Any of you find yourself wasting hours a day obsessing about things? I find that I catch myself and the constant tape playing in my head quite often. I am learning ways to stop this and for the most part it has helped but I still fall into the trap from time to time. You know dwelling on the past or as my pal Idgie calls the opposite..."future trippin'".
I have lately started singing sitcom theme songs to myself when I start obsessing. Believe it or not...as lame and trivial as it sounds it works. Everything from Laverne and Shirley, The Jefferson's, All in the Family all the way up to Friends and Two and a Half Men. LOLOLOLOL
Once I become present again I try to focus on something in nature or of natural origin. For me it is always flowers. When you focus on something natural and it's beauty you can't think of anything but the energy it takes for it to grow and flourish and become beautiful. Your thoughts are no longer in the past or the future but in the now.
Anyway,....I just was curious as to what other's use to quiet their minds. I also repeat over and over again that the past has no power over the present.
Take care all and have a great sober evening. :-)
My experience is that my past has power over my present; the interaction between me and others and events shaped who I am. The past is the source from which my unconscious river of emotions flows and until I clear the river upstream of of silt and the unhelpful dams I built - I built, no-one else - to "control" the powerful currents, until I confront the past and reclaim my power over my life and learn to swim in the river, I am its mercy. My task right now, the "action" I must take to reclaim my life, is to become conscious of the defenses I built - I built, no-one else - and be conscious of the damage it has done and so become AWARE of what the past is still doing in terms of influencing my emotions and decisions and actions. Once I understand my past, make sense of it, including my part in it but also accepting my innocence in some of it, for I am NOT all bad, I am not longer a puppet pulled by ageing strings.
A number of the steps do similar things for people in terms of helping them feel safe and then guiding them through and analysis of the unconscious motivations and characteristic responses to situations ....where did we learn those responses....? and helping us to place accountability and responsibility where they belong, accepting responsibility and alleviating guilt for things done AND for things that were never our responsibility....
So for me, the past DETERMINES the present; today is all we have AND shapes the morrow....freedom lies in genuine acceptance and awareness....for me...and in particular in throwing away a rulebook someone else gave me about how to live...
Why do I say all that? Because personally the only way I reclaim my power FROM the past is to confront it as honestly and deeply as I need to....as I need to...
I also need to be aware of the point at which I start to obsess about things over which I have no control and which are of no benefit to reflect upon....and here nature really helps and heals, all I have to do is walk and really look and my HP has me laughing at birdsong and clouds and sunlight glinting on water or window panes...If I open myself I can find astonishing beauty in a scruffy urban sidestreet....music is a wonderful way of getting outside of myself....I lose myself in dance music and Tchaikovsy (lol...if anyone thinks I'm being smart my ex would point out I think every piece of classical music is by tchaikovsky...lol not even sure how to spell his name!)...I guess I'm saying that anything can do it and what you say about being in the "here and now" is spot on for me and the key.......I just have to get myself to the place where more of me wants to be happy than sad....whilst honouring a sadness I denied for decades...a balance for ME at the moment..
My therapist pointed me in the direction of "mindfulness", which I think is a Bhuddist practice and which mental health professionals recommend for dealing with anxiety and panic attacks...I've seen things like
1. Name 5 things you can see from where you are.
2. Name 5 things you can hear
3. Name 5 things you can smell
4. Name 5 things you can touch.
You can do all the beautiful sensual things that bring you to the present....warm baths, painting, music, running, swimming, friends....other people are great for this, as is spilling my emotions into a journal or onto a website where they can do no harm.....then they subside and I can get on with life...
If I'm somewhere where none of that is possible, I sometimes start thinking about what it took to build the car I'm sitting in, or the TV, or even a pen....
Take a pen...someone had to invent the idea of writing things down...I visualise that...someone had to think about using something for ink...I think about that..what does it take to make ink....I think about that ...plastic..I think about that...and so on...
So to put this plastic pen in my hand human beings had to find/invent/make ink, plastic, steel, electricity, money, extract it all, transport it all, co-operate, compete.....it sounds silly but you can spend as long as you like doing it - it can take forever....just don't obsess about it!....by the time you've done that for a bit - and become immensely grateful to all those unsung human heroes and their HP....you've probably escaped the loop you were trapped in.
