All my life I have delt with loved ones and their addictions.. So I'm familiar with how to somewhat deal with it . But this is the first time I'm the partner of an addic and it's completely different. We have a 9 month old son and another on the way we have been together for 7 years my kids and I are dependent to my bf their dad. I never thought I would have to deal with this with him bc he has came from the same background (drugs..abuse..foster care etc.) and he was such an amazing person with a great head on his shoulders but this synthetic weed has become a REALY horrible thing in our life. He's never home with us he passes out were ever he is he spends all the money he has relationships with the girls that smoke it he gets so sick and aggravated when he doesn't have it. Every once in a while he will quite for about two weeks then one thing stresses him and he goes right back..He does have a great job but he is even going to work high now . And it all falls back on me bc it's my fault he does it is what he says . I'm so sick and tired so depressed so lost so worried about our children I want them to have their father I try so hard to help him but my anger is REALY starting to get the best of me .
Should I just give up or keep having faith??
He is an addict - and therefore it is up to him to decide if he wants recovery. There is very little you can do, but here are a few ideas:
1. Get yourself into a good support program such as Al Anon or NAR Anon. If you are a faith-based person, many churches offer programs. The benefit of this is that you will be as healthy as possible. Please do this for youself and your children. Please do not try to manage this on your own. Addiction is a problem that impacts loved ones - so the loved ones need help too.
2. As part of #1 you will learn where you are enabling and being codependent. You will need to break loose of codependency. This places the accountability of the addiction back onto the addict. The odds of him finding recovery increase when he is experiencing the full brunt of the consequences. When the pain of change is less than the pain of not changing, then change will happen. This will be difficult for you, so again I encourage you to get into Al Anon or NAR Anon. On your own, it is too easy to fall back onto old patterns.
Good luck, and message back if you'd like.
1. Get yourself into a good support program such as Al Anon or NAR Anon. If you are a faith-based person, many churches offer programs. The benefit of this is that you will be as healthy as possible. Please do this for youself and your children. Please do not try to manage this on your own. Addiction is a problem that impacts loved ones - so the loved ones need help too.
2. As part of #1 you will learn where you are enabling and being codependent. You will need to break loose of codependency. This places the accountability of the addiction back onto the addict. The odds of him finding recovery increase when he is experiencing the full brunt of the consequences. When the pain of change is less than the pain of not changing, then change will happen. This will be difficult for you, so again I encourage you to get into Al Anon or NAR Anon. On your own, it is too easy to fall back onto old patterns.
Good luck, and message back if you'd like.
Thanks. I will deff start looking into these groups. And try my hardest to cope with all this. Like I said I'm used of it just not with him. It's hard when you see so much potential in someone but just can't get them to see it. My biggest problem is giving up on someone I care so dearly about. Again thanks for your advice!
