Hello Everyone! Okay, I'm kicking this thread off with a reading from the Daily Reflections, it is a book of reflections by AA members for AA members. I will follow up the reading with a short synopsis of my experience with this Step. As you post your readings, experience or questions in regard to Step One, the only suggestion that I have is let's try to stay focused on Recovery. Is everyone okay with that?
Powerless
Step One: "We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable."
"It is no coincidence that the very first Step mentions powerlessness; An admission of personal powerlessness over alcohol is a cornerstone of the foundation of recovery. I've learned that I do not have the power and control I once thought I had . I am powerless over what people think about me. I am powerless over having missed the bus. I am powerless over how other people work (or don't work) the Steps. But I've also learned I am not powerless over some things. I am not powerless over my attitudes. I am not powerless over negativity. I am not powerless over assuming responsibility for my own recovery. I have the power to exert a positve influence on myself, my loved ones, and the world in which I live."
For me, this was quite a relief to me, once I got it...for 20 years I tried to get sober....but I did'nt ever not want to be in control, hah! I am a control freak and have to practice this Step on a daily basis. When I had that moment of clarity and saw that indeed my life was unmanageble, it was easy for me to surrender to the fact that I am powerless over alcohol, people, places and things. It is so much easier not having to the "run the show" all the time.
Next........
Hi VwGirl...keeping the focus on recovery...no problem here...
Step one...actually I am doing the writing on this step with my new sponsor. At first I was like....well..I already did this with my old sponsor, I am past all this...haha.....right away I want to control. Needless to say I am writing on it AGAIN. It took my a long time to realize that I was powerless over alcohol/drugs. And managing my own life, well I thought I was doing just fine with that. I didn't think I was powerless over anything. I didnt think I was out of control. After all I still had my kids,they had all the things they needed right? I attended all the school functions and all.They had all the things except for a sober mom that was there for them . I was physically there for them but emotionally I was not. I would just let them do whatever they wanted just so I could drink and drug like I wanted to. My family paid my bills and bought food so the kids could eat because all my money went to alchol and drugs. But I stil thought I was keeping it all together. First time I got sober I still thought all this. I never could accept the fact that I am an alcoholic/addict let alone admit it to someone. Then I went from thinking I was powerless over nothing to thinking I was powerless over everything. I felt like that hole in the donut. I thought ..well Im sober now and my life still sucks....then I went back to well maybe I'm not an alcoholic/addict after all. Maybe I had not hit my bottom. I always questioned my bottom..All this thinking got me drinking and drugging once again. It took me 2 relapses to finally accept the fact that I am an alcoholic/addict, that I am powerless over alcohol and drugs and that my life was so unmanageable. I finally surrendered and said ok I give up, I cant do this. I need some help. I went back to AA and was welcomed back with open arms. I was also told I was lucky to be alive and make it back cause some arent so lucky. That hit home with me. Because this time I wanted to die. I was about to take my own life because I couldnt see no other way out. I was so out of it I could see no hope for me. I went to a meeting and I heard someone say they were hopeless as only the dieing can be. This hit me hard. I was hopeless at that point. I decided to stick around this time and listen. I learned that there are things that I am not powerless over. Like when my mother starts the ...oh your not an alcoholic and I dont know why you go to AA, and all that crap. We used to end up in a big arguement. Today I dont have to react to her. I am powerless over the way she is but I am not powerless over how I react to her. Now I just tell her I have to go and simply get off the phone. Today I have a choice whether I will take a drink/drug, but once I do then Im done. Its no longer a choice for me. As far as managing my life, I just do the best that I can. Doing the next right thing. Sometimes the next right thing is hard, but when I do that I feel better about me. Today I let God drive the bus. And that in itself is a miracle for me.
