I am going to stick to one thread related to my tapering process...I sincerely hope it will give some hope to others as well as therapeutic value to me. Plus having to check in with you guys will keep me accountable...So...most of my journey is in bits and pieces amongst the threads...short version...planning to go to detox in March and decided to start tapering...starting point..90 mgs. oxycodone a day...currently..3rd day at 55. It isn't easy and you have to have the mental willpower for it...but it is very rewarding to wake up and not feel like a total loser. I have to focus ALL my attention on this so to those of you with children at home and full time jobs...it must be harder. I suppose I should count my blessings to be out of work most of the next 2 months. Opportunity is knocking and I am taking full advantage. I almost broke last night...my girl upset me,bad headache. Hey...isn't there ALWAYS an excuse. It is aamazing. The addict brain is so cunning. If there were no opiates we awould all cope just fine,go figure.Day 3 on this dose is barely tolerable but I am doing it. I feel tired and very achy.I am going down to 50 mgs on Monday(next). Big trigger today...I have a neurology appt. and I hate it! It is at the clinic of a large hospital and the people who run the clinic are idiots for the most part. The DR. always wants to give me more drugs...patches, you name it. Today I will tell him that my PC Dr. is weaning me off...just rx me my neurontin please. If they won't I will stop going and find a new neuro. Even my Rheumatologist is against opiates for Lupus...he is great..gave me some names of supplements which have been very helpful...zyflamend and noni juice. Expensive as hell.....so I must stay strong and get this appt. over with. I will be free from this and I have to keep my eye on the prize. Thanks for listening...Love, Sharonn
Good luck Sharon.Let me know how I can help.
Tim...you are an inspiration to me. Last month I wasn't ready to hear it...I kept rationalizing it in my head playing the "poor me " Lupus victim. People have way worse problems and I am glad I can get out of bed everyday. With a little more mental clarity from my dose drop I can see how I was resisting change. "Why change? at least I am familiar with this pain".....".my Dr.. says it's ok....bla bla " My self talk was B.S. And in my heart of hearts I knew I was getting deeper into the vortex of hell...I felt so out of control. Thank you again for having tha patience for me to stop the bs and get real...Love, S P.S. You are already doing enough just by posting......
S as always Im so proud of you.Do you know why?Because no matter what YOU KEEP TRYING & WORKING FOR A BETTER LIFE.THAT my friend takes alot of guts & determination that so many of us lack!!!
Im always a email away if ever you need to talk.
love
s
Im always a email away if ever you need to talk.
love
s
Sharon,
What ever happened to that surgically implanted spinal cord stimulator you were a candidate for? Is that still an option?
Good luck on your taper!
Rae
What ever happened to that surgically implanted spinal cord stimulator you were a candidate for? Is that still an option?
Good luck on your taper!
Rae
Sharonn,
This is a great Idea to keep a taper diary!
I hope you got my last email, i really want to stay in better touch with you, we have a lot in common despite the age difference, don't you think? lol
I love you and if you ever need to b****, whine, or scream, i'm here!!!
Love you
stac
This is a great Idea to keep a taper diary!
I hope you got my last email, i really want to stay in better touch with you, we have a lot in common despite the age difference, don't you think? lol
I love you and if you ever need to b****, whine, or scream, i'm here!!!
Love you
stac
Rae...I am a good candidate for it re: pain from my lumbar fusion and other disk....however most of my intolerable pain is neuropathic(feet and legs) and I was told that it would have no effect. Why put myself through another surgery for back pain?I can handle the back pain...20 years of it and I know my limits and how NOT to trigger an episode. The neuropathy is a biatch however...I never had diabetes and supposedly it is an effect of damaged nerves from years of compression. There is a lot of scar tissue around the rods in my back and to put a stimulator in cannot take that away. It might work...but not for my feet. No more cutting Sharon. I have had more than my share of surgeries and I fear another spinal surgery would put me at greater risk for paralysis,etc. No magic bullet(dammit) Most worthwhile things in life are difficult. This time I have the right attitude. My Dr. and I are on the same page and he knows that I chose to do this for me.
just want to embrace you on this journey of your life.............
((((((((((((sharon)))))))))))))))))
love
thumper
((((((((((((sharon)))))))))))))))))
love
thumper
Gotcha! Having a positive attitude is the key. You will do fine. Just stick with it and you'll get through it. I can't imagine being in pain like you are every single day. I have a pinched nerve in my neck and it is killing me. I am praying it will go away. What can you do though. Just keep on keeping on., I guess!
Best of luck. Rae
Best of luck. Rae
Congrats Sharon!!!
Sounds like you are making great decisions and are very much aware of the "lying addict thinking and rationalizations" that can keep us sick!!
Lots of prayers for you ....
