I haven't been on in awhile because, even though my son has still been using, he has not been bothering me for anything and he has been making it somehow. I kind of felt like I could give my mind a break. I also had back surgery 3 weeks ago and have been recovering from that. The few times I've talked to my son in the past few weeks, he has seemed concerned for me and almost "normal". I have been doing really well at letting him deal with his life.
Then, fast forward to today, he is back in jail on warrants because he never showed up to his last court dates. He'll probably have to spend a few months in jail. He called me today and told me they posted a bond for him, 10% would be $1000. I told him there was no way I could do that. I am currently off work and that is a big sum of money. I told him he's a flight risk anyway and I definitely can't afford to lose money. He (the addict) then proceeded to tell me he's very dope sick right now and it's all our fault that he's there anyway because we wouldn't let him stay with us the last time he got out of jail, when he was clean. He wanted me to sell my car to get the money (yeah right!). We had a ten minute talk and at the end I told him I would come visit him when I could but I was blocking the jail number and not accepting any collect calls. I do feel bad for him though, detoxing in jail again. They don't even give them an aspirin to help with it. I am ok though, knowing that he won't die from heroin detox. He might wish he was dead but he'll be quite a bit better in a couple days.
Of course, I got off the phone and cried. It all just never goes away. It gets pushed aside and we keep living our life but it's always there. Our 29 year old son can't do anything for himself except figure out how to get heroin.
I know that in a week, when he's feeling better, he'll be sorry and will start acting like a human again. At some point he'll get out of jail though and still have no where to go but the streets and that's the part that I struggle with. It's very hard, when they are in a clean frame of mind, to not help them. The thing is, I don't think getting clean from being in jail is the same as getting clean from the desire to do so. The last time he got out, he never once asked me to take him to a meeting during the couple of days he did stay with us. That's how I knew he wasn't serious.
As always, thank you for listening.
Michelle
Michelle,
First, I hope your back is healing well. God bless you. I have a really bad back too. No fun. You deserved the break.
Way to go, not paying his bond!! I know that had to be hard. Yep, it is always there....not that they'd care though. He'll fin a place to go after jail.
I hope he'll turn his life around, that he's hit the bottom. Same with mine.
Hang in there Michelle. You are by no means alone in dealin with this. Keep coming on.
And, oh good God! How he could blame you!!! Unbelievable but have heard it before on the message board. It's common that they place blame on us. You are awesome, setting your boundaries, no money, etc...I hope he learns from his time in jail. I feel bad he's detoxing where he is. But, his decisions led him to this place in his life, not yours.
Love & God bless you,
Dee
First, I hope your back is healing well. God bless you. I have a really bad back too. No fun. You deserved the break.
Way to go, not paying his bond!! I know that had to be hard. Yep, it is always there....not that they'd care though. He'll fin a place to go after jail.
I hope he'll turn his life around, that he's hit the bottom. Same with mine.
Hang in there Michelle. You are by no means alone in dealin with this. Keep coming on.
And, oh good God! How he could blame you!!! Unbelievable but have heard it before on the message board. It's common that they place blame on us. You are awesome, setting your boundaries, no money, etc...I hope he learns from his time in jail. I feel bad he's detoxing where he is. But, his decisions led him to this place in his life, not yours.
Love & God bless you,
Dee
Thanks Dee. It really does help to hear from others that go through it too that you're doing the right thing. Sometimes it doesn't feel right. I remind myself all the time, he's a grown man. His dad and I won't live forever. At some point he has to figure it out and I am 100% sure that he won't ever get clean and stay clean unless he wants it more than anything in the world.
Michelle
P.S. My back is healing up well. I had a lumbar fusion of 2 discs. I'm up to walking a mile a day and just taking tylenol for discomfort. It's just very boring to be off work but not be able to do anything around the house. No bending, twisting or lifting for 3 months. Ugh! I'm going next month to South Carolina to see my daughter, her husband and our little grandson Teddy. I have that to look forward to and I'm counting down the days!
Michelle
P.S. My back is healing up well. I had a lumbar fusion of 2 discs. I'm up to walking a mile a day and just taking tylenol for discomfort. It's just very boring to be off work but not be able to do anything around the house. No bending, twisting or lifting for 3 months. Ugh! I'm going next month to South Carolina to see my daughter, her husband and our little grandson Teddy. I have that to look forward to and I'm counting down the days!
Hi Michelle, I'm sorry your having to deal with this again. It never gets any easier no matter what we do or how far we try to distance ourselves from their problems. It always bounces back and always at a time when you need to have peace. Like you healing from your surgery. I hope you get well soon Michelle. It never seizes to amaze me how uncaring these kids are....sell your car! Doesn't matter that you need a car even more so now than before with having surgery. It's all about them and what we can do to help them. Your quite right leaving him in jail. You need time to heal Michelle and you need to put yourself first until you do. Make going to see little Teddy and your daughter consume your thoughts and let the sadness of your son stay in the background. It's sad to say but it's what I try to do. I saw my daughter today. The first in weeks. She had been at the emergency room this time with her foot. She said she stood on glass and it was 3 times its normal size with it being infected. I don't believe anything she tells me so I didn't believe her. I thought just an excuse to not stop by to see her daughter. Well today I saw it and omg! It's awful looking and she can't put it under her for long. Has had open drains in it and on antibiotics. A month ago another shocker. She came by and was walking all bent over when I asked her what was up and she showed me I was horrified. It was like something out of Law and Order bruises all over her body as big as the palm of my hand all over her.Terrible! My husband called the state troopers to file a report so that if she is found beaten to death by this a** boyfriend they'll know where to look. I don't mean to sound cold towards her. I care and it breaks my heart that she lives like this but she won't do anything about her situation and my hands are tied. I can't do anything for fear of losing my grand daughter. she needs me more than my daughter. We certainly have our crosses to bear but through it all you and I seem to manage. Sure we have our sad days but then we get those happy days with your Teddy and my GDaughter. Thank God for them! You were always such a great help to me on here ShelI. I certainly miss you. Your right we are kindred spirits and here we still are. I don't expect miracles anymore with my daughter and I think you are the same. I wonder does that mean we've gave up or have we just got used to this way of life now. Or maybe just maybe we're like the poem said "it was then I carried you" and we're being carried along at times? Isn't it nice to think that? I read that poem Footprints now and again as it brings me a sense of calm. Papa Bear posted it for me in one of his posts. Take care of yourself Michelle. Your never too far from my thoughts and prayers. God bless. Your friend Mary. ((Hug))
Michelle,
I'm glad to here you are getting better. And putting yourself first.