Well that was what comes to mind at the moment...lol hope it makes sense.
gi
Step one...actually I am doing the writing on this step with my new sponsor. At first I was like....well..I already did this with my old sponsor, I am past all this...haha.....right away I want to control. Needless to say I am writing on it AGAIN. It took my a long time to realize that I was powerless over alcohol/drugs. And managing my own life, well I thought I was doing just fine with that. I didn't think I was powerless over anything. I didnt think I was out of control. After all I still had my kids,they had all the things they needed right? I attended all the school functions and all.They had all the things except for a sober mom that was there for them . I was physically there for them but emotionally I was not. I would just let them do whatever they wanted just so I could drink and drug like I wanted to. My family paid my bills and bought food so the kids could eat because all my money went to alchol and drugs. But I stil thought I was keeping it all together. First time I got sober I still thought all this. I never could accept the fact that I am an alcoholic/addict let alone admit it to someone. Then I went from thinking I was powerless over nothing to thinking I was powerless over everything. I felt like that hole in the donut. I thought ..well Im sober now and my life still sucks....then I went back to well maybe I'm not an alcoholic/addict after all. Maybe I had not hit my bottom. I always questioned my bottom..All this thinking got me drinking and drugging once again. It took me 2 relapses to finally accept the fact that I am an alcoholic/addict, that I am powerless over alcohol and drugs and that my life was so unmanageable. I finally surrendered and said ok I give up, I cant do this. I need some help. I went back to AA and was welcomed back with open arms. I was also told I was lucky to be alive and make it back cause some arent so lucky. That hit home with me. Because this time I wanted to die. I was about to take my own life because I couldnt see no other way out. I was so out of it I could see no hope for me. I went to a meeting and I heard someone say they were hopeless as only the dieing can be. This hit me hard. I was hopeless at that point. I decided to stick around this time and listen. I learned that there are things that I am not powerless over. Like when my mother starts the ...oh your not an alcoholic and I dont know why you go to AA, and all that crap. We used to end up in a big arguement. Today I dont have to react to her. I am powerless over the way she is but I am not powerless over how I react to her. Now I just tell her I have to go and simply get off the phone. Today I have a choice whether I will take a drink/drug, but once I do then Im done. Its no longer a choice for me. As far as managing my life, I just do the best that I can. Doing the next right thing. Sometimes the next right thing is hard, but when I do that I feel better about me. Today I let God drive the bus. And that in itself is a miracle for me.
Well that was what comes to mind at the moment...lol hope it makes sense.
gi
Good morning goils...
Boy, was my life unmanageable. I got that, hook, line and sinker. Everything I did revolved around using. When I realized I wasn't in control and that I needed to stop driving the bus and give the wheel to God it was a huge relief. I was able to exhale. I still struggle with trying to control the unmanageability in other areas in my life but practice is progress, right?
Rachel
Thank you Ladies!
Gina, my gosh, we have such similarities to our stories.
Rachel, I know your story! Thanks for posting over here. (Guys, Rachel is my real life sister!)
Who's next?
Gina, my gosh, we have such similarities to our stories.
Rachel, I know your story! Thanks for posting over here. (Guys, Rachel is my real life sister!)
Who's next?
time fer a guy to add 2cents worth, k?
For me, step 1 shows me "my life being un-manageable". My typical reaction to any situation is "everything is under control, no problem." Oh, that $11,000 tax bill? No problem! Need money for the mortgage? just borrow it from the accounts recievable, i have it under control!
The truth is, and I had to admit this, that my life was, and is unmanageable, and I have no power over it if I drink or be co-dependant. This, for me, was the second part of the first step that became important. Admitting it. Step 1 tells me that since I have no power over alcohol, and my life is unmanageable with alcohol, I need to do some simple math and admit the truth to that.
Admission does a couple of things for us. It brings our problem to the forefront, so we have to get in its' face. And, by admitting it publicly, we become accountable from that point forward. It shows a step of faith in telling people, I am serious about this.
That is my take on step 1. Of course, I'm sort of new to this, and I llok forward to the next insight that may occur when visiting step 1.
Have a GREAT weekend!
For me, step 1 shows me "my life being un-manageable". My typical reaction to any situation is "everything is under control, no problem." Oh, that $11,000 tax bill? No problem! Need money for the mortgage? just borrow it from the accounts recievable, i have it under control!
The truth is, and I had to admit this, that my life was, and is unmanageable, and I have no power over it if I drink or be co-dependant. This, for me, was the second part of the first step that became important. Admitting it. Step 1 tells me that since I have no power over alcohol, and my life is unmanageable with alcohol, I need to do some simple math and admit the truth to that.