<<<<<HUGS>>>>>
Rae...I had about 3 years of neck pain due to denegarative disks...it was a pain! I haven't had a neck episode since I bought a great pillow and refuse to bend my head back to reach up things. I feel for anyone with neck problems...it made me real crabby 'cause there was no relief unless on lay on the floor with a towel rolled up in the curve of my neck and head. I even had a home traction device at one time...the kind you fill with water...honestly,I don't think it did much good. I know muscle relaxers work...I am not sure if they are addictive i.e. flexeril, robaxin???? Rae, I know you haven't always seen my side and I truly appreciate your kind words of support. As impatient as I am...I am gonna do this(Even if it's just to put it on the boardlol) For anyone struggling...please...do not get overwhelmed....stay in the day and if possible take baby steps. They really add up and the confidence you gain will carry you through. I have so much more confidence this week than last..I know it can only get better with every test I pass. I pray my BF's surgery goes smoothly Thursday...I am a little concerned about anesthesia as he has early emphysema...Now I will take my own advice and STAY in the day,Thanks guys...Love, S
Day 4...holding steady at 55 mgs....Did I drop too quickly? My entire body aches and I am sweaty(WTH?) Probably have a cold. Went to the neuro yeasterday and he kept pushing me to have surgery to remove scar tissue..then the duragesic patch....I explained to him that I wanted off the narcs and my words apparently fell on deaf ears. He was arrogant and wrote "Non-compliant patient" in my file(I peeked) A*********E! So...By the time I got home it was quite late and my BF was starving to death because If I am not home he cannot function(sad, but true)I guess when he gets tired of eating cereal for dinner he'll learn to cook. In the past I would have stopped at the store,takeout....but I am doing what I need to do in order to stick to my plan...and I was beat. I know another 1/2 pill would give me the energy I need today, but I won't do it. I have come this far and every day is a victory. I wake up feeling like crap.....how did I wake up before the opiates? I just wanna feel normal. I watch TV and envy people on the Today show(LOL) because they are not addicts(I think)...I want to be like that! Check in tomorrow...no slips here. Love, Sharonn
QUOTE |
He was arrogant and wrote "Non-compliant patient" in my file |
Well you know what? That's something to be proud of.
If we are strung out on narcotics of course we will be compliant.Exactly where they want us.
Trying to proceed in an alternative way takes too much of their time.They could be making more money from someone who just goes ahead and gets addicted and shuts the f*ck up!
I'm sorry but that just irritates the hell out of me.
Hang in there Sharon
Sharon, Your courage is amazing. Thank you for sharing this journey with the board, I hope you keep it up throughout your entire taper, it is very inspirational.
Good luck. I know what severe pain you suffer, and all I can say is,,,,you must be one hell of a woman to do what you are doing. Keep it up!
My new mantra..."The rough is only mental"...if you believe it is hard..it is. I am now choosing to believe it is a new challenge and opportunity for growth and confidence. Every time you conquer something it makes you so much stronger. We are all capable of great things...sadly, most of us do not believe in ourselves, or have any faith...Thank you for your reponses...all your support is so very much appreciated....repeat after me..."Every day in every way I am geting better and better"............Love, Sharonn
Sharon
Rock out with some music. Go out (if it ain't freezin!!) and enjoy the outdoors... do something for YOU. Hell, go get a mani/pedi!
Your mantra is wonderful, I may steal it. heehee.
Love
stac
Rock out with some music. Go out (if it ain't freezin!!) and enjoy the outdoors... do something for YOU. Hell, go get a mani/pedi!
Your mantra is wonderful, I may steal it. heehee.
Love
stac
You can steal anything you want from me missy,,,my mom told me that before she died...it so from Deepak Chopra. How are you feeling? No more pain? You crack me uo with the post re:our age difference. LOLOL! I am 50, feel 85, act 7, so what the hell! Girl, I might be old....but I still manage to turn heads(not for long) Love you, Sharonn aka Old Bag(or Baguette)
"Not for long"
yea right. I've seen your pic sharon. You're funny...
Thanks for the pep talks
stac
yea right. I've seen your pic sharon. You're funny...
Thanks for the pep talks
stac
Yeah baby...us old broads still have it.....but does anyone want it(RBF) I will e-mail you for the decoding of that. I have never been banned and don't want to start now. YGM
Arrrgh!!!! Day 5...am I even tapering here? WTH! I have not gone down cause I know tomorrow will be a stressful day...I figured it was better to remain stable then to go lower and then relapse back. But what I do not understand is...Why am I still feeling such bad WD symptoms? I did not sleep well last night...I was crawling out of my skin and sweating like a pig as if I hasd gone down a dose! Dammit! I know that my AD helps an awful lot with the depression that accompanies withdrawal and sleep....this is exactly why people don't taper. It takes too long and you are gonna suffer anyway so just get it over with. Believe me..if T was not going for surgery I would be in detox.......this is hard. I will stay at this dose until I feel a little better. Instead of beating myself up I remind myself that I could still be at 90-100 mgs a day. So....I am not giving up guys...I may feel like Rump(my very favorite word) but I will carry on. I know That if I was able to get down to this...I can do it again. My older sister (alcoholic) has been sober for awhile..called me yesterday drunk...10 A.M. Here I am in the kitchen..trying to make spaghetti sauce with my cat crying and the dog running around the house. My legs hurt and I was wicked stressed.Did she trigger me? Hell yeah...I hung up on her for my own good. I am learning.........this is going to be the hardest yet best lesson of my life....Regards, S