hi there.doesn't seem 2 b anyone around but fancied postin.
must b about 18 mth since i last posted.
i was clean 4 about a yr but relapsed and lost my job..
i'm still ok mentally but wish i could stay clean.
i stick 2 my methadone all week then first money i get i use.
i just can't help myself.
alot of it is down to bein with partner who does exactly the same.
will soon be movin 300 miles south 2 once again get away from it..lmao
has any body else split from their partner b4 as 2 get clean and if so did it work??
i have tried everything i can(and doctor) can think of ...2 no avail
i reckon if i split with partner we both could concentrate on our selves......
HERMAN!!!!
I was looking for you! We must have stopped posting here about the same time. I've just started visiting the boards in the last couple of weeks.
I'm been off the Sub for about a year and a half and clean (pain pills) altogether for a little over two years. Things are terrible for me financially since I moved, my love life sucks, and I'm getting old but other than that...things are lovely!
I'm sorry to hear that you're still struggling. You said you needed to get a fresh start a long time ago. Why haven't you done it? Do you love her that much? Is she really what you want in a partner? Are you good for one another? Is your relationship with her of such quality that you're willing to sacrifice your life for it...for her?
Lots of people have had to close the door on relationships with loved ones and friends in order to stay clean. It's painful but necessary. You said a long time ago that she was the reason you used. Honey...you're USING her as a REASON.
If you want a life without drugs, you have to own it. You must take matters into your own hands and let your desire for recovery be the reason you do what you do.
Great Big Hugs!
Callie
P.S. I'm still a dork!
It just occured to me. I read that you're on Methadone now. What happened to your Sub treatment?
I was looking for you! We must have stopped posting here about the same time. I've just started visiting the boards in the last couple of weeks.
I'm been off the Sub for about a year and a half and clean (pain pills) altogether for a little over two years. Things are terrible for me financially since I moved, my love life sucks, and I'm getting old but other than that...things are lovely!
I'm sorry to hear that you're still struggling. You said you needed to get a fresh start a long time ago. Why haven't you done it? Do you love her that much? Is she really what you want in a partner? Are you good for one another? Is your relationship with her of such quality that you're willing to sacrifice your life for it...for her?
Lots of people have had to close the door on relationships with loved ones and friends in order to stay clean. It's painful but necessary. You said a long time ago that she was the reason you used. Honey...you're USING her as a REASON.
If you want a life without drugs, you have to own it. You must take matters into your own hands and let your desire for recovery be the reason you do what you do.
Great Big Hugs!
Callie
P.S. I'm still a dork!
It just occured to me. I read that you're on Methadone now. What happened to your Sub treatment?
hi there.
did u realise that 'dork' is the technical term for a whales p****..lol
bit of useless info..lol
bit of a coincidence both leavin and startin at roughly same time..lol
i think one of the reasons i haven't left my partner is because i love her(i think) plus at the moment i aint got nowhere else 2 go.
my mother and father have now both now passed away and i would always go 2 them when i run away.so now it would need alot more planning.
plus she has a court case hangin over her head at the mo and i wouldn't leave her alone with that.
i could go on and on but....heh....lol
i came off subutex butdidn't even mention it to kate as she would say i'm rubbing it in her face .she was still on methadone and used on top so although i got clean (no subutex and no heroin) 4 about a week i couldnt get away from them circles as kate was still there.
hey presto, i'm back on heroin.
i went with methadone this time so that kate could keep up with me and i wouldn't put any pressure on her..
don't get me wrong it's not all kate..takes 2 to tango.
buts it's mainly kate askin me 2 dance..lol.
really glad 2 hear ur doin well.
rather clean with not much goin on,than usin with a busy life.
thanks 4 gettin back and any points of view are goin 2 simmer around with me until i make a decision..
love...john.
did u realise that 'dork' is the technical term for a whales p****..lol
bit of useless info..lol
bit of a coincidence both leavin and startin at roughly same time..lol
i think one of the reasons i haven't left my partner is because i love her(i think) plus at the moment i aint got nowhere else 2 go.
my mother and father have now both now passed away and i would always go 2 them when i run away.so now it would need alot more planning.
plus she has a court case hangin over her head at the mo and i wouldn't leave her alone with that.
i could go on and on but....heh....lol
i came off subutex butdidn't even mention it to kate as she would say i'm rubbing it in her face .she was still on methadone and used on top so although i got clean (no subutex and no heroin) 4 about a week i couldnt get away from them circles as kate was still there.
hey presto, i'm back on heroin.
i went with methadone this time so that kate could keep up with me and i wouldn't put any pressure on her..
don't get me wrong it's not all kate..takes 2 to tango.
buts it's mainly kate askin me 2 dance..lol.
really glad 2 hear ur doin well.
rather clean with not much goin on,than usin with a busy life.
thanks 4 gettin back and any points of view are goin 2 simmer around with me until i make a decision..
love...john.