Hear with your heart, see with your soul.
For me, these are relatively healthy coping mechanisms that I can use until I heal. My personal belief is that once I genuinely clear out the distorting effects of my past I will no longer need coping mechanisms of ANY kind....and I will never need to ruminate or obsess, but until then it will remain a challenge for me.
Have fun!
A number of the steps do similar things for people in terms of helping them feel safe and then guiding them through and analysis of the unconscious motivations and characteristic responses to situations ....where did we learn those responses....? and helping us to place accountability and responsibility where they belong, accepting responsibility and alleviating guilt for things done AND for things that were never our responsibility....
So for me, the past DETERMINES the present; today is all we have AND shapes the morrow....freedom lies in genuine acceptance and awareness....for me...and in particular in throwing away a rulebook someone else gave me about how to live...
Why do I say all that? Because personally the only way I reclaim my power FROM the past is to confront it as honestly and deeply as I need to....as I need to...
I also need to be aware of the point at which I start to obsess about things over which I have no control and which are of no benefit to reflect upon....and here nature really helps and heals, all I have to do is walk and really look and my HP has me laughing at birdsong and clouds and sunlight glinting on water or window panes...If I open myself I can find astonishing beauty in a scruffy urban sidestreet....music is a wonderful way of getting outside of myself....I lose myself in dance music and Tchaikovsy (lol...if anyone thinks I'm being smart my ex would point out I think every piece of classical music is by tchaikovsky...lol not even sure how to spell his name!)...I guess I'm saying that anything can do it and what you say about being in the "here and now" is spot on for me and the key.......I just have to get myself to the place where more of me wants to be happy than sad....whilst honouring a sadness I denied for decades...a balance for ME at the moment..
My therapist pointed me in the direction of "mindfulness", which I think is a Bhuddist practice and which mental health professionals recommend for dealing with anxiety and panic attacks...I've seen things like
1. Name 5 things you can see from where you are.
2. Name 5 things you can hear
3. Name 5 things you can smell
4. Name 5 things you can touch.
You can do all the beautiful sensual things that bring you to the present....warm baths, painting, music, running, swimming, friends....other people are great for this, as is spilling my emotions into a journal or onto a website where they can do no harm.....then they subside and I can get on with life...
If I'm somewhere where none of that is possible, I sometimes start thinking about what it took to build the car I'm sitting in, or the TV, or even a pen....
Take a pen...someone had to invent the idea of writing things down...I visualise that...someone had to think about using something for ink...I think about that..what does it take to make ink....I think about that ...plastic..I think about that...and so on...
So to put this plastic pen in my hand human beings had to find/invent/make ink, plastic, steel, electricity, money, extract it all, transport it all, co-operate, compete.....it sounds silly but you can spend as long as you like doing it - it can take forever....just don't obsess about it!....by the time you've done that for a bit - and become immensely grateful to all those unsung human heroes and their HP....you've probably escaped the loop you were trapped in.
Hear with your heart, see with your soul.
For me, these are relatively healthy coping mechanisms that I can use until I heal. My personal belief is that once I genuinely clear out the distorting effects of my past I will no longer need coping mechanisms of ANY kind....and I will never need to ruminate or obsess, but until then it will remain a challenge for me.
Have fun!
Hey Martin,
Once you let go of the past and be fully present you will be a much happier person. JMHO. Worked for me anyway. Just sharing me experience. You can't go back and change anything so why let the BS run your thoughts and actions now? It's useless time spent that produces nothing but more negative emotion and thoughts. Vicious cycle. The now is all you have.
Valarie
Once you let go of the past and be fully present you will be a much happier person. JMHO. Worked for me anyway. Just sharing me experience. You can't go back and change anything so why let the BS run your thoughts and actions now? It's useless time spent that produces nothing but more negative emotion and thoughts. Vicious cycle. The now is all you have.
Valarie
Lately I have found it useful to repeat a prayer asking for freedom from useless suffering and then visualize placing myself in my HP's care...
Hey Zip, (Btw..I cracked up when Kat called you Zippy) lolol
How goes it for you this saturday morning? It is gorgeous weather here in So Cal. Normally we are out in the desert on the weekends but we stayed here this weekend. Glad we did. I think I might even have to turn on the AC later today. Birds are chirping and life is good!
