Some days I wish I could sleep my life away. While my husband is out doing whatever with his drug buddy I am left home with the children. They are 1 and 3 so I can't say go play mommy needs some time. It is very hard always being alone. I take care of them like I am a single mother. Today I just am counting down the hours until they go to bed. I just want to crawl under the covers and sleep until I have to start a new day again acting like everything is perfect. I don't want to ruin them but sometimes I feel that they have already been affected by their father and that hurts me the most. It is so depressing to know that he will always put drugs and the people he does drugs with ahead of his family. He has now moved on from Heroin to coke because of the methadone. It never stops and I feel like I could just cry for days. I want to go away with the kids for a week and forget about everything. Just me and them. I think we need it. Thanks for letting me vent. I really needed to.
Lily,
Sorry to hear that you are feeling so burnt out. I know a similar feeling. You need to be somewhere safe with your kids. You are right when you say they've alreday been somewhat affected. They still have their whole lives to live, in the best way possible. Separate yourself for them. It doesn't mean they'll never know their Father.
Dora
Sorry to hear that you are feeling so burnt out. I know a similar feeling. You need to be somewhere safe with your kids. You are right when you say they've alreday been somewhat affected. They still have their whole lives to live, in the best way possible. Separate yourself for them. It doesn't mean they'll never know their Father.
Dora
HI LILLY. u know iam not a professional and it is easy for me to say get out of there with your babys before its to late' but i am sure it must be a living hell for u to know what to do' on one hand u love your husband but on the other hand its not just u and him in the home u have to think of your children wich must be pulling u in every wich direction' u know it sounds like u need to give him a wake up call u and your kids deserve to be HAPPY' it sounds like u have tried so hard to stand by him and give him a chance' but may be u should take a break from him and the lonelyness u and your children' are going through do u have family u can go to that u and your kids can stay with for a while who will give u a hand with them because right now u need this time to clear your head and u cant do that' alone if your husband wont listen then u have to take the matter in your own hands and think of u and your children' we all need to get out to clear our heads once in a while even if its just going out for a couple of hours a week for coffee or dinner with anouther adult u can talk to or a friend u can trust who would show u support because i think u should u need it your kids maybe young but children are smart they pick up on things very fast and they can proubly sense there mommy is lonely and hurting and tired it does'nt mean we are weak we all somtimes just need to take time for our self and in your case i sure hope u do i know for me as a mother i love my kids and would die for them and by the sounds of it u sound like u are a great and careing mother i was a stay at home so when i was getting to the point were i knew i was tired because it takes alot of work when u have little ones even more so if u have to do it alone like it seems in your situation but i knew it wasnt fair to my kids i wasnt up to giving them the attenthion that they were used to from mom thats when i decided for my kids sake to once a week just go out for coffee or lunch and it made a world of differece but my boys are almost grown now well one has graduated and the other is 14 now but when they were young i somtimes needed a break to' and they needed to have some fun also and my husband came home every night and he understood so i know i cant compare with your situation but i just wanted to let u know my opinion so take your kids and tell your husband u are going to visit family and u can take time to know what u want to do then i hope iam helping here thats just my opinion i hope it helps and i hope i havent affended u in any way i just wanted to help . HUGS FROM LITTLE H.
Lily
I am now a widow due my husbands alcoholic addiction - i was the same as you - i was also suffering from depression due to the worry etc of him coming home drunk - see doc and see if you are suffering from depression - secondly this is only my story i am not telling your what to do.
I had two kids 3and 4 years old 10 months between them - many times i came home from work(full time job) to find their daddy lying on the floor drunk - and me having to tell them daddy is sick - i knew nothing about addiction - i put up with it until it nearly drove me crackers - the whole thing blew up one night - it was his birthday he came home plastered and i had bought a chinese and laid out a wonderful table for him - i just flew at him - it ended up in a big fight - i had to call for a friend come and help me. ( the house we lived in at the time i payed all the bills and bought everything in it ) . I got up the next morning he was lying on the floor i sneeked upstairs threw kids clothes and allfamily pictures special paperwork like birthcertificates (had been planning this in the back of my mind im sure) put the kids in the double buggy - took nothing of my own clothes and left him.
