I am working my step 4 at the moment and having a lot of difficulty with the feelings I am having. Taking this moral inventory is such a hard emotional trip. The more I write the more thoughts are triggered and I unearth more and more of my character traits........funny that, I thought I had hardly any when using lol..
I have spoken to my sponsor about this and he has said that I should concentrate and bringing it to an end as this is a dangerous place in my recovery and I really need to sort my step's 4,5 and 6 quickly in succession.
Could any of the people on here who have done the steps advice me on this step? what are your experiences?
I have a few questions
How do you know when you have covered everything? I do know it has to be a daily thing thereafter but I feel I am tunneling a bottomless pit?
I thought I'd dealt with some of the old crap but my sponsor says write it anyway (If I dont want to write it then maybe I have issues there) does that sound right?
Is it others experience to feel so low and anxious during this process?
I am not concerned with a perfectly written step 4 but I am trying to be fearlessly honest but I have encountered within myself thoughts about how my heart and head can be so deceitful and can tend to skim things that I don't want to think about. I now realize what others in recovery mean when they almost animate this disease into a devil playing with your head right?
Any thoughts on this would be appreciated.
I had to remember to keep it simple. I wanted to analyse everything as I was going along but I was just driving myself crazy. I found that if I didn't go into each and every detail I was able to get thru it without too much difficulty. And if you miss something you can always talk to your sponsor about it later. I remembered a couple of things when I was doing my eighth so we just did a quick 5th on them and moved on. There have been things in sobriety I've had to do 4th steps on too. So don't overdo it. Don't minimize it but don't overdo. Ask your HP for help and jump in. Congratulations on the willingness to work for your recovery. It is a blessing.
lovin ya
lovin ya
Hi there,
I use the first 164 pages of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous as my "design for living" and an instruction manual for living life on life's terms for myself. In addition the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions book is the companion I use to the Big Book and when taking my Sponsee through the Steps we used both books, as my Sponsor did with me. So with that, I will share with you an excerpt from the 12 X 12, hopefully it will offer some insight for you into the 4th Step...but I was told early on to trust God, clean house and stay sober and it will all come together (sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly).
"Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves."
From the Daily Reflections:
"Step 4 is the vigorous and painstaking effort to discover what the liabilities in each of us have been and are. I want to find exactly how, when, and where my natural desires have warped me. I wish to look squarely at the unhappiness this has caused others and myself. By discovering what my emtional deformities are, I can move toward their correction. Without a willing and persistent effort to do this, there can be little sobriety or contentment for me.
To resolve ambivalent feelings, I need to feel a strong and helpful sense of myself. Such an awareness doesn't happen overnight, and no one's self-awareness is permanent. Everyone has the capacity for growth, and for self-awareness, through an honest encounter with reality. When I don't avoid issues but meet them directly, always trying to resolve them, they become fewer and fewer."
I use the first 164 pages of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous as my "design for living" and an instruction manual for living life on life's terms for myself. In addition the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions book is the companion I use to the Big Book and when taking my Sponsee through the Steps we used both books, as my Sponsor did with me. So with that, I will share with you an excerpt from the 12 X 12, hopefully it will offer some insight for you into the 4th Step...but I was told early on to trust God, clean house and stay sober and it will all come together (sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly).
"Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves."
From the Daily Reflections:
"Step 4 is the vigorous and painstaking effort to discover what the liabilities in each of us have been and are. I want to find exactly how, when, and where my natural desires have warped me. I wish to look squarely at the unhappiness this has caused others and myself. By discovering what my emtional deformities are, I can move toward their correction. Without a willing and persistent effort to do this, there can be little sobriety or contentment for me.
To resolve ambivalent feelings, I need to feel a strong and helpful sense of myself. Such an awareness doesn't happen overnight, and no one's self-awareness is permanent. Everyone has the capacity for growth, and for self-awareness, through an honest encounter with reality. When I don't avoid issues but meet them directly, always trying to resolve them, they become fewer and fewer."
