Firstly.........
Teresa...........I would like to say I am sorry for the harsh words I used to you
yesterday. It is not like me to be mean and hurtful and I feel bad knowing I may have hurt you.
To everyone else......I would like to explain why I lost it. Since coming here for support during my first few days of withdrawal, I have received much good advice, some I liked and some I didn't, but all was appreciated and considered. I have met some very nice people and have relied on this board almost daily as an escape and as a resource for addiction information.Moms just like me who have been where I have and suffered the same from abusing the pills. And to do this with such caring, interesting people without having to leave home has been a Godsend.
We have all spoken frequently about the rawness we feel in the beginning of our recovery. I, for one, feel weak, shaky, unsure of my footing. I need be in a easy and safe, positive enviroment. The constant bikering really shakes me up. Sure, I can go to another thread, but, you know what, I shouldn't have to keep a list of whose threads are safe, and whose aren't. No matter who starts a thread, you never know what you are going to find posted. There is no way to truly avoid the controversy.
The controversy.....I just do not understand why it is necessary. Some will tell me that is just the way it is in recovery and that I would find it at any AA/NA meeting. I find that confusing. We all need peace during this time. Why does the fighting have to be a part of it. And, please do not be offended by this you in the possee..........you guys seem to be the ones with the most clean time, and yet you seem to be the ones who are so quick to point out things that start the controversy. Perhaps my lack of understanding of your program is showing. I just don't get where you obtain all this knowledge about recovery and use it as a weapon against those less learned. Again, pardon my ignorance, I am just trying to get a clear picture here, because I have obviously missed something, but I, for one, would warm up to the idea of your meetings if I didn't feel like I was going to be under attack by old-timers. I got that feeling from this board. You have never attacked me, but I have seen it happen repeatedly in the last 2 months and it is painful and upsetting to watch. Especially to those of us who are vulnerable.
I am rambling. I seem to do that a lot lately. The only point I wish to drive home is that, whereas I became involved here under the belief this is a place of healing, i just don't feel that anymore. I know there have been many who have come and gone for this same reason. There was a goodbye post posted on Wednesday while the MP fight was going on. GottaHAveFaith said he just couldn't stand it anymore and would not be back. None of you even noticed. You were so busy arguing and defending each other and throwing around insults, he got only 1 reply. And I have seen that happen a number of times.
In the past few days, there have been MANY new people seeking advice who have been ignored by everyone other than other new people. I am just shaking my head and wondering, where is all the love and help and support that you claim to have? If you spend all your time debating, how can help the newbies when they reach out?
Enough is enough. I may just stay confussed about this forever. I looked back to the beginning of my time here and even as far as early 2004. It has been going on forever. And while some may find it easier to deal with, I for one, do
not enjoy or benefit from meaness, threats or the judging of others. "Take what you need and leave the rest." Not so easy. But, that is just me, a recovering addict. What the hell do I know?
Take care and I truly wish you all success in whatever plan of recovery you choose.
Love, Carol
Hey Carol,
You know I'll give you credit for apologizing to Teresa. I think she took a lot of crap this week. She hasn't deserved any of it. If you were to read all of her post it would be clear to you how big her heart is and how she only tries to help others achieve sobriety.
Then about the drama, Sometimes people need a kick in the rear end. Take Danny for instance. He keeps coming to the board with stories of hell that the little girls had to suffer through but all he cares about is him being a victim. Can't keep giving in to this guy with the Poor Danny stuff. He's 44 years old but you can never tell by his post. He should be more concerned about the welfare of his little girls, rather then be so concerned about where Sammy is.
I've asked him so many times to please stop posting that stuff if he isn't going to take any advice. It was kicking up a lot of stuff for me as well as others. Did he care? No, he didn't care. All he wants is attention all the time at anybody's cost. It is really putting people on edge and has been for some time now. A lot of people here came from broken homes. Don't need those post of his. Just really angers people.