Admission does a couple of things for us. It brings our problem to the forefront, so we have to get in its' face. And, by admitting it publicly, we become accountable from that point forward. It shows a step of faith in telling people, I am serious about this.
That is my take on step 1. Of course, I'm sort of new to this, and I llok forward to the next insight that may occur when visiting step 1.
Have a GREAT weekend!
Wow! I have a feeling that this is just what i need right now. As most of you know i tried AA a couple years ago, and i had mixed feelings about it, long story short, i have really been thinking about it and i want to try this again. I know last time my heart and mind were just not in it, and this time i feel like it's already making more sense. Maybe it's just because i'm at a different place in my life and i'm now ready to let it sink in and really focus on each step. I guess i bs'd my way through some of the steps before but i never honestly sat down and wrote out and lived each step. So remember i'm new at this, also feel free to give me any advice or suggestions if i'm not "getting" it ;) Thanks VWGirl and Gina and the other wise, wonderful people here that are going to walk those of us who are experiencing the steps for the first time, through it.
Well here goes.....For years and years i thought that i could control my drinking. In fact, i did for a long, long time. Just my drinking, that is. I denied having a problem for a long time, and in my mind, at the time, i had good reason to believe drinking wasn't a threat to me. Why? Because i usually never finished a whole beer or drink at one time, never more than 3 drinks at the very most, it just made me sick and want to sleep. But i had other things that i loved. My doc from about the age of 14 to 19 was pot. I LOVED pot! Smoked it morning noon and night. Then around the age 19 i ran into some of the coolest people i'd ever met. They had endless supplies of coke. I loved everything about it. I could party all night long, and work all day. And that's what i did for a couple years, worked hard lived hard, ran with the badass people and didn't care about anything but myself, and my coke.Then one day my dealer told me he didn't have any blow, just rock. I had heard of it, and seen it on tv, and i was scared to death of it, but i was jonesing so i did it. I was in love.....fast forward, 3 years, and thousands and thousands of dollars later and after having turned into my own worst enemy, and everybody elses, and after having said i would quit the rock hundreds of times, i finally quit. I really don't know how i did it, but i did, and i am so thankful, because most of the people that i used to party with are dead from rock.
I guess i should say, my drinking did start to progress a bit when i was doing
coke/crack, but i would only drink to take the edge off if i got going too hard, or when i ran out and had to come down, it helped me sleep, but i never got drunk.
After i quit is when my drinking progressed. I started hanging out in the bars more and it just seemed like that was what everybody did, everyone i knew drank to some extent. So that's what i did for the next 5-6 years.
Somewhere along the way, i crossed a line, and had become completely out of control. Blackouts were the norm, pissing my bed wasn't that unusual, i was disgusting, and disgusted. I had driven everyone away that loved me, had been arrested 3 times for drunk driving, and went to jail for 3 months altogether. But even after all that, all i wanted to do was get drunk. I drank at 5 in the morning,it didn't matter what time it was, i even forced myself to drink while hanging my head over the toilet pukeing at 5 in the morning. I COULD NOT STOP, once i started drinking, and at the end that was every day.
Fast forward to now.....i have quit a couple times. I went 7 months 2 years ago, and 4 months just this past year, but i always ended up going back to it.This time i want to quit drinking for good, i am ready, i want to do it. For me. I admit, I am totally powerless over alcohol, and my life has become completely unmanageable.
am i on the right track????
Well here goes.....For years and years i thought that i could control my drinking. In fact, i did for a long, long time. Just my drinking, that is. I denied having a problem for a long time, and in my mind, at the time, i had good reason to believe drinking wasn't a threat to me. Why? Because i usually never finished a whole beer or drink at one time, never more than 3 drinks at the very most, it just made me sick and want to sleep. But i had other things that i loved. My doc from about the age of 14 to 19 was pot. I LOVED pot! Smoked it morning noon and night. Then around the age 19 i ran into some of the coolest people i'd ever met. They had endless supplies of coke. I loved everything about it. I could party all night long, and work all day. And that's what i did for a couple years, worked hard lived hard, ran with the badass people and didn't care about anything but myself, and my coke.Then one day my dealer told me he didn't have any blow, just rock. I had heard of it, and seen it on tv, and i was scared to death of it, but i was jonesing so i did it. I was in love.....fast forward, 3 years, and thousands and thousands of dollars later and after having turned into my own worst enemy, and everybody elses, and after having said i would quit the rock hundreds of times, i finally quit. I really don't know how i did it, but i did, and i am so thankful, because most of the people that i used to party with are dead from rock.
