I need a kick up the rear, I really do. So many people tell me how well I'm doing but I'm still drinking daily, admittedly not much but enough for it to be a problem. I'm finding the prospect of quitting really hard to deal with. I can't seem to get myself together enough to say right today is the last day. I just don't know where my head is at at the moment. I couldn't even speak to my therapist at all at my last appointment I was in such a state. I just said to her that I needed to go home.
I appear outwardly confident about my alcohol consumption but inside I'm really sh*tting myself at how bad it's got recently, I don't think anyone is aware of it at all.
My therapist is telling me that I'm still smarting over all the stuff that has gone down in the last few months what with my uncle having that freak accident and dying, then my dad getting cancer and the worry I had with that. It all seems like a great deal but to me it still doesn't seem an answer to explain my recent behaviour?
I feel really alone in this that's why I'm probably finding quitting so hard. there's no-one I can really talk to who knows what I'm talking about when I say about my anxiety and the inability to sleep. My Psych just doesn't want to give me any meds to help me sleep and my Psychologist is so adamant it's caffeine that's keeping me awake because she's so sensitive to it that she thinks everyone's like that. I want to slap the woman sometimes she makes me so mad. I know I'm not sensitive to caffeine at all. They don't listen to me, like I don't know my own mind and my own body.
I guess it's just a matter of perseverance, I can't quit on myself. Either I stop or I die simple as...
Any suggestions gratefully received...
Izzy
Can you go to an AA meeting? They'll understand exactly how you feel.
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I appear outwardly confident about my alcohol consumption but inside I'm really sh*tting myself at how bad it's got recently, I don't think anyone is aware of it at all. |
Wow, Izzy...you just posted exactly how I felt before I finally surrendered and asked for help....and people that loved me had no idea how bad I had gotten, how desparate and alone I felt.
Can you find a meeting and go? I don't know where you live, but here in California we have a phone number for our Central Office that you can call and they will direct you to the closest meeting and/or send someone to take you. Let them know you are new to the program and you want help and they will help you. If you lived near me, I would come & pick you up myself and take you.
There is hope, Izzy, you just have to make your feet take you and walk through the fear. If you tell me where you're located, maybe I could find a few phone numbers & post them....
(((hugs)))
Stacey
The only asses we kick here are our own, but you're welcomed to watch until you get the hang of it...
Izzy, what shines through so clearly is that you do know what you want to do, and as other people have already said, how you feel is how they felt too. They really are right about AA; I felt an incredibly warm welcome and a sense that people REALLY understood and cared, no matter how confused, sick, anxious, worried, doubtful or plain old afraid and awkward I felt.
You are a wonderful person Izzy, you ARE doing well and any human being would be feeling dreadful with the weight you've been carrying...AND you deserve a great life and to feel even better. I think it's waiting for you Izzy. It sounds like you know what you want to do. People here can help you and AA meetings can help you. That's my experience.
If you call AA they will put a local person in touch with you and if you want that person will come to you and meet you and take you to a meeting. You needn't be alone. Explain how you feel and anything else you want. They're people with some useful sobriety behind them and they've volunteered to help people take that first step through the door. If you prefer they'll just come and talk to you. And if you want to dip your toe in before that just call AA and chat to the person on the phone. It'll be a recovering alcoholic who has been exactly where you feel you are with alcohol, or very close to it.
Love,
Martin
You are a wonderful person Izzy, you ARE doing well and any human being would be feeling dreadful with the weight you've been carrying...AND you deserve a great life and to feel even better. I think it's waiting for you Izzy. It sounds like you know what you want to do. People here can help you and AA meetings can help you. That's my experience.
If you call AA they will put a local person in touch with you and if you want that person will come to you and meet you and take you to a meeting. You needn't be alone. Explain how you feel and anything else you want. They're people with some useful sobriety behind them and they've volunteered to help people take that first step through the door. If you prefer they'll just come and talk to you. And if you want to dip your toe in before that just call AA and chat to the person on the phone. It'll be a recovering alcoholic who has been exactly where you feel you are with alcohol, or very close to it.
Love,
Martin
I agree, you're comment about outwardly appearing okay with the alcohol consumption but inside your scared was exactly how I felt. I've shared often that I've never done an honest first step...always felt that if I was still going to work every day and paying my bills, then my life was manageable. But the descending doom and depression was killing me. I finally got honest with myself that I was scared to death living the way I was (drinking every night and only one person in my life knew about this) and scared to death to live sober.
