if you can and have the courage, that alone is scary. or you can be like my buddy frank for now and stick real close to this board. there are alot of caring people out here who have been where you are we all have our stories. you are powerless over this drug and addiction. you can not do this alone. please let yourself be helped and loved.you are so worth it. i believe in the power of prayer and i will be sending some your way. dont be scared. we are all here for you and definately you are not alone.
terrianne
i know your scared . worried, and feel all the other emotions of guilt shame and all that..your not alone. there is alot of help out there. atoz had a great idea try and find a meeting if you can and have the courage, that alone is scary. or you can be like my buddy frank for now and stick real close to this board. there are alot of caring people out here who have been where you are we all have our stories. you are powerless over this drug and addiction. you can not do this alone. please let yourself be helped and loved.you are so worth it. i believe in the power of prayer and i will be sending some your way. dont be scared. we are all here for you and definately you are not alone.
terrianne
hey everyone....
I wanna thank everyone for all the good advice and encouragement youve all given me, i have never been able to speak to anyone about what i'm going thru or hear anyone elses lifestories and views that have been thru this. Until hearing all of you talk i was convinced i was the only one to ever go thru this awful experience, although in the back of my head i knew it wasnt true, but this drug addiction makes you feel so secluded from everyone around you, it makes you feel like the loneliest person inside b/c when youre trying to talk about this to someone who hasnt been thru it they dont understand and kinda blow it off like it's no big deal b/c," it's just a pill" they'll say or they think it cant be that bad b/c your Dr. gave it to you. So i just dont talk about to anyone.....at times that is very scary. I'm so glad i found this site and i love getting all my stories and feelings out to people to can relate and give me hope. I believe my first step is to find a Dr. or treatment center that will help go thru the withdrawl and cravings with the medication to help me. the only problem with that is, i dont have insurance....after my sons father took custody from me i lost my insurance from the state.....i dont work b/c of this addiction so.....i'm not sure what to do. I was brought up in a very good family with great morals and support, but they do judge me for this.....so i've been lying to them and told them that when i went to rehab last year i stopped then. My parents are very much capable to help me with the Dr. bills but i dont think i could tell them....and they probably wouldnt help me b/c i have been lying to them for so long. I dont know what to do. I know i need to do something quick b/c this morning after i went on my "fix run", my boyfriend gave me a reality check and told me he was gonna leave me and was starting to fall out of love with me b/c of this. He makes great money as an electrician and we still barely get by b/c of my habbit, but he doesnt understand what i'm goin thru and how damn hard this is, he just sees me giving his money away to people, ya know! I love him and i dont wanna see my 2 yr relationship with him go down the drain b/c of a pill. But he does support my habbit by giving me $ all the time. He doesnt like to see me suffer or fight with him. I just wish someone would swoop me up like a baby and carry me to safety. I used to be very pretty, well others thought so, but anymore i hate to even look in the mirror b/c to me i'm ugly inside and out. Well i guess i'll get off here for a while, it's a nice day and i'd like to take my son to the park, while i'm feelin good, until i run out. Anyone who reads this PLEASE respond.....your words and inspiration mean so much to me, this is something i have need for a long time. thank you so much
Chrissy
I wanna thank everyone for all the good advice and encouragement youve all given me, i have never been able to speak to anyone about what i'm going thru or hear anyone elses lifestories and views that have been thru this. Until hearing all of you talk i was convinced i was the only one to ever go thru this awful experience, although in the back of my head i knew it wasnt true, but this drug addiction makes you feel so secluded from everyone around you, it makes you feel like the loneliest person inside b/c when youre trying to talk about this to someone who hasnt been thru it they dont understand and kinda blow it off like it's no big deal b/c," it's just a pill" they'll say or they think it cant be that bad b/c your Dr. gave it to you. So i just dont talk about to anyone.....at