I just wanted to say thank you to everyone here for your support and prayers, They seem to be working.So far it has been 2 weeks and 2 days since my husband last relaps.He is talking openly to me, and is honset when he has a craving ,He talks about it and tells me what he is feeling weather I want to hear it or not, It really helps me to hear the honest feelings.I am a little worried about this weekend, He has been invited to a bachlor party, I am trying to show him trust, Im not worried about him cheating that has never been a concern, I am however concerned about the men that will be there, They have been drug users in the past I just dont want to wake the dragon.I have been totally honest with him and shared my concern.I dont want to smother him or as his friends say I have him whipped.I am trying not to do that, but as you all know I have plenty of reason to worry.They dont understand what i go through went he goes and does this.They dont stay awake all night in tears wondering if he is dead or alive.
His one friend thinks I wont let him go Quad riding with him because i want him to spend every minute with me, But , He wants to go on Sundays and I feel like it is important for him to go to church right now and get back on track, But I dont want to tell this friend this ( who is not familar with this addiction) because he doesnt understand how important church is for him right now.So I just let him think I am controling . After church he could go riding I wouldnt care but they leave at 6:00 am in the morning and wont wait for him, So I guess I just want to know how much trust should i give right now should I just stand back and let him go?Should I not push the church as much as I do? I dont want to smother him either. I just want to do whats right.He had said I was pushing him to hard to go to meetings so I backed off and he has not gone to one.He says he hates going and it dosent help him.I dont know if I should try to make him go and he is really doing good right now, I offered to with him when I can he didnt take me up on it and i dont want to nag.I feel like I dont know the right thing to do to help keep him sober,Am I doing the right thing by at least making him go to church? Thats is the only thing that seems to work for him. He says he feels best after church.So I just ask you all to keep us in your prayers so far so good I just take one day at a time. Thanks Kim
Kim
Big mistake. Its not your mistake, but his mistake if he thinks he can go to this party with out being triggered. I'm assuming that alcohol will be served. Man, you get a couple of drinks in you and it leads right back to your drug of choice. You see, as addicts we found our special drug and alcohol does not give us tge high that we need. Addicts must abstain from all drugs. I went to a concert about a week after getting out of treatment and all I could think about was getting high for the next few days. It is important that he puts his recovery first and if that means not going to the party, big deal, Recovery is work and he has to be willing to do what it takes to recover if he wants it. I'm a crack addict so I do speak from experience. Instaed of going to the party, have him go to an NA meeting instead. I am sure that he will get the support that he needs there. Recovery is not a program that he can just do what ever he wants to. Does he have a sponser???. Let him start calling his sponser and see what his sponser thinks of this. My advice to you, is to learn about the Narcotics Anonymous program Good luck and have to got to a meeting now
Big mistake. Its not your mistake, but his mistake if he thinks he can go to this party with out being triggered. I'm assuming that alcohol will be served. Man, you get a couple of drinks in you and it leads right back to your drug of choice. You see, as addicts we found our special drug and alcohol does not give us tge high that we need. Addicts must abstain from all drugs. I went to a concert about a week after getting out of treatment and all I could think about was getting high for the next few days. It is important that he puts his recovery first and if that means not going to the party, big deal, Recovery is work and he has to be willing to do what it takes to recover if he wants it. I'm a crack addict so I do speak from experience. Instaed of going to the party, have him go to an NA meeting instead. I am sure that he will get the support that he needs there. Recovery is not a program that he can just do what ever he wants to. Does he have a sponser???. Let him start calling his sponser and see what his sponser thinks of this. My advice to you, is to learn about the Narcotics Anonymous program Good luck and have to got to a meeting now
I agree with david. You cannot keep him clean and sober. He has to do that work for himself. Don't be setting yourself up for the self blame game.
Hi Guys, How do I get him to go to a meeting if he wont go? He told me I was driving him crazy and smothering whenI was asking him to go to meetings.He said that made it worst for him when I was so pushy.I dont know what is right and what is wrong with this whole recovery thing.
