Troop, just went into the WayBack machine & re-read yr. Post Sobriety/Self Sabotage...Know exactly what u mean when u write of the LONLINESS. But in my case,I am married, 19 yr.s same dude,we use together, & I wanna, GOTTA stop & he just wants to keep on going.I think. Intellectually HE KNOWS we gotta get a grip but for some reason I think he is scared.So even if u r with someone u can feel alone.U mention the lifestyle & the "friends" u had while using.I find it true too: you get into a pattern of behaviour, a dope-schedule, almost & when that is ended, whatever, you find yrself saying(screaming) NOW what do I do w/ myself?! I am old enuf to recall a t-shirt:"Reality is for people who can't handle drugs" & always thought it hilarious, but it is actually rather sad.Sometimes I wish wish wish I was not me;I'd be happier as a dog or a rock, anything but this human-woman thing I am. I do not know what to tell you, except, u r not the first, u r not the last, & most important u r not alone. I am dirty as I write to u & I wish I could stand before u clean & wise, give good advice. But I can't. I know yr fear.I have it too, or @ least a cousin to yrs.I am lonely, too- it is very hard to meet folks here in this country if u haven't grown up here & do not want to drink. I gave the place a pseudonym(DumDum Town) but I will level w/ you, I'm in Sydney,Aust. where it rains alot more than the Aussie Tourist Board lets on (ergo it is depressing) & Alcohol is concidered a Food Group.I write a lotta sarcastic stuff but that's just me; I fear if I started crying I'd never stop.I have 20+ yrs w/ this horrible stuff & wonder if I will ever grow up. Do let me know RE: the neurotransmitter stuff-how did you learn of it? I did, thru Trial & Error.My own best Guinea pig.Take care Trooper-YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!
thanks alaska. I have been trying to teach myself not to dwell too much on my situation, to focus on work, and focus on trying to learn who I am because since I've been so wasted on drugs for the past 10 yrs I really hvae no idea. The past 5 have been a nightmare. The nurotransmitter stuff? are you refering to seratonin? I can fill you in on a little bit of what I know about heroin and it's affects on the brain. I did a bit of research this time around. I wanted to find soem logical explanation to why my brain was running in circles.
Yeah, you mentioned to someone something about Seratonin, & I haven't seen many other mentions of things like that.I wrote a couple long-ish posts about food,titled "Feed Your Head" about my experiences chilling out & eating right, & how the eating right made the chilling out seem easier.I was able to get a sleep pattern back much more quickly-(I always have a terrible time w/ the Insomnia aspect of chilling).I learned all this from myself-observing my body, etc. also books & web sites. I was curious if they taught this approach in rehab-eating right to get yr. neurotransmitters(seratonin, etc.) up & running again. I'd like to know what you've found out, is all...Thanx!!
I cant remember the exact sites, but google heroin and you will find a whole bunch of stuff on it. I think one of them was actually heroin.comThere's also a great post in the FAPOA oart of this site that describes heroins affects on the brain
alaska, i think you and i are driftin in the same boat,
except im 19 and me and the boy have been together
3 1/2 years. we had a relationship before but we ended up
using 2 years into the relationship. i moved away from him
and drugs, to get my peace of mind back.
couple days and im a month clean.
i think he found comfort in the methadone clinic-
kinda pisses me off they are upping his dose.
it's like that place was created only to
make money off the junkies....i don't
think it's a very effective program.
you seem like a smart lady, you wouldnt
happen to have gottten your screen name
from velvet underground- stephanie says.
would you have? i was thinking about that the other day....
except im 19 and me and the boy have been together
3 1/2 years. we had a relationship before but we ended up
using 2 years into the relationship. i moved away from him
and drugs, to get my peace of mind back.
couple days and im a month clean.
i think he found comfort in the methadone clinic-
kinda pisses me off they are upping his dose.
it's like that place was created only to
make money off the junkies....i don't
think it's a very effective program.
you seem like a smart lady, you wouldnt
happen to have gottten your screen name
from velvet underground- stephanie says.
would you have? i was thinking about that the other day....
Guest; I remember the first time I got sober I was on methadone, the hospital started me off at a pretty high dose ( I overdosed and ended up with respitory failure so they ended up putting me on it to get rid of the withdrawls because my body was too weak to handle the stress) Well, I ended up with a script of this stuff and I reduced my dose myself, but when I went ot the methadone clinic they wanted to re up my dosage! Some people do need thier dosages uped, but you are right with some places about the $ part!
trooper-
well see, my boyfriend and i were taking
about 20-30 mg of oxycontin a day.
they were giving him 35mg at first,
now they are giving him more than 50mg, he won't
tell me how much exactly.
it doesnt make sense, it kind of pisses
me off because that is really not
getting him off of drugs. it's like
they are trying to steal his soul
on top of stealing his money.
he went through suboxone detox, and it
wasn't til a few days after he came off that
that he was back and doin' the same ole stuff.
sometimes i think the only thing that really
works is convincing yourself you're gonna do it.
go cold turkey, feel the pain, learn from the pain.
and strive to keep your head clean. keep busy!
idle hands are the devils playmate.
i can understand it being effective for people who
really need it,
and if they lower the dose instead of up it.
i hear the withdrawals from heroin is a walk
in the park compared to methadone. =0
so weird.
well see, my boyfriend and i were taking
about 20-30 mg of oxycontin a day.
they were giving him 35mg at first,
now they are giving him more than 50mg, he won't
tell me how much exactly.
it doesnt make sense, it kind of pisses
me off because that is really not
getting him off of drugs. it's like
they are trying to steal his soul
on top of stealing his money.
he went through suboxone detox, and it
wasn't til a few days after he came off that
that he was back and doin' the same ole stuff.
sometimes i think the only thing that really
works is convincing yourself you're gonna do it.
go cold turkey, feel the pain, learn from the pain.
and strive to keep your head clean. keep busy!
idle hands are the devils playmate.
i can understand it being effective for people who
really need it,
and if they lower the dose instead of up it.
i hear the withdrawals from heroin is a walk
in the park compared to methadone. =0
so weird.