times that is very scary. I'm so glad i found this site and i love getting all my stories and feelings out to people to can relate and give me hope. I believe my first step is to find a Dr. or treatment center that will help go thru the withdrawl and cravings with the medication to help me. the only problem with that is, i dont have insurance....after my sons father took custody from me i lost my insurance from the state.....i dont work b/c of this addiction so.....i'm not sure what to do. I was brought up in a very good family with great morals and support, but they do judge me for this.....so i've been lying to them and told them that when i went to rehab last year i stopped then. My parents are very much capable to help me with the Dr. bills but i dont think i could tell them....and they probably wouldnt help me b/c i have been lying to them for so long. I dont know what to do. I know i need to do something quick b/c this morning after i went on my "fix run", my boyfriend gave me a reality check and told me he was gonna leave me and was starting to fall out of love with me b/c of this. He makes great money as an electrician and we still barely get by b/c of my habbit, but he doesnt understand what i'm goin thru and how damn hard this is, he just sees me giving his money away to people, ya know! I love him and i dont wanna see my 2 yr relationship with him go down the drain b/c of a pill. But he does support my habbit by giving me $ all the time. He doesnt like to see me suffer or fight with him. I just wish someone would swoop me up like a baby and carry me to safety. I used to be very pretty, well others thought so, but anymore i hate to even look in the mirror b/c to me i'm ugly inside and out. Well i guess i'll get off here for a while, it's a nice day and i'd like to take my son to the park, while i'm feelin good, until i run out. Anyone who reads this PLEASE respond.....your words and inspiration mean so much to me, this is something i have need for a long time. thank you so much
Chrissy
hey,
taking your son out is a great idea!! jeep your self and mind occupied. do thing you enjoy and get out and stay busy as much as possable. every lil bit helps. get out and enjoy the sunshine (and yes even that helps) you will be laughing and giggling with your son and you will find that there is more to life then just pills. have fun :)
terrianne
taking your son out is a great idea!! jeep your self and mind occupied. do thing you enjoy and get out and stay busy as much as possable. every lil bit helps. get out and enjoy the sunshine (and yes even that helps) you will be laughing and giggling with your son and you will find that there is more to life then just pills. have fun :)
terrianne
Chrissy and abby...
but you can do one day without the pills...
I bet if you make it one day, and don't pick up no matter what, you can make two days. I was always defeating myself before the day started...."I can't..."
But you CAN....
Good luck to both of you...I know it isn't easy, but it is possible...
make a list of the pros to taking vics and then the cons...
and then make a list of why you want to stop...
and THEN make a list of WHAT YOU WANT OUTA LIFE..
and then see if you can go a day. It all starts with the first 24 hours...
Kerry
but you can do one day without the pills...
I bet if you make it one day, and don't pick up no matter what, you can make two days. I was always defeating myself before the day started...."I can't..."
But you CAN....
Good luck to both of you...I know it isn't easy, but it is possible...
make a list of the pros to taking vics and then the cons...
and then make a list of why you want to stop...
and THEN make a list of WHAT YOU WANT OUTA LIFE..
and then see if you can go a day. It all starts with the first 24 hours...
Kerry
As you can see .. you arent alone.
Last week I posted a thread of whats the first step? I was clueless. Not really, I just needed to hear it I think. Now I will tell you the first step is wanting to stop, the next is to stop, the third is realize you have to go through step one and two all over again everyday.
You made a good first step.. now its time to take the next !
If you just try one day clean, you will feel like complete crap yes. But I think if you were clean and looked at your child you wont want to go get anymore.. try it!
Last week I posted a thread of whats the first step? I was clueless. Not really, I just needed to hear it I think. Now I will tell you the first step is wanting to stop, the next is to stop, the third is realize you have to go through step one and two all over again everyday.
You made a good first step.. now its time to take the next !
If you just try one day clean, you will feel like complete crap yes. But I think if you were clean and looked at your child you wont want to go get anymore.. try it!
