Hi everyone
I've only been using this site for a short while (Nov 06), but what a great help its been. All my life I refused help, never went to re-hab, wouldn't listen, I wasn't in denial and knew I was an addict but really believed I could beat it on my own.
I know we all have the same goal, to get clean but at the age of 50 felt this could be my last attempt so I put myself into the hands of the local drugs unit, got a keyworker and over the past 12/13 mths have gone from 95mls meth to 16mls Sub. Never been this far along the de-tox road before and its scary.
I have done 5/6 posts but reading your posts, seeing others that have gone through similar ups & downs' the advice given, so helpful and sometimes with sense of humour. On the Family of addicts, I knew some of the problems caused but it really put things in perspective.
So a big THANK YOU to all, I won't put names in case I forget someone.
Peter
Peter,
you should be EXTREMELY proud of yourself!!!! keep up the good work.
D-
you should be EXTREMELY proud of yourself!!!! keep up the good work.
D-
Hey Peter, just to give you a little more inspiration, 16mgs of subs was my subs starting dose (I too swapped from methadone after reducing down to 40mls). I maintained on 16 mgs for 9 months, coz I didn't feel ready to reduce - had too much going on and wasn't mentally prepared. Then I started my reduction, and I did it real slow. It took me another 9 months to finally reduce my way down to nothing. And that was in March 2006 I think. Since then I've been clean of all opiates, and I feel so much better about life. So just think, after so many years of addiction, you're getting closer to the finish line every day. I so hope that you stay the course, coz so many wonderful things are waiting in store for you. I used to find that hard to believe, but trust me its true.
love
Diff xx
love
Diff xx
Danielle & Diff
Thanks for your replies, like you Diff I started on 16mls Sub and have only been on it month. I did have bad 3/4 days of w/d going from meth to Sub, but glad I did. When I got down to 40/30 mls meth I started dabbling, having the odd bag, I was tredding on dangerous ground so the change to Sub was vital, also I have been totally honest with my keyworker.
Diff, I would be interested in the first year of taking Sub as this is new ground for me. I am using it more as a blocker at the moment, because I've given clean samples since April 06 I don't have to take on the premises, but I asked to be supervised and now I collect daily and somebody checks I've taken it. I would like to know how life in general was for you in that 9 months.
I do feel very lucky at the things I've got - an ex-partner who I still get on with very well, 4 great kids (one has just got back from Iraq, thank God), Mum & Dad who have always stood by me and a system in this country (a lot of people put down) but looking at some places I've got it easy. Now saying all that, why do I get up in the morning and dread the coming day, I keep saying to myself things will get better.
I will keep reading all the posts, they are very helpful to me at this time.
Peter
Thanks for your replies, like you Diff I started on 16mls Sub and have only been on it month. I did have bad 3/4 days of w/d going from meth to Sub, but glad I did. When I got down to 40/30 mls meth I started dabbling, having the odd bag, I was tredding on dangerous ground so the change to Sub was vital, also I have been totally honest with my keyworker.
Diff, I would be interested in the first year of taking Sub as this is new ground for me. I am using it more as a blocker at the moment, because I've given clean samples since April 06 I don't have to take on the premises, but I asked to be supervised and now I collect daily and somebody checks I've taken it. I would like to know how life in general was for you in that 9 months.
I do feel very lucky at the things I've got - an ex-partner who I still get on with very well, 4 great kids (one has just got back from Iraq, thank God), Mum & Dad who have always stood by me and a system in this country (a lot of people put down) but looking at some places I've got it easy. Now saying all that, why do I get up in the morning and dread the coming day, I keep saying to myself things will get better.
I will keep reading all the posts, they are very helpful to me at this time.
Peter
Peter, congratulations to you.
You should be proud as someone else had said. It's time, right? I kind of felt like that when I kicked last. Like that's it I am so DONE. Yeah, we said it many times, but you can just feel it.
Bless your kids. I'm glad your son has gotten home from Iraq safe and sound.