Useless head chatter is a tough one to quiet but if I can see it for what it is when it occurs.."useless" I usually can get back to the present and enjoy now.
Hope you are having a great day pal. :-)
How goes it for you this saturday morning? It is gorgeous weather here in So Cal. Normally we are out in the desert on the weekends but we stayed here this weekend. Glad we did. I think I might even have to turn on the AC later today. Birds are chirping and life is good!
Useless head chatter is a tough one to quiet but if I can see it for what it is when it occurs.."useless" I usually can get back to the present and enjoy now.
Hope you are having a great day pal. :-)
Hi Val. Good day to you. I used to obsess over everything. After doing step 3 though when I find myself obessing I hand it over and try and focus on the present. I guess we would all like to change our past but tell yourself that the past made you become the person you are today. It made you more tolerant of people and their behaviour plus giving insight into what problems we humans are capable of bringing on ourselves. Do you find that something major can be going on but you will obsess over a trivial matter? I used to. Music always brings me up therefore needless to say I play a lot of music lol. Stay positive and stay focused. Your past is part of you so just love yourself and forgive yourself. Have a great weekend Val.
Valerie,
YGM.... :)
Hugs.
YGM.... :)
Hugs.
Hi Valarie,
I appreciate your kind thoughts for me. I think I agree with you. The only thing I can add is that I've repressed/denied so much for more than four decades that I've been living in complete denial of the fact that my past warped me out of shape and I need to confront that past, just as the steps encourage us to do
I feel that understanding that and working out what I want to change about ME now is crucial to me living a happy life. My fear is that if I don't process this stuff by bringing it into my awareness it would be like an(other) alcoholic deciding simply to forget all the things he FINALLY realised about his drinking....he'd go back to living in a lie that it wasn't going to cause him a problem. I just have to get it out and understand it, along with the difficult feelings that's unlocking. It's my version of the steps and it's working for me. It's a work in progress but there really is progress. I'm not saying it's like this for anyone else.
I read someone write on anothe other thread that it took them 20 years from first buying a book about alcoholism to getting to a meeting. The first time it even occurred to me I might have a problem with alcohol was last October....we all have a timetable and it's not a competition....I am where I am...the funny thing is that by then I'd already been to about 30 open meetings to learn about what things are like for my ex...lol.....there's no such thing as coincidence....my HP took me there long before I drank myself into dependency or had the really horrible experiences I hear about at AA. Thank God. Nothing to do with me.
So I guess I'm working through stuff lots of people worked through before they got to AA .... I wrote what I did to you about understanding the past because my fear for ME is that if I DON'T clear this crap out I'll carry on obsessing.....I feel that for ME te only way I'll ever truly be free of obsessing is to TRULY be free of the past....rather than putting it back in the box I kept it in for 45 years and allowing it to continue growing in its power to cripple me in the present. That would just be a reply of what "worked" and kept me sober for 45 years but left me half-dead inside and looking for an alcoholic to hook up with to give "me" an excuse to set my demons free.....which it did....
I don't know if that makes sense? Again, just processing it for me and sharing for me.....anyone can take what they like and leave the rest....and if I'm spouting typical alcoholic-in-denial rubbish please be patient. How would I KNOW at this point....I might not sound like I'm paying attention ubt I am...the guy with 30 years sobriety at AA told me I'm working harder than anyone in either of the Fellowships he's ever met.... And my life isn't such a disaster (yet?)that I'm just going to hand it over to someone else other than my HP.....who's continuing to tell me this is what I need to do. Just my feeling at this point in time about ME, not anyone else.
Relfection and understanding and expression robs my past of it's power. Obssession always gives it back.
Sorry this is so long and probably repetition again....all I can say is I'm not drinking and I'm reacting with much more emotional maturity to the various crises that are unfolding in my life. It's working for me and I'm grateful to God bringing me here via Al-anon and AA, and to everyone here for the different ways in which they're helping me sort myself out. And I mean everyone.
