Hi, I am new to all this but thought it might help. The problem is I have been on heroin for about 16 years now and also on methadone for a long time. But lately I have had to take my methadone supervised and havnt stopped using and have found I need both or I feel very ill! I have only managed to stop using (smoking) heroin for a couple of days at a time, but I need to stop using and then cut down my methadone usage. I have a stable life and job, along with a partner of 15 years and two lovely kids that deserve a lot better. Today is day 1 for me on meth alone, any one who finds the time to drop me a line will be appreciated, as I have no friends anymore. I have already lost my mum(to alcoholic) brother(IV user) and many old mates. And if I dont stop now I will probably end up the same way. If I loose my job I will loose everything I have and I have got out of a random drug test at work once and dred the next test. ! Can any one help. It would be nice to hear from you. Thanks. Jan1st. Day 1 begins, I will keep you up to date. Cheers.
Random drug tests dont look on this like the swords of Damocles hanging over your head, try to look on this as an opportunity to help you do what needs to be done, stay strong brother for you your wife and your kids
I have mixed opinions about meth so I will keep them to myself for now,
You goto be in it to win it kidda
b
I have mixed opinions about meth so I will keep them to myself for now,
You goto be in it to win it kidda
b
Dave, hi and welcome...im thinking have you tried to increase your dose ?...only way I ever seem to not want to use is when my dose is high enough...maybe yours just needs to be increased....do you go to any meetings ?...any support ?...I too have a partner , 20 years now and work...functioning addict I guess they call us...still an addict though...where are you from ?...Im over in Bavaria...usually on when everyone across the pond is in bed...how is your clinic and doc as far as support and getting you increases so you feel stable ?
Constantine
Constantine
Cheers for the reply's. I have been looking at it the wrong way. And my drug councilor say's we are a functioning addicts too. And we have not stop'd becouse we have been getting away with using with no real conciquence's till now. I have always dressed smart and worked ect, and thought I did not look as bad as many users, and normal people on the street couldn't tell I was a user. TILL LAST WEAK. ! Me and my partner were in the supermarket getting some bits when a big guy walking towards us said "Sm@@@ HEAD" right in our face, in public. I felt like crawling under one of the isles! And we were both very upset by this! Just glad had no kids with us. I live in England and go to the clinic every 2 weeks, and they are very strict and not much use. We take 55ml supervised everyday in front of others in the chemist and it's horrid. We don't want to increase our dose becouse we don't feel too bad wen we stop, it's more in our heads/willpower. And sometimes we drag each other down, and blame each other for bad thoughts. Thanks for taking time to drop me a line, my family think I am finally clean and have nobody to talk to. ;)
Hi, yes, know what it feels like to feel that shame...dont understand though, why would you stop with the methadone ?...is it because you are afraid if you increase and then cant afford it you would be sick ?... doesn't matter the actual ml's your on as far as I can see...your sick either way when you stop...Ive wanted to stop for a few times...tried it...found myself right back out there when the dose got too low...did this about 3 times last year until I finally understood that the methadone isnt a cure...that there IS no cure...that the done keeps it in remission...and as long as I am on my dose, taking it the right way, being stable, then its a damn good quality of life...been to the clinics where I dosed in the line...in and out...whats 5 minutes a week or a day when its keeping you clean and helping your head ?....sounds like both of you need an increase and maybe some meetings or a support group...really, they help too...took me a long time to come to terms with everything....especially the no cure thing...it sucks to think im so broken I need a med ...but its the freakin truth...and then i think of so many people who are sick and need meds to function...and then I guess im not so special after all...its like anything...it fixes something in my brain...keeps the addict behaviors and the wanting under control... believe me...I tried everything...this works...but you got to work with it and you got to really really want it...it was time for me...you have to know that...so why not try the increase and forget about the staying at a low dose crap...you know you stay on a low dose and you know you can use...our brains know this...were addicts...it knows if you increase you might not want to use anymore and you know you might not be able to feel the smack...dont let it fool you...dont fool yourself...