Hi Paul, so good to see you!
A fearless moral inventory is sometimes hard to do. While using we often don't see our faults and harm we've done. Try to keep it simple and keep in mind that we have a disease not a character fault. Just do the best you can and know that you are changing your life for the better. Take care.
xxxxxxooooooo
A fearless moral inventory is sometimes hard to do. While using we often don't see our faults and harm we've done. Try to keep it simple and keep in mind that we have a disease not a character fault. Just do the best you can and know that you are changing your life for the better. Take care.
xxxxxxooooooo
Thanks yous 2
You have helped............How many times will I have to tell myself to keep it simple and to ask God for help.
You have helped............How many times will I have to tell myself to keep it simple and to ask God for help.
hey Paul...that's the best advice I could give you as well...Keep it simple. You'll get a chance to do this step again...we're never done you know. So, be done with it now and re-visit it when you're stronger. That's what I tell my sponsees. They seem to get through it a little easier that way. Just remember that you are helping yourself. That you are recovering. And that you're worth it.
hugs
CG
hugs
CG
Hey Kat & Cowgirl good to see you and that you are still around here :)
Thanks for the post Paul and thank you to each of you who shared....
I'm not yet working on my 4th step but it is nice to see the support and know that there are others that have gone before me that are so open and willing to help....
Good luck Paul and God bless....
Stacey
I'm not yet working on my 4th step but it is nice to see the support and know that there are others that have gone before me that are so open and willing to help....
Good luck Paul and God bless....
Stacey
Oh Stacey, you are in for a treat darlin....and yes, I'll be right here.
I hope you stick around, Paul!
xxxxxoooooooo
xxxxxoooooooo
Neon,
hey there, first of all!!! your 4 th step in my oppinion is never done, it is a life process that i personally do for all things not just addiction, and it is amazing beacuse withe me 4 n 5 are like simeas(sp) twins........... imposible to have one with out the other. And for all the crap we do and how hard it is to be FEARLESS about our mistakes, 5 is there with 6 to follow to help us life the wait of the world off our sholders one brick at a time.
I just had to learn that the steps are not a check off list they arnt a time test to hurry and get a gold sticker keep it on the fridge for a week and then throw it away........... becaus if we throw it away, i know i burned mine, i just have to start somewhere again and that is back in step one.
The only advice i have is to ake it as it coms, truely give what you already have worked through with 4 tho your HP and let (him in my recoovry) take it from you and try not to go back to it. and then when more comes dont panic if anything be excited because you know what you can do with it. It isnt ment to drag you down and make life miserable, i believe they are here from love to help us, just know no ends to the happiness and serenity that recovory brings.
they are beautifull things, stay humble and you will be fine!!!
hope something helped:)
Pants
hey there, first of all!!! your 4 th step in my oppinion is never done, it is a life process that i personally do for all things not just addiction, and it is amazing beacuse withe me 4 n 5 are like simeas(sp) twins........... imposible to have one with out the other. And for all the crap we do and how hard it is to be FEARLESS about our mistakes, 5 is there with 6 to follow to help us life the wait of the world off our sholders one brick at a time.
I just had to learn that the steps are not a check off list they arnt a time test to hurry and get a gold sticker keep it on the fridge for a week and then throw it away........... becaus if we throw it away, i know i burned mine, i just have to start somewhere again and that is back in step one.
The only advice i have is to ake it as it coms, truely give what you already have worked through with 4 tho your HP and let (him in my recoovry) take it from you and try not to go back to it. and then when more comes dont panic if anything be excited because you know what you can do with it. It isnt ment to drag you down and make life miserable, i believe they are here from love to help us, just know no ends to the happiness and serenity that recovory brings.
they are beautifull things, stay humble and you will be fine!!!
hope something helped:)
Pants
Thanks Pants
I suppose a bit of misery did come on me today when I started to think about why I act in certain ways.....for example the way I have often sought others approval to make me feel better instead of being happy with me, as I am. This, I reflected stemmed from the way my father never seemed to notice me except when I did wrong or only showed me affection when drunk. This led me to think about if I resented him. I also started to feel sad for the child I was. I always felt awkward, unlovable and basically useless....then I took a mind altering substance and everything was ok.....for a while. Now, in recovery I am having feelings, those feeling I always ran away from. Even when sober for 14 years (not in recovery) I did things to escape myself.