I completely understand about anxiety and insomnia. I suffer terribly from insomnia...8 days straight of no sleep or only an hour or two, at most. I used the insomnia card, if you will, for many many years as an excuse to drink. If I'd manage to go a day or two not drinking, by the second or third night of not sleeping or sleeping very little, I'd tell myself, "I have to drink! I have got to sleep". I understand exactly where you are coming from.
There are mixed schools of thought regarding sleep and anxiety meds. I do take them, as prescribed, and for me, this has been incredibly helpful. I don't know your doctor's or why they are not prescribing them but if you trust their judgment in other areas of your therapy then maybe they are not prescribing them for you're benefit. Who knows...
I completely understand about anxiety and insomnia. I suffer terribly from insomnia...8 days straight of no sleep or only an hour or two, at most. I used the insomnia card, if you will, for many many years as an excuse to drink. If I'd manage to go a day or two not drinking, by the second or third night of not sleeping or sleeping very little, I'd tell myself, "I have to drink! I have got to sleep". I understand exactly where you are coming from.
There are mixed schools of thought regarding sleep and anxiety meds. I do take them, as prescribed, and for me, this has been incredibly helpful. I don't know your doctor's or why they are not prescribing them but if you trust their judgment in other areas of your therapy then maybe they are not prescribing them for you're benefit. Who knows...
Zippy
Be careful with those benzos. They are terrible to detox from. I went thru 3 months of w/ds.
Be careful with those benzos. They are terrible to detox from. I went thru 3 months of w/ds.
Hi Izzy. I know exactly how you feel and I know all about the insomnia . For a while drinking used to help me go to sleep then after a while I used to only sleep anywhere from 2 to 3 hours a night regardless of how much I drank or what meds I took. One thing you have to understand is that alcohol really disrupts your sleep instead of helping you. I also know the alone feeling your are experiencing,I think every alcoholic know what you are talking about. I can tell from your post Izzy that you need help,please seek it before it is too late. God bless and take care
I have self-tappered to 1mg over the 2 weeks and in 3 weeks I plan will be completely off. This has been a personal decision of mine, one my doctors supports, and I haven't had any w/d symptoms at all...I feel so much better in the morning! And I only hit the snooze button for 1/2 hour instead of an hour! LOL. As for the seroquel...I don't think I'll be coming off that anytime soon.
LOL I didn't realize what a daze I was in in the mornings until I got off of them. My first year sober was like being on a whole new high because my body was medicated for so long. When you get to the end of your taper let us know. You'll need our support probably. Good for you for wanting to get off of those nasty things.
Pink Elephant lasted damned near 6 months, for me! Being sober was like being wrecked on something completely different, because sobriety WAS entirely different. I had WAY too much time, too. Every nuance of waking up (and not coming to) in the morning was like learning to walk! The floors didn't more, I didn't hurt all over, my stock of pain relievers and 'remedies' eventually got thrown away....
I had to learn to live in an entirely different realm.
I had to learn to live in an entirely different realm.
Thank you 12 stepper for the offer of support. Yes, the desire to not be on a potentially addictive substance scared the hell out of me as soon as I went to the other prescription drug thread and read the stories about anti-anxiety/sleep meds withdraws and addiction. I haven't felt loaded in the lest while on the anti-anxiety and sleep meds because I am asleep, I guess. lol. However, being an alcoholic and recognizing transference of addiction...I got scared, still scared...don't want to add that to my collection of addictions! So yes, I will be utilizing the resources of this board in a few weeks to come....see how it works, Izzy...we aren't alone!
Gidday Izzy
Anger was my defence to fear and fear was all to do with not knowing who or what i was and if i belonged
I went to AA meeting and found where i belonged and on my journey now i am discovering who i am:)
light and love Zac
Anger was my defence to fear and fear was all to do with not knowing who or what i was and if i belonged
I went to AA meeting and found where i belonged and on my journey now i am discovering who i am:)
light and love Zac
I just got totally soaked through while out with my dog, his last walk before bed. I just spent the last 15 minutes drying him!
Anyway...
Thanks for all the input guys. Zipper I can identify with what you say exactly. It's like it's me talking... I'm also on Seroquel and a mood stabiliser, they help up to a point but the big thing is the drinking for me. I'm so totally into the idea that this is what is holding me back.
I had a massive talk with my mum about it all earlier this evening and she is all for me going to AA, she said she is going to support any decision I make. I'm going to get all the info and contacts from my alcohol counsellor next week.
I've realised that I can't talk to my Psychologist about sleep because we come from two totally different perspectives, it's impossible. So that is another decision I have made. To keep sleep and my talking therapies separate.
I'm really motivated to do this, it's my last hope. I've tried and tried all the different things to get me to stop drinking and nothing has worked for me. I'm going to order the Big Book right away and have a read.
