Well, I actually talked to the folks last night. It was done with love and understanding; the last thing I want to do is hurt them. I believe now that by doing this I have opened up a depth of communication and honesty that just wasn't there before. It was always - just be ok, don't admit anything, offer it up and all that.
It actually feels good to have stepped into this unknown territory, that can't ever be the same again now, I will make sure of it. Dad completely knew where I was coming from because he has had to bury his emotions and be more reserved because of being married to mom!! My mom told me that she had never had a conversation with her mom at all, until last year when they talked about family history. Never had a conversation with her mom - oh my god!! She said her mom was always very very quiet, but she was always there. How odd. Mom actually admitted that she does find it strange herself nowadays. She never used to, that's just how it was.
I need now to move on from all this. OK, that was my upbringing, and it shaped me, but I can't keep living it. Now is time to let it go and move on. Without healing the past though, I know I can't fully embrace the future. I am going to the garden centre with mom today and I want to have an honest and deep experience, not just a surface one if you know what I mean. It is good to have approached this with the folks, and they were good about it. I mean, they have been married 44 years and they are great people, so they must be doing something right. As I said to them I want to communicate with them as human beings on this journey of life that none of us really understand, we are all just finding our way through, but pretending we know what is going on just doesn't work for me really. The barriers have to come down and the honesty has to come in.
If I can't have a real relationship with my parents, I can't do it with anyone because they are the primordial one if you like. It has to be done otherwise it is a burden to carry forever. Hopefully it will be far reaching and will effect my sisters and also my parents. I want this to be healing all round.
Lacey I am happy for you! You have certainly taken a step in the right direction. I am proud of what you have done. Every lesson we learn in life I believe is for a reason. Maybe yours is to teach your mom and Dad how to be able to communicate and to express their emotions . I am sure they are learning from you.I wish you all the best and good luck and and as you are aware I guess sometimes we have to make our own luck. I am glad you took the steps you did to change things. God bless and be safe. "hugs"
You are recovery in action Lacey - all about actions and pushing through fear not just a bunch of talk.
I really admire that.
How awesome that now you have the opportunity to deepen this relationship with two of the most important people in a person's life - parents.
thanks for sharing that
Idgie.
I really admire that.
How awesome that now you have the opportunity to deepen this relationship with two of the most important people in a person's life - parents.
thanks for sharing that
Idgie.
Gidday Lacey
Well done it works when you work at it:)
Try praying for everyday for two weeks about your past relationship with your parents and in the prayer add the future relationship that you can see forming.
All of you will need each others patience, tolerance, love, understanding and acceptance over the next few months as the bond of trust and faith in family is grown and nutured.
light and love zac
Well done it works when you work at it:)
Try praying for everyday for two weeks about your past relationship with your parents and in the prayer add the future relationship that you can see forming.
All of you will need each others patience, tolerance, love, understanding and acceptance over the next few months as the bond of trust and faith in family is grown and nutured.
light and love zac
Congrats!!!! What an awesome post to read. I, too, have issues with my parents but I think we are all willing to work on it.
The difficulty for me is that right now, my family does not know about my relapse and 12 days sober. I plan to share this with them but just doesn't feel right to share it right now. They've been through 3 rehabs, 2 DUI's, 2 psyche visits, and several suicide attempts. They are going through their own difficulties right now, so I guess I am trying to spare them. Some may agree with me withholding this information for now, some may not. That is okay....
Regardless of my current situation...it doesn't cloud your great step forward. I am proud of you. Thank you for showing me that at some point, I, too, can make the same decision. Your message gives me hope.
In spirit,
Zipper
The difficulty for me is that right now, my family does not know about my relapse and 12 days sober. I plan to share this with them but just doesn't feel right to share it right now. They've been through 3 rehabs, 2 DUI's, 2 psyche visits, and several suicide attempts. They are going through their own difficulties right now, so I guess I am trying to spare them. Some may agree with me withholding this information for now, some may not. That is okay....
Regardless of my current situation...it doesn't cloud your great step forward. I am proud of you. Thank you for showing me that at some point, I, too, can make the same decision. Your message gives me hope.
In spirit,
Zipper
Hey Lacey,
Your handling of this situation is inspiring! How cool are you.... Wishing you well,
one day at a time, Cookster
Your handling of this situation is inspiring! How cool are you.... Wishing you well,
one day at a time, Cookster
Hi Lacey,
I to am so happy for you that you were able to talk openly with your parents. It took courage and honesty to do that. I hope you are feeling a release of some pain that youv'e been carrying with you for many yrs.
It was my approach with my Mom and tone of voice that made it possible to reconcile pain and resentments I'd been holding onto for many ys. I also was able to see my part in the dysfuntional family unit as well.
Good luck to you and keep telling your dog that you love her/him. You are such a beautiful loving person. I enjoy you and your sharing here.
Love, Chris
I to am so happy for you that you were able to talk openly with your parents. It took courage and honesty to do that. I hope you are feeling a release of some pain that youv'e been carrying with you for many yrs.
It was my approach with my Mom and tone of voice that made it possible to reconcile pain and resentments I'd been holding onto for many ys. I also was able to see my part in the dysfuntional family unit as well.
Good luck to you and keep telling your dog that you love her/him. You are such a beautiful loving person. I enjoy you and your sharing here.
Love, Chris
Thanks everyone. It really was good to talk with my parents like I did. Why it was so scary I don't know really, they were great! I took mom to the garden centre yesterday and we sat in the cafe talking for ages. Thinking about it today, it was almost as though she had been expecting it because she was just so fine about it. She really was. Amazing actually.
And Lookin up was so right there when she said that she came to accept her part in their dysfunctional family. I have definatley been pondering my part in all this today and realising I have to take responsibility too. I can't just blame my parents. I think my resentments have got way out of proportion to the cause. And there are two sides to every story, and hearing mom and dad talk about their side was enlightening actually.
I don't have to feel like the child anymore. I think all this will put us all on a more equal footing.
And Lookin up was so right there when she said that she came to accept her part in their dysfunctional family. I have definatley been pondering my part in all this today and realising I have to take responsibility too. I can't just blame my parents. I think my resentments have got way out of proportion to the cause. And there are two sides to every story, and hearing mom and dad talk about their side was enlightening actually.
I don't have to feel like the child anymore. I think all this will put us all on a more equal footing.
Lacey I am so glad for you. Prayers do get answered when the timing is right. You have learned and you have grown. I think it's wonderful what has happened for you and your parents. I am so happy for you ,that you and your mom had a good day together. You deserve it and so does she. You seem like such a nice and caring person. I hope now that you and your parents will be able to have an honest and open relationship with each other. God bless and be safe