I want to support him.I know what he needs to do, He knows what he needs to do as well. He knows better than me but he is so freaking subborn.
It drives me crazy. I hope he desides not to go to this stupid party. But Im trying to not smother him as he puts it. Im just having a really hard time with this whole thing.He has been doing good. He thinks he knows it all.I wish I could just forget about this but I cant .I would love it if he could just be normal and not do all the meetings but he can't.What should I do? Do I keep pushing and risk him pulling away. Or do I just let him do what he is? I want him to be honest with me Im trying to be honest with him I tell him how I feel.Im calm with him I dont yell becaue he can be extremly moody If I say something the worng way he gets in this mood and wont talk to me about anything.Im going to get him more St. John's wort. That really worked for him. But he stopped taking it when he felt better.Im just having a hard day today maybe tomorrow will be better. Maybe i need the St John's wort :-)Thanks for listening Kim
I want to support him.I know what he needs to do, He knows what he needs to do as well. He knows better than me but he is so freaking subborn.
It drives me crazy. I hope he desides not to go to this stupid party. But Im trying to not smother him as he puts it. Im just having a really hard time with this whole thing.He has been doing good. He thinks he knows it all.I wish I could just forget about this but I cant .I would love it if he could just be normal and not do all the meetings but he can't.What should I do? Do I keep pushing and risk him pulling away. Or do I just let him do what he is? I want him to be honest with me Im trying to be honest with him I tell him how I feel.Im calm with him I dont yell becaue he can be extremly moody If I say something the worng way he gets in this mood and wont talk to me about anything.Im going to get him more St. John's wort. That really worked for him. But he stopped taking it when he felt better.Im just having a hard day today maybe tomorrow will be better. Maybe i need the St John's wort :-)Thanks for listening Kim
kim
my best thinking got me to where I am today, A crack addict. You can't get him to go to a meeting if he does not want to. I go to two meeting a day because I want to. Some times my wife gets upset because I am always going out the door to go to meetings. but for her it is alot better of than the alternitive. My wife smoothers me also. I have to call on my way to the meetings and as soon as I am done. We have it time it takes to get there mapped out and the milage so that she knows I don't go of course. i could not do it any other way. As, I said, my best thinking got me addicted. I always find that the meeting that I want to blow off is the meeting that I really needed. I believe that recovery is a lifelong commetment and you are either working for recovery or working for relapse. As addicts, I think that we need help in recovery. While is seems simple to the outside person (dont smoke crack and you wont get high), it is not for us. Every day it is a struggle to stay clean. One trigger can set you on the path to ruin. It is the most amazing think to imagine, but I am only one emotion away from relapse. I understand that I will loose my family and everything else, but if there was a room ful of crack right now, the is a good chance that I would get high. Its a scary thought, I know. The is a disease that we have and the most amazing thing is that ONLY we can cure it ourselves. As soon as your friend thinks he is cured, then it is time for him to go to more meeting, do more step work and call his sponser. Does he have one?? Understand one thing, nobody that I have ever met that stayed clean has done it for others, sometimes that is what opened the door for them, but they have to want recovery for themselves first. Good luck
my best thinking got me to where I am today, A crack addict. You can't get him to go to a meeting if he does not want to. I go to two meeting a day because I want to. Some times my wife gets upset because I am always going out the door to go to meetings. but for her it is alot better of than the alternitive. My wife smoothers me also. I have to call on my way to the meetings and as soon as I am done. We have it time it takes to get there mapped out and the milage so that she knows I don't go of course. i could not do it any other way. As, I said, my best thinking got me addicted. I always find that the meeting that I want to blow off is the meeting that I really needed. I believe that recovery is a lifelong commetment and you are either working for recovery or working for relapse. As addicts, I think that we need help in recovery. While is seems simple to the outside person (dont smoke crack and you wont get high), it is not for us. Every day it is a struggle to stay clean. One trigger can set you on the path to ruin. It is the most amazing think to imagine, but I am only one emotion away from relapse. I understand that I will loose my family and everything else, but if there was a room ful of crack right now, the is a good chance that I would get high. Its a scary thought, I know. The is a disease that we have and the most amazing thing is that ONLY we can cure it ourselves. As soon as your friend thinks he is cured, then it is time for him to go to more meeting, do more step work and call his sponser. Does he have one?? Understand one thing, nobody that I have ever met that stayed clean has done it for others, sometimes that is what opened the door for them, but they have to want recovery for themselves first. Good luck
My boyfriend checks in with me also..... Quite often will call me on his way to meetings, and for sure on the way home.....When he takes his kids home he calls me also...... He said I won't go 12 hours without hearing from him..... Only one night a few weeks ago I didn't hear from him..... And yes, he relapsed... For a night I was in a panick... Here we go again was the first thing I thought..... Why not, it had happened so many times before.... Did I mention we live 500 miles apart and in different countries??? So that just adds to the problems.....
