I've been on this roller coaster for four years now. I went to detox last week and two days later I was out buying heroin. Now I'm back to being sick. I know this is something that I have to do. I don't want to use anymore, I don't want to make my family cry, or disown me. I have track marks all over my arms. Besides using I am a great person and very educated, fun loving. I'm 40 years old with three children. 21, 18 and 11. It really makes me so sad that I chose dope over them. The thing is, is that I just don't like being sick. So I continue to use. I stay in bed for one to two days, and then I'm out buying it again, it just never stops.
I'm praying to the lord that this time is going to be the last time. I have to do this at home and get cleaned one way or another. I have to stop using, and I have to be sick. After all, I put my family through hell so I need to suffer a bit myself. I just need some reinforcement and any suggestions that anyone has done that helped them through their detox. I don't have any friends that use, it's just me. I have immodium D, and I have vitamins, but isn't there anything out there that is over the counter that will help? I don't have benzo's...I was going to buy sleeping aid stuff, nyquil, and benadryl. I just need some nice words to get through this. Thank you.
Keep trying Christina. I did answer your ? on my post the 100 days but i know how you feel about being sick. Id rather someone cut my limbs off then to feel that pain. But it passes it really does all you have to do is belive. I know sounds easy hu? Not easy this addicton takes over your mind your body and spirit. But i promise there is a way out. Have you ever been to NA meeting or gotten a support system? If i had to do it alone i never wouldve done it. I never could go through the withdraw pain. Id get maybe a day them BAM i had to do this or that but when you surrender none of that matters you just want to be better more then you want to be sick.
I hope you can find a way to help us to help you cause your family needs you back.
HUGS
I hope you can find a way to help us to help you cause your family needs you back.
HUGS
For the restless your gonna feel you can go to NA chat its 24-7:)
Wanting it is IMO half the battle, Christina.You're proving that because you went to detox only last week or so and then used and here you are ready to start again.
Crazy what we put ourselves through.
Days. For me it was always three days of torture and then I'd go use. Looks like yours is two so what you have to do is get to three. Then you'll get to four.
My heart goes out to you as we all knew that torture. We all want that secret. You know it's not an easy ride. Lord, how many PM meds can we take and how much Nyquil. It's never enough. That insomnia **** that's for sure, but it's part of it.
A good note and I don't know how your weather is, but I could just not ever, ever kick in summer. It's cooler out at least where I live and for some reason that helped me.
Just stay with it and forget for now about all the people you have hurt. Guilt has no place in this while you're sick. Be sorry to yourself and prove you can do it. Later that will I have no doubt endear you to your family. Pace, wedge yourself in between tight places when the kick is at it's worse. Scream away. Come here and pount the keys. No stinkin thinkin.
Gonna keep you in my prayers. You can do this.
Crazy what we put ourselves through.
Days. For me it was always three days of torture and then I'd go use. Looks like yours is two so what you have to do is get to three. Then you'll get to four.
My heart goes out to you as we all knew that torture. We all want that secret. You know it's not an easy ride. Lord, how many PM meds can we take and how much Nyquil. It's never enough. That insomnia **** that's for sure, but it's part of it.
A good note and I don't know how your weather is, but I could just not ever, ever kick in summer. It's cooler out at least where I live and for some reason that helped me.
Just stay with it and forget for now about all the people you have hurt. Guilt has no place in this while you're sick. Be sorry to yourself and prove you can do it. Later that will I have no doubt endear you to your family. Pace, wedge yourself in between tight places when the kick is at it's worse. Scream away. Come here and pount the keys. No stinkin thinkin.
Gonna keep you in my prayers. You can do this.
Hey christina, ive jus read ur post yer its a late reply but ive been through what u have been through. i was on the methadone for 6 long years but i done a home detox and i was in the system and i was prescribed LOFEXADINE. listen to me it gets easier m8 i didnt like feeling sick but we put ourself through it so we gotta get ourself out of it. now listen to me hold ur head up high and say ive had enough, even look in the mirror and say thats not, think about ur children, hey got to go now i will tlk soon...... BUT BELIEVE ME IT GETS BETTER AND U WILL FEEL BETTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I FEEL SO MUCH HEALTHIER, U CAN DO ITTTTTTTTTTT SAFE AND RESPECT FOR SAYING HOW HARD IT ISXX
Hey Christina...
How is the detox going????? Are you hanging in there?
If you are trying it on your own...good luck... That never worked for me. My "addict self" always won over the battle after just a few hours, as soon as I started feeling even the slighest bit sick. The anxiety would come and off I'd go. Anything to stop the withdrawal and get well.
