My boyfriend's drinking is impacting our relationship. We have been on and off for 11 years. Off at times of high drinking and on when he's figure out his life and knows what he wants.
This past month; we have had 4 different,open honest sober conversations about our relationship and what he wants and needs. Sober; he's on board to committ. Drinking; he escapes to another woman that is a separate but related issue to his drinking.
In the last month; there has been 5 days that he has not had a drink. The other days; he drinks from the moment he gets home until he's ready to eat. He'll make excuses to drink--last week was because he finally is set in wanting to stay and work on us so we needed to celebrate. He drank all week...and today, I don't know if he's coming home at all anymore.
He thinks he can control his drinking; and he can stop for a few days; and those days are good; he's comitted to us and plans of the futures. But then he falls; and falls hard and he is in an internal struggle that becomes external when I catch him in lies.
I know I have the power to stop this cycle and yet I can't. I've tried to set boundaries and I fail.
I don't know what to do; he needs help but he hasn't hit rock bottom. I've hit rock bottom with his drinking and his inconsistent behavior.
I'm sure I'm not the only one out there that has let the sober promises keep you strung along and the drunk actions of the other person leave you questioning your sainity.
Its hard living with someone with an addiction; especially when they don't see it as a function to the problems they are facing. I'm exhausted and feel embarassed to talk to anyone (aside from my therapist)about this. Hopefully I can find some sanity or insight here.
Is he in a romantic relationship with this woman? If he lies all the time how can you trust him. I say give him an ultamanum.
It was previously romantic, not now. That is a whole other issue, sort of.
Two weeks ago I told him that he needs to seek out an addiction therapist if he felt like he had a problem. Tonight he told me he was going to and has an appointment but them blamed me for accusing him of needing a 12 step program and said "I'll never need that, I have it under control"
He's now putting blame on me for something I never said or suggested; is this something that is typical of someone with a problem? Ok I know the answer, I just don't know what to do anymore. I need to draw a boundary in the sand but; that what I'm scared of and not sure I'm ready to uphold my boundary; what have others done to stand firm in their boundaries...this is my own internal struggle and stuff I'm working on with my therapist but others who have been there are great resources for me through this journey
Two weeks ago I told him that he needs to seek out an addiction therapist if he felt like he had a problem. Tonight he told me he was going to and has an appointment but them blamed me for accusing him of needing a 12 step program and said "I'll never need that, I have it under control"
He's now putting blame on me for something I never said or suggested; is this something that is typical of someone with a problem? Ok I know the answer, I just don't know what to do anymore. I need to draw a boundary in the sand but; that what I'm scared of and not sure I'm ready to uphold my boundary; what have others done to stand firm in their boundaries...this is my own internal struggle and stuff I'm working on with my therapist but others who have been there are great resources for me through this journey
