Sometimes life tests you....... I wonder if Ill pass or fail....I just wish things were easy, I wish my family husband,kids,and myself could move away and be away from everyone just for peace of mind..... I just need some peeace in my life and just when I think I finally get it BOOM its gone.... I just want to not fight and not deal with the stress and strain his family puts on our relationship////// Sorry Im rambling I just need to talk and I dont have anyone to talk to.........
Jacque
I dont know what to do anymore
Jacque:
The good news is, you have a solid foundation. You are reaching out and that is what we learn is the right action.
Rachel
Dear Jacque
I alway find myself telling others to look at what you have not what you wish you had. I mean my husband has lost his grandfather grandmother and father in the past five years. He had disowned his sister and barely speaks to his brother. You have family so take the good with the bad, and you can go home right???Roxy
I alway find myself telling others to look at what you have not what you wish you had. I mean my husband has lost his grandfather grandmother and father in the past five years. He had disowned his sister and barely speaks to his brother. You have family so take the good with the bad, and you can go home right???Roxy
Hey Jacque,
I'm sorry you're feeling down. I wish for peace of mind too. You aren't alone.
Hugs,
DeNae
I'm sorry you're feeling down. I wish for peace of mind too. You aren't alone.
Hugs,
DeNae
Things suck right now at.... Me and my husband huge blow up fight about his family and the holidays and his brothers and sisters and how close they are and how his mother is on her mission to make sure they all stay up each others asses........ Now I have to spend my weekend in a small cabin with him my three kids, his brother and his wife and kids, his other brother and wife, his sister, and his mom and dad.........Sound cozy yea thats what I want to do sleep with all of them....... I just think its time for mom to cut the strings a little....She is obsessed with the family being together and family pictures and Oh did I mention that Family means just her five kids the wives get left out of pictures...... cause we arent blood Funny my kids are though and none of us are int he pictures just her babies whom are 35,30,26,23,21 ughhhh Three are married one doesnt have anything to do with them, and the other is a college student.... She doesnt get it that her kids have families now too and all of us are a part of a family........Man one thing I have learned is the way not to be with my kids....... My mom is the opposite she lets us be and comes to say hi and see the kids when she can, not trying to make sure that me and my sister camp together at least twice a year....... i dont know Im at wits end Im the bad guy regardless of what i do or say because Im the outsider.........When I tried to talk to my husband about staying at the cabin and being uncomfortable his answer was then stay home you dont need to be there.... That hurt!!!!!! I just wish he would listen sometimes....and not so quick to come back with words that cut...
Jacque Sorry Im rambling
Jacque Sorry Im rambling
You know I think that my husband forgets as well as his mother and the siblings that my husband has built a family as well..........
I quess it is all in how you are raised. My husband's brother's wifes family sounds just like that. The parents are really nice but he has decided that that is his family now and he doesn't really invest time with us. I'm not saying we are all gung ho about spending time with him but my husband and I are the only ones who take care of his mother. He rarely visits her. Now that his grandfather died he told my husband would you mind if we celebrated Christmas on the 23rd at your house with "mom" since he has to go to his wives family functions on the 24th and 25th. Normally the 24th was reserved for his family. This really burned me up I mean that is his mother for christ sake. So we both have a different version of family problems. However, I do see how it could hurt to not have your husband looking out for you. You and your immediate family should come first.
TONIGHT IS A TRIGGER NIGHT BADDDDDDDDD
Jacque how long have you been clean? this is my first day back and I am not in recovery yet, but I was and relasped and now have a much higher hill to climb to get clean. Plus I tried to do it on my own and I think some people maybe wondering about me now. So do what you need to do not to use even if it means typing all night.
hang in there jaq!
Roxy,
I think that compromises can be made all the way around in situations the problem is when we feel that we finally reached on between the wives and the mother she ends up manipulating her sons into what she wants..... She is all about her and her feelings when it comes to that.........You know what there is a time in my life when my kids will be grown and my days with them being a part of my everyday life will be over.......Will i love them yes will I want to see them yes however I will never make them feel quilty for not being able to be with me.......There home will have been with me for 18 maybe more years, and then its time for them to make lives, get married and build families and traditions for their children........ I think visits on christmas time are great but I dont think that we need to be up each others butts in a cabin for four days thats crazy to me just so she can have all her kids together and thats all she cares about she could care less if we were there (the wives that is) or not......... She ALWAYS GETS HER WAY!!!!!!! We just have to slap on the fake smile and deal with it even after she stabbed us in the back....... Its very trying I promise I WILL NOT BE THAT WAY WITH MY CHILDREN and if I ever am I hope they tell me to back off.........