I hope you do better.
Have you tried a methadone detox? I mean one that is longer than the normal 21 day detox.
I wish you the best....
Granny
How is the detox going????? Are you hanging in there?
If you are trying it on your own...good luck... That never worked for me. My "addict self" always won over the battle after just a few hours, as soon as I started feeling even the slighest bit sick. The anxiety would come and off I'd go. Anything to stop the withdrawal and get well.
I hope you do better.
Have you tried a methadone detox? I mean one that is longer than the normal 21 day detox.
I wish you the best....
Granny
Have you ever tried Suboxone detox? While you DO have to wait until you are in withdrawal, once you get to a certain level, they'll give you a Suboxone (pill or film) that you put under your tongue, and you'll be feeling a million times better in about a half an hour. You can go to Suboxone.com to find a physician who can prescribe it where you live.
Not a bad idea Spriggers,
As I know more about methadone than suboxone I dont feel I should recommend something I dont know about, so thanks for your input.
As I know more about methadone than suboxone I dont feel I should recommend something I dont know about, so thanks for your input.
Hi
I know I haven't been around for a long time , but I still snoop around now and then-
I saw this >>>Starting Detox In The Morning, Scared<<<< and I thought I comment a bit-
Maybe some of you folks remember my G/F of many yrs- (Sandy)- - -Well she moved away about 2 yrs ago to go back to Saratoga ,NY to try to get her life going in a better direction-
Yes she was on Methadone for a long time, but alcohol had become a big problem-(as it often does with old time heroin addicts, who get clean from opiates )
Anyway I heard from her sister that she was admitted yesterday into a detox unit - for alcohol and benzo use , and they are going to continue to keep her on her dose of mdone.-
IMO- this is the correct approach ,at least in her case. I believe that she is sooo far removed from the days of heroin , that she was replacing it with substances that she never really did-
It soon became a problem. I think if she gets completely detoxed and treated mentally for the reasons she went this way>> and of course the physical issues- - she wont be looking to do the booze and benzo,s- She certainly wont be looking to run around dealing with a heroin habit- especially at this age .
I hear she is also scared - which is only natural- even though she has gone thru detoxes before, this is a bit different- - This time she made the choice ,not others like the times before, This time she realizes she ain't 25 anymore, and the thought of booze takin her out has really motivated her to get it together-
Well, sorry, I made it about me- or Sandy really- - but I have no-one to really talk to about this kinda stuff ,so I came back to where I know best- -friends that are re-coving addicts that dont judge , but will listen-
Hope all you guys are well, I know I am- Even though my kid doesn't get it yet, I'm sure he will as he slowly finds out that I'm not there to enable the s*** outta his lifestyle anymore-
(I asked him to leave the house & he now lives with a Friend of his a few towns over)
He knows to call me if he is sober- but dont bother me with some kind of drunken BS (UNLESS ITS, gODfOrBiD , a hospital call)
It had to be done- I'm happy for Sandra, and naturally worried about my kid- but I'm OK with my decisions-
Good taking up all your time again- hahh
with love
jack
I know I haven't been around for a long time , but I still snoop around now and then-
I saw this >>>Starting Detox In The Morning, Scared<<<< and I thought I comment a bit-
Maybe some of you folks remember my G/F of many yrs- (Sandy)- - -Well she moved away about 2 yrs ago to go back to Saratoga ,NY to try to get her life going in a better direction-
Yes she was on Methadone for a long time, but alcohol had become a big problem-(as it often does with old time heroin addicts, who get clean from opiates )
Anyway I heard from her sister that she was admitted yesterday into a detox unit - for alcohol and benzo use , and they are going to continue to keep her on her dose of mdone.-
IMO- this is the correct approach ,at least in her case. I believe that she is sooo far removed from the days of heroin , that she was replacing it with substances that she never really did-
It soon became a problem. I think if she gets completely detoxed and treated mentally for the reasons she went this way>> and of course the physical issues- - she wont be looking to do the booze and benzo,s- She certainly wont be looking to run around dealing with a heroin habit- especially at this age .
