Hello, my name is Ava
You responded to How do you handle this and gave great advice.Thank you very much!
My question is you said I could be enabling him.What do you mean or how?
I want to do the right things to help and support him.I surley dont want to worsen the situation. Please let me know. Thanks again.
Ava
Ava,
first let me say that your husband is a lucky man to have you so willing to stand by him,,,,, having said that what I meant that there seems to be little or not consequenses for his behavior when he uses... you are the one suffering because of his behavior... isolation from family ect...
He wont get help until he hits bottom and wants help bad enough... there are no quick fixes for addiction... rapid detox may seem at first to be just that but you are left the the psychological stuff to handle.... I dont want to say leave him but if there is something inportant on the line for him to stop for then maybe he will get serious...
I dont remember if you have kids.... if you do .. are you really doing them a favor by staying with him like this?... just a thought....
Teresa
first let me say that your husband is a lucky man to have you so willing to stand by him,,,,, having said that what I meant that there seems to be little or not consequenses for his behavior when he uses... you are the one suffering because of his behavior... isolation from family ect...
He wont get help until he hits bottom and wants help bad enough... there are no quick fixes for addiction... rapid detox may seem at first to be just that but you are left the the psychological stuff to handle.... I dont want to say leave him but if there is something inportant on the line for him to stop for then maybe he will get serious...
I dont remember if you have kids.... if you do .. are you really doing them a favor by staying with him like this?... just a thought....
Teresa
He is clean 2 weeks and 1 day now. We are seeing a counselor that specializes
in addiction and marrage. Its going well but i can tell he has mental issues.
It still feels like he is withdrawn from me.Dont get me wrong he has done a 180*
but still not very connected towards me.I know he loves me but whats the deal?
in addiction and marrage. Its going well but i can tell he has mental issues.
It still feels like he is withdrawn from me.Dont get me wrong he has done a 180*
but still not very connected towards me.I know he loves me but whats the deal?
Ava,
Give him time... recovery is a process all its own and sometimes just knowing the other person is there ready when they are is enough... Maybe if he works on his recovery like he is supposed to he doesnt have any other energies left to work on the marriage stuff that will by the way work some of there own stuff out if you remove using from the picture... Just be supportive to him and as I have said before (I think ) you really need to get your own support from someone who has been there.... alanon is great...
He needs you to be happy and healthy in yourself not needing him or his stuff to fix.... I know that might sound harsh but I too am co-dependant ( my dad is an alcoholic) and it gets to be such a habit to have some crisis to fix or deal with (usually the addict) that when you remove that we dont know what to and almost make our own crisis and create insecurity... so I hope that makes sense.. get your own counselor or alanon... separate from your husband and dont pressure him....
Recovery is a family process just like addiction is a family disease... but you cant rush it either....
God Bless
Teresa
Give him time... recovery is a process all its own and sometimes just knowing the other person is there ready when they are is enough... Maybe if he works on his recovery like he is supposed to he doesnt have any other energies left to work on the marriage stuff that will by the way work some of there own stuff out if you remove using from the picture... Just be supportive to him and as I have said before (I think ) you really need to get your own support from someone who has been there.... alanon is great...
He needs you to be happy and healthy in yourself not needing him or his stuff to fix.... I know that might sound harsh but I too am co-dependant ( my dad is an alcoholic) and it gets to be such a habit to have some crisis to fix or deal with (usually the addict) that when you remove that we dont know what to and almost make our own crisis and create insecurity... so I hope that makes sense.. get your own counselor or alanon... separate from your husband and dont pressure him....
Recovery is a family process just like addiction is a family disease... but you cant rush it either....
God Bless
Teresa
I understand and Im doing well in not making my worries his burdens.
Thats why and how I found this site.To make sure I wouldnt do that.
Last night he opened up to me and I felt a real closeness to him that had not been there in awhile.So the situation is getting better. I guess alot has to do with him feeling better. Thank you again. You dont know how helpful you have been.You and others have helped me get a grasp on this.Thanks again!
Ava
Thats why and how I found this site.To make sure I wouldnt do that.
Last night he opened up to me and I felt a real closeness to him that had not been there in awhile.So the situation is getting better. I guess alot has to do with him feeling better. Thank you again. You dont know how helpful you have been.You and others have helped me get a grasp on this.Thanks again!
Ava
Maybe he is withdrawn because he used to being high and is depressed not. Or maybe he feels badly. Guilty or sick or mad at himself. I think their brain chemistry has to get back to normal and ask him to tell how how he feels so you know if he is depressed. My boyfriend is detoxing right now and he is tired and sleeping. I dont know what he is going through either unless he tells me. Mood changes are expected. Maybe the therapist can address that issue and put some clarity in your mind. Right now though just let him be and tell him that you feel he is withdrawn. Ask him what he needs from you right now. If he needs some space - fine - tell him to come to you when he is ready. If it goes on too long than address it. Just work with the therapist and encourage him as you can without upsetting him. Its a long process. Be happy your in it right now instead of where you were before.
hi...I just want to tell you I am going through the same situation,except the shoes is on the other foot. I am trying to detox and I have wonderful,drug free fiance, who is completly supportive. I love him to death, but for some reason I can not be close to him, I want to so bad...but i just cant. im sure after he is down the road and finshed with his own personal misery he will be able to let you in. I dont understand...I think its because we hate ourselves.