I could nt take it anymore - just felt like he was dicking me around you know, like Im a complete idiot. As usual as I was getting our meal going he said he was just goin to pop out to buy some beer - but we dont usually drink at meal times. I let it go as usual but something started eating at me I hopped in my car and went to see if he was at the shop. I never thought I would do something like that
So guess what happened - he was pulling out of a dead-end street round the corner from my house...but he did have beer. So he told me I was being an a****** that he was not going to be followed around and snuck up on and feel like he is being treated as a criminal. Hes not wrong...not altogether...what if he followed me one day - I would hate it. I felt horrible for having done it.
But then why was he coming out of an alley? I asked and he just replied that he did not feel he had to explain all his actions to me - he is a grown man and if being my boyfirend means I have to know what time he breathes in or out - then he would just rather leave me. Again...I do understand him...but he never got around to explaining the alley bit.
Here is where I am confused - something is defenatly wrong....and thank you for all your posts, they make me feel that it is ok that I should question...but everytime I try to approach the subject I just cant seem to make a case of it the way I can when I sit here - he has answears which are reasonable....but I just cannot shake the feeling. The other thing too, is that I dont think any of our friends do heroin, so who would he be with...and if it is by himself does that not mean that the problem is much deeper? Its not like hes standing around with his mates and everyone did a little a bit....I am very confused....or scared....or nervous. Just not feeling o.k.
By the way I have nothing to suggest that he was an IV user in the past - the other day I did find a piece of card that was meticulously roled into a tube - it was thrown into my garbage and it just popped out at me because it was so neatly and sturdily done. There were no burn marks - it did nt seem to smell of anything....see now I feel like I am just being paranoid
You are not being paranoid. If he has a history of using then you have every right to be suspicous of his actions. Especially coming out of an alley. I do understand what he is saying but that is only if he's clean. It seems sneaky to me and I wouldn't trust it. And you will never get an honest answer from him regarding the alley. Of course because you caught him he turned it around on you checking up on him. My addict is famous for that. I have been dealing with my son's father for over 13 years. He's been an addict for most of those years. Please be careful and think about yourself. We tend to forget about ourselves and concentrate on them. It's very hard when you love someone who is addicted. I am trying my hardest to break away now but it is very hard when I love him so much. Please try to get into a Naranon or alanon meeting. I am planning on going this week. I went onto their website and received a warm welcoming and it has already helped me.
Best of luck.
Best of luck.
I got like that with my boyfriend when he was using, I didnt know for definate but it went on for months with me feeling something wrong and chasing him around checking where he was. The eyes were the best give away for me and the scratching, oh and the use of tin foil and him buying new tin foil - so say for his sandwiches (which is rubbish!). I drove myself mad trying to find the truth, he was an excellent liar, always some excuse or another, or he'd just walk off. Try not to get too stressed as you still dont know but just keep an eye out. I know how s*** you must feel, I felt like I was turning into a nut job! Hopefully your suspicions are wrong but the whole gut feeling thing is good to go on. My boyfriends friends dont do it and they dont like it. But he lies to them too. Also he uses on his own, he would go to parks near buy or run down boarded up areas. Another thing I notice is lighters you know the metal part where the flame burns, if that is really burnt or comes off or the flame goes doggy and stuff. This is because been burnt for long time!
Try not to stress out you'll make yourself worry more and feel ill. Vent your anger on here!
Try not to stress out you'll make yourself worry more and feel ill. Vent your anger on here!
I honestly don't blame you because I'm the same way too. I remember my boyfriend would have to go to the car wash 3 times a day, ya right, who has to wash their car that much? When he was using it was always a dead giveaway for me, his jaw always moved from side to side. And tin foil was a dead giveaway as well. And he'd have the shower running saying he was taking a shower but he'd come out dry, I think he would have it running to mask the smell. Anyways I know it makes them angry when we continually ask if they are using or we follow them or look for clues but I think we have a right if they are going to keep secrets that will affect our relationship!
I mean if we suspected our guys having an affair we'd do what we can to find out wouldn't we?
I mean if we suspected our guys having an affair we'd do what we can to find out wouldn't we?
I know how rattling this all can be, how confusing - I left my husband 6 months ago and I am still trying to put pieces of the puzzle together. I dont think I will ever know most of the answears to my questions which are mostly whys...why did he start? why did nt he choose me and our son over the drugs? why doesnt he seem to realize what he has lost....
I think you have to step back - I think you have to read through some of these posts and wonder if you are up for all this, but you have to understand that your questions will mostly go unasweard, its part of learning how to deal with all this.
As for him always having answear that makes sense - - they always do.
This is what i was told by a doctor once - that if you are suspiscius than the problem is probably already worst than you imagine.
