I'm following my Sponsor's direction, but I'm not liking it...she put me on "restriction" in regard to my ex-husband. He was just so mean and rude to my oldest daughter, sometimes I wonder who the parent is! He blames everything on me, the divorce, this, that and the other...said I was never there for them and that I am a liar. Truth of the matter is, we both were active in our alcoholism and drug addiction for the almost 20 years we were together and we literally were physically there with them, but present emotionally, not so much. The old me would just love to call him right now and give him a peace of my mind...but I will not be doing that...he is a huge trigger for me (when I think of him I think of a drink and a line), my Sponsor suggests I do a mini-fourth Step on him...I know this will help me. I'm not going to make it to my Women's Stag meeting tonight. So I had to get this out there & share, get it out of my head! I just journaled too. Tonight I will be practicing restraint of pen and tongue....sometimes a Program of action is hard, I just wanna rest on my laurels (Big Book speak)...
VWGirl I think your sponsor is right on the money. Think about it this way. It will be a good example to set for your daughter.
If she sees you handling this calmly, not buying into his "games" and anger I think it will help her deal with him too.
Allow yourself to feel the anger then let it pass through you and release it. Don't let him steal your happiness.
He is the way he is and you can't change that - you can only change your reactions to him.
good luck with this obviously difficult situation.
Idgie
If she sees you handling this calmly, not buying into his "games" and anger I think it will help her deal with him too.
Allow yourself to feel the anger then let it pass through you and release it. Don't let him steal your happiness.
He is the way he is and you can't change that - you can only change your reactions to him.
good luck with this obviously difficult situation.
Idgie
Man...those sponsors!!!
I find doing the right thing is certainly not always the easy thing!
Just remember .....you are a sober woman of dignity and self -respect.
I am proud of you for sharing....and keep on that mini-4th step.
C
I find doing the right thing is certainly not always the easy thing!
Just remember .....you are a sober woman of dignity and self -respect.
I am proud of you for sharing....and keep on that mini-4th step.
C
Hi,
EGO!! = Easing God Out......I had a bout with my ego last night big time. I was mad, I was wrong, and I allowed my "Foolish Pride" to tell me I had "Justified Anger". "The Great I Am"
I love ya' and will keep you in my prayers, I sure wish we could make a meeting together, how cool would that be! Anyway, 3rd step prayer comes to mind, as well as the Serenity Prayer. I found whenever I feel like venting on someone, because I feel justified, or maybe I am in the right for how I'm feeling,
I know it's never right to comfront someone until I can do so without the anger I feel at the moment. Sometimes it's not good to say anything at all. So what I do do is, I write a letter to whoever, sometimes it's nice and sometimes there are F notes every two words. But I get it out of my system, then pray and sleep on it, then I always feel better the next day, maybe not 100 percent, but good enought to throw the letter away and let it go. Of course my sponsor also has to hear my s***, poor guy! lol But it lessons the amount of space I allow it to take up in my head. I love ya' and thanks for sharing. It's all good.
My sponsor would say, Quit whining azzclown, and get happy" lol He's a real prick! lmao
Just don't ever put yourself in a position where you need him to hand you a hairdryer!!.........*wink* Love ya'
Bob
EGO!! = Easing God Out......I had a bout with my ego last night big time. I was mad, I was wrong, and I allowed my "Foolish Pride" to tell me I had "Justified Anger". "The Great I Am"
I love ya' and will keep you in my prayers, I sure wish we could make a meeting together, how cool would that be! Anyway, 3rd step prayer comes to mind, as well as the Serenity Prayer. I found whenever I feel like venting on someone, because I feel justified, or maybe I am in the right for how I'm feeling,
I know it's never right to comfront someone until I can do so without the anger I feel at the moment. Sometimes it's not good to say anything at all. So what I do do is, I write a letter to whoever, sometimes it's nice and sometimes there are F notes every two words. But I get it out of my system, then pray and sleep on it, then I always feel better the next day, maybe not 100 percent, but good enought to throw the letter away and let it go. Of course my sponsor also has to hear my s***, poor guy! lol But it lessons the amount of space I allow it to take up in my head. I love ya' and thanks for sharing. It's all good.
