Today has been a horrible day. I dont know if it is because of the upcoming holiday but my cravings are huge today. I cant even describe how huge they are. I have been pacing and sweating all day. I had to leave work early today because I didnt trust myself to be that close to the clinic with all that medication in it. I dont have any alcohol in the house and nothing stronger than an advil. I also managed to get sick. Sore throat, fever, general crappy feeling. I was thinking maybe some sort of w/d but I have 37 days clean so I dont think so..... WtFFF? I feel horrible. I posted on the other site too thinking it would make me feel better. Guess what? it didnt. I'm so thankful I dont have any m edication in the house. I would have thrown back at least 4 pills. I even caught myself daydreaming about somehow slamming my fingers in the door or something stupid like that so I could get medicine at the ER... I snapped myself out of it and told my hubby what was going on. He drew me a hot bath, washed my back... Now he is arranging the heating pad on the couch and we are going to watch movies. Hot showers and heating pads seem to help. I dont know why.... I am so afraid right now. I didnt feel this weak and vulernable during my first week... I'm also confused. I thought it was supposed to get easier? I'm already on an antidepressant that also helps with anxiety. The cravings are causing me to feel anxious. at least I can identify that and try to deal with it... s*** s*** s***
Yours,
Kelly
oh jeezee..
I wish I had something constructive to say other then the same ol'e
" I know what you are going through, because I have been there"
of course, it is of no consulation.. I still have that happen to me and I am approaching 3 years sober.
I think your reaction is sort of like Pavlov's study..
Where he made an animal salivate in just the anticipation of something , with out actually GETTING something..
What I am saying is that , this is probally just a simple memory stored inside of your brain about drugs.
You would probally get this feeling if you WERE using currently, and were about to take some more. The only problem is that when you were high, you didnt realize it.
it is ok.
you will get through it.
Kudos on having a support system and the strength to speak up about it.
Most of us wouldnt do that.
That is a great tool to use!
I wish I had something constructive to say other then the same ol'e
" I know what you are going through, because I have been there"
of course, it is of no consulation.. I still have that happen to me and I am approaching 3 years sober.
I think your reaction is sort of like Pavlov's study..
Where he made an animal salivate in just the anticipation of something , with out actually GETTING something..
What I am saying is that , this is probally just a simple memory stored inside of your brain about drugs.
You would probally get this feeling if you WERE using currently, and were about to take some more. The only problem is that when you were high, you didnt realize it.
it is ok.
you will get through it.
Kudos on having a support system and the strength to speak up about it.
Most of us wouldnt do that.
That is a great tool to use!
Hi there,
Sorry to hear that you are feeling like that..god i hate to bring this up but could it be hormonal??? PMS gets worse for so many people I know and sometimes could be the cause of extreme anxiety, restlessness etc...
Good that you have your husband to share and be there for you.Wish i could get mine to wash my back (lol) Hang in there, this too will pass.
Hugs,
Ali
Sorry to hear that you are feeling like that..god i hate to bring this up but could it be hormonal??? PMS gets worse for so many people I know and sometimes could be the cause of extreme anxiety, restlessness etc...
Good that you have your husband to share and be there for you.Wish i could get mine to wash my back (lol) Hang in there, this too will pass.
Hugs,
Ali
bump thinking of you Kelly hope your feelingbetter
Ali
Ali
When I hit tough times with either cravings or obsession I try and immerse myself in literature or work from the 12 step program I am in, I also find prayer beneficial.
Remember you are not alone in your pain and getting through this can be done. Perhaps talk to your higher power, be honest and tell him you are having a s***ty day. I don't know what your higher power is to you but my higher power (God) has big shoulders and can take my problems, foul language and tempermental mood.
Remember you are not alone in your pain and getting through this can be done. Perhaps talk to your higher power, be honest and tell him you are having a s***ty day. I don't know what your higher power is to you but my higher power (God) has big shoulders and can take my problems, foul language and tempermental mood.
Kelly,
First of all, you are one lucky girl to have a husband like that. He is caring and understanding. Lean on him as much as possible, playing the tape all the way through is so helpful for me. I try to visualize what would happen if I did take pills and what the consquences would be. I usually figure out that it's just not worth it. I also try to get my mind quiet so that I can figure out what's really bugging me. Excersize, read a book, watch a funny movie, are all things that help me as well.
Good for you for recognizing the problem and doing something to protect yourself.
Holidays are rough, brutal for some. Hang in there.
Cowgirl
First of all, you are one lucky girl to have a husband like that. He is caring and understanding. Lean on him as much as possible, playing the tape all the way through is so helpful for me. I try to visualize what would happen if I did take pills and what the consquences would be. I usually figure out that it's just not worth it. I also try to get my mind quiet so that I can figure out what's really bugging me. Excersize, read a book, watch a funny movie, are all things that help me as well.
Good for you for recognizing the problem and doing something to protect yourself.
Holidays are rough, brutal for some. Hang in there.
Cowgirl