He tormented the life out of me by this time i had moved back with mom - but i still loved him and their is lots more to this sotry but you get the general idea.
Eventually he took siezures from the amount of alcohol he was drinking etc and was found dead ( by this time the house had been repossess) I cared nothing about the house furniture clothes. those can alll be replaced - I had friends one in particular who empltied half her wardrobe to me so i could get back to work to support my kids - i now own a beutiful house and have two 20 and 21 year old great adults - who i love dearly - and who are both studying hard to get degrees. Im so proud of them
I asked myself many tiimes - what would life have been like for them if i had continued to let them see the abuse their father was causing me - would they be like they are today - i think not
lots of luck - take care of yourself and your family - your husband needs to get himeself sorted out - he is in the grip of a drug that he cannot control himself - he needs help - or he will end up like mine.
lots of love
rosy
I am now a widow due my husbands alcoholic addiction - i was the same as you - i was also suffering from depression due to the worry etc of him coming home drunk - see doc and see if you are suffering from depression - secondly this is only my story i am not telling your what to do.
I had two kids 3and 4 years old 10 months between them - many times i came home from work(full time job) to find their daddy lying on the floor drunk - and me having to tell them daddy is sick - i knew nothing about addiction - i put up with it until it nearly drove me crackers - the whole thing blew up one night - it was his birthday he came home plastered and i had bought a chinese and laid out a wonderful table for him - i just flew at him - it ended up in a big fight - i had to call for a friend come and help me. ( the house we lived in at the time i payed all the bills and bought everything in it ) . I got up the next morning he was lying on the floor i sneeked upstairs threw kids clothes and allfamily pictures special paperwork like birthcertificates (had been planning this in the back of my mind im sure) put the kids in the double buggy - took nothing of my own clothes and left him.
He tormented the life out of me by this time i had moved back with mom - but i still loved him and their is lots more to this sotry but you get the general idea.
Eventually he took siezures from the amount of alcohol he was drinking etc and was found dead ( by this time the house had been repossess) I cared nothing about the house furniture clothes. those can alll be replaced - I had friends one in particular who empltied half her wardrobe to me so i could get back to work to support my kids - i now own a beutiful house and have two 20 and 21 year old great adults - who i love dearly - and who are both studying hard to get degrees. Im so proud of them
I asked myself many tiimes - what would life have been like for them if i had continued to let them see the abuse their father was causing me - would they be like they are today - i think not
lots of luck - take care of yourself and your family - your husband needs to get himeself sorted out - he is in the grip of a drug that he cannot control himself - he needs help - or he will end up like mine.
lots of love
rosy
Lily, I think you already know what you need to do. Make a plan to move forward with your life and that of your children and do it. You are putting your life on hold while he is being irresponsible with his. Move on.
Thank you everyone for your replies. It has been to days and he is not allowed to stay with me until he can truly prove himself and his sobriety. Even if it takes a year he has to prove himself to me bfore I will let myself get hurt again. I do love my husband but, I know it is best for my children right now to be without him. The worst part is he will say he is coming home and then doesn't until they are sleeping and I can not do that to them anymore. I feel so bad for my 3 yr old because she adores her father but, I need to protect her now as best I can. Thank you everyone for the advice it always helps.
Lily,
Hello how are you? I too was in the very situation that you are faced with. I had to make the same decision for me and my kids.
Fredrick Douglas has a great saying,
"it is easier to raise strong children than repair broken men."
That saying motivated me a great deal. I then found a strong support gruop at church called Celebrate Recovery for co-dependents. It has helped me with the guilt of his choice to use.