You just keep on going. You're doing awesome.
You should be proud as someone else had said. It's time, right? I kind of felt like that when I kicked last. Like that's it I am so DONE. Yeah, we said it many times, but you can just feel it.
Bless your kids. I'm glad your son has gotten home from Iraq safe and sound.
You just keep on going. You're doing awesome.
Hi Peter, what you said about waking up and dreading the coming day struck a chord with me. You said that you hang onto the thought that things will get better, and that's just what I did. I maintained 16mgs for the same reason you are. It's a blocker, and it takes away the decision for you. Those nine months of maintanence gave me the time I needed. During this time I completely reorganised my life. Getting off the gear required 100% committment, and I had to do some painful and difficult tasks. The big one for me was removing some of the stresses in my life and the things that had always tempted me back to drugs. I was in a "relationship" (if you could call it that, it had gone downhill so badly) with another addict who had developed MS whilst we were together and it took him down so quickly you wouldn't believe. I had become his sole carer, and it had just taken away my life. I had so much resentment against him that I felt more hate than love, and it didn't help that he didn't share my drive to end my reliance on heroin. I had to leave him, and it took many months to organise proper care for him so I could move on. It now takes 3 full time staff plus agency night staff to do the job that I was doing alone. It damned near broke me.
But although it was heartbreaking, coz he loved me so very much, and beneath the resentment I felt, I too loved him deeply. He'd been my best friend since forever. I left. I had no money, and it took me a long time to find myself a flat that I could afford. The flat was both grim and charming, being on the top floor of a dilapidated, pigeon infested, damp and cold old Victorian building. Oh, but I came to love it, having my own place, my little bit of peace and quiet where nobody could hassle me. I put myself more or less in isolation, cutting myself off from everybody I knew who was involved with drugs. It was a hard time, but necessary, in order to give myself time to get to know who I was and what I wanted to do with my life. And I just started experimenting with new ideas, trying out new things, bit by bit getting myself stronger and sorted.
It was a kind of no-mans land for a bit. Eventually I came to realising that I knew what lay behind me, and I done it to death. It was over. I started to feel a sort of excitement about the possibilities the future held. I just held on ot the thought that if I just kept doing what I was doing, making an effort every day, then life would get better and I'd be able to find authentic happiness. You have to actually start reaching out and trying to grab that happiness. You have to make it happen. And that thought grew and grew, and became more and more real to me, and it worked. but it's not overnight, and you have to be prepared for that time "in the doldrums" that you're going through now. As long as you cling to the belief that you cannot go backwards, no matter what happens, life will eventually come right for you.
hang in there. It won't take forever.
love
Diff xxx
But although it was heartbreaking, coz he loved me so very much, and beneath the resentment I felt, I too loved him deeply. He'd been my best friend since forever. I left. I had no money, and it took me a long time to find myself a flat that I could afford. The flat was both grim and charming, being on the top floor of a dilapidated, pigeon infested, damp and cold old Victorian building. Oh, but I came to love it, having my own place, my little bit of peace and quiet where nobody could hassle me. I put myself more or less in isolation, cutting myself off from everybody I knew who was involved with drugs. It was a hard time, but necessary, in order to give myself time to get to know who I was and what I wanted to do with my life. And I just started experimenting with new ideas, trying out new things, bit by bit getting myself stronger and sorted.
It was a kind of no-mans land for a bit. Eventually I came to realising that I knew what lay behind me, and I done it to death. It was over. I started to feel a sort of excitement about the possibilities the future held. I just held on ot the thought that if I just kept doing what I was doing, making an effort every day, then life would get better and I'd be able to find authentic happiness. You have to actually start reaching out and trying to grab that happiness. You have to make it happen. And that thought grew and grew, and became more and more real to me, and it worked. but it's not overnight, and you have to be prepared for that time "in the doldrums" that you're going through now. As long as you cling to the belief that you cannot go backwards, no matter what happens, life will eventually come right for you.
hang in there. It won't take forever.
love
Diff xxx