I will say this..... He was in rehab until early March.. He came to see me when he was out a week..... He drove so all the time he was driving home I worried.. He got home just fine..... He's in the NA program....... Has a sponsor..... And still relapsed..... He was home the next day in the early afternoon..... Thank god for that... He called his sponsor the next day and they went to a meeting that night and he stood up and admitted to what happened... That was really hard... But he was totally honest about it..... Being he is honest with himself... The person who counts the most in his recovery..... If he had just followed is own program, rather than NA's, it could have been alot worse.... But he had the tools of recovery set by NA to fall back on...... And he did... Sure he was upset with himself, but he kept a clear head and did the right thing going right back.....
I think it will be a disaster if your husband goes to this party..... As others have said also...... And as for smothering your husband??? He's making you feel guilty for what HE has done....... Don't let him... Ask why he deserves your trust??? What has he done to earn it??? Ask him to map out his plan for recovery.... He must have one being he doesn't believe in NA..... The only place people go to stay clean... tell him to read some stories here also..... And what NA has done for them.....
I will say this..... He was in rehab until early March.. He came to see me when he was out a week..... He drove so all the time he was driving home I worried.. He got home just fine..... He's in the NA program....... Has a sponsor..... And still relapsed..... He was home the next day in the early afternoon..... Thank god for that... He called his sponsor the next day and they went to a meeting that night and he stood up and admitted to what happened... That was really hard... But he was totally honest about it..... Being he is honest with himself... The person who counts the most in his recovery..... If he had just followed is own program, rather than NA's, it could have been alot worse.... But he had the tools of recovery set by NA to fall back on...... And he did... Sure he was upset with himself, but he kept a clear head and did the right thing going right back.....
I think it will be a disaster if your husband goes to this party..... As others have said also...... And as for smothering your husband??? He's making you feel guilty for what HE has done....... Don't let him... Ask why he deserves your trust??? What has he done to earn it??? Ask him to map out his plan for recovery.... He must have one being he doesn't believe in NA..... The only place people go to stay clean... tell him to read some stories here also..... And what NA has done for them.....
Hey guys I am so Happy today, He said he wont go to the party, I said he knew I was worried about it, And didn't blame me either. We also talked about meeting and he said he would start going again.And he said he would call his sponser.Thank the LORD!! A step in the right direction. Kim
Sounds like he might be trying. Good Luck. I noticed in one of your posts you said " I wish he could just be normal". He is a normal person that suffers from the disease of addiction. Just like a diabetic that has to take insulin for the rest of their life or the will die, addists have to go to their meeting for their cure. Dont worry about smoothering him, he will appreciate the hard work that you do one day.