I guess i should say, my drinking did start to progress a bit when i was doing
coke/crack, but i would only drink to take the edge off if i got going too hard, or when i ran out and had to come down, it helped me sleep, but i never got drunk.
After i quit is when my drinking progressed. I started hanging out in the bars more and it just seemed like that was what everybody did, everyone i knew drank to some extent. So that's what i did for the next 5-6 years.
Somewhere along the way, i crossed a line, and had become completely out of control. Blackouts were the norm, pissing my bed wasn't that unusual, i was disgusting, and disgusted. I had driven everyone away that loved me, had been arrested 3 times for drunk driving, and went to jail for 3 months altogether. But even after all that, all i wanted to do was get drunk. I drank at 5 in the morning,it didn't matter what time it was, i even forced myself to drink while hanging my head over the toilet pukeing at 5 in the morning. I COULD NOT STOP, once i started drinking, and at the end that was every day.
Fast forward to now.....i have quit a couple times. I went 7 months 2 years ago, and 4 months just this past year, but i always ended up going back to it.This time i want to quit drinking for good, i am ready, i want to do it. For me. I admit, I am totally powerless over alcohol, and my life has become completely unmanageable.
am i on the right track????
Hey Everyone! Wow, this is so good...thank you.
WondersWhy, Thanks for offering the Gentleman's perspective ; - )
Jayde, Yes you are on the right track...you did Step 1; you've admitted that you are powerless over alcohol (drugs) and that your life has become unmanageable. That's a huge deal...great job! Now, remember it's progress not perfection. Hope you do try to attend another meeting, it's really great to have someone take you thru the Steps one-on-one and in person. But, that's always there for you when you are ready.
WondersWhy, Thanks for offering the Gentleman's perspective ; - )
Jayde, Yes you are on the right track...you did Step 1; you've admitted that you are powerless over alcohol (drugs) and that your life has become unmanageable. That's a huge deal...great job! Now, remember it's progress not perfection. Hope you do try to attend another meeting, it's really great to have someone take you thru the Steps one-on-one and in person. But, that's always there for you when you are ready.
I know, I know, no crosstalk, right (lol)...but Jayde, thanks for sharing your story and your experience, strength and hope:-)
Rachel
Hi everyone..Great posts!! Thanks for sharing..*wink*
Step One....
Well for me, knowing my life was and in someways still is unmanageable I can admit, deal with and work on. And I'm gaining ground everyday only because I'm sober. But that powerless thing, sheww I had a hard time with that one for a long time. I could say the words, "I'm Powerless", but never truely believed it. Everytime I got beat down a little more, then got some time under my belt and felt good, my head would say, "Ok this time it'll be different".
Moderation was the key right? Wrong! The fact is, and now I feel better and ok with it, is I have no clue what will happen after I put that first drink in me. Thats a scary thought. Some say I'll have a beer then I'm heading home. I can't do that. The truth is, I say I'm having a shot and a beer then heading home, but once I take that drink, the drink takes me. Thats being powerless, and I have no problem today admitting that. And I have no problem today being one of those guys that just can't drink. The difference for me today is, not that I can't drink or drug, but I don't want to. Now thats admitting being powerless as far as my addiction goes. But when I write about "Being Powerless" that covers alot of ground. My life can be unmanagable sober. It is for sure unmanagable when I'm caught up in my addiction, but can still be when I'm sober. But being sober I can work on all those things that create unmanagability, Anger, resentments,
being better with money, my family, etc..etc..If I pick up, I'm at the mercy of a drink and any ground I gained is gone.
So, I can proudly say, I'm an alcoholic and I'm powerless over alcohol/drugs, and my life was and can still be unmanagable, but sober I have a shot. Hope that made sence I'm a bit tired..lol
Take care.......
Bob
Step One....
