Here is a back to basics thing.
I am wondering if anyone is interested in participating in a monthly step discussion?
Lets just start where we are month nine:
Step 9: Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
One of my biggest steps. In the height of my addictive behaviors I decided I really hated my mom. I could list millions of ways I felt like she had wronged me. Needless to say now and always she has been my biggest supporter. Through working the steps she became my best friend. We excersize a couple a days a week togeather and meet for a race (5k running) Once a month. Its something I look forward to and love. What a blessing became of this step for me.
The only way I could really achieve making ammends with her, because of all the awfull things I did, was to just start living my life on lifes terms. Doing what I should when I should. Suiting up and showing up. Little by little I make amends to her and others daily by just living my life better.
Anyway what are your stories or suggestions for working this step?
**BTW lets keep this going for all the steps. If I forget or don't post the new month someone else step in. I think this is a great way to stay on top of the recovery process and helps anyone who stubbles on the site.
Love,
Hey me! Also some other points:
Saying Sorry is not the same as making ammends
Our loved ones and not so loved ones have heard this alot. Being sorry was just the sorry selves that we were. My mom used to say your either sorry and your going to do something about it or sorry means you don't give a s***. Wich is it? A little rough but oh so true. Ammends is I'm sorry and I am going to do something about it. Even if it means swallowing our pride and admitting our role in the circumstances.
Step nine is an action step.
"Whenever possible" isn't an excuse
There are times when it is not possible. I've read. Like if someone is dead. My best friend (in active addiction so whatever that means I still consider her someone very dear in my life) died detoxing from heroin in jail. I want to apologize to her for getting her started on using. I want to make ammends the only way I can do that now is acknowledge her when I miss her. I think of her alot, when I do I speak out loud to her. I know I have spoken to her I can't recall if I said sorry. I will do that today. She got robbed of the rest of her life with her little boy and husband. I dodged that bullett. I will live my life well, in honor of her and others like her who died from this disease.
Anyone else?
Saying Sorry is not the same as making ammends
Our loved ones and not so loved ones have heard this alot. Being sorry was just the sorry selves that we were. My mom used to say your either sorry and your going to do something about it or sorry means you don't give a s***. Wich is it? A little rough but oh so true. Ammends is I'm sorry and I am going to do something about it. Even if it means swallowing our pride and admitting our role in the circumstances.
Step nine is an action step.
"Whenever possible" isn't an excuse
There are times when it is not possible. I've read. Like if someone is dead. My best friend (in active addiction so whatever that means I still consider her someone very dear in my life) died detoxing from heroin in jail. I want to apologize to her for getting her started on using. I want to make ammends the only way I can do that now is acknowledge her when I miss her. I think of her alot, when I do I speak out loud to her. I know I have spoken to her I can't recall if I said sorry. I will do that today. She got robbed of the rest of her life with her little boy and husband. I dodged that bullett. I will live my life well, in honor of her and others like her who died from this disease.
Anyone else?
Saying Sorry is not the same as making ammends
Our loved ones and not so loved ones have heard this alot.
I haven't made all the amends yet on my list, I do have a couple that all I am waiting on is for God to put the people into my path (and he will in his time, it's happened before...lol) but the key is on these, I am willing. One of them is my ex-husband.
As for my loved ones in my life, I've made amends and I also do what they call "living amends" where I do the right things today, where I take action when needed and where I admit when I am wrong.....
My husband doesn't want to hear I'm sorry. I think he was done hearing that many, many years ago. Today what I try to do when I have to do an amends is point out where I am wrong and if need be, what I'm going to do differently.
And then there are those financial amends that I'm still putting one foot in front of the other. I just paid off back debt to the State of California (made every payment on time for 3 years) and getting ready to start repaying my debt to the IRS. I was reminded the other day at a meeting that it took me years to create all of this mess and to get out of it, it's just like staying sober, doing it one day at a time, one payment at a time. The key again is I am willing and I'm doing the footwork.
As far as some other amends that I won't be able to do F2F, I have wrote letters and I've prayed & meditated on these and have asked God to show me what more I might be able to do.....
Am I willing today to make direct amends to all that I have harmed and I can say yes....plus I practice Step 10 on a daily basis but we'll wait for next month for that one...LOL
Smooches,
Stacey
Our loved ones and not so loved ones have heard this alot.
I haven't made all the amends yet on my list, I do have a couple that all I am waiting on is for God to put the people into my path (and he will in his time, it's happened before...lol) but the key is on these, I am willing. One of them is my ex-husband.
As for my loved ones in my life, I've made amends and I also do what they call "living amends" where I do the right things today, where I take action when needed and where I admit when I am wrong.....
My husband doesn't want to hear I'm sorry. I think he was done hearing that many, many years ago. Today what I try to do when I have to do an amends is point out where I am wrong and if need be, what I'm going to do differently.
And then there are those financial amends that I'm still putting one foot in front of the other. I just paid off back debt to the State of California (made every payment on time for 3 years) and getting ready to start repaying my debt to the IRS. I was reminded the other day at a meeting that it took me years to create all of this mess and to get out of it, it's just like staying sober, doing it one day at a time, one payment at a time. The key again is I am willing and I'm doing the footwork.
As far as some other amends that I won't be able to do F2F, I have wrote letters and I've prayed & meditated on these and have asked God to show me what more I might be able to do.....
Am I willing today to make direct amends to all that I have harmed and I can say yes....plus I practice Step 10 on a daily basis but we'll wait for next month for that one...LOL
Smooches,
Stacey
--->"Whenever possible" isn't an excuse
Which is why, I gather they use the word Wherever--(def-. in any condition). I was told this step was all about the condition of your soul, not your wallet.
Which is why, I gather they use the word Wherever--(def-. in any condition). I was told this step was all about the condition of your soul, not your wallet.
I made ammends by continuing to work a program of recovery every day. By working that program, I changed therefore my life and relationships changed. I did make ammends to certain people, those that I needed to come clean with and apologize for my actions, but it's my actions now that speak louder than words. Instead of saying I was sorry, I asked for forgiveness.
My Grandmother was one of those people that I needed to make ammends too and she died before I got clean. That one is my biggest regret and one that I have a hard time coming to terms with. But I wrote a letter and buried it next to her grave. It was the best I could do at the time and it did bring some peace. In fact I think it was August that told me to do that.
My Grandmother was one of those people that I needed to make ammends too and she died before I got clean. That one is my biggest regret and one that I have a hard time coming to terms with. But I wrote a letter and buried it next to her grave. It was the best I could do at the time and it did bring some peace. In fact I think it was August that told me to do that.