Dear David C,
Thanks for your support, I know he is normal, Now I feel bad that i said that, I just ment I wish he never did any of this. He is such a wonderful person he is a great husband and step father he loves my kids like they were his own.The only problem we have in our marriage is this addiction.We are best friends I love to just sit and talk with him about anything.We are soul mates I really believe that. We were friends for 17 years but, I didn't know much about the addiction, He hid it from everyone. I knew he had done it but I didn't think he was addicted because I have never done this and I just though he was experimenting with things. Shows how much I know.I had know clue. I have been reading things on it now for about a year so Im educating myself. I have a much better understanding. So We started some St John's Wort he used that last time he relapsed and it seemed to help with the mood swings, I think it is deeper than a addiction, I think he is depressed and this all started from self medicating. He has all the symptoms of a manic depressive personality.Ive read up on that too.I want to try the all natural root because i dont believe in curing one addiction with more drugs. So we will see wish us luck, God Bess. Kim
Thanks for your support, I know he is normal, Now I feel bad that i said that, I just ment I wish he never did any of this. He is such a wonderful person he is a great husband and step father he loves my kids like they were his own.The only problem we have in our marriage is this addiction.We are best friends I love to just sit and talk with him about anything.We are soul mates I really believe that. We were friends for 17 years but, I didn't know much about the addiction, He hid it from everyone. I knew he had done it but I didn't think he was addicted because I have never done this and I just though he was experimenting with things. Shows how much I know.I had know clue. I have been reading things on it now for about a year so Im educating myself. I have a much better understanding. So We started some St John's Wort he used that last time he relapsed and it seemed to help with the mood swings, I think it is deeper than a addiction, I think he is depressed and this all started from self medicating. He has all the symptoms of a manic depressive personality.Ive read up on that too.I want to try the all natural root because i dont believe in curing one addiction with more drugs. So we will see wish us luck, God Bess. Kim
Hi Kim,
I thought I would just say hi and how are ya?? Just some food for thought......Listen to him when he's telling you these meetings aren't working for him! I've been clean for a couple years and never set foot in an NA meeting in those two years. It didn't work for me either. I gave NA a try several times and always I went back! The thing was.....I didn't like being labeled as a "drug addict". I'm a pretty private person anyway but, I didn't want to hear all the talk about drugs all the time!! What got me where I am today is living my normal life!!!!!!!!! I did things like I did before using drugs! It was a big adjustment and I had to learn to live all over again.....but it worked!!! I am reminded every day of where I was simply by my own brain waves.....I didn't wan to be reminded by someone else also.
Different ways work for different people! Just wanted to give you that point of view! He may be feeling the way I did and do!
Take care!
I thought I would just say hi and how are ya?? Just some food for thought......Listen to him when he's telling you these meetings aren't working for him! I've been clean for a couple years and never set foot in an NA meeting in those two years. It didn't work for me either. I gave NA a try several times and always I went back! The thing was.....I didn't like being labeled as a "drug addict". I'm a pretty private person anyway but, I didn't want to hear all the talk about drugs all the time!! What got me where I am today is living my normal life!!!!!!!!! I did things like I did before using drugs! It was a big adjustment and I had to learn to live all over again.....but it worked!!! I am reminded every day of where I was simply by my own brain waves.....I didn't wan to be reminded by someone else also.
Different ways work for different people! Just wanted to give you that point of view! He may be feeling the way I did and do!
Take care!
I forgot to mention.....if he wants it bad enough, he will keep him clean. Not a counselor, therapist or meeting!
He has to want it, to keep it! (My motto, not NA's)
He has to want it, to keep it! (My motto, not NA's)
Kim
I admire anyboby that has found a "soul mate" It is great that you can say that. I am sure that in time he will appreciate the support that you give him, best wishes
David
I admire anyboby that has found a "soul mate" It is great that you can say that. I am sure that in time he will appreciate the support that you give him, best wishes
David
Hi Kim - I'm glad to hear your boyfriend has decided to not go to the party. Isn't it strange how things do work out sometimes when we are so sure they won't? I think that is a really big step for him to realize that his being clean is more important than any party could ever be.
Just wanted to let you know I'm praying for you and to let everyone else who reponded to your post know how helpful their points of view and experiences are for others on this site as well.
Hang in there!
CM
Just wanted to let you know I'm praying for you and to let everyone else who reponded to your post know how helpful their points of view and experiences are for others on this site as well.
Hang in there!
CM
Dear David & Crack mom, Your support has just brought me to tears (of Joy) I cant tell you enough how much these boards help me everyday.Thank you for all your support and kind words. Your all Angles.Kim