I appreciate your kind thoughts for me. I think I agree with you. The only thing I can add is that I've repressed/denied so much for more than four decades that I've been living in complete denial of the fact that my past warped me out of shape and I need to confront that past, just as the steps encourage us to do
I feel that understanding that and working out what I want to change about ME now is crucial to me living a happy life. My fear is that if I don't process this stuff by bringing it into my awareness it would be like an(other) alcoholic deciding simply to forget all the things he FINALLY realised about his drinking....he'd go back to living in a lie that it wasn't going to cause him a problem. I just have to get it out and understand it, along with the difficult feelings that's unlocking. It's my version of the steps and it's working for me. It's a work in progress but there really is progress. I'm not saying it's like this for anyone else.
I read someone write on anothe other thread that it took them 20 years from first buying a book about alcoholism to getting to a meeting. The first time it even occurred to me I might have a problem with alcohol was last October....we all have a timetable and it's not a competition....I am where I am...the funny thing is that by then I'd already been to about 30 open meetings to learn about what things are like for my ex...lol.....there's no such thing as coincidence....my HP took me there long before I drank myself into dependency or had the really horrible experiences I hear about at AA. Thank God. Nothing to do with me.
So I guess I'm working through stuff lots of people worked through before they got to AA .... I wrote what I did to you about understanding the past because my fear for ME is that if I DON'T clear this crap out I'll carry on obsessing.....I feel that for ME te only way I'll ever truly be free of obsessing is to TRULY be free of the past....rather than putting it back in the box I kept it in for 45 years and allowing it to continue growing in its power to cripple me in the present. That would just be a reply of what "worked" and kept me sober for 45 years but left me half-dead inside and looking for an alcoholic to hook up with to give "me" an excuse to set my demons free.....which it did....
I don't know if that makes sense? Again, just processing it for me and sharing for me.....anyone can take what they like and leave the rest....and if I'm spouting typical alcoholic-in-denial rubbish please be patient. How would I KNOW at this point....I might not sound like I'm paying attention ubt I am...the guy with 30 years sobriety at AA told me I'm working harder than anyone in either of the Fellowships he's ever met.... And my life isn't such a disaster (yet?)that I'm just going to hand it over to someone else other than my HP.....who's continuing to tell me this is what I need to do. Just my feeling at this point in time about ME, not anyone else.
Relfection and understanding and expression robs my past of it's power. Obssession always gives it back.
Sorry this is so long and probably repetition again....all I can say is I'm not drinking and I'm reacting with much more emotional maturity to the various crises that are unfolding in my life. It's working for me and I'm grateful to God bringing me here via Al-anon and AA, and to everyone here for the different ways in which they're helping me sort myself out. And I mean everyone.
A pre-frontal lobotomy worked for me.
hehehe whatever works, works.
Edit -
Made me think, Tim....what's happening for me is my ego - my conscious mind - is being swamped by my emotions and my unconscious....that's why so much is pouring out....I can FEEL my conscious mind finding it's rightful place as an observer in the bigger picture/creature that is me.....accepting its proper place and proportion in my life......so I'm not engaged emotionally with all this intellectual debate as I always used to be......I don't need to be right and I'm most of the time I'm not caught up in the drama - although I can feel my vulnerability to that now, which is interesting.......it's my unconscious mind pouring this stuff out....writing faster than "I" can think....and this is my healing process.....getting in touch with the real me is helping me escape from the rigid rulebook and prison my ego had imposed on me all those years ago to keep my demons in check......I dunno, maybe some people need to strengthen their tools/rulebooks to contain demons that have been running free for years.......that's not my problem or my solution....just thinking out loud again here.......sure "look for the similarities"......but that's WITHIN AA/12 steps "when all else has failed".....and that's not every addict's fate or path to freedom is it?....I've said before I'm the luckiest alcoholic in the world.....my HP brought this to me before all hell had broken loose inside me or because of my drinking......all hell broke loose because I'd chosen to live with an alcoholic so she would unlock the prison.....all unconscious, all stuff I NEED to understand so I don't REPEAT......the chaos of my own potential for active alcoholism is certainly close enough to taste.....maybe some differences are important to understand and healthy to explore....for me....
Keep safe, well and happy....