Con
Con
Cheers, con. I do t have an apointment till next thu, becouse of hols. And I have no work this week. I have been preparing for this time for a while now and am going to give it my all. If I start rattling bad I will call at clinic to try up my dose. If I fail, then I will have to tell the clinic to up my dose, and that I have been lieing to them for ages about how much I use. The gear is all crap here at the moment anyway. There are stronger readings of benzo's than H in my samples. Thanks
Hay Dave I am from the uk myself by Liverpool I know what its like when you are both using one might feel ok and the other doesnt then its an easy excuse to bobby init, I just stopped using meth myself I didnt like the fact that I must have it everyday , I used cocodimol for about a week then binbagged that, as you where saying if the gear is crap this is the perfect time, for you.
I found the physiological aspect the hardest to deal with so many triggers everywhere, I stopped hangin with my old mates and started creating a new life for myself, you will know when the time is right, just dont beat yourself up if you slip up and score, try to look at the big picture bud
Hang on in there
bob
I found the physiological aspect the hardest to deal with so many triggers everywhere, I stopped hangin with my old mates and started creating a new life for myself, you will know when the time is right, just dont beat yourself up if you slip up and score, try to look at the big picture bud
Hang on in there
bob
Cheers mate. I'm in Bradford, how are you doing? Let's try spur each other on. This is helping I find (to talk). Just wish I hadn't left it this long! How years fly by. My kids have never gone without, but I am sure if they had 1 wish, this would be it. Day 1 nearly done for me ( just on meths) and do t feel too bad. You ok?
Welcome to the new folks to the methadone site...especially Dave 1977, WhatWillWork, and Shawn,
Hey Dingus!!! How are you this fine New Years morning???
I was where you are at one point, dope sick,scared,feeling tremendously alone....All I knew was I was not going thru one more day of having to figure out where and how I was going to get a bag of dope to at least make me feel a little less sick. I was fed up with the anxiety,being scared of going to jail,stealing from friends and family,pawning things that was so important in my life(heirlooms) & hating the person I had become because of my heroin addiction and of what it had done to me, and was doing to my family,mostly my 2 boys.
I tried to kill myself and when I survived that I headed for the nearest methadone clinic and never looked back.In January 1994 I went crawling to a methadone clinic knowing I was done. I have never used while on methadone although I know many who have...seems to me it defeats the purpose.....Is it an imaginary safety net?? You can use but not be clean????
I do know many people think you are trading one drug for another but I dont see it that way at all. I take my methadone every morning just like I take the other Doctor prescribed medicines I have. To me there is NO difference. Just like insulin for a diabetic. If that person doesnt take the prescribed amount of insulin every day eventually they become sick.
Methadone is one of the most studied medicines there is and has been shown to be safe and effective & has been used for 35+ years to aid in heroin addiction. Today I have NO desire to use. I have been through some extremely difficult family issues in the past couple years,things I would defineately used over before. Today, I am able to cope with things in my every day life without the use of drugs or alcohol because of the choices I made 18 years ago by deciding to go on methadone, by following the rules of the clinic, NOT using & taking a good ,hard look at myself.
I still talk to my counselor once a month and I am honest with her and myself. Like Constantine said, realizing we cannot fight addiction by ourselves,realizing we will always be addicts & that we will never be "cured", allowing someone who knows more than us to help direct us and not using on a daily basis allows wonderful things to happen in our lives. Going to meetings & having a sponsor are the right steps to take if you sincerely want to end your addiction to heroin. There is even help for your family members to aid them in understanding you.
This is a great site to come and visit, dump your worries, vent or to share good things happening in your life. In the end we are all just human, with faults and with dreams like everyone else......We have just made it harder for ourselves by adding heroin addiction. I am here to tell you there is a way out.
Granny
Hey Dingus!!! How are you this fine New Years morning???
I was where you are at one point, dope sick,scared,feeling tremendously alone....All I knew was I was not going thru one more day of having to figure out where and how I was going to get a bag of dope to at least make me feel a little less sick. I was fed up with the anxiety,being scared of going to jail,stealing from friends and family,pawning things that was so important in my life(heirlooms) & hating the person I had become because of my heroin addiction and of what it had done to me, and was doing to my family,mostly my 2 boys.
I tried to kill myself and when I survived that I headed for the nearest methadone clinic and never looked back.In January 1994 I went crawling to a methadone clinic knowing I was done. I have never used while on methadone although I know many who have...seems to me it defeats the purpose.....Is it an imaginary safety net?? You can use but not be clean????
I do know many people think you are trading one drug for another but I dont see it that way at all. I take my methadone every morning just like I take the other Doctor prescribed medicines I have. To me there is NO difference. Just like insulin for a diabetic. If that person doesnt take the prescribed amount of insulin every day eventually they become sick.