I hear she is also scared - which is only natural- even though she has gone thru detoxes before, this is a bit different- - This time she made the choice ,not others like the times before, This time she realizes she ain't 25 anymore, and the thought of booze takin her out has really motivated her to get it together-
Well, sorry, I made it about me- or Sandy really- - but I have no-one to really talk to about this kinda stuff ,so I came back to where I know best- -friends that are re-coving addicts that dont judge , but will listen-
Hope all you guys are well, I know I am- Even though my kid doesn't get it yet, I'm sure he will as he slowly finds out that I'm not there to enable the s*** outta his lifestyle anymore-
(I asked him to leave the house & he now lives with a Friend of his a few towns over)
He knows to call me if he is sober- but dont bother me with some kind of drunken BS (UNLESS ITS, gODfOrBiD , a hospital call)
It had to be done- I'm happy for Sandra, and naturally worried about my kid- but I'm OK with my decisions-
Good taking up all your time again- hahh
with love
jack
Hi everyone, I thank all of you for your kinds words. I have been sick since last Tuesday, and it is now Monday, 6 days later of pure hell !!! I'm not 100% better but at the least I'd say 90% better, I still have chills and a bit of the runs (yuck) I just say to myself everyday will get better. My worst day was Wednesday when I was barfing my brains out, begging my husband to get me something, and he wouldn't. He took my car keys and no money. And I live very far in the country, so it's not easy to just get up and get what I need. I guess that was for the best. A friend of his had Trazadone and Xanax to help with insomnia which started kicking in, and that's the worst because your sick as hell and just want to sleep it away but after I took those I would throw it back up, I couldn't even keep ginger ale or water, it came right up. By Friday I was able to keep soup down and the Traz down so was finally able to sleep through the whole night. I've been taking it since, the only thing I don't like is the feeling up waking up the next day mid day and feel groggy. So I'm going to stop taking those pills. I want to be able to wake up normal.
I know this is very hard to do, cold turkey, but if you truely want to get off of heroin the best way is to do it cold turkey, so you don't trade for methadone or suboxone. I was on subs and that basically didn't last very long, I would always screw up, finally every Dr. in my area was full or not taking new patients. I didn't want to be on methadone, I didn't want to have to get up every morning and get my dose. I just wanted to be like I used to be and not have to take ANYTHING. The only problem now that I'm having is I'm very weak. I went for a walk with my husband, we went out for a ride, watched the sky divers jump, went to feed the ducks. And I just feel so weak. I've been taking Vitamin c and b12, does anyone have any suggestions on how to get my body back to it's normal state where I'm not as weak. I thought by moving around little by little that would help. I actually been eating soup and crackers, had a tomato sandwich, kept it all down, so obviously eating is a good thing. Just think I didn't eat for 5 days so I don't know what the heck I was throwing up, lol, anyhow I just have to eat the right foods to get the nutrients in my body.
I never want to go through this again and it's really touch and such an evil drug. So I have to be strong. I could use some nice words and any suggestions that may have helped you. My husband also bought me the NA book. It has alot of info in their. I've been praying and just want to be more christian like and do the right thing. I'm thankful for my husband not leaving me. Because he does not use and never had. So I'm thankful for all his help with me. I think I may go to a meeting pretty soon, and make an appointment for therapy or psychiatrist to figure out the reasons of my using.
Sorry it took so long to write but I just couldn't even sit up long enough. I'm feeling good now, so I'd love to hear from you for support. You are wonderful ! Thank you !!
I know this is very hard to do, cold turkey, but if you truely want to get off of heroin the best way is to do it cold turkey, so you don't trade for methadone or suboxone. I was on subs and that basically didn't last very long, I would always screw up, finally every Dr. in my area was full or not taking new patients. I didn't want to be on methadone, I didn't want to have to get up every morning and get my dose. I just wanted to be like I used to be and not have to take ANYTHING. The only problem now that I'm having is I'm very weak. I went for a walk with my husband, we went out for a ride, watched the sky divers jump, went to feed the ducks. And I just feel so weak. I've been taking Vitamin c and b12, does anyone have any suggestions on how to get my body back to it's normal state where I'm not as weak. I thought by moving around little by little that would help. I actually been eating soup and crackers, had a tomato sandwich, kept it all down, so obviously eating is a good thing. Just think I didn't eat for 5 days so I don't know what the heck I was throwing up, lol, anyhow I just have to eat the right foods to get the nutrients in my body.
I never want to go through this again and it's really touch and such an evil drug. So I have to be strong. I could use some nice words and any suggestions that may have helped you. My husband also bought me the NA book. It has alot of info in their. I've been praying and just want to be more christian like and do the right thing. I'm thankful for my husband not leaving me. Because he does not use and never had. So I'm thankful for all his help with me. I think I may go to a meeting pretty soon, and make an appointment for therapy or psychiatrist to figure out the reasons of my using.
