This morning at my morning AA meeting, I broke down and cried like a baby again because my life has turned into such a mess. Then I came home and fell into my moms arms and balled even more. I miss my woman so bad and the kids. I hate myself for what I have done and I know right now she hates me too.
I got the chance to sit down today with my pastor and talk about many of my character flaws. It was a two hour conversation and it wasn't exactly any one step or anything. I have just been killing myself on the inside about everything that has been going on in my life over the past two months, especially in the last week. He gave me some great advise and at the end he said a terriffic prayer just for me. I feel so much better now. I am not over the heartache of my girlfriend kicking me out, but I do feel better about giving her some time to sort things out. I know now the my higher power has forgiven me for the wrongs that I have done, now I only wish that she would. But it may take sometime, I can't force the issue.
I also had a great meeting with my sponsor last night and we are going to start working on my 4th step. Since I had the talk with my pastor I feel much more confident about writing a great 4th step and that should lead to a good 5, 6, 7 and so on. I am really working the program and making myself a better man.
Being able to write about it on this site helps me tell the world how I am powerless over alcohol and I can never touch another drink. My life had become unmanageable and out of control. Slowly but surely with a little help from my friends (AA and God) I will make it back to the top.
Hi there LL. I think time heals all wounds no matter how bad they may seem. This program works miracles in our lives and provided we remain focused on the recovery aspect then all the rest will sort themselves out. Speaking with your pastor was a great thing and he sounds like a very compassionate man. Keep working the program and the best is yet to come. god bless
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xxx
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xxx
LL,
The 4th Step liberated me from some huge stuff I was walking around with and repeatedly getting drunk over. The Program says something like this, this Step separates the "boys from the men" or in my case the "girl from the woman"....I hope you find it as beneficial as I did!
The 4th Step liberated me from some huge stuff I was walking around with and repeatedly getting drunk over. The Program says something like this, this Step separates the "boys from the men" or in my case the "girl from the woman"....I hope you find it as beneficial as I did!
Thanks, I have started my fourth step and man it seems like it is going to be hard. Not to mention long. Was yours long? I had one guy tell me that he wrote his on a matchbook. He must have wrote small. Back to the healing process.
LL
LL
I sympathetic to your situation. I've been in your shoes. I just kept praying that God would speak to my husbands heart. That my husband's heart would have a little corner just like Jesus's. The part inside called forgiveness. It took time but my prayers were answered. I've unfortunately repeated this many times. I guess the corner in my husbands heart is bigger than I thought, or perhaps it's the miracle of faith. I don't want to keeping playing Devils advocate with my life. As I don't know how many more chances I have. I'm glad your in recovery, I'm glad you have clergy, I'm glad you have your Mom, I'm glad you have this site, I'm glad you have some friends, I'm glad your still alive. But I'm mainly glad you have God for all things are possible with him. Just keep trying one day @ time. God knows that we havn't completely given up so keep trying. Hang in there until the change comes. Two things that have helped me were to not think like I can never drink again, as it sends me back to the bottle. I tell my self I just don't have to drink today! Or I just don't have to drink at this moment. When prayer doesn't seem to help I call someone,or I go to this new founded site. The crazy thoughts of picking up the poison pass. This has helped me & I hope it will help you. God hears our prayers we don't have to keep praying over & over about the same things. Instead THANK HIM FOR HELP IS ON IT'S WAY! BELIEVE THIS WITH ALL YOUR HEART ! THANK HIM FOR EVERYTHING ! I do hope that this will help. As I feel your sufferings.
Take Care, Chris
It took me months to do my 4th step, because I would start it, put it down, pick it up....totally procrastinated. My Sponsor had set a "dead" line for me to complete it and then she re-phrased it to a "goal" line....she didn't want to use the word "dead" ~ too negative. Once I finished it, I read it to my Sponsor (did my 5th Step with her, whereupon she was able to get me started with Steps 6, 7 and 8, right out of my 4th & 5th Step). Mine was about half a spiral journal oof pages and my 5th step took several hours. It was sooooooooo cleansing.
Thanks for sharing that LL.
I shared some things with a friend in recovery recently and I can't believe the relief I felt - it wasn't a whole 5th step or anything. But just to share some things I'd never told anyone it releases something inside you.
For the first time ever I understood why catholics do confession. I never could understand that before. But now I understand it better.
You know LL people say life/recovery is a journey - well it is, but I think its a journey through a maze - and sometimes you take a turn into a dead-end. That's OK. Just don't stay in the dead end. Turn around, go back and find another path.
I shared some things with a friend in recovery recently and I can't believe the relief I felt - it wasn't a whole 5th step or anything. But just to share some things I'd never told anyone it releases something inside you.
For the first time ever I understood why catholics do confession. I never could understand that before. But now I understand it better.
You know LL people say life/recovery is a journey - well it is, but I think its a journey through a maze - and sometimes you take a turn into a dead-end. That's OK. Just don't stay in the dead end. Turn around, go back and find another path.
Idgie,
How are you doing? Great post! I love the analogy in regard to the maze...thank you for that.
Geri
How are you doing? Great post! I love the analogy in regard to the maze...thank you for that.
Geri