Methadone is one of the most studied medicines there is and has been shown to be safe and effective & has been used for 35+ years to aid in heroin addiction. Today I have NO desire to use. I have been through some extremely difficult family issues in the past couple years,things I would defineately used over before. Today, I am able to cope with things in my every day life without the use of drugs or alcohol because of the choices I made 18 years ago by deciding to go on methadone, by following the rules of the clinic, NOT using & taking a good ,hard look at myself.
I still talk to my counselor once a month and I am honest with her and myself. Like Constantine said, realizing we cannot fight addiction by ourselves,realizing we will always be addicts & that we will never be "cured", allowing someone who knows more than us to help direct us and not using on a daily basis allows wonderful things to happen in our lives. Going to meetings & having a sponsor are the right steps to take if you sincerely want to end your addiction to heroin. There is even help for your family members to aid them in understanding you.
This is a great site to come and visit, dump your worries, vent or to share good things happening in your life. In the end we are all just human, with faults and with dreams like everyone else......We have just made it harder for ourselves by adding heroin addiction. I am here to tell you there is a way out.
Granny
I know what you mean. I hav always workd for my money, and good money it is. But it's never enough, and since switching to monthly pay I have found myself borrowing more and more.
To the point where 2 days after Xmas I actually asked me youngest boy if we could pawn some of his Xbox games in for a few days, seen as he had 5 new ones to play on. And he said fine, as he was expecting it. I had all ready planed to stop on new years but after doing things like this to my kids when I could of pawns my own iPhone 4 in, just made me sick. I won't ask of nothing of my kids again. Just love, just hope I havnt left it too late!
Thanks. Dave
PS are you still on methadone?
To the point where 2 days after Xmas I actually asked me youngest boy if we could pawn some of his Xbox games in for a few days, seen as he had 5 new ones to play on. And he said fine, as he was expecting it. I had all ready planed to stop on new years but after doing things like this to my kids when I could of pawns my own iPhone 4 in, just made me sick. I won't ask of nothing of my kids again. Just love, just hope I havnt left it too late!
Thanks. Dave
PS are you still on methadone?
Hey Dave,
This is Granny, If you are speaking to me about still being on methadone then the answer is yes. I am still on methadone and have no immediate plans of getting off it in the near future aside from maybe dropping a few mg's as my dose is too high and I need to go down some. I raised it years ago,5-6, with my Dr's recommendatin because I was taking meds for migraines and if I had to take them over a 3-4 day period it started intefering with my dose and I'd feel dope sick. Once they raised it to my current dose that all stopped. Now I havent had a headache in a couple years it's time to drop a few mg's. I shouldnt even feel it because I am at such a high dose....Even so it is a scary thought for me....
Keep coming back.
This is Granny, If you are speaking to me about still being on methadone then the answer is yes. I am still on methadone and have no immediate plans of getting off it in the near future aside from maybe dropping a few mg's as my dose is too high and I need to go down some. I raised it years ago,5-6, with my Dr's recommendatin because I was taking meds for migraines and if I had to take them over a 3-4 day period it started intefering with my dose and I'd feel dope sick. Once they raised it to my current dose that all stopped. Now I havent had a headache in a couple years it's time to drop a few mg's. I shouldnt even feel it because I am at such a high dose....Even so it is a scary thought for me....
Keep coming back.
Its 415am feeling a bit rought, but still feeling positive, the not sleeping used to really twist my mellon out of shape,but now I just get up and do stuff read cook go for a walk, come on here,sometimes I get so sick of being sick, but I know scoring will just put me back to having to do it all AGAIN, and all the effort and stress that goes with it
Feeling positive and strong still, going for a bath now, might take the dog up the woods and watch the sunrise if I am still awake,
B
Feeling positive and strong still, going for a bath now, might take the dog up the woods and watch the sunrise if I am still awake,
B
Good on you. Today I have to go drop my kids off as they sleeping out tonight. And thoughts have already crossed my mind. But stuff em. Got to be strong,just wished I didn't have to go out any ware. Last night I felt rough, so had a nice long shower, took dog for a long walk and listened to some music while out. I have never really paid attention to the words so much b4, it was like the eminem 'recovery' single was wrote for me! Cheers n chin up.
The not afraid single I meant, have a listen.
