I feel so overwhelmed !. I need help with the 4th step. I am ready and WILLING to do it but I don't have a clue to what is the proper way to do so. Can you help me? Can you give me step by step on how to go about it.? I have been working on it for weeks, what my sponsor and I have been doing over the phone and internet and its just not working. I feel overwhelmed and confused. I know I must seem like a dumb a...s but I need instructions on how to do it. He is looking at another way for me as well but there must be something better to work with than the way we are doing it. I really want to do it. I have committed myself to this program. I want what you guys have. So will you please help me on how to do it.thanks. sorry if I sound like I'm whining but I feel stuck. Thanks you.
First calm down. <G>
Make a list of all your resentments.
Get back to me when you're done. I have to look for the sheet that says what comes next. Just make a list. smooch.
Edit:
I don't have the work sheet on my work computer but I have it at home. So just make a list of people, places, institutions that you have a resentment against. I think the second column is what happened to cause it, but not positive so just stick with first column.
Make a list of all your resentments.
Get back to me when you're done. I have to look for the sheet that says what comes next. Just make a list. smooch.
Edit:
I don't have the work sheet on my work computer but I have it at home. So just make a list of people, places, institutions that you have a resentment against. I think the second column is what happened to cause it, but not positive so just stick with first column.
Thanks for replying. (( ))) a list of how far back? to childhood if I had any?
If you still have a resentment, no matter how far back, write it down. If its something in the past that you've gotten over then there's no reason to put it down.
Here's the second column: I ask myself why am I angry? What did they do to me to cause the anger?
Third: On my grudge list I set opposite each name my injuries. Was it my self-esteem, my security, my ambitions, my personal or sex relations which had been interfered with?
Fourth:Putting out of mind the wrongs others have done, I resolutely look for my own mistakes. What did I do, if anything, to set in motion trains of circumstances, which in turn caused people or institutions to hurt me and eventually let to my resentment of them for doing so?
Fifth: This column you do on your fifth step. You fill it out with your sponsor..."Selfish" "Dishonest" "Self-Seeking and Frightened" "Inconsiderate" Which of the above character defects caused me to do what I did, or cause me to want to hold on to the old resentment, even though I may have done nothing to cause it?
Here's the second column: I ask myself why am I angry? What did they do to me to cause the anger?
Third: On my grudge list I set opposite each name my injuries. Was it my self-esteem, my security, my ambitions, my personal or sex relations which had been interfered with?
Fourth:Putting out of mind the wrongs others have done, I resolutely look for my own mistakes. What did I do, if anything, to set in motion trains of circumstances, which in turn caused people or institutions to hurt me and eventually let to my resentment of them for doing so?
Fifth: This column you do on your fifth step. You fill it out with your sponsor..."Selfish" "Dishonest" "Self-Seeking and Frightened" "Inconsiderate" Which of the above character defects caused me to do what I did, or cause me to want to hold on to the old resentment, even though I may have done nothing to cause it?
Hi Pirate...
I remember being overwhelmed, frustrated, fears popping up that I wasn't doing it "right" and I'll share what was shared with me.
First, breathe and remember, keep it simple.
It's an inventory, so we're fact finding. Read the Big Book, over and over, and everytime you begin to work on it, pray to your HP and ask for the courage, strength and willingness and then put the pen to paper.
I did my 4th step like the book said, made a column and listed everyone/thing/place/institution I had a resentment against, and yes, I went back as far as I could remember because if I remember it and it's still an issue, it's time to rid myself of it.
After you do the list, then you move to the second column. Now a piece of advice that worked so well with me was when I was listing the resentments, I just wrote the name down and didn't get into the reasons and/or the justifications for the resentments. I was told just to put the name down and move on.
If you have email, I could email you the sheets 12stepper is refering to as she sent them my way back when I was doing my 4th....
You're doing great....don't kick yourself, the biggest hurdle for me was the willingness to do this step....
Big smooches,
Stacey
I remember being overwhelmed, frustrated, fears popping up that I wasn't doing it "right" and I'll share what was shared with me.
First, breathe and remember, keep it simple.
It's an inventory, so we're fact finding. Read the Big Book, over and over, and everytime you begin to work on it, pray to your HP and ask for the courage, strength and willingness and then put the pen to paper.
I did my 4th step like the book said, made a column and listed everyone/thing/place/institution I had a resentment against, and yes, I went back as far as I could remember because if I remember it and it's still an issue, it's time to rid myself of it.