Try help - but take care of yourself.
I think you have to step back - I think you have to read through some of these posts and wonder if you are up for all this, but you have to understand that your questions will mostly go unasweard, its part of learning how to deal with all this.
As for him always having answear that makes sense - - they always do.
This is what i was told by a doctor once - that if you are suspiscius than the problem is probably already worst than you imagine.
Try help - but take care of yourself.
You have every right to be suspicious. My boyfriend is a recovering heroin/morphine addict and used to only snort it. I remember the bathroom trips and the door always being closed. Look for signs of powder that he didn't wipe away or a surface for him to use to snort off of. That rolled up piece of paper will not be burned if he is snorting. It's just a snorting tube. My boyfriend used cut up straws. He used spoons and old credit/gas cards, etc. to crush the little capsule bits when he was using morphine. He also used little plates if he didn't use in the bathroom. Look for what would seem like good hiding spots for things and do a good search of your home.
My boyfriend's pupils would get pinpointed and he would have a very itchy back. Every day, he had an itchy back. And he slept A LOT. I couldn't believe how often he slept and how easy it was for him to fall asleep. But also, a lot of times, he would also get up in the middle of the night. I think he sometimes had to use in the middle of the night too in order to be able to get back to sleep.
Definitely keep an eye out for the physical symptoms as they will tell you everything you need to know without having to find absolute proof.
You are living with a heroin addict. He is not cured even if he is not using as there is no cure so you have every right to be suspicious. However, don't let it run your life!
Keep an eye out and take care of yourself,
Mickey
My boyfriend's pupils would get pinpointed and he would have a very itchy back. Every day, he had an itchy back. And he slept A LOT. I couldn't believe how often he slept and how easy it was for him to fall asleep. But also, a lot of times, he would also get up in the middle of the night. I think he sometimes had to use in the middle of the night too in order to be able to get back to sleep.
Definitely keep an eye out for the physical symptoms as they will tell you everything you need to know without having to find absolute proof.
You are living with a heroin addict. He is not cured even if he is not using as there is no cure so you have every right to be suspicious. However, don't let it run your life!
Keep an eye out and take care of yourself,
Mickey
Hi suspicious
Here's the address of a very good web page which tells you all about heroin and what the signs to look for if someone is using. It also offers advice for friends parents and partners of addicts - it's very practical and really easy to follow. It also has a message board which is where i got this one from. You should look it up. It was created by a girl called Nicky. Herself and her husband were addicts for years and through getting naltrexone implants have been clean for a few years i think?? Mickey's right you do have every right to be suspicious. My bf used to say the same things to me at first and i would kinda let it slide until it was so obvious (he couldn't even get out of bet he was ratteling so much) When he was clean after that time he told me to never listen to his bull$hit - that if i think for a second he is using to always confront him, which i do. Take care and hope the web page gives you some idea of what to look for
Jo
http://uk.geocities.com/brown_addic...t/indexpage.htm
Here's the address of a very good web page which tells you all about heroin and what the signs to look for if someone is using. It also offers advice for friends parents and partners of addicts - it's very practical and really easy to follow. It also has a message board which is where i got this one from. You should look it up. It was created by a girl called Nicky. Herself and her husband were addicts for years and through getting naltrexone implants have been clean for a few years i think?? Mickey's right you do have every right to be suspicious. My bf used to say the same things to me at first and i would kinda let it slide until it was so obvious (he couldn't even get out of bet he was ratteling so much) When he was clean after that time he told me to never listen to his bull$hit - that if i think for a second he is using to always confront him, which i do. Take care and hope the web page gives you some idea of what to look for
Jo
http://uk.geocities.com/brown_addic...t/indexpage.htm
Dear Suspicious, I feel for you and relate to how touchy this situation actually is. Many are right, he will have answers and you won't.... Even after my late bf had 2 yrs. of sobriety from H, he relapsed, and eventually it just took his life. I wouldn't confront him like a drill sargeant and he may think he does not have a problem (denial). My bf when snorting would use rolled up paper, that I often found as I would later check the garbage bag...... If he is not ready to deal with his addiction, he will deffinitely put the blame on you and you may feel a bit "crazy", it's like thay take their irrationality, twist it to a truth that they beleive then you are the one with the problem.... Alanon, Naranon will have suggestions on how to help yourself and deal with this. It's lonely I know, though the more you reach out, the more you will be helped with little or no judgement. My bf had a circle of friends in his 20's who he used with, though although he did not associate with them anymore he continued to use alone.... Wether it's in a group or alone, once you're addicted you're addicted. If the alley way doesn't make sense, it's because it doesn't make sense! I know it's hard not to know or have the answers though please keep your eyes open, and get more help. My heart is with you..... Dora