My sponsor would say, Quit whining azzclown, and get happy" lol He's a real prick! lmao
Just don't ever put yourself in a position where you need him to hand you a hairdryer!!.........*wink* Love ya'
Bob
Hi VWGirl, sorry you're going through this. I can just imagine how hurtful those things he says about you can be, especially after all the sweat and tears you have put into your recovery. He knows the truth he's just trying to get to you, and i'm sure that he knows how to do that too.
I'm sure your Daughters see that too, you don't even have to say anything becuase he's showing them who the bigger person is, (he thinks it's him but it's not) it's YOU,and i'm sure your Daughters know that.They will resent him someday for this.
Sorry i don't have much advice, but i'm thinking of you and praying for you.
Hang in there Girl;)
I'm sure your Daughters see that too, you don't even have to say anything becuase he's showing them who the bigger person is, (he thinks it's him but it's not) it's YOU,and i'm sure your Daughters know that.They will resent him someday for this.
Sorry i don't have much advice, but i'm thinking of you and praying for you.
Hang in there Girl;)
Dealing with issues from the past is never an easy thing, is it? I struggle with that to at times, Pray for strength and guidance VWgirl, hand it over and it will be taken care of. You are in my thoughts and prayers..
Big Big Hugs
Lovedove
xox
Big Big Hugs
Lovedove
xox
Hi VW Girl,
Hope things are getting better for you,
I Do know what you going through at the moment, I just aint got kids involved, and its bad enough, also I have had the you drank to much all those yrs, what can I say Yes I did and Im starting to wonder if it was because of living with her that I did!
Sorry working myself up here,,,,,VW girl, I am thinking of you,
Take care Ginge
Hope things are getting better for you,
I Do know what you going through at the moment, I just aint got kids involved, and its bad enough, also I have had the you drank to much all those yrs, what can I say Yes I did and Im starting to wonder if it was because of living with her that I did!
Sorry working myself up here,,,,,VW girl, I am thinking of you,
Take care Ginge
Well, things don't always work out like I think they are going to...my ex-Husband actually wrote my oldest daughter an apology letter and also took my youngest Daughter to 0 and 1st period Friday morning (Surf team)...he runs so hot and cold though. He could be sorry yesterday, but then today something could set him off and he could be calling us and yelling at everyone again. I don't listen to it anymore - I've learned to hang up ~ "Sorry, busy right now gotta go"...he is definitely in the "everyone is doing it to me mode" ~ he's got the "victim" down real well. I know he isn't the reason I drank and used, but I've been told by other women in AA, I definitely used drinking and using as a coping tool in order to live with that guy for almost 20 years ~ just checked out mentally and emotionally, when I should of checked out physically earlier...but it is what is........
VW Girl (lol):
I think God is doing for you what you could not do for your self.
Rachel
I think God is doing for you what you could not do for your self.
Rachel
Hi,
"Well, things don't always work out like I think they are going to..."
That caught my eye big time. I've learned for what it's worth, not to put expectations on anything. Either for the good or bad. Expectations are premeditated resentments. I just wanted to say hi and let ya' know I have been thinking about ya'. And also agree with Rachel, God definetly does for me what I can't do for myself.
Take care........
Bob
"Well, things don't always work out like I think they are going to..."
That caught my eye big time. I've learned for what it's worth, not to put expectations on anything. Either for the good or bad. Expectations are premeditated resentments. I just wanted to say hi and let ya' know I have been thinking about ya'. And also agree with Rachel, God definetly does for me what I can't do for myself.
Take care........
