so I think this board might have helped me. the last two days have been rough, have been involved with some people related to my work, and have been getting in these email fights. nasty. yesterday my blood pressure was very high for me and i felt physically ill. went out last night and received a terrible nasty email from someone(worse of my life), was up till after 2 writing reply, then woken 7am because of someone worrying about the snowstorm.
but anyway, it continued today, groggy from no sleep, first time i really had cravings and wished I could get some relief. had to go out and thought about swinging by swampbox. or even smoking a parodi cigar, but that has been the first step the last few relapses, looking for kava i ordered(my legal replacement for weed), but it didn't come in yet.
thought about you folks, and said, no, no one would know except I don't want to be a relapser, at least not yet, day 36, but whose counting, somehow my nerves settled down and i feel good now.
tomorrow is fun day, one of my hobbies is birding and i'll be out tramping around woods, swamps and fields, with good company, counting birds for xmas bird count. past years i'd be like "you go that way, I'll go this way", not this year. i'm good! i made it for today.
Good for you Hardcharger. I haven't smoked for about 6 months now.
The cravings went away after about 3 months for me.
I don't even think about it anymore, and have gotten so I can even watch a movie all the way to the end now.
Sleep was my problem when I stopped. It seemed I would just nod off for like 45 minutes at night and just couldn't get any good sleep.
Now I can sleep like before, well, not as much.
Good luck in your struggle.
Peace be with you,
Ernie
The cravings went away after about 3 months for me.
I don't even think about it anymore, and have gotten so I can even watch a movie all the way to the end now.
Sleep was my problem when I stopped. It seemed I would just nod off for like 45 minutes at night and just couldn't get any good sleep.
Now I can sleep like before, well, not as much.
Good luck in your struggle.
Peace be with you,
Ernie
HC,
Good for you, I had some real struggles with anger and frustrations, I will bump my deficieny list up for , it really helps me when I catch myself giving all my energy to other people. I have to stop and say what am I trying to do in this situation and how is hurting me. hope it helps
Good for you, I had some real struggles with anger and frustrations, I will bump my deficieny list up for , it really helps me when I catch myself giving all my energy to other people. I have to stop and say what am I trying to do in this situation and how is hurting me. hope it helps
hc-
Good for you, dude!
Had to laugh, though, when you said "36 days, but whose counting?" (obviously you are).
If you let them get under your skin, they win, and you kind of remind me of Captian Kirk, you rememer how he solved the Kobiasi Maru (sp) problem? That guy clearly didn't like to lose and I think neither do you.
Back to Nietzsche, Whatever doesn't kill you(r recovery) makes you stronger.
I seem to be having more cravings myself lately, they don't usally last long, one hr max. There is usually some "trigger" ie. a normal everyday situation when I would deal with the problem by "lighting up" and I think it's realated to cutting back on the caffiene thing. Which is going well I am happy to report! Skipped my lunch fix yesterday and had only a very mild headache this morning.
Enjoy your birding, and be sure to post if anyone actually gets a pic of an Ivory Billed WP, ok? I know, it won't be your group, but you also won't miss the news.
The only way to quit is to quit.
Good for you, dude!
Had to laugh, though, when you said "36 days, but whose counting?" (obviously you are).
If you let them get under your skin, they win, and you kind of remind me of Captian Kirk, you rememer how he solved the Kobiasi Maru (sp) problem? That guy clearly didn't like to lose and I think neither do you.
Back to Nietzsche, Whatever doesn't kill you(r recovery) makes you stronger.
I seem to be having more cravings myself lately, they don't usally last long, one hr max. There is usually some "trigger" ie. a normal everyday situation when I would deal with the problem by "lighting up" and I think it's realated to cutting back on the caffiene thing. Which is going well I am happy to report! Skipped my lunch fix yesterday and had only a very mild headache this morning.
Enjoy your birding, and be sure to post if anyone actually gets a pic of an Ivory Billed WP, ok? I know, it won't be your group, but you also won't miss the news.
The only way to quit is to quit.
Hardcharger hang in there. Your posts on this board are some of many that helped me stay clean for 10 months.
. The pressure of my jobs almost always make me want to go smoke or drink or something. I was so happy when you said that you were going birding and you weren't killing the birds. I wake up to the sound of guns killing birds every week end. I hate it. I want to move. They are shooting right now. :-(
. The pressure of my jobs almost always make me want to go smoke or drink or something. I was so happy when you said that you were going birding and you weren't killing the birds. I wake up to the sound of guns killing birds every week end. I hate it. I want to move. They are shooting right now. :-(
What !!!!!! Scandalous !!!! Bird killers.......grrrrrrrr. That is so wrong !
Anyway, just poppin by to say hi. Good on ya, hc. Feel proud and wise today....as you should.
