Son Is Addicted

My adult son is addicted to crack cocaine. This has been an ongoing fight for him and for all of us for about 10 years. He usually was fairly responsible and well adjusted for about 2 months, and then he would just disappear suddenly and be MIA for anywhere from 1 week to a month. He would empty the bank accounts, loan out his vehicle to the drug dealers, lose everything he had available, and then come crawling back home, very remorseful and promising never to do it again. I as his mother accepted him back for years with the promises never to do it again etc. Later his wife is doing the same thing, accepting his heart-rendering claims to clean up and take care of his responsibilities. We've tried rehab. he's been locked up in jail, outpatient and inpatient treatments, and he's still gone again. He does'nt support his kids or even check to see if they are ok. Today he calls me at work (after being gone for 2 months with no contact from him) and wants to come home again. I told him no. I am supporting his 2 children and his wife and I told him he has made the choices for his life and I can no longer accept that life-style. I told him that I love him and wish he would make the right choices and change his life for the better, but I will no longer support him or accept him back untill I see more sign of a true change. He is homeless and penniless and it breaks my heart to think of him on the streets. This was the hardest thing I think I have ever done. Please someone out there...Have I done the right thing or the wrong thing? Some-one give me some feedback please. Thank you.
You have done the right thing. You can't keep enabling him. I would recommend Alanon or Naranon for support and information. There are many people who have "been there."
The love of a mother is never done ,You tried your best .You did the right thing .He will get himself together.Love him and be supportive,but love him from afar and keep your foot down on him.Pray to God and God will answer .God hears the tears of a mother .Be strong and he will be back at the right time in the right state of mind.He has to love himself so that he can love his family.God Bless You.I will be praying for your family.
Hi-
My heart and my prayers go out to you. I have lived through crack addiction of my child's dad. Unfortunately, he died back in 1997. All the abuse took a toll on his body after about 10 years. The exact same behavior you described is what I experienced. It was a nightmare. I never gave up hope for him to change, and they can change but they must really want it!! It's really hard on the family dynamics but I think you are doing the right thing. He needs tough love and even then there are no guarantees. Best of luck to you and I pray your son and family comes through this horrible emotional, physical and psychological fight for his life.
I see your son as having a severe form of the addiction illness.One day there will be better treatments for cocaine addiction like there are now for heroin namely methadone and buprenorphine..
You had to protect yourself, his wife and kids from the devastating behavior of the illness...but you can still love him,pray and stay intouch in case his illness this time goes into remission.All the best
I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL......MY HUSBAND HAS BEEN ADDICTED TO CRACK FOR OVER 16 YEARS...AND YES I AM STILL WITH HIM.HE IS TOTALLY DISABLED AND CANNOT WORK BECAUSE OF HIS ADDICTION. HE HAS A LUNG DISEASE BECAUSE OF IT. I HAVE PRAYED AND PRAYED FOR GOD TO TAKE HIM ON. IT HAS BEEN SO HARD ON ME THAT I FEEL LIKE I AM READY TO TAKE MY OWN LIFE IF IT WERE NOT FOR MY 15 YEAR OLD SON. I HAVE TRIED TO LEAVE BUT FIND MYSELF STAYING TO TAKE CARE OF HIM.....I WORK TWO JOBS JUST TO MAKE ENDS MEET.
I THINK THAT SOMETIMES GOD HAS A REASON FOR ME TO BE HERE WITH HIM. IT MAY SOUND LIKE I AM STUPID FOR STAYING BUT I JUST FEEL IN MY HEART THAT IF I LEFT HIM HE WOULD DIE AND THEN I WOULD BLAME MYSELF. WHICH I KNOW WILL HAPPEN ONE DAY. I SAY TO MYSELF THAT IF HE WERE IN A WHEEL CHAIR OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT THEN I WOULD STAY SO WHY NOT STAY AND LIVE THRU THIS .I KNOW I AM WRONG BUT I DO IT ANYWAY. MIRACLES HAPPEN EVERYDAY AND I AM WAITING ON MINE. MAYBE YOU ARE RIGHT IN NOT HELPING YOUR SON...BUT AT LEAST GIVE HIM FOOD IF HE IS HUNGRY......
HE DIDNT ASK TO BE BROUGHT INTO THIS WORLD...SO AT LEAST
YOU CAN SAY THAT YOU DID YOUR PART AND FED HIM.....I AM PRAYING FOR YOU ALSO....I WOULD DIE IF IT WERE MY SON.....
im sorry
but i never think its the right thing to turn ones back on a loved one.
i am well aware of the alanon talk..."enabling him".but....he's your son, not alanons son. when he disappears and looses himself in the street life who will suffer??alanon??nope, dont think so. its nice and pretty to talk about "no dont let him back in excexc that woud be enabling...exc." but who will miss him when he stops calling, when he stops trying to come home.
i dont think you dealt with the situation correctly.
u should have picked him up after work and atleast bought him a meal.
talked to him about goiung into a rehab center exc....maybe given him a ride to the detox. he's your son....YOUR son.u cant expect for people to love him as u do.for people to advise you as they should and would with one of theyre loved ones.
alanon is another meeting, like every other....its helpful yes, but is it accurate,no.
one has to learn and then bend what they learned accordingly.like i said, an addict whom is homeless and peniless and has no motive,no reason to live....feels down and out about himself and hates what he has done, well, cant expect this person to do it on his own. catch the bus....how??with what money??how does he get there to the detox how does he stop smoking crack when the hunger pains are killing him.
im not trying to giive u guilt
but i want u to wake up/
forget alanon.
your his mother. dont enable, but dont disable.either.
the best thing i could have ever done and did for RCD was let him go but tell him id be there for him if he really really really needed me. he realized i wasnt going to put up with his problem anymore because it had become OUR problem and i wanted it to stop. at first he felt like i was abandoning him but after a lot of reasuring him that i would still be there as long as he started to do better he realized that it was time to stop. i never regret my choices i just wish i had timed some of them differently.

extended hope,
ilmorcd
You have done the right thing. Your son needs to hit bottom, and then ask for help, sometimes it takes along time, to get clean. I have been clean for alittle over 11 years. I can't help anyone if they don't want help. You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink.
If you feel he is going to hurt someone else or himself, baker Act him into a detox, they'll keep him for 72 hours and then he will have alot of social workers which will be there to help him.
hello, and yes, as hard as it is you did the right thing. my son is also addicted to crack. It's a very hard and terrible place to be. How can you not love him? How can you not help him? Well, helping him with money and excuses, etc. it NOT helping. It's enabling. We have to learn the difference. Took me a long time. You can't trust him with any money at all. And the lies. He'll tell you anything, just don't believe him. He's just trying to get another rock. Eventually, if and when he does want help, he'll come to you. Be there for him. Love him and help him stay clean. That's where we are right now. Clean for over a month now, but I know he could relapse any time. It's so scary. I'll pray for you.
Tortuga;ABSOLUTELY,you have done the only thing you could do .As a crack addict myself I have been where your son is now. I know what it takes to beat this addiction. When he's had enough and realizes he's got to pick his self up this time, hopefully it will click that he's got to change.That's what has helped me with my battle with my own addiction.