I just had to go an score yet again, i think i am on the wrong path you know, this is the one that leads into the dark dark woods an may lead me to pay the ultimate price. The sun is shining, i got rid of that fu**in sofa an hey my life is just so full of...NOTHING...its full of f*** all actually, what the hell am idoing here?
I have been doing sum re-evaluating of late an have come to sum big conclusions... i am gonna live my life just the way i f***ing wanna....it may be the wrong thing to do but i don't care 2 b honest...d'you call this life????
Im sitting in the fu**in library for 3 hours everyday(i am 28 i should b out there LIVING), then going to sit wiv a bunch of
1)homeless people (nothing against them)
2)pissheads ( " )
3)ex-users ( " )
4)users ( " )
5)aids sufferers.... ( " )
an all the whole lot of them are much older than me..at least they have lived...what the fu** have i done?
I hate being straight you know that..i am gonna be like i was before, live on the edge>>> live or die??who knows, more 2 the point,who cares???
Today i could get locked up/
die...
...od...
jump under a train...
sing in the streets..
run about naked....
coz i'm a fu*** crack an smack head and my life is mixed and varied...fu**in' crazy ...Xciting....unusual..differs from one minute to the next...unpredictable....:LIFE is so much better like this...TRUST ME,,it is, i dont care what u say...being on H an Crack is GREAT for LIFE, not so good for LIVES, (other peoples mainly) but hey ----im gonna live 4 me, f*** everyone else..there is nothing in this world like heroin and crack addiction>> so predicatable but even more unpredictable.
Hey Tinman
You know I'm not going to judge you, but whats sparked all this s*** off with you man???
I'm sorry but I don't buy all that you said about you'd rather be on gear and living your life. What kind of life??? Ok so you scored, but that doesn't mean you have to return to that way of life, just because you had a bit of a relapse.
Someone, who could give such good advice and support as you have to me, isn't a person who wants back on the s***. I just don't buy this.... and before you say how good adicts are at lying, your help to me came from the heart of a decent guy....YOU!!! not from the s**** talk.
I know you''ve had a few really s*** days and you are entitled to "fall off the straight and narrow" but please try and reflect just a little, before you do anything rash.....PLEASE?
We all love you on here, and how am I gona get my kid clean without your help and support hey???
I've just had a phone call from my daughter saying she wants to come and see me, I'd said I'd phone her later.
Who do I think of straight away to ask for advice about what I should do??? Her drug worker - NO. Tinman - YES!!!!
So here I am waiting for the guy who is decent and has a heart of gold, so come on back to us Tinman......PLEASEEEEEEEEE!!!!
Whatever you decide Tinman
Here is a BIG HUG (like the warmth of sunshine) JUST FOR YOU
LUV 2 U
Christina x
You know I'm not going to judge you, but whats sparked all this s*** off with you man???
I'm sorry but I don't buy all that you said about you'd rather be on gear and living your life. What kind of life??? Ok so you scored, but that doesn't mean you have to return to that way of life, just because you had a bit of a relapse.
Someone, who could give such good advice and support as you have to me, isn't a person who wants back on the s***. I just don't buy this.... and before you say how good adicts are at lying, your help to me came from the heart of a decent guy....YOU!!! not from the s**** talk.
I know you''ve had a few really s*** days and you are entitled to "fall off the straight and narrow" but please try and reflect just a little, before you do anything rash.....PLEASE?
We all love you on here, and how am I gona get my kid clean without your help and support hey???
I've just had a phone call from my daughter saying she wants to come and see me, I'd said I'd phone her later.
Who do I think of straight away to ask for advice about what I should do??? Her drug worker - NO. Tinman - YES!!!!
So here I am waiting for the guy who is decent and has a heart of gold, so come on back to us Tinman......PLEASEEEEEEEEE!!!!
Whatever you decide Tinman
Here is a BIG HUG (like the warmth of sunshine) JUST FOR YOU
LUV 2 U
Christina x
..Tinman..
..I dont come on this site much no more but when i do,i read your posts aswell as other posters.. you've got a lot to offer people wit ya advice/support..its not so easy listening to our own advice or support from others.especially when we're having such a s*** day ?..but the life your thinking of living from now ..is it the life you really wanna live or have ya just given up hope and gonna resign yaself to a life of meaningless and nothingness..i know wot the ritual of using is like compared to the life of early recovery ?..why not go and score and get ya paraphernalia together and sit there content with having ya fix rather than sit there in recovery bored outta ya head with that little man tapping away inside ya head telling you to go and throw ya money at ya dealer for a bitta brown or white that keeps you from being a person who wants something outta life instead of a person existing thru the daily mundane use of drugs..we all have a choice in life..at times the choices we chose seem ok for that moment in time..but when that moments gone then wot ?..its a moment in ya life thats wasted rather than a moment forfilled..i dont mean to patronize but ya still young..young enuff to do something with ya life before its wasted..why not turn all the positivity you've given to people on here into something positive for yourself ?..you could chose to sit by yaself doing drugs or wit other addicts/homeless/alcoholics/ etc etc..or you could chose to try get clean and live a totally different existence to the one you've descibed ya wanna live ?..theres no better feeling than feeling like your a person..feeling clean and fresh..looking well..having good mates rather than hangers on..eating well..having people spending time in ya company rather than not wanting to be in ya company cos they know your an addict..i know me and you are different people with different lifestyles..but im an addict in recovery..and im more happy with my life now than i've ever been..yes i went thru the depression of coming off drugs and the cravings of scoring just the one last bag..but theres no better feeling than to wake up clean and getting thru the day on fresh air rather than drugs..as i was reading your post..i just feel its such a shame and waste of life they way you described your future ?..as i said..we all got the right to make our own choices..but to give up hope and resign yaself to a life of addiction rather than turn it around and try to get clean and use your experiences of your life into something positive seems a shame to me..we dont know each other.but i feel all addicts in life (active or in recovery) see some days more clearly than other days..you have the right to live ya life as ya feel..but im sure you've got more to offer in life than just ya money to a dealer ?..Robbie..
