Im curious, when i first got out of treatment they said to stay out of relationships...im stuborn as hell and i didnt, but i was told to look for warning signs...and i ended up getting rid of the looser that i had...but i found a great man that has proven time and time again that he loves me and that he wants to be apart of my life nomatter what. We took it slow for my first year in the fellowship and i feel very confident in my recovery and i love my meetings and friends, but my question is this....how do you know when you can handle something as big as marrage?? The man of my dreams has finaly entered my life and he wants to get married and he has talked to me about this over the past few weeks and he is hinting thigs to me....my birthday is on Saturday and he told me that he wants me to get a sitter for the kids on Friday and he is takeing me out to get that "little black dress" that i have always wanted and he told me that he has the sitter lined up for Saturday(my b-day) and he wants it to be the best night of my life. He keeps hinting about how surprized im gonna be and he told me today that he was realy nervoise(sp?) for Saturday now. I asked him why and he said that he just had the rest of his life rideing on that night!!! He wont tell me where were going and he is makeing all this fuss over my b-day, but he tells me that its not just my birthday---he wants to make it a night that i will never forget. SHOULD I BE READING INTO SOMETHING HERE???
Guys out there..got any advise?? Is this the way that you all act when your gonna pop the question? or am i just realy loseing my mind about all this??
Ladies, wouldnt you think the same that i am???
I know i know im crazy, but what should i do??
Thanks for letting me ramble..........Your Friend, ChristinaElizabeth
Did you meet this person in the program? Is he in recovery also or just some guy you met?
From the program....he's been in it for about the last 5 years. He understands what i have been through and he has his clean time, and he is realy a wonderful man. He's male, so he has his faults , but i cant blame him for what he ws born with so i have to accept the fact that males can be alittle frustrating at times. LMAO!!!!
I love him, but marrage is a huge step for me!!!
I love him, but marrage is a huge step for me!!!
Personally, I wouldn't marry someone I had met in a program.
But that is me and love is blind. And trying to reason with two people "crazy" in love is "crazy" in itself..hehe.. I'm no Ann Landers
Only you know what is good for you. As far as if I think he is going to pop the question, the Magic 8 Ball says "The outlook is good".....
But that is me and love is blind. And trying to reason with two people "crazy" in love is "crazy" in itself..hehe.. I'm no Ann Landers
Only you know what is good for you. As far as if I think he is going to pop the question, the Magic 8 Ball says "The outlook is good".....
There is nothing wrong with marrying someone in the program. Especially if he has 5 years clean. this is a decision that you need to make and also talk to your sponser about. relationships can take you places emotionally that are very painful and alot of us have used thru out the years to mask those feelings. I used to feel the same way as danny however me being the addict all i had ever been around were straight "normal men" and it never worked out. what is normal anyway? when you meet someone in the program and you both are working the program and are active in the fellowship I do believe you can find happiness as someone that can really relate to you. Take it slow and listen to your gut instinct.
Carol
Carol
I agree with Carol.There is absolutely nothing wrong with marrying someone who has 5 years of sobriety and is working a program.You know him better than we do and it sounds like you love him.
People meet in AA/NA all the time and get married.The success is no different than the national average.50-50
I have to be honest with you though.It sounds to me like you have reservations.
I would definitely talk about those with him and maybe a therapist.Maybe you both could go.Don't feel pressured because he "pops" the question.It doesn't mean you are rejecting him and let him know that.
Here is the $100.00 question.
What do you really want to do regardless of anyone else or society thinks?
If you need more time to think about it,you better not say yes.
Sobriety gives us choices today.Don't ever think you have to say yes to please another person.
Enjoy your night out and put on a big smile with that dress.
People meet in AA/NA all the time and get married.The success is no different than the national average.50-50
I have to be honest with you though.It sounds to me like you have reservations.
I would definitely talk about those with him and maybe a therapist.Maybe you both could go.Don't feel pressured because he "pops" the question.It doesn't mean you are rejecting him and let him know that.
Here is the $100.00 question.
What do you really want to do regardless of anyone else or society thinks?
If you need more time to think about it,you better not say yes.
Sobriety gives us choices today.Don't ever think you have to say yes to please another person.
Enjoy your night out and put on a big smile with that dress.
If something happend to my husband and I even entertained marriage again? It would be someone from the program. Living with someone who finally gets me? Heaven. It would have to be someone with over 5 years though...he sounds like a dream. Talk to you sponsor. Maybe schedule a counseling session for the two of you.
He is going to pop the question. Given what you describe, no doubt about it in my mind.
But, all of the hints and comments he is makinf lead me to think he has some inkling of your reservations. I think that if he was sure you were ready and knew you would say yes he would not be hinting. He is testing the waters because he feels some hesitation.
Please talk to him about it when he asks and don't say yes if you are not SURE.
If you are sure, then congratulations!!!!!!!!
As far as marrying someone in the program.... I have no idea or advice. My wife is not an addict and I have not been in the program long enough to know.
I can tell you that a GOOD marriage is an awesome thing. The love and support and power that I get from my wife and kids ARE my higher power. No joke, they get me through the day.....
peaceout
dtroitj
But, all of the hints and comments he is makinf lead me to think he has some inkling of your reservations. I think that if he was sure you were ready and knew you would say yes he would not be hinting. He is testing the waters because he feels some hesitation.
Please talk to him about it when he asks and don't say yes if you are not SURE.
If you are sure, then congratulations!!!!!!!!
As far as marrying someone in the program.... I have no idea or advice. My wife is not an addict and I have not been in the program long enough to know.
I can tell you that a GOOD marriage is an awesome thing. The love and support and power that I get from my wife and kids ARE my higher power. No joke, they get me through the day.....
peaceout
dtroitj