Ah, here you are!
I guess we'd never really discussed what your relationship was like so I didn't know how you felt about her (Kate). I hope you didn't feel like I was minimizing your commitment or love for her. I just didn't know (and perhaps wanted to get you thinking about it?)
I understand how it feels to be be backed into a corner with no one to turn to. I'm there quite often myself. I think that's one of the biggest reasons for returning to the board. Being clean is an accomplishment but the rigors of everyday life are still very tedious and it's difficult to relate to people who don't know (or understand) the set-backs and pitfalls we have to overcome because of our addictions.
I keep thinking...Jeezus, Callie...you're 51 years old. Everybody your age is settled into thier lives and you're still floppin' around like a big whales p****. What the Hell is the matter with you? I hate not feeling like I measure up or that I don't have much to offer (which is probably the main reason I used in the first place.) I overlook the fact that I've been struggling with addiction for over 15 years and I don't have the same base camp as a lot of other people. Oh well! It is what it is.
It feels good to be here again and I'll probably be sticking around so if you want to chat...chances are, I'll be here and I'd love to hear from you.
Callie
I guess we'd never really discussed what your relationship was like so I didn't know how you felt about her (Kate). I hope you didn't feel like I was minimizing your commitment or love for her. I just didn't know (and perhaps wanted to get you thinking about it?)
I understand how it feels to be be backed into a corner with no one to turn to. I'm there quite often myself. I think that's one of the biggest reasons for returning to the board. Being clean is an accomplishment but the rigors of everyday life are still very tedious and it's difficult to relate to people who don't know (or understand) the set-backs and pitfalls we have to overcome because of our addictions.
I keep thinking...Jeezus, Callie...you're 51 years old. Everybody your age is settled into thier lives and you're still floppin' around like a big whales p****. What the Hell is the matter with you? I hate not feeling like I measure up or that I don't have much to offer (which is probably the main reason I used in the first place.) I overlook the fact that I've been struggling with addiction for over 15 years and I don't have the same base camp as a lot of other people. Oh well! It is what it is.
It feels good to be here again and I'll probably be sticking around so if you want to chat...chances are, I'll be here and I'd love to hear from you.
Callie
nah,i've been thinkin of my relationship for about 3 yrs now(we've been 2gether 4 about9 yrs).
just that its sometimes easier just to hang in there.i do love her but we're at stalemate i think..
i know wot u mean when u get clean.
the trials and trivulations carry on.
all the reasons u used in first place are still there and need to be addressed.
plus lots of other issues.
i have just started 2 write my life story hoping that it will help.it does feel better after each chapter.
and i think the reasons i've come back are similar 2 urs.
facebook( or any other competant socialnetworking sites)( lol)
just doesn't do it 4 me.
not that i want to talk about drugs ( i actually dont really want 2) but i can if it relates 2 some issue we're talkin about and i don't have 2 feel dirty and worry wot will b thought of me.
i've been doin volunteer work until i can get a proper job.
is there no chance u can do that??
it helps me 2 keep 1 foot in normality and helps with boredom( looks good on c.v also)
enuff 4 now.
i'm gonna watch a film
speak soon
xxxx xxxx
just that its sometimes easier just to hang in there.i do love her but we're at stalemate i think..
i know wot u mean when u get clean.
the trials and trivulations carry on.
all the reasons u used in first place are still there and need to be addressed.
plus lots of other issues.
i have just started 2 write my life story hoping that it will help.it does feel better after each chapter.
and i think the reasons i've come back are similar 2 urs.
facebook( or any other competant socialnetworking sites)( lol)
just doesn't do it 4 me.
not that i want to talk about drugs ( i actually dont really want 2) but i can if it relates 2 some issue we're talkin about and i don't have 2 feel dirty and worry wot will b thought of me.
i've been doin volunteer work until i can get a proper job.
is there no chance u can do that??
it helps me 2 keep 1 foot in normality and helps with boredom( looks good on c.v also)
enuff 4 now.
i'm gonna watch a film
speak soon
xxxx xxxx
I came across this while perusing the "Today I am grateful for...." thread on the Alcohol board. No matter how many times I see it, I'm always astounded and how it resounds with me. I guess I'm just hard-headed enough to dispute the fact that I am indeed a gift and I should treat myself as such.