Bob
Well, just talked to my oldest daughter on the phone at work and got home from a Women's Stag (I went with my Sister ~ Rachel to all of you, what a blessing in my life)...anyhoo, their Dad went off on them again this morning...seriously I wonder if he is using and drinking again. The Girls basically told him to F... off and they will not be talking to him again. He is abusive emotionally and verbally, they choose to not take it anymore....I certainly cannot encourage them to do so....I don't want them to get emotionally beat up on a daily basis, well, like I did when I was married to him. He told my Daughters, that they don't need him anymore, they have my BF now, they don't need him...most of you know I walked out on him (my ex-husband) 4 years ago...but once the divorce was final, he remarried an old GF from High School almost immediately and stopped going to meetings, she didn't like him attending AA....I want to just take away the pain for my Daughters!!!!!!!!!!!
Hey VWGirl you can take away the pain for your daughters just BE YOU and tell them you love them and are proud of them every chance you get.
They have seen both sides of you and are seeing both sides of there father. VW just be there for them and being sober is enough they need you to bounce the good and the bad the greatest protection you can give them is you. VW you rock.
Light and love Zac
They have seen both sides of you and are seeing both sides of there father. VW just be there for them and being sober is enough they need you to bounce the good and the bad the greatest protection you can give them is you. VW you rock.
Light and love Zac
Thanks Zac, I know you are right about modeling appropriate behavior. I realize how far I've come when I didn't act on old behavior. In my drinking days I would've gone over to their place of business or home and well, by my actions probably would've been spending the night in the local jail. I don't have to do that today. I didn't react at all and I feel so much better today for doing the right thing, I am powerless over him and his wife. My Daughters are seeing him for what he really is....it's weird since I stopped engaging with him and stopped participating in the drama, he can no longer lash out me, now he is lashing out at our Daughters...now they are choosing to not participate, I guess someone else will have to be his next victim(s). Otherwise, everything else is going good. Hope you are doing well!
Hi,
I really feel bad with what your daughters have to deal with and the hurt it causes you watching it. It's sad when people take how they feel about themselves or there situations and direct it towards others, especially kids.
I have been keeping them and you in my prayers. And reading this has helped me in dealing with some things I need to deal with latley, as far as it being best for me not to react in a couple situations latley. I love ya'.........
Take care....
Bob
I really feel bad with what your daughters have to deal with and the hurt it causes you watching it. It's sad when people take how they feel about themselves or there situations and direct it towards others, especially kids.
I have been keeping them and you in my prayers. And reading this has helped me in dealing with some things I need to deal with latley, as far as it being best for me not to react in a couple situations latley. I love ya'.........
Take care....
Bob
Bob, Thanks so much...their Dad is a dry drunk, drinking and using again or mentally ill...but it's really not my business. However, it is my business to protect my Daughters from his verbal and emotional abuse. I have another court date set for 07 July and will request 100% custody of my youngest daughter. My oldest is 19 so she can decide if she chooses to engage with him or not. But, I think she is going to take a "break" from him for awhile. I just keep doing the right thing...and when there is no drama and chaos he doesn't like it...he wants to stir the pot up and bring the focus back on him, but in an osmosis kind of way my Daughters are learning and have learned how to deal with this in a very mature manner, most of the time. They both have been to meetings with me (my oldest is a normie - lol, but my youngest I think she's got the ism). But, what they see and hear at meetings I see them modeling in their own lives. On my cell phone banner I have "One Day at a Time" as mine; I used my oldest Daughter's cell phone recently, she has that as her banner now too. Thank you so much for all of your support and encouragement. I get what I need from my God, my Program, my Family, and all of you who post over here.
Hi VW,
Sorry you all have to go through this. I grew up with an alcoholic/addict step father so I kinda know how this crap feels..I will keep you guys in my prayers
take care
gi
Sorry you all have to go through this. I grew up with an alcoholic/addict step father so I kinda know how this crap feels..I will keep you guys in my prayers
take care
gi