Although st this point I am in family court proceedings for he is seeking custody and unsupervised visits. As of today the visits are supervised but we go back to court on 7/27 and I don't know if the judge will continue the visits.
I added that so that you can make whatever preperations to prove he is unfit to care for them. In the event you are faced with another situation like mine.
I wish you the best. I thank God every day for the strength to move on. For it has been 15 months and he is still using. So my life would have only gotten worse and God only knows how far he would have taken us into that hell.
I always think that no example is better than a bad example.
God bless you in your decision and may he keep you and your family safe. Keep in touch.
Hello how are you? I too was in the very situation that you are faced with. I had to make the same decision for me and my kids.
Fredrick Douglas has a great saying,
"it is easier to raise strong children than repair broken men."
That saying motivated me a great deal. I then found a strong support gruop at church called Celebrate Recovery for co-dependents. It has helped me with the guilt of his choice to use.
Although st this point I am in family court proceedings for he is seeking custody and unsupervised visits. As of today the visits are supervised but we go back to court on 7/27 and I don't know if the judge will continue the visits.
I added that so that you can make whatever preperations to prove he is unfit to care for them. In the event you are faced with another situation like mine.
I wish you the best. I thank God every day for the strength to move on. For it has been 15 months and he is still using. So my life would have only gotten worse and God only knows how far he would have taken us into that hell.
I always think that no example is better than a bad example.
God bless you in your decision and may he keep you and your family safe. Keep in touch.
Hi lily,
It made me sad to read how you feel but I totally understand. I am living with a heroin addict. We have a 16 month old daughter together. We both love her heaps and her entry into his life has made a big difference to him. He is now on methadone, working and studying. But he still uses once a week or every fortnight which really makes me angry and frustrated. I just want to say that I know the emotions you are going through, the worrying. It is a lot harder when you have children together. Because you want the children to be proud of their father and look up to him. You want them to be happy and have no worries. Its so important to them. You are so important to them. I hope that you have friends that you can talk to about this. It's also good to get out and do things with your friends. It always makes me feel a bit better. What does your husband say about your children? I'm sure he loves them but what does he want for them? What does he want to do with them? What does he want to do for them? And what does he want for you and him? What do you want for yourself and your children Lily? Please don't let them grow up with a father who's not there for them or yourself. It's better to live without him then. Just remember: this is your life too. Don't let any more years go by crying and worrying about him. Give yourself the chance to be happy.
I hope you'll have a great day without any worries.
Take care
Tess
It made me sad to read how you feel but I totally understand. I am living with a heroin addict. We have a 16 month old daughter together. We both love her heaps and her entry into his life has made a big difference to him. He is now on methadone, working and studying. But he still uses once a week or every fortnight which really makes me angry and frustrated. I just want to say that I know the emotions you are going through, the worrying. It is a lot harder when you have children together. Because you want the children to be proud of their father and look up to him. You want them to be happy and have no worries. Its so important to them. You are so important to them. I hope that you have friends that you can talk to about this. It's also good to get out and do things with your friends. It always makes me feel a bit better. What does your husband say about your children? I'm sure he loves them but what does he want for them? What does he want to do with them? What does he want to do for them? And what does he want for you and him? What do you want for yourself and your children Lily? Please don't let them grow up with a father who's not there for them or yourself. It's better to live without him then. Just remember: this is your life too. Don't let any more years go by crying and worrying about him. Give yourself the chance to be happy.
I hope you'll have a great day without any worries.
Take care
Tess
Thank you everyone foe the advice. It really does help. My husband has not been aloud to sleep home in a couple nights. I feel very relaxed even though I do miss him. He says he wants to change. They all say that. He is going to the clinic for methadone. I told he could come home if he took a drug test and promised to make us his first priority. Now I know that if anything happens I am strong enough to make him leave. Thanks again everyone. I need every piece of advice that I can get and I am now putting myself and my children first.