Step 4 - Looking Within
"Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves" 12 X 12, pg 42
"Step Four is the vigorous and painstaking effort to discover what the liabilities in each of us have been, and are. I want to find exactly how, when and where my natural desires have warped me. I wish to look squarely at the unhappiness this has caused others and myself. By discovering what my emotional deformities are, I can move toward their correction. Without a willing and persistent effort to do this, there can be little sobriety or contentment for me.
To resolve ambivalent feelings, I need to feel a strong and helpful sense of myself. Such an awareness does not happen overnight, and no one's self-awareness is permanent. Everyone has the capacity for growth, and for self-awareness, through an honest encounter with reality. When I don't avoid issues but meet them directly, always trying to resolve them, they become fewer and fewer." (Daily Reflections)
Step 4 for me is freedom from the bondage of alcohol & drugs, plain and simple...a new freedom and new happiness like I had never experienced before...
I have been told this step is where the rubber meets the road.
I like this step because it is concrete. You do the work and you get results.
For so long I felt like everything that was wrong with me was so abstract, just swimming around in my head. That I would never be able to pinpoint anything that I could change.
But the Big Book laid out the directions and my sponsor set a deadline and I prayed about it. So I wrote down my fears, my resentments and my sex issues. Once everything was on paper in front of me, I could see MY PART in it.This was what I needed. I needed all the BS in my head to solidify and for me to see patterns in my behavior.
Now I could change behavior,b/c I had my personal inventory in front of me .
It wasn't pretty, but you know what??? It wasn't that bad either. I was sick and had been in abusive relationships that formed a lot of defensive behavior. My diseased mind was just trying to protect itself the only way it knew how... to form walls and to numb pain and rejection (real,imagined or anticipated)
But now that I was sober, it was imperative to clean all of that out of my head, my heart and my soul. Once it was out, I could start to heal..and deal with it all..instead of stuffing it down deeper and deeper.
This is one of my favorite steps b/c when you are doing the 4th step...you aren't around AA, you are IN AA. You are doing the work.And it works if you work it.
I like this step because it is concrete. You do the work and you get results.
For so long I felt like everything that was wrong with me was so abstract, just swimming around in my head. That I would never be able to pinpoint anything that I could change.
But the Big Book laid out the directions and my sponsor set a deadline and I prayed about it. So I wrote down my fears, my resentments and my sex issues. Once everything was on paper in front of me, I could see MY PART in it.This was what I needed. I needed all the BS in my head to solidify and for me to see patterns in my behavior.
Now I could change behavior,b/c I had my personal inventory in front of me .
It wasn't pretty, but you know what??? It wasn't that bad either. I was sick and had been in abusive relationships that formed a lot of defensive behavior. My diseased mind was just trying to protect itself the only way it knew how... to form walls and to numb pain and rejection (real,imagined or anticipated)
But now that I was sober, it was imperative to clean all of that out of my head, my heart and my soul. Once it was out, I could start to heal..and deal with it all..instead of stuffing it down deeper and deeper.
This is one of my favorite steps b/c when you are doing the 4th step...you aren't around AA, you are IN AA. You are doing the work.And it works if you work it.
Thanks for sharing that C...you have such a level of awareness and I truly appreciate it...not sure if you know it but I learn so much out of each post that you post.
The 4th step is a daily occurance for me because if i am being angry i instantly think of my obligation to be true to my self and others around me, all of which i am not perfect. It is something that for me is always a learning curve.
Light and love Zac
Light and love Zac
4th step shows us if we are serious about this. I got through my 4th step I thought pretty well. Roadblocked on the 5th and 6th, which my patient sponsor pointed out then the 4th step wasn't complete and honest. (By the way, for everyones information, I am doing my first real step study as these posts are being written).
If we want to hold on to any of our defects and not list them, those committess will keep on keepin on in our heads.
This is where we walk the walk, not talk the talk.
If we want to hold on to any of our defects and not list them, those committess will keep on keepin on in our heads.
This is where we walk the walk, not talk the talk.
Oh, I'm sure guys have this one around the rooms: "This is the Step that turns the boys into men and the girls into women..." It certainly helped me with my emotional maturity....although I've still got a ways to go...it's about the progress not perfection...I've been told the only Step I have to do perfectly is Step one, thank goodness! Hope you all are having a great and sober Sunday (or Monday).
VWGirl - interesting comment about the steps. My sponsor told me that the only step we can do 100% is step 1.
I like that wording myself. She explained that all the other steps are something to strive for. It isn't possible to do the others 100% because that would mean we were God and perfect - LOL. But what we have to do is strive 100%, committ 100% to do them to the best of our ability.
I'm still working through step 1 with my sponsor - I know it seems like its taking forever doesn't it, but she's a really thorough person so I appreciate that.
But as I get sober certain things are coming into my mind that are about Step 4. Certain realisations about my own role in the relationships in my life, and how my shortcomings have affected those relationships. I am working on sorting through those emotions as each thing comes up in my mind.
thanks for the insight from those who have seriously worked this step already.
Idgie
I like that wording myself. She explained that all the other steps are something to strive for. It isn't possible to do the others 100% because that would mean we were God and perfect - LOL. But what we have to do is strive 100%, committ 100% to do them to the best of our ability.
I'm still working through step 1 with my sponsor - I know it seems like its taking forever doesn't it, but she's a really thorough person so I appreciate that.
But as I get sober certain things are coming into my mind that are about Step 4. Certain realisations about my own role in the relationships in my life, and how my shortcomings have affected those relationships. I am working on sorting through those emotions as each thing comes up in my mind.
thanks for the insight from those who have seriously worked this step already.
Idgie
