I have been to treatment and go to meetings. I have been clean for 77 days but I am starting to believe that I am a "dry drunk." What the hell can I do about this? Acting like this is only going to cause me to lose what I have worked so hard to get. I am afraid that being a dry drunk will cause a relaspe. I feel like the only thing that has changed about me is that I don't pick up a drink anymore. ?????? Any experience with this?
Hi lovin life
well I don't know anything about you, but a comment I heard in a meeting this week struck me when I read your post.
It was from a guy who had been in an out of AA for about 10 years. To sum up, he said, he never was able to get and stay sober until he did the program 100%. Sometimes he'd do meetings, maybe a couple of steps here and there, maybe even volunteer at a meeting. But he never broke the cycle completely until he gave himself over to the program 100%, did everything asked and detailed, got a sponsor and was 100% serious about changing himself.
now maybe you are doing all those things already - only you can know that.
but something to ponder anyway.
well I don't know anything about you, but a comment I heard in a meeting this week struck me when I read your post.
It was from a guy who had been in an out of AA for about 10 years. To sum up, he said, he never was able to get and stay sober until he did the program 100%. Sometimes he'd do meetings, maybe a couple of steps here and there, maybe even volunteer at a meeting. But he never broke the cycle completely until he gave himself over to the program 100%, did everything asked and detailed, got a sponsor and was 100% serious about changing himself.
now maybe you are doing all those things already - only you can know that.
but something to ponder anyway.
Hi there lovin'life. I'm just wondering exactly what a dry drunk is? I have heard this used before and have no idea what it is? Maybe I'm one too??
Good for you on your 77 days sober!!! Wonderful!!!
lovedove
Good for you on your 77 days sober!!! Wonderful!!!
lovedove
A dry drunk is someone who still acts and thinks the same, only obstains from drinking. I have the same job, no real close friends, I talk the same and act the same, I just don't drink. I attend meetings regularly, about 4 a week. I get some stuff out of them, but I can't seem to feel different. I am not worried about relaspe, until my girlfriend dumps me because of the "dry drunk" things I do. I know that no one person should have that much power over my sobriety, but it is going to send my workd a crashing when she dumps me. Everyone else around me seems to be happy with me except her. I do the same s*** I did with my last gf when I was still boozing. She is the best thing that has ever happened to me and she helps keep me sober. The program helps, but... damn. I don't like to think about it.
Hi lovin life - sounds like a bit of a co-dependent situation going on maybe with you and your girl?
It also sounds like maybe you're not being totally honest with digging into yourself emotionally about who you are, how you got where you are and where to go from here yet.
HOWEVER, I would also say don't beat yourself up too bad, although in a sobreity sense 77 day is heaps and really awesome - in terms of life its pretty short. How long were you drinking and messing up your life? How many years? How many days? You can't expect to fix it ALL in a few short months.
I tend to sabotage myself by trying to fix everything at once about myself and then when it doesn't happen I get frustrated and back on the booze. This time round I'm picking one fault at a time to work on - and especially working on my patience. Maybe try that. Pick one fault at a time - focus on that for a few weeks, make some progress THEN go to the next thing.
all the best
Idgie
It also sounds like maybe you're not being totally honest with digging into yourself emotionally about who you are, how you got where you are and where to go from here yet.
HOWEVER, I would also say don't beat yourself up too bad, although in a sobreity sense 77 day is heaps and really awesome - in terms of life its pretty short. How long were you drinking and messing up your life? How many years? How many days? You can't expect to fix it ALL in a few short months.
I tend to sabotage myself by trying to fix everything at once about myself and then when it doesn't happen I get frustrated and back on the booze. This time round I'm picking one fault at a time to work on - and especially working on my patience. Maybe try that. Pick one fault at a time - focus on that for a few weeks, make some progress THEN go to the next thing.
all the best
Idgie
Hello Lovin' Life, and congrats on your sober time!
I may be wrong, but just thought i'd throw my 2 cents in.
I see what you're saying, but i'm having a hard time putting what i'm trying to say into words. lol...i think you need to find something that interests you. Maybe something you've always wanted to do, but just never did, or put more energy into a hobby or interest you already have. I think you need to grow in your sobriety. I was told to put as much time and energy into my recovery as i put into trying to stay drunk all the time. I'm finding out that that is ALOT of work! But when i started doing other things, i started to realize, i was accomplishing something, had something to show for being sober. ( Even if it's planting a flower, or working in the yard) You will start to feel better about yourself. But please focus on YOU, don't do this for your girlfriend or anyone else. This is a very selfish time for you, it has to be, because if YOU don't get better, NOTHING will.
I hope this helps....maybe i'm WAY off, i don't know ;) (if i am ignore it) hehe
Good luck on your journey!
I may be wrong, but just thought i'd throw my 2 cents in.
I see what you're saying, but i'm having a hard time putting what i'm trying to say into words. lol...i think you need to find something that interests you. Maybe something you've always wanted to do, but just never did, or put more energy into a hobby or interest you already have. I think you need to grow in your sobriety. I was told to put as much time and energy into my recovery as i put into trying to stay drunk all the time. I'm finding out that that is ALOT of work! But when i started doing other things, i started to realize, i was accomplishing something, had something to show for being sober. ( Even if it's planting a flower, or working in the yard) You will start to feel better about yourself. But please focus on YOU, don't do this for your girlfriend or anyone else. This is a very selfish time for you, it has to be, because if YOU don't get better, NOTHING will.