Sorry it took so long to write but I just couldn't even sit up long enough. I'm feeling good now, so I'd love to hear from you for support. You are wonderful ! Thank you !!
Wow am I ashamed of myself. I wasn't feeling 100% and I had the chance to use and did. All that wasted time being sick. I don't even know what to do with myself right now. I'm so disgusted and depressed. i almost made it. I was so deathly sick for 5 days. The rest of the days I was just so so weak and tired.
Why did I do what I did? It's like I didn't even learn my lesson of not wanting to put myself through this sickness again. OMG what did I do .....I hope that I don't get as sick as I did. Maybe I will be a little sick, what do you think? I let it go on for two days. And I now have to wake up. I don't want to use to wake up, I don't want to use when I'm sad, I don't want to use ever again !!! I hate it, I hate what it has done to me and my family, and what it turned me into. I have to be strong again, and take the chills and feelings of crap. Please pray for me. Please. I want to be clean.
Why did I do what I did? It's like I didn't even learn my lesson of not wanting to put myself through this sickness again. OMG what did I do .....I hope that I don't get as sick as I did. Maybe I will be a little sick, what do you think? I let it go on for two days. And I now have to wake up. I don't want to use to wake up, I don't want to use when I'm sad, I don't want to use ever again !!! I hate it, I hate what it has done to me and my family, and what it turned me into. I have to be strong again, and take the chills and feelings of crap. Please pray for me. Please. I want to be clean.
Just keep on trying and keep coming back. You will find a way.
I hate that you had to go thru all that Christine.I have been that route before it is no fun,for sure.
I want to suggest something to you, even though you may disagree with me, hear me out.First,
How long and how much have you been using?
I learned a long time ago it is useless to try and do this on your own. It is time to let someone else drive your brain for a while and you sit in the passenger seat. All you have to do is do what you are told and show up.
Now there are 2 ways to do this. One is to go to 30 NA meetings in 30 days,and ask for help.Try not to use during the 30 days.
The second option is to go to a good methadone clinic, and get on a 6 month detox program.(The 21 day is a waste of time for most folks.)
Show up to the clinic every day,follow the clinic rules,take you dose, and go home, sit back and watch things change for the better within just a day or two. No more being sick,that usually stops the first day, and the rest you give your body will be so rewarding. For the first time since you started using, your head will be clearer and you will feel like a human being again. Your appetite will return and you should sleep all night unaided. You will be surprised how nice it is to not have to even THINK about having to go get dope to feel good because you will already be beginning to feel good.
Within about 9 mos of my going om methadone I applied for a job and kept it for 15 years, because I was DONE. I did not want to use again. After many unsucessful attempts at trying it "my way",going on methadone saved my life.I am retired now and raising 2 teenaged grandchildren and loving it.
Thats why I asked how long and how much you used. The longer you have used the more "damaged" your brain is and sometimes methadone maintenance(MMT) is the way to go. But...you have to of failed 2 detoxes,in most states, before you can go on to a maintenance program.
I suggested the 6 month detox,because in just 6 months of not using you will be surprised at how your brain will recover. You can actually think!!!
Please dont discount what I have suggested and by all means please dont listen to people who dont know what they are talking about when it comes to methadone. It is a very well studied drug with minimal side effects( possible constipation and sweating) and if your mind is open you will do well. You are NOT replacing one drug with another. Yes,it is addicting but you DO NOT get high when you take it.
It is no different than taking any other prescribed drug.
Anyway....There here are your choices for probable success:
NA,,but dont mention methadone and AA,but dont mention your drug use,going cold turkey,
or trying a 6 month(180 day) detox.
I didnt mention suboxone because I personally dont have any experience with it so its not my place to comment.Try visiting the methadone board too. I lobbyed for it so people could get good honest information about methadone.
Good luck,
Granny
I want to suggest something to you, even though you may disagree with me, hear me out.First,
How long and how much have you been using?
I learned a long time ago it is useless to try and do this on your own. It is time to let someone else drive your brain for a while and you sit in the passenger seat. All you have to do is do what you are told and show up.
Now there are 2 ways to do this. One is to go to 30 NA meetings in 30 days,and ask for help.Try not to use during the 30 days.
The second option is to go to a good methadone clinic, and get on a 6 month detox program.(The 21 day is a waste of time for most folks.)
Show up to the clinic every day,follow the clinic rules,take you dose, and go home, sit back and watch things change for the better within just a day or two. No more being sick,that usually stops the first day, and the rest you give your body will be so rewarding. For the first time since you started using, your head will be clearer and you will feel like a human being again. Your appetite will return and you should sleep all night unaided. You will be surprised how nice it is to not have to even THINK about having to go get dope to feel good because you will already be beginning to feel good.