I am exited now that My higher power seems to be leading me out of this and showing me I am OK....its really ok to be me.
I suppose a bit of misery did come on me today when I started to think about why I act in certain ways.....for example the way I have often sought others approval to make me feel better instead of being happy with me, as I am. This, I reflected stemmed from the way my father never seemed to notice me except when I did wrong or only showed me affection when drunk. This led me to think about if I resented him. I also started to feel sad for the child I was. I always felt awkward, unlovable and basically useless....then I took a mind altering substance and everything was ok.....for a while. Now, in recovery I am having feelings, those feeling I always ran away from. Even when sober for 14 years (not in recovery) I did things to escape myself.
I am exited now that My higher power seems to be leading me out of this and showing me I am OK....its really ok to be me.
Goodness, story of my life, the hardest part for me now, is relizing the hole HUGE picture of why i used...........and i dont like what i see most the time, but ya konw, i ran away for to long, now its time to be a big girl.........lol.........
It is easier to see good in yourself if others do, that is what started me going when i went to meetings, and sometimes it is a good thing to have things pointed out so you can start believing in yourslef, the only thing is you HAVE to start loving yourself, we cant get by on others forever........loving yourslef is the hardest challenge i think, and that is one that i havent conqured.........but i am working on................ JANE im stealing your line, she just told me Faith over Fear, how prfound is that! Your doing just fine, dont be so hard on yourself.......but usually when i got around to my step 4 it was a rainy day and didnt help my mood, then i relized rain, cleanses what a better day to wash away character defects?
HUGS
pants
It is easier to see good in yourself if others do, that is what started me going when i went to meetings, and sometimes it is a good thing to have things pointed out so you can start believing in yourslef, the only thing is you HAVE to start loving yourself, we cant get by on others forever........loving yourslef is the hardest challenge i think, and that is one that i havent conqured.........but i am working on................ JANE im stealing your line, she just told me Faith over Fear, how prfound is that! Your doing just fine, dont be so hard on yourself.......but usually when i got around to my step 4 it was a rainy day and didnt help my mood, then i relized rain, cleanses what a better day to wash away character defects?
HUGS
pants
Yes Paul...that's it for me...it really is okay to be me...
Thank you...
xoxo
Thank you...
xoxo
Neon-I've done a couple of 4th steps in my history in recovery.The best one yet where I actually felt I had covered more ground was the one from:
The Narcotics Anonymous Step working Guides
Its NA Fellowship-approved literature
I've done one from the Big Book and it left me empty?JMO
It requires some time and a lot of writing.It's intense.
Like others said here,you can always go back and do mini 4ths.
Do the best you can.You're not getting a grade.IMO........any attempts at working the steps shows a spritual change.It's not in our nature as addicts to nurture ourselves in very many healthy ways.This is one.
Don't make it an endless production.
Taking that 5th step will prepare you for your journey and the 6th and 7th will set you free.
Good Luck
The Narcotics Anonymous Step working Guides
Its NA Fellowship-approved literature
I've done one from the Big Book and it left me empty?JMO
It requires some time and a lot of writing.It's intense.
Like others said here,you can always go back and do mini 4ths.
Do the best you can.You're not getting a grade.IMO........any attempts at working the steps shows a spritual change.It's not in our nature as addicts to nurture ourselves in very many healthy ways.This is one.
Don't make it an endless production.
Taking that 5th step will prepare you for your journey and the 6th and 7th will set you free.
Good Luck