..I dont come on this site much no more but when i do,i read your posts aswell as other posters.. you've got a lot to offer people wit ya advice/support..its not so easy listening to our own advice or support from others.especially when we're having such a s*** day ?..but the life your thinking of living from now ..is it the life you really wanna live or have ya just given up hope and gonna resign yaself to a life of meaningless and nothingness..i know wot the ritual of using is like compared to the life of early recovery ?..why not go and score and get ya paraphernalia together and sit there content with having ya fix rather than sit there in recovery bored outta ya head with that little man tapping away inside ya head telling you to go and throw ya money at ya dealer for a bitta brown or white that keeps you from being a person who wants something outta life instead of a person existing thru the daily mundane use of drugs..we all have a choice in life..at times the choices we chose seem ok for that moment in time..but when that moments gone then wot ?..its a moment in ya life thats wasted rather than a moment forfilled..i dont mean to patronize but ya still young..young enuff to do something with ya life before its wasted..why not turn all the positivity you've given to people on here into something positive for yourself ?..you could chose to sit by yaself doing drugs or wit other addicts/homeless/alcoholics/ etc etc..or you could chose to try get clean and live a totally different existence to the one you've descibed ya wanna live ?..theres no better feeling than feeling like your a person..feeling clean and fresh..looking well..having good mates rather than hangers on..eating well..having people spending time in ya company rather than not wanting to be in ya company cos they know your an addict..i know me and you are different people with different lifestyles..but im an addict in recovery..and im more happy with my life now than i've ever been..yes i went thru the depression of coming off drugs and the cravings of scoring just the one last bag..but theres no better feeling than to wake up clean and getting thru the day on fresh air rather than drugs..as i was reading your post..i just feel its such a shame and waste of life they way you described your future ?..as i said..we all got the right to make our own choices..but to give up hope and resign yaself to a life of addiction rather than turn it around and try to get clean and use your experiences of your life into something positive seems a shame to me..we dont know each other.but i feel all addicts in life (active or in recovery) see some days more clearly than other days..you have the right to live ya life as ya feel..but im sure you've got more to offer in life than just ya money to a dealer ?..Robbie..
Alright Tman..Robbies spot on so i aint gonna repeat anthing,but mate like me ya got a kid..thats gotta come into the equation at some point..ive read wot ya have said bout yer boy&it shows you love him.I realised when i was using,stroking,scamming...that i had someone else to look out for..my X was well strung out..so bye bye..just me&my daughter.Tough f***ing decisions for tough times like yerself now.
This Life thing is certainly up to you..will anyone catch ya as you fall..hope its yerself....Take care.Davey
This Life thing is certainly up to you..will anyone catch ya as you fall..hope its yerself....Take care.Davey
Good words for you here Tinman. Everyone here faced this dilema. Being responsible and not using can look like it's not much fun and a total grind. And it can be. But at leaast you gain instead of always losing ground. The hole keeps getting deeper. It doesn't stay the same. Might seem enticing today, but it gets so much worse. We all can see you have it in you to keep trying. That's all you can do Tinman. Just keep trying. It'll happen. Find something to occupy your time. Can you work? Volunteer? If your idle, it'll be twice as hard. Spend as much time with your son as you can. See the purity in his eyes. You, Tinman, are in there too.People here know you can do this. So c'mon and do it.
All the best, Beck
All the best, Beck
Tinney, see all these people posted to you? They are some of the best people ever posted on this site......most of who have been right where you were and if not have watched their loved ones go through it.....heck, someone's LITTLE GIRL is going through it......what's that say? YOU helped HER.
No way can I answer for ya, but I think I know what reamed ya....TWO men on here posted have children......you love your son.....not to talk AT you, but what will that say to him, Tinney? His Pop's ain't worth it to his own dang self?
Ohhhhh, I am living that now.....BUT I can say "Well I pulled out. I got it together, and I am so sorry I was there, BUT I'm worth it"......that means my kid's worth it.......ya up and die like that.........WHAT he's gonna POOF get a new Pop's????????? It don't work like that.
28? 18? 40? It's never too late........NEVER.......don't be lieing on ya self like that now, Tin.
No way can I answer for ya, but I think I know what reamed ya....TWO men on here posted have children......you love your son.....not to talk AT you, but what will that say to him, Tinney? His Pop's ain't worth it to his own dang self?
Ohhhhh, I am living that now.....BUT I can say "Well I pulled out. I got it together, and I am so sorry I was there, BUT I'm worth it"......that means my kid's worth it.......ya up and die like that.........WHAT he's gonna POOF get a new Pop's????????? It don't work like that.
28? 18? 40? It's never too late........NEVER.......don't be lieing on ya self like that now, Tin.