I wanted you to have this....
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Celebrate
Take time to celebrate.
Celebrate your successes, your growth, and your accomplishments. Celebrate you and who you are.
For too long you have been too hard on yourself. Others have spilled their negative energy - their attitudes, beliefs, and pain - on you. It had nothing to do with you! All along, you have been a gift to yourself and to the Universe.
You are a child of God. Beautiful, a delight, a joy. You do not have to try harder, be better, be perfect, or be anything you are not. Your beauty is in you, just as you are each moment.
Celebrate that.
When you have a success, when you accomplish something, enjoy it. Pause, reflect, and rejoice. Too long you have listened to admonitions not to feel good about what you have done, lest you travel the downward road to arrogance.
Celebration is a high form of praise, of gratitude to the Creator for the beauty of God's creation. To enjoy and celebrate the good does not mean that it will be taken from you. To celebrate is to delight in the gift, to show gratitude.
Celebrate your relationships! Celebrate the lessons from the past and the love and warmth that are there today. Enjoy the beauty of others and their connection to you.
Celebrate all that is in your life. Celebrate all that is good. Celebrate you!
Today, I will indulge in the joy of celebrating.
I wanted you to have this....
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Celebrate
Take time to celebrate.
Celebrate your successes, your growth, and your accomplishments. Celebrate you and who you are.
For too long you have been too hard on yourself. Others have spilled their negative energy - their attitudes, beliefs, and pain - on you. It had nothing to do with you! All along, you have been a gift to yourself and to the Universe.
You are a child of God. Beautiful, a delight, a joy. You do not have to try harder, be better, be perfect, or be anything you are not. Your beauty is in you, just as you are each moment.
Celebrate that.
When you have a success, when you accomplish something, enjoy it. Pause, reflect, and rejoice. Too long you have listened to admonitions not to feel good about what you have done, lest you travel the downward road to arrogance.
Celebration is a high form of praise, of gratitude to the Creator for the beauty of God's creation. To enjoy and celebrate the good does not mean that it will be taken from you. To celebrate is to delight in the gift, to show gratitude.
Celebrate your relationships! Celebrate the lessons from the past and the love and warmth that are there today. Enjoy the beauty of others and their connection to you.
Celebrate all that is in your life. Celebrate all that is good. Celebrate you!
Today, I will indulge in the joy of celebrating.
Hey Herman, good to see you posting again. Few years ago my partner was using when i was trying to stay clean, then i used when she....recipe for disaster. well, in my opinion anyway. But , it is not easy to part from someone you love, eh? It is a tough situation to be in. Me and my partner are still together, clean and happy......it turned out good in the end.
Don't know what to say as far as advice, just be careful as one adict trying to stay clean around another addict will be hard...
Don't know what to say as far as advice, just be careful as one adict trying to stay clean around another addict will be hard...
dont i know it..lol
i initially was gonna move away from home,get stable on subutex then ask her 2 come and join me as i wanted 2 get strength and motivation 2gether so that when kate followed i would b able 2 help her and persuade her not 2 use if she was gonna relapse.
instead she moved straight with me cos she was scared 2 b by herself(i reckon she thought i was gonna leave her).
now 2 yrs down the line and after coupla times of bein clean(on methbut no heroin) roughly 2-3 months at a time, we're gonna move 2 a small village 300 miles from here and try once again..lol
its all good fun...lol
i initially was gonna move away from home,get stable on subutex then ask her 2 come and join me as i wanted 2 get strength and motivation 2gether so that when kate followed i would b able 2 help her and persuade her not 2 use if she was gonna relapse.
instead she moved straight with me cos she was scared 2 b by herself(i reckon she thought i was gonna leave her).
now 2 yrs down the line and after coupla times of bein clean(on methbut no heroin) roughly 2-3 months at a time, we're gonna move 2 a small village 300 miles from here and try once again..lol
its all good fun...lol
I love you, John!!
I am so feeling like a piece of crap today and you made me laugh. Thanks darlin'!
Callie
I am so feeling like a piece of crap today and you made me laugh. Thanks darlin'!