After you do the list, then you move to the second column. Now a piece of advice that worked so well with me was when I was listing the resentments, I just wrote the name down and didn't get into the reasons and/or the justifications for the resentments. I was told just to put the name down and move on.
If you have email, I could email you the sheets 12stepper is refering to as she sent them my way back when I was doing my 4th....
You're doing great....don't kick yourself, the biggest hurdle for me was the willingness to do this step....
Big smooches,
Stacey
thank you stacey and kat. I am at the column now and have my big book in front of me. I would like you to email me but I don't want to put my address on here because it is my full name. Do you have one that you post on here? so I can email you and you reply to me. If not I think Kat has hers posted up so I will send her my email address and she can send it to you. Thanks sssoooooo much.
I'll forward them to Kat or you can give her your email address and I'll email you...
Remember, when you get overwhelmed, just stop and pray. I promise your HP will be there with you through all of it...and once you're on the otherside, you'll be so grateful and thankful....
xoxo
Stacey
Remember, when you get overwhelmed, just stop and pray. I promise your HP will be there with you through all of it...and once you're on the otherside, you'll be so grateful and thankful....
xoxo
Stacey
Gidday Pirate
Im sending you gratitude and energy from NZ and you are doing so well, try not to be so hard on your self and i know for me that once i done my fourth step the release was powerful, and anything i missed or forgot can be sorted as remembered also any resentments that come and go in my recovery since then can be dealt with via my daily invertory and my higher powers help:)
You are doing a good job Pirate
light and love Zac
Im sending you gratitude and energy from NZ and you are doing so well, try not to be so hard on your self and i know for me that once i done my fourth step the release was powerful, and anything i missed or forgot can be sorted as remembered also any resentments that come and go in my recovery since then can be dealt with via my daily invertory and my higher powers help:)
You are doing a good job Pirate
light and love Zac
Hey Zac thank you so much for your support. I am looking forward to moving on with the 4th step,seems like I've been at it forever. I wonder if anyone else ever took so long or was so stubborn even getting started lol.Now along with everything else my sponsor can't help me as much as before cause of some personal issues that is going on with him. So he will make contact with me when he can and other than that my resources are you guys.Gonna do it though. I want what the 12 steppers have and dam it I'm gonna get it LOL . God bless and take care .
Gidday Pirate
Your sponsors time away is timely as there are times in the fourth step that the work can only be done by the person involved, so that they can process and move on. and of course at a later date share there findings when the step is read.
There is no time frame and it is like a child learning to stand and walk by themselves, they grab onto things for support and as strength and confidance increase and they walk for the first time unaided....wwwooohhooo the world is open to them
I put fear down in my fourth step and worked through the process with it
Good on you Pirate and at the end of all this burn the paper everything is written on as a way of handing it over to god as the smoke rises
light and love Zac
Your sponsors time away is timely as there are times in the fourth step that the work can only be done by the person involved, so that they can process and move on. and of course at a later date share there findings when the step is read.
There is no time frame and it is like a child learning to stand and walk by themselves, they grab onto things for support and as strength and confidance increase and they walk for the first time unaided....wwwooohhooo the world is open to them
I put fear down in my fourth step and worked through the process with it
Good on you Pirate and at the end of all this burn the paper everything is written on as a way of handing it over to god as the smoke rises
light and love Zac
Pirate...I didn't get to my 4th step until about four months into my sobriety and then it took me another two months to write it all out and then my 5th step took about a 1/2 day with my Sponsor ~ but, if I would've known the freedom, peace and serenity I got from doing these steps (and really all of the steps) I would've not proscratinated so much, but it's all in His time not mine! Hope this helps, you received lotsa great suggestions here already...Geri
Pirate-I did all my steps with the "Step recovery Guide" that NA sells.I'm sure AA has something similar.I liked it because it's very complete and I didn't have all the free floating anxiety that I had trying to follow the Big Book.I always felt like I was missing something.
However,it doesn't matter.Just get started and don't worry about not doing it right.You can do it again.
I've actually got a new sponsor and I'm going to go through the whole thing again.
Good Luck my friend.
However,it doesn't matter.Just get started and don't worry about not doing it right.You can do it again.
I've actually got a new sponsor and I'm going to go through the whole thing again.
Good Luck my friend.
