Special Thank You To All

Cowgirl and everyone else, I want to thank you very much for the good advice you gave me. Sometimes it is hard to see the obvious and most reasonable answer when u r smack dab in the middle of a negaive situation (which u created) and it takes humility, a large degree of honesty, and faith and trust in a Dr. who u don't know all that well - but it is not completely blind trust, for he is a recovering addict (which to me indicates that he might be one of those rare, beautiful people, someone who knows & knows & knows what we know.

OK, DId I LOOSE EVERYONE ALREADY? lss (thats computer for long story short) Weaned myself off of suboxone a couple months back, thought I was home free, no WD's, etc etc, (and at least on a subconscious or a semi- conscious level, maybe even a conscious conscious level {this honesty stuff is not easy} -there was nothing blocking opiates in my system which ment a nice little buzz once in a while would be a nice little buzz). Well everyone knows where this story has to end.

To cut thru the middle BS, I saw an addiction specialist, he strongly suggested a medical detox which I did, and after a few days , I was relased with a script for subtufex. I was so filled with hope and started seeing a real future for the first time in years.

My wife and I have worked out a deal a while back. If I am prescribed something abuseable, she hangs onto (hides, locks, etc) and gives them to me as prescribed. Well , due to some stressful unrelated things going on, she was off her game when I filled the script and she asked me a couple days later (I somehow forgot!!! to give them to her) I told her I'd be OK with them but if she insisted I'd 'look' for them later. WELL WE ALL KNOW WHERE THAT STORY ENDS.

aNYWAY, A FEW days after those were gone I was using (not a ton but enough plus maybe a little more than enough) to stay off of the big E.

COWGIRL AND OTHERS STRONGLY SUGGESTED that I see the Dr., tell him the truth, etc etc.
By the way my wife was of the same opinion when she realized what was going on. NOW AN INTELLIGENT, RATIONAL PERSON WOULD IMMEDIATELY REALIZE THAT THIS IS OBVIOUSLY PROBABLY THE BEST, SAFEST MOST RISK FREE ROUTE I COULD TAKE. To me at the time, it emotionally felt like someone was telling me to jump in front of a train to help with depression and if that didn't work, there would be other good options like banging my head against a tree a few hundred times, or maybe going to an aryian nation white power meating and teaching them how they could be Jewish like me.

Anyway I finally worked up the nerve to call there this Fri, they were booked solid for 2 weeks, I explained the situation (THIS IS A PLACE THAT SPECIALIZES IN PAIN MANAGEMENT FOR ADDICTS) to the nurse, she got me in today this morning.

I WAS KINDA SURPRISED BY THE WAY THE DR WAS. I was so ready to hear I can't help you, u no good junkie kind of thing. Instead, we talked a bit about detox, NA , a question I had about step 2 & 3.

He said I was a HIGH RISK PATIENT- so at this point he would only give me a script for 2 weeks worth of sub. I agreed I was a high risk patient, thank'd him & told him my wife is in the waiting room and I no longer even fill scripts without her there.

He WAS UNDERSTANDING, UNDERSTOOD AND SAID "Anybody can fall, what matters what you do after u fall."

My plan this time is to try to go to 1 meeting a day starting last night.
Yay! Harry!

Big ol hugs Dog, for you and your wife.