Edit -
Made me think, Tim....what's happening for me is my ego - my conscious mind - is being swamped by my emotions and my unconscious....that's why so much is pouring out....I can FEEL my conscious mind finding it's rightful place as an observer in the bigger picture/creature that is me.....accepting its proper place and proportion in my life......so I'm not engaged emotionally with all this intellectual debate as I always used to be......I don't need to be right and I'm most of the time I'm not caught up in the drama - although I can feel my vulnerability to that now, which is interesting.......it's my unconscious mind pouring this stuff out....writing faster than "I" can think....and this is my healing process.....getting in touch with the real me is helping me escape from the rigid rulebook and prison my ego had imposed on me all those years ago to keep my demons in check......I dunno, maybe some people need to strengthen their tools/rulebooks to contain demons that have been running free for years.......that's not my problem or my solution....just thinking out loud again here.......sure "look for the similarities"......but that's WITHIN AA/12 steps "when all else has failed".....and that's not every addict's fate or path to freedom is it?....I've said before I'm the luckiest alcoholic in the world.....my HP brought this to me before all hell had broken loose inside me or because of my drinking......all hell broke loose because I'd chosen to live with an alcoholic so she would unlock the prison.....all unconscious, all stuff I NEED to understand so I don't REPEAT......the chaos of my own potential for active alcoholism is certainly close enough to taste.....maybe some differences are important to understand and healthy to explore....for me....
Keep safe, well and happy....
Martin,
All I am is saying is what works for me. It appears that you have so many mental movies playing in your head that you are never in the present. Not an inventory of you just an observation from your posts. JMHO> Do what works for you. If being trapped in your past and analyzing it over and over again is what works for you then by all means go for it. Everyone is different. No one way is correct.
Peace out!
All I am is saying is what works for me. It appears that you have so many mental movies playing in your head that you are never in the present. Not an inventory of you just an observation from your posts. JMHO> Do what works for you. If being trapped in your past and analyzing it over and over again is what works for you then by all means go for it. Everyone is different. No one way is correct.
Peace out!
Hi Valerie,
Hey, sure...I thought we were agreeing on that....I really need to look at how I communicate because I wasn't trying to contradict you. I was taking your post and responding by sharing what it made me think about....I guess that's a typical thing I do with ideas generally....I'm sorry if that's not helpful or what you wanted or if it appeared in any way to argue with what you're saying.
I recognise I've been going over and over the same stuff....it's a typical response to trauma....and I have to stay in my better, balanced self to know when enough is enough....I don't always manage that....truth is this stuff has only come into my awareness the past month or so...am I trapped?...I have a life off the board and spend a couple of hours a day reflecting on this pretty heavy stuff... so I'm not sure I'm trapped. Maybe I'm wrong. Time will tell.
On the whole - and especially the past few days, I feel so much more grounded....the confusion on the board the other night really made me think (lol I know some people feel I do too much of that but that's their issue...no offence to anyone)...and I realised how it helped me demonstrate to myself I can handle rejection, misunderstanding and covert hostility (thanks "guest" lol) in a much better way WITHOUT my suit of armour....my previous (?WOW) personality was like the Wizard of Oz....a powerful adult persona worked from behind the scenes by a desperate group of inner children, each struggling for control - one wanting to rebel, one to destroy, one to have fun, one to be safe.....no wonder I'm so confused lol....but getting all this stuff - their stuff? out into awareness is enabling the adult to grow....I'm handling some difficult stuff in my life a lot better the past few days.
sorry, rambling again....just always try to maximise mutual understanding.... make genuine human contact.....
Take care.
Hey, sure...I thought we were agreeing on that....I really need to look at how I communicate because I wasn't trying to contradict you. I was taking your post and responding by sharing what it made me think about....I guess that's a typical thing I do with ideas generally....I'm sorry if that's not helpful or what you wanted or if it appeared in any way to argue with what you're saying.
I recognise I've been going over and over the same stuff....it's a typical response to trauma....and I have to stay in my better, balanced self to know when enough is enough....I don't always manage that....truth is this stuff has only come into my awareness the past month or so...am I trapped?...I have a life off the board and spend a couple of hours a day reflecting on this pretty heavy stuff... so I'm not sure I'm trapped. Maybe I'm wrong. Time will tell.
