Hi - have been struggling the last month- getting better and realize most of my suffering was self induced - fell back in the old way of feeling sad for myself and situations and expecting everyone to be able to see it and offer help - without any effort on my part. But - went to several meetings and spoke with my sponsor - got some direction and sleep and the feelings are much better. My issue now is about feeling lost and wanting to do what I want for my future balancing my obligations to my children and 22 year marriage. On the surface I am experiencing everything an successful person should have - children in college, a beautiful 7 year old, great job and a 22 year marraige. On the other hand, feel alone and have a marraige in name only - more like a great roommate with the same goals as far as raising children etc. I pray every day for guidance and will begin seeing a therapist to sort out issues in the marraige - so may be jumping the gun here - but at what point can you live being content and safe versus truly taking a huge risk to find personal happiness - i pray for guidance and know it will be clear at some point but what about the meantime??? Any help would be appreciated - thanks!!
Hi Mary,
Welcome to the boards. I am sorry you are feeling lost. How long have you been sober? Have you been able to figure out what you were running from or avoiding by drinking? If it was a feeling of discontent with your life then getting sober will only exacerbate it. Getting sober doesn't automatically make us happy. Once you figure out what you were drinking to forget you can work through it and find your innner peace.
Keep posting here. There are alot of wonderful people here with similar stories to yours.
Hang in there and don't drink no matter what. :-)
Valarie
Welcome to the boards. I am sorry you are feeling lost. How long have you been sober? Have you been able to figure out what you were running from or avoiding by drinking? If it was a feeling of discontent with your life then getting sober will only exacerbate it. Getting sober doesn't automatically make us happy. Once you figure out what you were drinking to forget you can work through it and find your innner peace.
Keep posting here. There are alot of wonderful people here with similar stories to yours.
Hang in there and don't drink no matter what. :-)
Valarie
Welcome Mary,
Getting sober doesn't change things from bad to good, it changes them from false to real; unfortunately real isn't always easy. Whatever you were trying to avoid by drinking is still there.
In addition, getting sober is a change of routine and changes (even positive change) can be uncomfortable for a while. I know when I first stopped drinking I was quite startled by the fact that I had to put up with my sober self all the time.
Our bodies sometimes go through physical stress when we stop drinking as well, I know I was physically exhausted for about six weeks or so
Remember, you are developing a whole new lifestyle, it takes time, so break it down in to baby steps,
one day at a time, Cookster
Getting sober doesn't change things from bad to good, it changes them from false to real; unfortunately real isn't always easy. Whatever you were trying to avoid by drinking is still there.
In addition, getting sober is a change of routine and changes (even positive change) can be uncomfortable for a while. I know when I first stopped drinking I was quite startled by the fact that I had to put up with my sober self all the time.
Our bodies sometimes go through physical stress when we stop drinking as well, I know I was physically exhausted for about six weeks or so
Remember, you are developing a whole new lifestyle, it takes time, so break it down in to baby steps,
one day at a time, Cookster
hey there. How long have you been sober? I have been sober 8 months and I have learned that happiness just doesn't appear magically because I have given up drinking. I have learned however that it is so much easier to deal with problems sober than drunk. We have to find out who we are without the booze.when we drink we neglect ourselves,our relationships.our health and work etc. We have to learn to live a sober life. like Cookster said baby steps and always one day at a time.God bless and take care and keep posting.
Welcome Mary,
Wise choice on seeking some professional help. Sometimes marriage goes through many different phases different roles throughout it's journey as do all relationships. It sounds like he has and is a good husband in many ways.
I think I understand all to well where your coming from though. Marriage is designed to be more than just great friendship and solid parenting partnership. Though I believe friendship and trust are the most important elements to a successful one.
Does he know how you feel? Does he feel the same about this as you do? Is he willing to go to marriage counseling? It sounds like from what you wrote that other than this and drinking to numb out thoughts and feelings you have something good here. Most professionals along with AA recommend no major relationship changes during the first year of sobriety. Of course, unless a person is in harms way.
With out trying to be to personal. There are things you both can do if your bored, or lacking intimacy. If your both willing. Talking openly in a non threatening way may be a good place to start. I hope things work out for you the way you want.
Wise choice on seeking some professional help. Sometimes marriage goes through many different phases different roles throughout it's journey as do all relationships. It sounds like he has and is a good husband in many ways.
I think I understand all to well where your coming from though. Marriage is designed to be more than just great friendship and solid parenting partnership. Though I believe friendship and trust are the most important elements to a successful one.
Does he know how you feel? Does he feel the same about this as you do? Is he willing to go to marriage counseling? It sounds like from what you wrote that other than this and drinking to numb out thoughts and feelings you have something good here. Most professionals along with AA recommend no major relationship changes during the first year of sobriety. Of course, unless a person is in harms way.
With out trying to be to personal. There are things you both can do if your bored, or lacking intimacy. If your both willing. Talking openly in a non threatening way may be a good place to start. I hope things work out for you the way you want.
Thanks for the excellent feedback - there are wonderful people on this site. I have been sober almost 8 months. I was raised to stick things out - I thought I worked through an devestating issue in the marraige a long time ago but realize and have realized for a long time that i just didnt deal with things - just got through them by shutting down and then picking up drinking to try to recapture some feeling of being happy - I truly am insane thinking that would work - it did - so I thought - for a while and then crossed into full blown alcoholism. I need to stop putting a happy face on things and deal with issues I should have dealt with years ago - I intend to do that - whatever happens will happen and I know if I am as healthy as can be and keep my focus on sobriety at all costs I will work through the issues and let the end result be up to God. Thank you so much for the feedback!!!
Gidday Maryg
Thanks for reminding me where i have come from and wher i can go back to now in a negative mind moment, keep building the gratitude and doing the actions and it does get better and better, keep posting:)
light and love Zac
Thanks for reminding me where i have come from and wher i can go back to now in a negative mind moment, keep building the gratitude and doing the actions and it does get better and better, keep posting:)
light and love Zac
Welcome Maryg,
You just keep putting one foot in front of the other. So many things change and become more obvious and more in our face because we aren't covering up the gapping hole with a few drinks.
What you are feeling I think is very much right where you are in your life. Just keep doing what you are doing, stay sober and when you aren't sure don't jump into action so fast. If you wait and you pray and you wait eventually your heart begins to find all those answers and the actions occur without efforting. So until that time comes just keep searching out who you are, where you are and where you are to go.
I tend to make myself a bit crazy when I get in my head and rattle around and you can see from my previous post but I do know that all is worked out in time. It maybe totally different than you could have ever imagined but I have never in my life not had things work out.
I'm happy you have 8 months. That first year so many things change as we get more clear. Just be with it, don't label it good or bad and try to keep your judgments out of it. It keeps coming into focus. Just hang on.
love,
pm
You just keep putting one foot in front of the other. So many things change and become more obvious and more in our face because we aren't covering up the gapping hole with a few drinks.
What you are feeling I think is very much right where you are in your life. Just keep doing what you are doing, stay sober and when you aren't sure don't jump into action so fast. If you wait and you pray and you wait eventually your heart begins to find all those answers and the actions occur without efforting. So until that time comes just keep searching out who you are, where you are and where you are to go.
I tend to make myself a bit crazy when I get in my head and rattle around and you can see from my previous post but I do know that all is worked out in time. It maybe totally different than you could have ever imagined but I have never in my life not had things work out.
I'm happy you have 8 months. That first year so many things change as we get more clear. Just be with it, don't label it good or bad and try to keep your judgments out of it. It keeps coming into focus. Just hang on.
love,
pm
