Hi all.This is not a self pity post I Just need to vent to those of you who can understand so ........ This past two weeks to say the least has been horrendous. But I am hanging in there.It has been the most difficult time in my recovery. This morning when I awoke I wanted to drink from the moment my eyes opened which was at 345 am. The first time I've had the urge in a long time but it was there raw and powerful. I think I was beginning to finally break after all the pressure and stress I've been under. I don't want to go back to that hell so I did what I considered was my best option. I took the day off from work and went into the town I go to for counselling. I met with my sponsor (he has since stopped drinking and I have kept him for my sponsor) and some others and spent the day there. Also with a woman who worked for addictions but has since retired my therapist was away for the day so she was kind enough to spend the day with me as well and talk to me. Today I felt beaten,defeated and depressed. Sometimes life throws us things we have no control over but I have come far enough to know I can control my reaction and my actions if I do the right thing and do what I am suppose to do. I am glad I didn't pick up but I could not have done it without the support and understanding I received today. I know my strength is there if I dig deep enough but today I needed help to do the digging. Alcohol,cunning baffling and it will try and get its grips again given the slightest opportunity.I thank God my HP for giving me this day and for giving me "one more sober day" that's all we have is just one day at a time.Today was very difficult but I am proud to say I lived it sober. As for the trial everything will be all over on Monday whatever will be will be. That too is out my control. whatever the verdict it will be over which will be a relief. Thank you for reading my post .God bless and take care and enjoy your weekend all.
Well done pirate!
I'm sorry you had such a tough week and such a difficult day, but well done! I know it is always one day at a time but I think it's good to acknowledge the tremendous progress you've made. You've faced all this stress and upset and are sober and searching out far better solutions to your distress than alcohol could ever pretend to provide, building relationships and friendships and a healthy support network that will sustain you and enable you to sustain them through their troubles if needed.
Well done! I'm so happy for you pirate.
Much love,
Martin x
I'm sorry you had such a tough week and such a difficult day, but well done! I know it is always one day at a time but I think it's good to acknowledge the tremendous progress you've made. You've faced all this stress and upset and are sober and searching out far better solutions to your distress than alcohol could ever pretend to provide, building relationships and friendships and a healthy support network that will sustain you and enable you to sustain them through their troubles if needed.
Well done! I'm so happy for you pirate.
Much love,
Martin x
I'm grateful you had a team of caring people that you surrounded yourself with in a time of dire need. The circumstances you've been dealing with are indeed horrendous. I can't imagine any human being trying to carry this heavy load of stress and pain all alone.
The thoughts and feelings you have been having are normal. Your reactions and actions meaning your behavior is to be commended. You are doing the next right thing. I'm very proud of you. You show us all great courage in the face of extreme adversity.
I'm grateful to your hp... God for showing you the miracle of 24 hours.
I look forward to the day when you feel you no longer have to defend yourself on this board.
Luv ya,
C~xxx
Thanks Martin and Chris for the kind words. Chris I'm gonna email you later. luv u 2