I spent 4 hours wrapping Christmas presents yesterday, listening to Christmas music. It crossed my mind several times to go out to the garage (hubby's home). Maybe it was the Christmas music ??? LOL Too much of that can send anyone out for a puff/drink/whatever.:-)
Proud to say I didn't venture out, though, and all the presents looks so pretty under the tree. I used ribbon this year, too. Something different to celebrate me being different. Sober me. I even hung my 19 year olds baby booties on a branch. He hasn't been around much lately....out partying....but time flies and then they're gone.....sigh...I get so emotional this time of year.....rest assured he will be around Christmas Eve and Christmas morning.
Anyway, you're on your way to two months clean....doesn't it feel GREAT !!!!????
Anyway, just poppin by to say hi. Good on ya, hc. Feel proud and wise today....as you should.
I spent 4 hours wrapping Christmas presents yesterday, listening to Christmas music. It crossed my mind several times to go out to the garage (hubby's home). Maybe it was the Christmas music ??? LOL Too much of that can send anyone out for a puff/drink/whatever.:-)
Proud to say I didn't venture out, though, and all the presents looks so pretty under the tree. I used ribbon this year, too. Something different to celebrate me being different. Sober me. I even hung my 19 year olds baby booties on a branch. He hasn't been around much lately....out partying....but time flies and then they're gone.....sigh...I get so emotional this time of year.....rest assured he will be around Christmas Eve and Christmas morning.
Anyway, you're on your way to two months clean....doesn't it feel GREAT !!!!????
thanks for all the kind words folks. One of my troubles with sobriety is my mind is so active and I get so involved, in a very good way. It is like I have this big weight off my life and I use my brain in the right way and try to find solutions to problems. Trouble is i'm a HARDCHARGER and sometimes people get in my way. I'm not an angry person, but sometimes I do get pissed, esp. when people are liars. I can't stand liars, because when people lie or distort the truth, it is hard for me to find what the information is so I can act on it.
So I called some people out on what I thought were their lies and deceptions and they came back hard at me. Then I really came back at them, but it was full of the truth and that usually disarms people because they know they better not mess with me.
When I'm stoned, I just get high and forget about stuff and let it go. So part of this is normal growth of being straight. But the hardcharger in me can get me into trouble.
So I called some people out on what I thought were their lies and deceptions and they came back hard at me. Then I really came back at them, but it was full of the truth and that usually disarms people because they know they better not mess with me.
When I'm stoned, I just get high and forget about stuff and let it go. So part of this is normal growth of being straight. But the hardcharger in me can get me into trouble.
so my birding day. Someone mentioned sleeping and I don''t think i've gotten a 7 hr night but once or twice in my 39 days. I was up at 4 and out the door soon playing owl tapes. I have two great guys I was out with all day and all we did was drive/tramp around the woods and share belly laughs all day. One of the guys is hilarious and we kid all day long.
Then all the birders from the different areas meet(Xmas Count) for a nice potluck dinner at 6pm. It is so sweet, some of this club is >75 yrs old and from the world war II generation, and they broke into this spontaneous singing of "grace" before we ate and then some birthday singing. Where do you get that kind of stuff? Real nice group and when I am straight I appreciate it so much more.
But i do have a nagging ache in my belly sometimes, it is sad, that I just want to ease the pain of my life. Even though my life is good, it is just hard to be a human being sometimes, I don't think there is anyway for anyone to not trip up.
So tomorrow we have literally 100 or more people coming to my house for a xmas party. It will be crazy. Should bring me some good social karma. I think interacting with people is what life is all about. And even today I had some interactions with people and a richness that I bring into my life in various situations, that when I'm stoned, I just hide my eyes often, and turn my head waiting for the next toke on my pipe. When straight I really "get into" people more often.
Then all the birders from the different areas meet(Xmas Count) for a nice potluck dinner at 6pm. It is so sweet, some of this club is >75 yrs old and from the world war II generation, and they broke into this spontaneous singing of "grace" before we ate and then some birthday singing. Where do you get that kind of stuff? Real nice group and when I am straight I appreciate it so much more.
But i do have a nagging ache in my belly sometimes, it is sad, that I just want to ease the pain of my life. Even though my life is good, it is just hard to be a human being sometimes, I don't think there is anyway for anyone to not trip up.
So tomorrow we have literally 100 or more people coming to my house for a xmas party. It will be crazy. Should bring me some good social karma. I think interacting with people is what life is all about. And even today I had some interactions with people and a richness that I bring into my life in various situations, that when I'm stoned, I just hide my eyes often, and turn my head waiting for the next toke on my pipe. When straight I really "get into" people more often.
I know exactly what you mean about liars. I could have written that post myself.
Shoot em' roast em' and eat em' for lunch, that's how I feel. (Good with catsup, they are, lol.)
Shoot em' roast em' and eat em' for lunch, that's how I feel. (Good with catsup, they are, lol.)