I will admit thought that I am scared sh*tless about meeting new people and taking this massive step, but I'm at the stage now where I'm looking for that person to talk to who knows exactly where I'm coming from, just like you guys do. My mum doesn't have a clue, but I'm not upset with her.
Thanks for all the great posts. I always come away from here with something else to think about, it's like I'm discovering who I really am.
Many thanks,
Izzy
Anyway...
Thanks for all the input guys. Zipper I can identify with what you say exactly. It's like it's me talking... I'm also on Seroquel and a mood stabiliser, they help up to a point but the big thing is the drinking for me. I'm so totally into the idea that this is what is holding me back.
I had a massive talk with my mum about it all earlier this evening and she is all for me going to AA, she said she is going to support any decision I make. I'm going to get all the info and contacts from my alcohol counsellor next week.
I've realised that I can't talk to my Psychologist about sleep because we come from two totally different perspectives, it's impossible. So that is another decision I have made. To keep sleep and my talking therapies separate.
I'm really motivated to do this, it's my last hope. I've tried and tried all the different things to get me to stop drinking and nothing has worked for me. I'm going to order the Big Book right away and have a read.
I will admit thought that I am scared sh*tless about meeting new people and taking this massive step, but I'm at the stage now where I'm looking for that person to talk to who knows exactly where I'm coming from, just like you guys do. My mum doesn't have a clue, but I'm not upset with her.
Thanks for all the great posts. I always come away from here with something else to think about, it's like I'm discovering who I really am.
Many thanks,
Izzy
Smooches, Izzy....
Do it, Izzy and as was suggested to me, I pass along to you, read the first 164 pgs and wow, what an awakening I had just reading the Big Book....
Take care,
Stacey
| QUOTE |
| I'm going to order the Big Book right away and have a read. |
Do it, Izzy and as was suggested to me, I pass along to you, read the first 164 pgs and wow, what an awakening I had just reading the Big Book....
Take care,
Stacey
Good luck Izzy. thinking of you
Izzy..........no time is the right time to quit and never will be.Life is going to continue whether you stop or not.I see the same reasons over on the PP board.
We all think we're unique with special problems and circumstances.I even saw last year where one lady couldn't stop because she was getting ready to go on vacation.
The time is now .Quit thinking about it,quit processing it in therapy,quit analyzing it,quit rationalizing it........Just do it.
Besides,you know all this.
Good Luck
We all think we're unique with special problems and circumstances.I even saw last year where one lady couldn't stop because she was getting ready to go on vacation.
The time is now .Quit thinking about it,quit processing it in therapy,quit analyzing it,quit rationalizing it........Just do it.
Besides,you know all this.
Good Luck
Thanks for my kick up the rear Tim... I needed that! lol
Izzy
Izzy
Izzy,
If you need a Big Book let me know and I would be glad to send one to you....I've got an extra one in my Literature bag...I'm the Lit girl at one of the meetings I go to....just email me at vwgeri@verizon.net
If you need a Big Book let me know and I would be glad to send one to you....I've got an extra one in my Literature bag...I'm the Lit girl at one of the meetings I go to....just email me at vwgeri@verizon.net
VWGirl,
I've bought 5 of them so far. Got one at home, but the others I've given to new comers--seems like a good use of my money. The latest went to a gentleman Friday who's come to three meetings, stays to himself, and is trying to determine if he might be an alcoholic. I gave him one, suggested (laughingly) that he could sneak it into the garage and try reading some of it and, if he had questions I'd try to help. Otherwise, if didn't think he could use it, simply pass it on, or leave it laying around at a rest area or something... Use it as a doorstop if necessary!
I bought a book called A Simple Program: A Contemporary Translation of the Book Alcoholics Anonymous (Paperback) back in the early 90s. I still have it and it's a literal lift of the Big Book, except the pronouns are changed. It took me almost 20 years to get to meetings after that. Takes what it takes, right?
I've bought 5 of them so far. Got one at home, but the others I've given to new comers--seems like a good use of my money. The latest went to a gentleman Friday who's come to three meetings, stays to himself, and is trying to determine if he might be an alcoholic. I gave him one, suggested (laughingly) that he could sneak it into the garage and try reading some of it and, if he had questions I'd try to help. Otherwise, if didn't think he could use it, simply pass it on, or leave it laying around at a rest area or something... Use it as a doorstop if necessary!
I bought a book called A Simple Program: A Contemporary Translation of the Book Alcoholics Anonymous (Paperback) back in the early 90s. I still have it and it's a literal lift of the Big Book, except the pronouns are changed. It took me almost 20 years to get to meetings after that. Takes what it takes, right?
