Hi Everyone,
I should post this on the alcohol board so I just might but thought I'd put it here first since I was browsing the posts a little.
This weekend I let my Godson borrow my orange mini cooper for the prom. He was delighted. I haven't seen him or his mom in awhile since I moved to the city. So I made the 3 hr drive and we went to clean up the car. It was fun to do it together. Then I put a little vase of flowers in the cup holder to add to the whole romance thing for him. This was his first prom with a beautiful girl. He is a good kid. So far loving and sweet and 17. I have not seen such a sweet 17 year old as most of us go through a rebellion.
Anyway, his mom is a friend of mine and we wisked him off with his date in the coolest car for the prom and it was one of those moments when life doesn't get any better. Just to see the excitement on his face. I'm proud of this boy and love him like my own. Have spent a few years with him.
After we sent them off his mom and I went to dinner. Now you know I have been clean for about a month and a half. No alcohol. Drugs less than prescribed and only when absolutely necessary.
Well my friend ordered a glass of wine with dinner. She knows I am in AA but wasn't really thinking. Well I was stinking thinking. Man how I wanted to order one too. I thought oh just one just one just one. I stared at her wine like a dog who is watching someone eat a big steak. It was horrible. I wanted one too. Then she said the dreaded words, "Amy you are not an alcoholic". And so for awhile I thought well then why not? Then I thought well if I order one glass I will blow my clean time so why not order a bottle and have some fun. It was daunting this feeling inside me. Temptation and obsession. It was difficult to concentrate on anything else except that wonderful looking glass of red wine. I realized though that here in the city I have a wonderful group of women who are with me in recovery. I thought about my sponsor who I could not call cuz no phone. In the end I realized nope not even one drink. But I was highly sensitive about it and inside resentful because why can I not just have one? Knowing full well one leads to several and I love that drunk buzz. Just the after effects are awful. So I did not order a drink but after about a minute of thinking about it ordered a diet coke.
We truly have to change our playmates in sobriety. She and I use to get silly drunk all the time and as soon as I went beyond that I went home to my apt which was her guest house. It's part of my association with her. Wow what a wake up call. As I ready myself for my nephews wedding and that whole trip I realize I need a plan cuz there is no AA there and I will need courage to get through it.
I just wanted to share this because the feeling to want to drink and control it was very strong in me. Also, when we went back to her house I noticed all her wine bottles in her big beautiful kitchen. I looked and looked at them. Then all we could find to put the flowers in for the car was a shot glass. I had a vase I forgot cuz I just thought it a cute idea. Finally we found his very first baby bottle which was crystal which I used.
Temptation strikes when we least expect it. Thanks for letting me share. I was able to escape my temptation but it was not so easy.
love,
pm
Cunning,Baffling,Powerful My drinking friends ran a sweepstake to see how long i would stop for.
Also some still think i don't have a problem.
And some didn't want to admit i have a problem cause they were sitting right beside me all the time in the pub.
But the real disbeliever is Me ... When i'm inside my head alone and with all these new morals i have from 10years of recovery maybe i wasn't an alcoholic after all !!!!
You know what im to scared to find out because i definately do not want to lose the freedom of the sober Me.
Great post pm and thanks
Hooroo Zac
Also some still think i don't have a problem.
And some didn't want to admit i have a problem cause they were sitting right beside me all the time in the pub.
But the real disbeliever is Me ... When i'm inside my head alone and with all these new morals i have from 10years of recovery maybe i wasn't an alcoholic after all !!!!
You know what im to scared to find out because i definately do not want to lose the freedom of the sober Me.
Great post pm and thanks
Hooroo Zac
Wouldn't it grand if the whole world stopped drinking and drugging when we did? LOL It sure would have made my life easier in early recovery. Unfortunately, nobody gives a crap if we drink or not when it comes down to it. It's up to us to be responsible for our recovery because no one else can do it for us. Amy, you passed the test with flying colors. Be proud of yourself. I don't know about you, but if I picked up a drink and tried to hide it form my sponsor, the guilt would eat me up. I'm not a very good liar any more. I doubt if I ever was. But I know the first thing I would do is stop calling my sponsor, then I'd quit meetings, then I'd be drinking all the time again. Nope, it just ain't worth it. I like this life too much to let booze screw me up. Congrats again.
lovin ya
lovin ya
I had a hard time with a few of my friends; who didn't want to see me stop drinking.
They would say " I drink more than you, so what does that make me ?!"
I was told that I just needed to chill out on the hard liquor and stick to beer and wine.
I can very easily romance the idea of a drink (especially a great glass of red wine!)-
So I make sure to think the drink through.
It never stopped with that one nice glass of wine-It usually ended with me not looking so pretty, stumbling around and wrapping up the evening having spent all my $$ and throwing up the next morning.
Nobody can tell us that we are not alcoholic, I try to distance myself from those friends. Unfortunately thay do not understand and do not have our best intrests at heart.
Distancing myself from those playmates has been the hardest thing to do in my recovery. But with time it has gotten easier and makes more sense the happier and healthier I become in sobriety.
Congratulations on your 30 days a few weeks ago.I'm very proud of you!!!
Carolyn
They would say " I drink more than you, so what does that make me ?!"
I was told that I just needed to chill out on the hard liquor and stick to beer and wine.
I can very easily romance the idea of a drink (especially a great glass of red wine!)-
So I make sure to think the drink through.
It never stopped with that one nice glass of wine-It usually ended with me not looking so pretty, stumbling around and wrapping up the evening having spent all my $$ and throwing up the next morning.
Nobody can tell us that we are not alcoholic, I try to distance myself from those friends. Unfortunately thay do not understand and do not have our best intrests at heart.
Distancing myself from those playmates has been the hardest thing to do in my recovery. But with time it has gotten easier and makes more sense the happier and healthier I become in sobriety.
Congratulations on your 30 days a few weeks ago.I'm very proud of you!!!
Carolyn
Thanks you guys!!!!
I know what you mean .... just staring at that glass made me feel guilty towards my sponsor. lol. I did promise to call her before I ever picked up again though. However, I did not have my cell phone on me. Well I romanced to to the point of not taking it so I guess I did okay. Gosh scary. I sure am happy to be in a program. I would have been drunk no doubt about it otherwise. There just is no inbetween for me.
Well off to a meeting.
love,
pm
I know what you mean .... just staring at that glass made me feel guilty towards my sponsor. lol. I did promise to call her before I ever picked up again though. However, I did not have my cell phone on me. Well I romanced to to the point of not taking it so I guess I did okay. Gosh scary. I sure am happy to be in a program. I would have been drunk no doubt about it otherwise. There just is no inbetween for me.
Well off to a meeting.
love,
pm
Great job....you used the tools you learned and made it...this is strengthening the foundation you are building in sobriety. In the beginning of my recovery when I would occasionally think of drinking again, I remembered how I felt on my last drunk...and also how it would feel to wake up hungover if I should choose to pick up again...dehydrated, headache, upset stomach, irritable...nope I'm definitely tired of feeling sick and tired. Again, way to go!!!!!!!!!
Thanks VW. I hit a meeting tonite and shared about this whole thing. Felt good to hit the meeting. I had missed them for a couple of days being in the mtns. I know where the support is. Smile. Thank God I did not take that drink. I hate those hangovers too. Yikes. I never wanna go back there.
peace,
pm
peace,
pm
