Hi. I recently started dating a recovering addict, he has been clean for 2 years and 5 months now. At first he told me he had been addicted t alcohol and sleeping pills but as time goes by and we become closer he has shared with me stories about using cocaine and other drugs and he has shared with me very tough experiences that i must admit have scared me, the tales of his former wild nights make me a little nervous.
We have been seeing each other for 6 weeks now and i'm starting to fall for him, but the other day he was really agitated and told me he was having a hard time because he wanted to use again and he was struggling, i got very scared. He later told me that that happens to him once in a while, that it was normal and i shouldn't worry. I guess im just scared that maybe I am in for more than i can handle, if i fell in love with him and he relapsed i don't know what I would do.
Also he goes to therapy 3 times a week and I'm also scared he might leave me because I know he has to be somewhat selfish and his treatment should come first
also I'm the first girl he has dated since he has started recovery and the first sober relationship he has had. The question is should i stay or should i run? I'm really scared, im 27, single, I don't know if this is too much for me and I could find and easier relationship, im really starting to fall for him.
If you have concerns at this point in your relationship, you should trust your instincts. There is always the problem of loving someone who may not be good for you in the long run.
I always told my daughters, if there is something that bothers you in your dating relationship, it will only get worse as time goes on. Red flags need to be recognized. Don't think that you can change or live with the personality quirks, as this leads to resentments in the future. An adult is pretty set in their ways, and change does not come easily.
A potential partner should be able to enhance our lives, not make us worried or suspicious. No one is perfect, but your boyfriend is struggling with some significant things that can impact you in the future.
Also, look at yourself and question your own motives in dating him. Are you the kind who gravitates toward wanting to help wounded people at your own expense? Are you lonely and willing to settle for companionship over what is best for you? Are you buying into the illusion that with your formidable efforts, you can help change someone's life for the better?
Do some soul searching, decide what your ideal relationship should be, then go out and find it. If we listen to ourselves, and think about our motivations in a current relationship, we can make better decisions for the future.
I always told my daughters, if there is something that bothers you in your dating relationship, it will only get worse as time goes on. Red flags need to be recognized. Don't think that you can change or live with the personality quirks, as this leads to resentments in the future. An adult is pretty set in their ways, and change does not come easily.
A potential partner should be able to enhance our lives, not make us worried or suspicious. No one is perfect, but your boyfriend is struggling with some significant things that can impact you in the future.
Also, look at yourself and question your own motives in dating him. Are you the kind who gravitates toward wanting to help wounded people at your own expense? Are you lonely and willing to settle for companionship over what is best for you? Are you buying into the illusion that with your formidable efforts, you can help change someone's life for the better?
Do some soul searching, decide what your ideal relationship should be, then go out and find it. If we listen to ourselves, and think about our motivations in a current relationship, we can make better decisions for the future.
get out now