Then this MajorProblem comes here out of the blue and starts attacking Teresa for no reason at all. She's never done a damn thing to him. The old timers are getting blamed for all the crap going on with this board and the blame doesn't lie with them.
Love,
Liz
You know I'll give you credit for apologizing to Teresa. I think she took a lot of crap this week. She hasn't deserved any of it. If you were to read all of her post it would be clear to you how big her heart is and how she only tries to help others achieve sobriety.
Then about the drama, Sometimes people need a kick in the rear end. Take Danny for instance. He keeps coming to the board with stories of hell that the little girls had to suffer through but all he cares about is him being a victim. Can't keep giving in to this guy with the Poor Danny stuff. He's 44 years old but you can never tell by his post. He should be more concerned about the welfare of his little girls, rather then be so concerned about where Sammy is.
I've asked him so many times to please stop posting that stuff if he isn't going to take any advice. It was kicking up a lot of stuff for me as well as others. Did he care? No, he didn't care. All he wants is attention all the time at anybody's cost. It is really putting people on edge and has been for some time now. A lot of people here came from broken homes. Don't need those post of his. Just really angers people.
Then this MajorProblem comes here out of the blue and starts attacking Teresa for no reason at all. She's never done a damn thing to him. The old timers are getting blamed for all the crap going on with this board and the blame doesn't lie with them.
Love,
Liz
mom,
first let me say that while appreciate your words and that you feel bad that you may have hurt me...let me assure you that you did not... I was cut to the quick by the silent majority the other day and could not be hurt any worse or any longer by those on here... so again thank you but....
and I have learn that it does no good to debate, justify, or otherwise respond in my own defense or in the defense of my words or motives of my posts regarding recovery and how they are often misunderstood. but you have given me some insight as to how you and I might have gotten off on the wrong foot and that has puzzled me for many weeks but I never really took the time to see the forest for the trees.. but now I do,... When I say go to a meeting.. clear the air... burn your bridges.. that is a threat to you .. you see me saying this is the way to success the only way to success and while I know this and believe this to be true.. you see me and the message as the same and hate me for my message... you dont want or cant leave your house of comfort to go to a meeting or come out into the open and this is what about me make you uncomfortable... so you see me as an agressor.... but anyway.. maybe I am... it is all over now.. as I am not giving any advise anymore..... I am glad you have your clean time... .
I am sorry you feel as you do about the board and the 'posse..' but in time is yuou stick around in recovery circles.. you will see... that the message you shun now.. the reality.. the non poo poo talk you hate now... will be what you crave later... but ...
you did make some valids points and I will think about them... but it is a moot point to me... as well... by the way I am a single mom and have had difficult stuggles ... if I had had that very loving environment you want.. I gauntee you i would be manipulating and still using.... that is what I know and I try to save people from.... one addict to an other...
Tersea
first let me say that while appreciate your words and that you feel bad that you may have hurt me...let me assure you that you did not... I was cut to the quick by the silent majority the other day and could not be hurt any worse or any longer by those on here... so again thank you but....
and I have learn that it does no good to debate, justify, or otherwise respond in my own defense or in the defense of my words or motives of my posts regarding recovery and how they are often misunderstood. but you have given me some insight as to how you and I might have gotten off on the wrong foot and that has puzzled me for many weeks but I never really took the time to see the forest for the trees.. but now I do,... When I say go to a meeting.. clear the air... burn your bridges.. that is a threat to you .. you see me saying this is the way to success the only way to success and while I know this and believe this to be true.. you see me and the message as the same and hate me for my message... you dont want or cant leave your house of comfort to go to a meeting or come out into the open and this is what about me make you uncomfortable... so you see me as an agressor.... but anyway.. maybe I am... it is all over now.. as I am not giving any advise anymore..... I am glad you have your clean time... .