I hope this helps....maybe i'm WAY off, i don't know ;) (if i am ignore it) hehe
Good luck on your journey!
Oh, and LOVIN' LIFE! Give yourself a little more credit will ya? What you have done is HUGE! ;)
Hey lovin' life the gals are right- Great posts Jayde and Idgie! I don't have any really close friends either, but I think that is a good thing right now, I want to make sure whoever I let in my life is as good for me as I am for them. I have had too many "friends" who I attracted into my life that just weren't "me" (well they were when I was drinking) and it turned out to be just a bad thing all around. And please don't take this the wrong way, but maybe your girlfriend is just freaked out because you have changed.. people like to expect the same thing in a relationship and now that you are not drinking it's an entirely different ballgame, she doesn't get you anymore?? maybe your time together is done? and when one door closes another opens...I think having stability is sooo important when you are sober, having the same job is a good thing, but if it makes you unhappy snap up your resume and send it out, but Idgie is right don't try to do too much, sometimes it seems we are not going anywhere, when in reality we are, we are just getting "prepped" for some life changes, think of it as being in the hallway, your half way to the other door!! baby steps all the way!! Keep on going you are just where you are supposed to be!!
Take care
lovedove
Take care
lovedove
I started a hobby the other day, we'll see. I just have to leave her alone. Bottom line. It's a tough thing, real tough, but I can't stop thinking about her. We don't live together, so not like I see her all the time. I have a lot of spare time and I spend time thinking and anyalizing stuff. I always think that something is wrong. I am afraid that if I give her too much space, she'll be gone before too long. How do you give someone space and keep them close at the same time?
Hi lovin'life... first of all congrats on 77 days - that's awesome! You should be proud. I've only got 7 right now, but have been trying to throw myself into housework and hobbies to fight off cravings... it really does help to have something other than booze to focus on. As far as your gf, my bf and I generally only see each other a few times a week at most, and I love it that way. That way we both have our own lives and space, and it prevents me from getting bored with the relationship (I know that sounds awful but I've never been good at keeping relationships going for long stretches, I tend to be insecure sometimes). I think as long as you and your gf keep connected with each other you should be OK... but if either or both of you are feeling disconnected you may want to take a look at the relationship to make sure it's the right thing. You do need to be happy with yourself in order to be happy with her, that's for sure. You said some things that make it sound as if you're simply waiting for her to leave you, and that's no good at all! How long have you been together?
Please try to keep your chin up, and give yourself time... like Idgie said, you have 77 days, but I'm sure you were drinking much longer than that. I'm sure it takes time to break out of old patterns entirely. I'm sure learning that now!
Please try to keep your chin up, and give yourself time... like Idgie said, you have 77 days, but I'm sure you were drinking much longer than that. I'm sure it takes time to break out of old patterns entirely. I'm sure learning that now!
LL - What helps for me when I get in a "recovery rut" is that I get into being of service to others...it helps me get out of myself. Not sure if you have a Sponsor to go over this with, but it's good to talk about it - maybe you should share about it at a meeting.
QUOTE: How do you give someone space and keep them close at the same time?UNQUOTE
In a genuine, healthy, loving relationship the more space you give the closer you will be.
In a genuine, healthy, loving relationship the more space you give the closer you will be.
Thanks for the advise. I will do what I can, but to me it is already over. THe time she wants apart just keeps getting bigger and I think it is her way of trying to ween me off the relationship. I am willing to try the space thing. IF that is the way she wants it, that's how it's going to be.
I had so much fun at work tonight. It was great to have fun with cool people without drinking. I work in a restaurant/bar, it hasn't effected my sobriety as of yet and I can't beat the money. Plus fun times make it worth it. I didn't make a lot of money but made up for it in tips.
I think my higher power is helping me through the grieving process. I have to realize that her seperating herself from me is something she needs, and she is the only one losing out. We started off very strong, very much in love. Now she tells me that she loves me but is not "in love." I have heard that line before. It means I want to break up. But I refuse to give up. I still think that she is the best thing to happen to me and I do not want to lose her. BUt like I said before, if that's the way she wants it...
I love myself too much to let this girl bring me down. I 78 days sober and it feels great. I talked to my ex last night and I know what I am capable of. Yes I want to settle down and get married, but if she isn't ready for a committment, then the train has to roll on.
Enough rambling. I am going to make it.
I had so much fun at work tonight. It was great to have fun with cool people without drinking. I work in a restaurant/bar, it hasn't effected my sobriety as of yet and I can't beat the money. Plus fun times make it worth it. I didn't make a lot of money but made up for it in tips.
I think my higher power is helping me through the grieving process. I have to realize that her seperating herself from me is something she needs, and she is the only one losing out. We started off very strong, very much in love. Now she tells me that she loves me but is not "in love." I have heard that line before. It means I want to break up. But I refuse to give up. I still think that she is the best thing to happen to me and I do not want to lose her. BUt like I said before, if that's the way she wants it...
I love myself too much to let this girl bring me down. I 78 days sober and it feels great. I talked to my ex last night and I know what I am capable of. Yes I want to settle down and get married, but if she isn't ready for a committment, then the train has to roll on.
Enough rambling. I am going to make it.