Dave..what I get most out of your posts is that you think willpower will get you through this. No such thing my friend. You need support and lots of it. No reason to go through this by yourself, you're worth more than that.
Ever check into any NA meetings in your area? Just a thought. Methadone doesn't seem to be doing the whole trick for you...
Ever check into any NA meetings in your area? Just a thought. Methadone doesn't seem to be doing the whole trick for you...
I have never been to a meeting, but that's why I am trying this. My councillor doesn't seem to be bothered if I stop or not. Willpower does exist and I need plenty of it. I am phisically fine it's all in my head. I will prove myself, just wait and see. The point where I realized everyone can tell what I am changed my life. When some meathead say "sm@@k head" right in your face, in public, and you carntt even try denie it, I knew I had to stop. So this is my therapy.
I will prove myself, just wait and see. The point where I realized everyone can tell what I am changed my life.
Ye brother
just dropping you a quick line to check you havent crumbles now the kids are gone???
Em n em aint my thing bro im a blues man lol, I play the harmonica and I have just got myself a banjo so I am TRYING to get me ed around that
stay strong bob the blue dog
Ye brother
just dropping you a quick line to check you havent crumbles now the kids are gone???
Em n em aint my thing bro im a blues man lol, I play the harmonica and I have just got myself a banjo so I am TRYING to get me ed around that
stay strong bob the blue dog
Cheers B. I am doing fine. Been arguing a bit today but there's nowt new about that.
Day 2 just about under my belt, how are you doing. And let's both promise to be truthfully to each other. And good on ya, I find music can help when in that dark dark place.
D
Day 2 just about under my belt, how are you doing. And let's both promise to be truthfully to each other. And good on ya, I find music can help when in that dark dark place.
D
When you admit that you are powerless over your disease (not your life), you'll start to understand and see what I mean. Sure, there's willpower, but it won't get you clean. I've been told that I'm one of the strongest willed women people have ever met..couldn't get me clean though. I am powerless over this disease. I can't control it, I can't will it away. Is what it is. But, I can get help from others who have been there. I can learn how to manage my disease and keep it from rearing it's ugly head again. For me, that meant 12 step meetings. There are other ways too. Counseling, church, excersize and music...everybody is different but none of us are unique. Good luck and congrats on day 2.
first- - please dont refer to methadone as meth- that is a different drug that is abused
methadone is a medically supervised treatment for opiate addicts
- -Thanks, some people might get confused
Older folks, who abused opioids for years before getting on MMT, and who have been on MMT for some time, and you say 16 yrs? --- are unlikely to do well off treatment. They experience severe, relentless depression,and the inability to feel normal pleasure or happiness, anxiety, and just generally feel miserable, even after physical withdrawals have passed. Most people simply cannot tolerate this degree of misery on a day to day basis and relapse. Those who do not often live a very unhappy existence, just white knuckling it from one minute to the next.
That being said, there are occasional exceptions--people who have been abusing opiates and/or been on MMT for many years and who get off and do well--but they are very few and far between
I wrote more about this in a different thread on this methadone board if you are interested-
Will power alone??- - The odds arent in your favor- even if your determined because someone called you a smack head in public-how many of us are subjected to sooo much worse- and say "thats it! No more for me- starting today, Im going to stop- - I can do this if I just put my mind to it- " I know I did, maybe 100 times- -but I wish you the best
jack
methadone is a medically supervised treatment for opiate addicts
- -Thanks, some people might get confused
Older folks, who abused opioids for years before getting on MMT, and who have been on MMT for some time, and you say 16 yrs? --- are unlikely to do well off treatment. They experience severe, relentless depression,and the inability to feel normal pleasure or happiness, anxiety, and just generally feel miserable, even after physical withdrawals have passed. Most people simply cannot tolerate this degree of misery on a day to day basis and relapse. Those who do not often live a very unhappy existence, just white knuckling it from one minute to the next.
That being said, there are occasional exceptions--people who have been abusing opiates and/or been on MMT for many years and who get off and do well--but they are very few and far between
I wrote more about this in a different thread on this methadone board if you are interested-
Will power alone??- - The odds arent in your favor- even if your determined because someone called you a smack head in public-how many of us are subjected to sooo much worse- and say "thats it! No more for me- starting today, Im going to stop- - I can do this if I just put my mind to it- " I know I did, maybe 100 times- -but I wish you the best
jack