I am sorry you feel as you do about the board and the 'posse..' but in time is yuou stick around in recovery circles.. you will see... that the message you shun now.. the reality.. the non poo poo talk you hate now... will be what you crave later... but ...
you did make some valids points and I will think about them... but it is a moot point to me... as well... by the way I am a single mom and have had difficult stuggles ... if I had had that very loving environment you want.. I gauntee you i would be manipulating and still using.... that is what I know and I try to save people from.... one addict to an other...
Tersea
Teresa.............I don't think it is that you and I got off on the wrong foot. The only time you and I have written to each other is when I responded to your posts about your sick mother. You have never once responded to one thing I have posted. When I first started the board, I believe you were in the middle of problems with LadyM.(?) I spoke to many in my first desperate days, but you were not one of them. That's OK. Don't hold it against you. Just don't think that I hate you for anything you have ever said to me, it hasn't happened. I don't hate you at all and find it odd you would assume that.
I am not going to reply to all you allegations. I read your story. If embracing AA and shouting it's war crys and using tough love is what you need to stay clean, more power to you. If I had been where you have been I would do whatever it took to survive, too. I would just pray that I had arrived with a little more love,gratitude and compassion in my heart. Congratulations on what you have done and made of yourself since getting clean. You should be proud.
Lastly, as for the undefended attack made on you the other day that you keep bringing up. Please know that all of are not following the s**t being posted on a minute-by-minute basis. You keep blasting everyone for not defending you, but many us didn't even see it! Some of us had run when the bullets started flying.
Take care and have a great weekend.
Carol
.
ok... i give... your right I am wrong... you win... point game match..
but i find it curious.. that if you all ran when the bullets went fling why did you all find it save to come back and blast me only after I had desided to start defending myself and then I was the bad guy and then everyone joined in the attack... guess those bullets are safer in nice round numbers huh?.....
but that is over... no more... as I said you win... cant be bothered I am numb...
but i find it curious.. that if you all ran when the bullets went fling why did you all find it save to come back and blast me only after I had desided to start defending myself and then I was the bad guy and then everyone joined in the attack... guess those bullets are safer in nice round numbers huh?.....
but that is over... no more... as I said you win... cant be bothered I am numb...
I REST MY CASE..............
It isn't about winning or losing! NO ONE HAS WON HERE WHEN EVERYONE IS ON EDGE AND HAS THEIR FEELINGS HURT AND CAN'T COME TO THE BOARD AND FINE SOME UNDERSTANDING AND CARING.
IF COMING HERE AND FINDING NOTHING BUT UGLINESS, WE ALL LOSE. WHY IS THAT SO HARD TO SEE???
GOOD GRIEF! I am trying make peace with you and you just won't let it happen. WHY WON'T YOU JUST LET IT GO???? If life is really that hard for you, I am very sorry. I hope you can someday find what you need to be happy.
wow.. i am not angry or mad or hurt or anything..
I have peace with you.... and if you want to justify the last of defense the other day fine... my response was... ok but... i am sorry... i interpreted your response to me differently as you intended with the word allegations and war cry and 'tough love instead with compassion and caring' as being slightly judgemental and derogatory.. my bad..
but my really bad is that i said I was not going to further the debate and I will not.. clearly we are at an impass ....
Please forgive me for imflaming you with my previous post... but I do see this as I am seen as completely wrong... making you completely right.. I can admit as I did in the post that you made some valid points... other than a congratulatory theme have you conseeded anything that you are not right on... ?...
Teresa..
please no more... i fully rest this... fully...
I have peace with you.... and if you want to justify the last of defense the other day fine... my response was... ok but... i am sorry... i interpreted your response to me differently as you intended with the word allegations and war cry and 'tough love instead with compassion and caring' as being slightly judgemental and derogatory.. my bad..
but my really bad is that i said I was not going to further the debate and I will not.. clearly we are at an impass ....
Please forgive me for imflaming you with my previous post... but I do see this as I am seen as completely wrong... making you completely right.. I can admit as I did in the post that you made some valid points... other than a congratulatory theme have you conseeded anything that you are not right on... ?...
Teresa..
please no more... i fully rest this... fully...