Within about 9 mos of my going om methadone I applied for a job and kept it for 15 years, because I was DONE. I did not want to use again. After many unsucessful attempts at trying it "my way",going on methadone saved my life.I am retired now and raising 2 teenaged grandchildren and loving it.
Thats why I asked how long and how much you used. The longer you have used the more "damaged" your brain is and sometimes methadone maintenance(MMT) is the way to go. But...you have to of failed 2 detoxes,in most states, before you can go on to a maintenance program.
I suggested the 6 month detox,because in just 6 months of not using you will be surprised at how your brain will recover. You can actually think!!!
Please dont discount what I have suggested and by all means please dont listen to people who dont know what they are talking about when it comes to methadone. It is a very well studied drug with minimal side effects( possible constipation and sweating) and if your mind is open you will do well. You are NOT replacing one drug with another. Yes,it is addicting but you DO NOT get high when you take it.
It is no different than taking any other prescribed drug.
Anyway....There here are your choices for probable success:
NA,,but dont mention methadone and AA,but dont mention your drug use,going cold turkey,
or trying a 6 month(180 day) detox.
I didnt mention suboxone because I personally dont have any experience with it so its not my place to comment.Try visiting the methadone board too. I lobbyed for it so people could get good honest information about methadone.
Good luck,
Granny
Hay I feel for you brother I know its hard getting that monkey of your back, sometimes its that fear is the mind killer, anticipation of some possible outcome as opposed to the reality of the situation, can be so much worse, but in my case I also just lied to myself I wasnt ready to come off, and lets face the truth taking drugs is nice its all the poo that goes with it that is the head fek
And feeling guilty just twists your melon right out of shape, and threw me on a downward spiral like a sort of self fulfilling prophesy ,feel down score, scoring feeling down, especially someone with an active mind. I dont know if this will help but it helped me?????
After nearly 30 years of using and scrambling my brain repeatedly, I discovered this old Chinese philosophy, and basically it was all about looking within facing the dark and bad side as well as the light and good. old Chinese philosophy is called the TAO or DAO ismjust in case you are interested
But using phrases like I'm praying to the lord that this time is going to be the last time. You are taking the responsibility away from yourself disempowering your self
. I have to stop using, and I have to be sick. maybe putting it like have to will just put more pressure on an already fragile mind, maybe need to, I have to be sick is just reinforcing your negative connotations of doing your rattle , I hope you just dont think Im spouting platitudes ???. If you change the way you see a situation you will change the way you feel about the situation and more importantly how you react to said situation
The truth isnt out there to be discovered like some long lost treasure, the treasure is within, but we must be brave and consistent, the longest journey starts beneath our feet, good luck brother on your way (DAO)
love and peace
Bob
And feeling guilty just twists your melon right out of shape, and threw me on a downward spiral like a sort of self fulfilling prophesy ,feel down score, scoring feeling down, especially someone with an active mind. I dont know if this will help but it helped me?????
After nearly 30 years of using and scrambling my brain repeatedly, I discovered this old Chinese philosophy, and basically it was all about looking within facing the dark and bad side as well as the light and good. old Chinese philosophy is called the TAO or DAO ismjust in case you are interested
But using phrases like I'm praying to the lord that this time is going to be the last time. You are taking the responsibility away from yourself disempowering your self
. I have to stop using, and I have to be sick. maybe putting it like have to will just put more pressure on an already fragile mind, maybe need to, I have to be sick is just reinforcing your negative connotations of doing your rattle , I hope you just dont think Im spouting platitudes ???. If you change the way you see a situation you will change the way you feel about the situation and more importantly how you react to said situation
The truth isnt out there to be discovered like some long lost treasure, the treasure is within, but we must be brave and consistent, the longest journey starts beneath our feet, good luck brother on your way (DAO)
love and peace
Bob
thanks for all the support. do you think I will be deathly sick like I was last week. I got the majority out of me. Then I started with 5 bags morning and 5 bags afternoon and that has been for three days. I do want to stop, I should have never picked it up again. I don't know what I was thinking. I'm very sad because of this. I almost made it. 6 days clean but weak, that was it. And I ruined it all. I suffered when I was sick. I told myself I'd never go through it again. Anyhow, I'm just hoping that since it's only been a couple days, I won't suffer. This is not the way that I want to live. I was doing so good for those days, even though I wasn't a 100% better.
keep ya head up chick it took me two years