Well for me, knowing my life was and in someways still is unmanageable I can admit, deal with and work on. And I'm gaining ground everyday only because I'm sober. But that powerless thing, sheww I had a hard time with that one for a long time. I could say the words, "I'm Powerless", but never truely believed it. Everytime I got beat down a little more, then got some time under my belt and felt good, my head would say, "Ok this time it'll be different".
Moderation was the key right? Wrong! The fact is, and now I feel better and ok with it, is I have no clue what will happen after I put that first drink in me. Thats a scary thought. Some say I'll have a beer then I'm heading home. I can't do that. The truth is, I say I'm having a shot and a beer then heading home, but once I take that drink, the drink takes me. Thats being powerless, and I have no problem today admitting that. And I have no problem today being one of those guys that just can't drink. The difference for me today is, not that I can't drink or drug, but I don't want to. Now thats admitting being powerless as far as my addiction goes. But when I write about "Being Powerless" that covers alot of ground. My life can be unmanagable sober. It is for sure unmanagable when I'm caught up in my addiction, but can still be when I'm sober. But being sober I can work on all those things that create unmanagability, Anger, resentments,
being better with money, my family, etc..etc..If I pick up, I'm at the mercy of a drink and any ground I gained is gone.
So, I can proudly say, I'm an alcoholic and I'm powerless over alcohol/drugs, and my life was and can still be unmanagable, but sober I have a shot. Hope that made sence I'm a bit tired..lol
Take care.......
Bob
The first step was so easy for me to accept because i wanted to die at the end days of my drinking. My dad was a violent alcoholic to mum and 6 kids. I drank as it gave me confidance then it consumed me.
I hurt my family, wife, friends, workmates and myself many many times.
Stopping drinking and getting into recovery gave me an identity and a purpose to live.
Everytime my life gets unmanageable now i have countless solutions available to me that i have learnt through AA and now these posts.
Light and love Zac
I hurt my family, wife, friends, workmates and myself many many times.
Stopping drinking and getting into recovery gave me an identity and a purpose to live.
Everytime my life gets unmanageable now i have countless solutions available to me that i have learnt through AA and now these posts.
Light and love Zac
Thanks Rachel, nice to meet you (are you really VWGirl's sister??) Too cool!
It felt great to get it out, and i cried when i reread it;) I don't know what "kind" of cry it was, but it felt good;)
I cannot tell you guys enough, just how much you all mean to me!
Rachel, LOVE the avatar btw!
It felt great to get it out, and i cried when i reread it;) I don't know what "kind" of cry it was, but it felt good;)
I cannot tell you guys enough, just how much you all mean to me!
Rachel, LOVE the avatar btw!
Thanks Zac and Bob, Great posts....this is so cool. Ya know what is funny, i went to my 5:00 pm meeting and guess, this is what everyone was sharing about powerless....doesn't always just seem to work like that!
Jayde, Yep, Rachel is really my sister, we have some stories, we could write a book! It's so cool being in Recovery with my sister, seeing her walk into the same meeting I'm attending, being able to give each other cakes at our birthdays. Miracles have taken place in both of our lives...we are blessed.
Jayde, Yep, Rachel is really my sister, we have some stories, we could write a book! It's so cool being in Recovery with my sister, seeing her walk into the same meeting I'm attending, being able to give each other cakes at our birthdays. Miracles have taken place in both of our lives...we are blessed.
bump
| QUOTE |
| It's so cool being in Recovery with my sister |
Although 2500 miles away, my oldest daughter is 3 years into AA recovery. She and I can now talk more about the brokeness of our relationship, and we one day dream of sharing our experience, strength and hope together as dad and daughter to one and all.
Know what? I am powerless over making it happen. Let Go and Let God.
Hi,
That is awesome you and your sister being in recovery together. For me, as a kid I couldn't wait to grow up and be just like my dad. In every way! The drinking, the reputation etc.. Then my dad got sober in 1979. What a mind job! lol Now at this point having gotten started on my own journey with drinking, I was a little sad that my plans for my 21st birthday were shot! Not knowing at the time that had my dad not quit drinking he wouldn't have lived to see my 16th birthday. Today, 27 years later, I pick my dad up once or twice a week, and we hang out and make a meeting together. What a better way to be together than what my wants were as a kid. I started out wanting to be like my dad when I grew up, and now today at almost 41 years old, my goal is the same!