Callie
hi i am the same just using on pay day and only with my boyfriend just dont same to be able to stop and would not use alone boyfriend just been in hospital for 4 weeks and i did not use at all but thing is i have money cause work 3 jobs so with out me he couldnt use thing is we been together 7 yrs and i do still love him and thats what makes it hard you not leaving them cause you dont love them or because they done some thing bad to you some times i wish he would it would make it easier because i know it would help me and him i have not got the strength to beat this s*** and leave him thing is dont want to leave him but i do want to stop this
(callie...hows it i lake i laugh..lol .inform me an i'll keep it up..lol)
and "a reason"..
u seem 2 b in a similar situation as i am.
i feel similar 2 urself. and its bl***y hard.i am gonna wait til i find out about my partners sentence and then perhaps make the decision of perhaps splitting.
i hope it all goes well for u.
i do not practice any religion and, any kind of "i'll pray 4 u " or " god is with u " or any other so called words of compassion to do with religion don't mean nothing to me.acually does the opposite.winds me up..
therefore....you should keep up the good work and sounds like ur half way there.just need a few nudges..
take care and don't 4get..........god is with u..(sorry,couldn't resist)
and "a reason"..
u seem 2 b in a similar situation as i am.
i feel similar 2 urself. and its bl***y hard.i am gonna wait til i find out about my partners sentence and then perhaps make the decision of perhaps splitting.
i hope it all goes well for u.
i do not practice any religion and, any kind of "i'll pray 4 u " or " god is with u " or any other so called words of compassion to do with religion don't mean nothing to me.acually does the opposite.winds me up..
therefore....you should keep up the good work and sounds like ur half way there.just need a few nudges..
take care and don't 4get..........god is with u..(sorry,couldn't resist)
Hey John!
I was wondering if you'd come back by. You made me chuckle with the ending to your last post. "It's all in good fun". You seem to be so much like me in that, no matter how s***ty things get, you do try to lighten things up with a sense of humor. I'm glad to see you posting. The answers to your predicament will reveal themselves to you when you're open and ready for them.
Take good care,
Callie
I was wondering if you'd come back by. You made me chuckle with the ending to your last post. "It's all in good fun". You seem to be so much like me in that, no matter how s***ty things get, you do try to lighten things up with a sense of humor. I'm glad to see you posting. The answers to your predicament will reveal themselves to you when you're open and ready for them.
Take good care,
Callie
hi callie....
it will b my downfall..
when my parents where alive they used 2 say " john, take life more seriously" i'd b like" s*** happens" .
one of these days we'll grow up.
i hope..lol
i don't go online everyday as i get bored with the computer.
i'll log on 2 google somethin then log off again.
i just haven't got the attention span.
sayin that some days i'll b on til 5 in the mornin..lol
callie ,wot u get up 2 apart from this forum ?
hope not any seedy chat sites..lol
it will b my downfall..
when my parents where alive they used 2 say " john, take life more seriously" i'd b like" s*** happens" .
one of these days we'll grow up.
i hope..lol
i don't go online everyday as i get bored with the computer.
i'll log on 2 google somethin then log off again.
i just haven't got the attention span.
sayin that some days i'll b on til 5 in the mornin..lol
callie ,wot u get up 2 apart from this forum ?
hope not any seedy chat sites..lol
Me??? Seedy chat sites? Heavens no!! And if you believe that......I'M KIDDING! Luckily I've had a few days of work this week. Today, I'm waiting to interview with a new client this evening. It'll mean working evenings but it's steady and it'll be just what the doctor ordered. Besides, it'll keep me occupied in the evenings. That seems to be the most difficult for me. I work alone and I live alone so it does get pretty lonesome around here sometimes. Anyway, that's what I'm up to for today. Hopefully, things will start to pick up and in a few months, I'll be able to cut loose and have some fun.
Callie
Callie
i've applied for so many jobs..
it would b nice even 2 get a rejection letter.but i'm just left waitin..i'm stickin with volunteer work until somethin comes up..
i've meant 2 ask...
is the time on the side correct..
gone 17:45
as it's 22:45 in england
it would b nice even 2 get a rejection letter.but i'm just left waitin..i'm stickin with volunteer work until somethin comes up..
i've meant 2 ask...
is the time on the side correct..
gone 17:45
as it's 22:45 in england
Yes!!! I did split with my partner to get clean, it was the only way i reckon i could have done it!
I never wanted him back after......i tried once to get clean, and done it the first time....and i have never looked back, thats been 2+years...
Dont get me wrong jon tried his hardest to get back with me from jail, but i changed my number, moved and just kept away from my old friends that i smoked with.