Jacque
I think that compromises can be made all the way around in situations the problem is when we feel that we finally reached on between the wives and the mother she ends up manipulating her sons into what she wants..... She is all about her and her feelings when it comes to that.........You know what there is a time in my life when my kids will be grown and my days with them being a part of my everyday life will be over.......Will i love them yes will I want to see them yes however I will never make them feel quilty for not being able to be with me.......There home will have been with me for 18 maybe more years, and then its time for them to make lives, get married and build families and traditions for their children........ I think visits on christmas time are great but I dont think that we need to be up each others butts in a cabin for four days thats crazy to me just so she can have all her kids together and thats all she cares about she could care less if we were there (the wives that is) or not......... She ALWAYS GETS HER WAY!!!!!!! We just have to slap on the fake smile and deal with it even after she stabbed us in the back....... Its very trying I promise I WILL NOT BE THAT WAY WITH MY CHILDREN and if I ever am I hope they tell me to back off.........
Jacque
I have been clean for 3 years
That's actually biblical, btw jacque. I can't recall exactly how the verse goes but something like....a man leaves behind his family for his wife.
You and the kids are his family now. Of course you feel hurt and left out and his comment didn't help at all. The least your MIL could do would be to make you feel welcome and part of the family. She does a diservice to her grandchildren that way too. How rude to want to leave Mommy out.
You'll have to work on your serenity for your own sake, but I just wanted to validate your feelings. You really are being treated badly.
Love, Kat
You and the kids are his family now. Of course you feel hurt and left out and his comment didn't help at all. The least your MIL could do would be to make you feel welcome and part of the family. She does a diservice to her grandchildren that way too. How rude to want to leave Mommy out.
You'll have to work on your serenity for your own sake, but I just wanted to validate your feelings. You really are being treated badly.
Love, Kat
Unfortunatly she sounds like a person you can't possibly change. Actually she sounds a lot like Marie on "Everyone loves Raymond" hee hee. Will you go to the cabin? When is it? Do the kids enjoy it? Can you sneak off with the other spouses and do stuff they probably all feel the same way.
Jacque... i am back up... couldn't sleep.... i am sorry you are having a bad night. I can completely relate to how you are feeling. I have been thru the same thing with my family. I use to feel like i was being stretched apart... with one arm being pulled by my family and the other arm being pulled by him and his family. I am the type of person that wants everyone to be happy and if they aren't then i am not happy. You know, looking back i took most of my pills during the holidays just to make it thru them. It's tough when you can't make someone understand how youre feeling. He shouldn't have told you to "just not go". That would have hurt me too. His mom sounds like she can't let go of the fact that she is not the only woman in his life now. When i was in rehab.... i asked my counselor how to deal with my family and the in-laws. She told me that i had my own family now... my husband and son and they were now my immediate family. My mom, dad, grandparents, and his parents are still close family, but they are now realizing that we have to make the decisions about holidays ourselves now. Do you think writing your husband a letter with all of your feelings in it would help him to understand where you are coming from? It's not fair that she doesn't want you in the family photos.... that's just wrong... what does he think about that?
Thanks Kat,
You know I know im not crazy fo rthe way I feel because all three of the daughter in laws feel this way not just me....... So do you think it might just be them.....He used to make me feel like I was crazy but now I know Im not all three of us feel the same way.
You know I know im not crazy fo rthe way I feel because all three of the daughter in laws feel this way not just me....... So do you think it might just be them.....He used to make me feel like I was crazy but now I know Im not all three of us feel the same way.
Roxy... i was gonna say the same thing about Marie on everybody loves raymond... funny bc i was once told that my MIL was like her too. :)
Jacque... no honey you are definitely not crazy... i know exactly where you are coming from.
Hey Jacque. I completely understand about the holidays with the mother. Except that its MY mother who drives me nuts. My twins are almost ten years old and we have spent every single christmas eve and day with her as long as I have been alive. My inlaws live halfway across the country, so I'm in the clear as far as that goes, but I mentioned that I would like to spend Christmas with my husbands parents, before the kids get too old to believe in Santa.... well, my mother nearly had a stroke. How unfair is that?? My sister doesn't have children, and my brother's kids live in St. Louis, so its only my three girls here, and everyone acts like they can't celebrate christmas unless we're all at my Mom's house and they get to see my kids opening presents. Just once, I'd like to do it at my own house. Its a pain in the @ss to sneak all of kids xmas presents to my mother's house and then haul them back home the next day. The thing is... if I were to tell her no, I'd be paying for it for the rest of the year. I'd NEVER hear the end of it...
Sorry, now I'm rambling...
DeNae
Sorry, now I'm rambling...
DeNae