I would say sorry to hear your son is in jail,however it's sorta like respite for us. You know they are getting clean, fed place to sleep and off the streets. I know the guilt you feel for not bringing them into your house once they are out. I do know they are offered
Places to get cleaned and start again
My son has a felony warrant on his head now for running. I have no idea where
He is. My oldest son said he called
His dad and asked for a $1,000! Good lord his wife is disable and they have nothing. He knew better not to call me,
Just rest take care of yourself both physically and spiritually it's all we have
Love to all you girls and know you are in my thoughts and prayers to be strong xx
Sue
I'm glad to here you are getting better. And putting yourself first.
I would say sorry to hear your son is in jail,however it's sorta like respite for us. You know they are getting clean, fed place to sleep and off the streets. I know the guilt you feel for not bringing them into your house once they are out. I do know they are offered
Places to get cleaned and start again
My son has a felony warrant on his head now for running. I have no idea where
He is. My oldest son said he called
His dad and asked for a $1,000! Good lord his wife is disable and they have nothing. He knew better not to call me,
Just rest take care of yourself both physically and spiritually it's all we have
Love to all you girls and know you are in my thoughts and prayers to be strong xx
Sue
Glad to hear from you Sue. It was a relief while it lasted. I cannot believe our legal system. My son went to court today and they released him with 39 days served (from months ago) and probation. This was the second time he's had warrants on these charges and they added contempt charges too and they just let him go. So, I only had a couple days of respite. He texted me earlier and wanted to know if I was going to help him. Of course I said nothing has changed, no I can't help him. I am definitely going to take care of myself. You are so right, we have to do that. Otherwise, they'll drag us down until we're in the dirt. I wish you the best.
Your friend,
Michelle
Your friend,
Michelle
Hi Shell,
How are things. My son is missing two almost three months now. Ran off with that girl and of course she was arrested for prostitution He has a warrant on his head.
So I just wait until either one he is arrested or to pick up his body, because nothing I can do or say or tried will change him. It hurts, some days I wake up crying but have to hide my tears.
take care everyone, xxx
Sue
How are things. My son is missing two almost three months now. Ran off with that girl and of course she was arrested for prostitution He has a warrant on his head.
So I just wait until either one he is arrested or to pick up his body, because nothing I can do or say or tried will change him. It hurts, some days I wake up crying but have to hide my tears.
take care everyone, xxx
Sue
Hi Sue,
I'm so sorry that your son is missing. I know it's a double edge sword. On the one hand, you don't have to deal with him and on the other hand, like you said, you don't know if he's alive or not. Just know that the same little boy you raised is in there somewhere and until we're forced to bury our kids, there's still hope.
Things are still the same with my son. He's living with another junkie. They seem to be making it. He ended up going to court for his violations and they gave him probation and fines...lol. So, it's only a matter of time before he can't pass a drug test or doesn't pay on his fines.
I've still been recouperating from my surgery so I'm really glad he hasn't pulled anything major.
I hope you're finding things to do for yourself and are finding joy in other family members.
Hugs,
Michelle
I'm so sorry that your son is missing. I know it's a double edge sword. On the one hand, you don't have to deal with him and on the other hand, like you said, you don't know if he's alive or not. Just know that the same little boy you raised is in there somewhere and until we're forced to bury our kids, there's still hope.
Things are still the same with my son. He's living with another junkie. They seem to be making it. He ended up going to court for his violations and they gave him probation and fines...lol. So, it's only a matter of time before he can't pass a drug test or doesn't pay on his fines.
I've still been recouperating from my surgery so I'm really glad he hasn't pulled anything major.
I hope you're finding things to do for yourself and are finding joy in other family members.
Hugs,
Michelle
Hi Shell,
Goodness glad to hear things are going well for you physically! I know what you mean, my phone has been quite and not being blown up with lots of drama and manipulation tactics. IF I could turn back time and knew what was forecasted for my son could I of change it? Who knows ?
The only question I really have is why do they use, what is in their mindset at that time when they injected themselves with heroin. They know the risk, I just don't get it!
Take care kiddo and keep in touch,
XX
Sue
Goodness glad to hear things are going well for you physically! I know what you mean, my phone has been quite and not being blown up with lots of drama and manipulation tactics. IF I could turn back time and knew what was forecasted for my son could I of change it? Who knows ?
The only question I really have is why do they use, what is in their mindset at that time when they injected themselves with heroin. They know the risk, I just don't get it!
Take care kiddo and keep in touch,
XX
Sue
