I've been separated from my son's father since January. I left because I told him he needed to take getting clean serious and it wasn't gonna happen with me still around. I would still let him see his son from time to time but recently he's been wanting to see him more says he's been doing great and really wants to work on getting our family back together. I seem him the other day when I took our son to see him. He looked good. He looked healthier. He was living in a sober living home but went back home with his mom because he said people were starting to sneak stuff in the house and didn't want to be around that he said it wasn't a place for help anymore it was becoming like a bachelor pad. I'm scared to let him in again. I know a lot of people are going to look down on me if I do. I still love him. We were together for 4 years and our son is now 2. Our son adores him. I just don't know what to do. I'm scared of a relapse.
Hi , you need to be careful - he is very early in recovery, relapse at this stage is common, i would be wary of his reason for leaving the sober house - it does happen, but not usual if it is a well run house, those that are using are soon found out- i realise that this is a very difficult decision for you, if you do let him back in your life, make sure you have some strict boundaries in place, make sure he understands these boundaries and agrees to them - you must stick to them, for the sake of yourself and your son - take nothing at face value - he needs to earn your trust- do not see only what you want to see- you must be vigilant and aware of any change in him- money missing - etc i know its terrible to live like that but thats the reality of addiction- alot of recovery programs recommend that you dont get involved with anyone for at least a year- recovery is hard work, it requires time and energy to stay clean- i really hope things work out for you, too many of us (addicts) destroy our relationships, best of luck, take care- post here anytime you need help or support
Travelin Man has some excellent input!
There is one more thing I would add:
1. Youd husband, as you know, will need to dedicate to a lifelong program of recovery. It may sound overwhelming but it is not. One day at a time, get a sponsor, attend meetings, read the literature, work the steps, perform service work, etc. It is recommended that addicts in early recovery attend a LOT of meetings - one formula is 90 meetings in 90 days. I've known some addicts who attend more than 1 meeting a day in early recovery.
2. For you, I think Al Anon or NAR Anon will be a life-changer. I know hundreds of people in my area who are active in these "family support" programs and the effective results are impressive - almost miraculous. You will learn things like: You are powerless over someone else's addiction; love with detachment; focus on the next indicated step; setting and managing boundaries. Just like AA or NA, I recommend you get a sponsor. Also, if you are a faith-based person, many churches offer faith based programs for families.
It is a good sign that you posted on this website. It is important to NOT do this on your own. Addicition is the mother-of-all problems, so it takes a lot of people working together toward the goal of long-term recovery.
Good luck,
FLyboy
There is one more thing I would add:
1. Youd husband, as you know, will need to dedicate to a lifelong program of recovery. It may sound overwhelming but it is not. One day at a time, get a sponsor, attend meetings, read the literature, work the steps, perform service work, etc. It is recommended that addicts in early recovery attend a LOT of meetings - one formula is 90 meetings in 90 days. I've known some addicts who attend more than 1 meeting a day in early recovery.
2. For you, I think Al Anon or NAR Anon will be a life-changer. I know hundreds of people in my area who are active in these "family support" programs and the effective results are impressive - almost miraculous. You will learn things like: You are powerless over someone else's addiction; love with detachment; focus on the next indicated step; setting and managing boundaries. Just like AA or NA, I recommend you get a sponsor. Also, if you are a faith-based person, many churches offer faith based programs for families.
It is a good sign that you posted on this website. It is important to NOT do this on your own. Addicition is the mother-of-all problems, so it takes a lot of people working together toward the goal of long-term recovery.
Good luck,
FLyboy