I honestly dont regret ever leaving him, i heard all the same old stories...that i havent got a heart, im cold, b@*?h but u know what it was a case of him or me, well i went for sorting myself, and it worked!.... its so much harder when u have got sum 1 next 2 u saying arrr i cant do this, o i will start tomorra...or them running off leaving ya rattling while the go and smoke come back and pretend they aint had nothing....so u say well i might as well ava boot as well then....
just think about u, coz in the end thats all u got in this big world....look at me ..i am clean... happy ....my daughter skye is happy, and i dont miss him.... what ever u do, good luck....take care tracie ;-)
I never wanted him back after......i tried once to get clean, and done it the first time....and i have never looked back, thats been 2+years...
Dont get me wrong jon tried his hardest to get back with me from jail, but i changed my number, moved and just kept away from my old friends that i smoked with.
I honestly dont regret ever leaving him, i heard all the same old stories...that i havent got a heart, im cold, b@*?h but u know what it was a case of him or me, well i went for sorting myself, and it worked!.... its so much harder when u have got sum 1 next 2 u saying arrr i cant do this, o i will start tomorra...or them running off leaving ya rattling while the go and smoke come back and pretend they aint had nothing....so u say well i might as well ava boot as well then....
just think about u, coz in the end thats all u got in this big world....look at me ..i am clean... happy ....my daughter skye is happy, and i dont miss him.... what ever u do, good luck....take care tracie ;-)
cheers.
my partner has worked all her life and apart from takin H. never done anything illrgal.now she was stupid and faces 1-2 yrs in jail.
finishing now would b horrific..i just don't know.
she would probably get clean in prison..no?
one of these days i'll have 2 sort it.
thanx 4 points of views..
john,
my partner has worked all her life and apart from takin H. never done anything illrgal.now she was stupid and faces 1-2 yrs in jail.
finishing now would b horrific..i just don't know.
she would probably get clean in prison..no?
one of these days i'll have 2 sort it.
thanx 4 points of views..
john,
Hi John thanks for the good words on my thread , i hope the law ain't to hard on your girl and that the both of you can get to where you want to be, you don't need me to tell you anything about your struggle as your living it (like groundhog day) it was for me anyway . What i do want to ask though is meth or subees youv'e been on them both whats your view , i found that meth gave me swets and i couldn't go a day without it where as subutex although i get into trouble if i miss a day i can as it has a longer half-life also knowing that i get no effect of H if i use it is a good enough deterant aswell as what it done to my life and all involved lol obviously anyway mate once again thanks for your replie and good luck in your fight PEACEOUT!!!paul
hi paul,
the sweats are a nightmare,aint they..lol
give me subutex anyday over meth.
all of what u mentioned tallies with my exp.
the hardest part is the first dose..
if one doesn't get it right it's a nightmare.
within 10-20 min a bad case of rattlin.
plus with subbies one can detox fully within 5-6 weeks.even off the higher doses.just need the councelling 2 go with it.
only i found the metallic taste quite off putting and many sleepless nights.
subbies kept me awake.
but they are just minor details when getting clean..
thanx for the encouragement.
i was just on pain-pills 4 a change and some elik garet (or somename)
really pushed my buttons.
fumin i was ,,lol
its good 2 hear the opposite(as in encouragement ,rather than enragement .lol)
cheers,
john
the sweats are a nightmare,aint they..lol
give me subutex anyday over meth.
all of what u mentioned tallies with my exp.
the hardest part is the first dose..
if one doesn't get it right it's a nightmare.
within 10-20 min a bad case of rattlin.
plus with subbies one can detox fully within 5-6 weeks.even off the higher doses.just need the councelling 2 go with it.
only i found the metallic taste quite off putting and many sleepless nights.
subbies kept me awake.
but they are just minor details when getting clean..
thanx for the encouragement.
i was just on pain-pills 4 a change and some elik garet (or somename)
really pushed my buttons.
fumin i was ,,lol
its good 2 hear the opposite(as in encouragement ,rather than enragement .lol)
cheers,
john
Yeh mate i know what you mean about the first dose i think the more strung out you are the better the first dose is as it lets you see how good these pills can be if used correctly, i also found when i started i was on the larger pills (oval) and they took a while to disolve but hey within an hour i got a euphoric feeling but now i'm on the small round ones kinda like what tem geesics were and they disolve rapidly but no euphoric feeling the girl in the chemist reckons its the sugary coating on the oval ones anyway i'm pratling on here and you sound like your heading for a good place ie sorting and knowing which direction to go and where you want to be keep it up mate you'll get they're..PEACEOUT!!!paul