On the whole - and especially the past few days, I feel so much more grounded....the confusion on the board the other night really made me think (lol I know some people feel I do too much of that but that's their issue...no offence to anyone)...and I realised how it helped me demonstrate to myself I can handle rejection, misunderstanding and covert hostility (thanks "guest" lol) in a much better way WITHOUT my suit of armour....my previous (?WOW) personality was like the Wizard of Oz....a powerful adult persona worked from behind the scenes by a desperate group of inner children, each struggling for control - one wanting to rebel, one to destroy, one to have fun, one to be safe.....no wonder I'm so confused lol....but getting all this stuff - their stuff? out into awareness is enabling the adult to grow....I'm handling some difficult stuff in my life a lot better the past few days.
sorry, rambling again....just always try to maximise mutual understanding.... make genuine human contact.....
Take care.
Wow Martin...you definitely do alot of thinking. It's not personal. Just my experience. Don't let things get to you so much. Everyone's personalities are different here. It's hard to get a tone from typed words. Sometimes things are not the attack that you perceive them to be. You can write as much as you want. People can choose to read it or not. You aren't any different from anyone here Martin. We are all addicts/alkies trying to find our way. No better no different from eachother.
Thanks Valarie.
Yeah, I fled to my intellect....no feelings worked the way they should...everything was broken from the inside out......I feel that's why I'm so consumed by my emotions now.....breaking free and swamping my mind....my mind desperately trying to catch up and control the five-year-old's rage....I'm a physically powerful man and that rage is ruthless....it's a real threat to me and certain others right now....I'm like a learner driver given a Ferrari....how the heck do these feelings work....so it's a balance between trusting my HP and the wonderful elements of my unconscious/emotions and support them in managing the darker streaks of who I am and what I feel.....I'm growing up....I sound 50 and I feel about 5.....it's a little unbalanced...lol....at least the grown-up, like my HP, knows drink isn't the solution to that problem....
Have a great day. Thanks for your patience.
Yeah, I fled to my intellect....no feelings worked the way they should...everything was broken from the inside out......I feel that's why I'm so consumed by my emotions now.....breaking free and swamping my mind....my mind desperately trying to catch up and control the five-year-old's rage....I'm a physically powerful man and that rage is ruthless....it's a real threat to me and certain others right now....I'm like a learner driver given a Ferrari....how the heck do these feelings work....so it's a balance between trusting my HP and the wonderful elements of my unconscious/emotions and support them in managing the darker streaks of who I am and what I feel.....I'm growing up....I sound 50 and I feel about 5.....it's a little unbalanced...lol....at least the grown-up, like my HP, knows drink isn't the solution to that problem....
Have a great day. Thanks for your patience.
Be aware that what we think to a large extent creates the emotions that we feel. Thus the tape plays on and on. Stop the tape and be present. Solution not problem.
Peace out Martin.
Peace out Martin.
Yes Valarie, you're absolutely right, and precisely because of that repressed (therefore unconscious) memories of child abuse and other trauma distort our thinking and our emotions - outside of our awareness - until we surface them and bring them into full awareness so that our conscious mind remembers them and realises that the thoughts and feelings associated with them and influencing today's thoughts and emotions and decisions belong in the past, aren't occurring in the present, and shouldn't influence today's choices.
I'm not being argumentative...just sharing the little I'm learning about PTSD and CPTSD.
Have a peaceful and fun-filled day!
I'm not being argumentative...just sharing the little I'm learning about PTSD and CPTSD.
Have a peaceful and fun-filled day!
We are saying the same thing you just explain it in more detail. Have a good day Martin.
Thanks Valarie. You're right. You too.
I've shared before about the intruder who came into my home and molested me about 21 months ago...at first whenever I'd see someone resembling the man, I'd panic and the ptsd would almost be paralyzing. It is amazing what the power of prayer does. When I think of that night or see someone resembling the perp, I pray FOR HIM!!!! It works, if really does.
| QUOTE |
| Anyway,....I just was curious as to what other's use to quiet their minds. I also repeat over and over again that the past has no power over the present. |
I say the serenity prayer, over and over and I don't try to analyize it, I just repeat it over and over then I pray. I ask God to help quiet the committee in my head...
If it's during the day, I call another alcoholic and listen to their day, what's going on in thier life and get out of myself for awhile.....If it's late at night, I read the Big Book.
I have found that I'm at peace most of the time when I'm not obsessed/worried about Self. Wow, all those years of my committee running most of my thoughts/worries/fears and magnifying them, I am so grateful today that I have tools to bring me back here, into the present and into gratitude, peace, happiness and serenity.....
Good post, Val....
Smooches,
Stacey