I wanna be like my dad when I grow up! lol If in life I end up being half the man he is, I'll be just fine....Just wanted to share that. Plus my wife also being in A.A. Wow, how lucky and blessed am I! I never had it so good!
Take care........
Bob
That is awesome you and your sister being in recovery together. For me, as a kid I couldn't wait to grow up and be just like my dad. In every way! The drinking, the reputation etc.. Then my dad got sober in 1979. What a mind job! lol Now at this point having gotten started on my own journey with drinking, I was a little sad that my plans for my 21st birthday were shot! Not knowing at the time that had my dad not quit drinking he wouldn't have lived to see my 16th birthday. Today, 27 years later, I pick my dad up once or twice a week, and we hang out and make a meeting together. What a better way to be together than what my wants were as a kid. I started out wanting to be like my dad when I grew up, and now today at almost 41 years old, my goal is the same!
I wanna be like my dad when I grow up! lol If in life I end up being half the man he is, I'll be just fine....Just wanted to share that. Plus my wife also being in A.A. Wow, how lucky and blessed am I! I never had it so good!
Take care........
Bob
OMG!!
I'm so sorry. I didn't realize I was in the step 1 thread! lol sorry! : (
I'm so sorry. I didn't realize I was in the step 1 thread! lol sorry! : (
It's definitely a miracle being in recovery with my (older, lol) sister. I saw the light in her eyes after only three days of going to meetings and realized I wanted what she had. Ironically enough, I was clean and sober for seven years but had relapsed. When my sister called asking me for help, I knew what to do. I could help her but I couldn't help myself. By calling my friends on the Program and going to meetings with her, I was able to once again realize I was powerless over drugs and alcohol. Once again, my life had become unmanageable. The seed was planted and I knew I was powerless. One of the hardest things for me was letting go of my ego. I had to stop thinking I knew everything about being clean and sober. I needed to follow suggestions and set aside everything I think I already knew and become teachable, again. Thanks for this thread. Hi Jayde :-)
Rachel
It's okay Bob, we are all sticking with Recovery, and it's just working out ~ posts need to be posted by those who are committed to Recovery, I believe, my opinion that is...; I love yours and Gina's story ~ what an inspiration. Again, with Step One I'm told that it is the only one I have to work 100% all the time ~ Let me repeat myself: I am powerless over alcohol and drugs and my life has become unmanageable ~ also, I'd like to point out that it says "We admitted...." ~ The Program is a "We" problem one never has to be alone...in fact the theme of our Roundup this year is "We do not do this Alone...." So glad your family is breaking the cycle!
Hi,
I'd love to go to a round up or a convention. I almost made it to a retreat but couldn't make it due to surgery. But I'm sure I'll make it and be able to do and take advantage of all of what recovery offers. Thats the beauty of it. It just isn't meetings and reading etc. I'm looking forward to the picnics I can take my family to, just being a part of the fellowship aside from working the program.
It really is a beautiful thing. Anyway, have a great day. Sorry to hear your sponsor is moving. But it's constant change that we learn to accept and deal with. Sure beats being trapped in the same ol' nothing changes life of active addiction. I should say nothing changes for the better in that life anyway. I imagine it must be a bit exciting for her as well, a new chapter in her life only because she's sober. My best to you and her.
Take care........
Bob
I'd love to go to a round up or a convention. I almost made it to a retreat but couldn't make it due to surgery. But I'm sure I'll make it and be able to do and take advantage of all of what recovery offers. Thats the beauty of it. It just isn't meetings and reading etc. I'm looking forward to the picnics I can take my family to, just being a part of the fellowship aside from working the program.
It really is a beautiful thing. Anyway, have a great day. Sorry to hear your sponsor is moving. But it's constant change that we learn to accept and deal with. Sure beats being trapped in the same ol' nothing changes life of active addiction. I should say nothing changes for the better in that life anyway. I imagine it must be a bit exciting for her as well, a new chapter in her life only because she's sober. My best to you and her.
Take care........
Bob
I meant it's a "We" program not problem! OMG, LOL!!! Hi Rachel, oh thanks for pointing out I'm older...you're soooo funny! But, seriously, isn't it great that it's working for both of us...love you!
